As I look at my sword, I see myself. Not simply a reflection in the shiny metal, but as a symbol of my inner self. I am surpised no one has ever asked me why I carry a sakabatou rather than a sword with no sharp edge at all if I have sworn never to kill. At first, the reason was simple. Somewhere in my heart I knew that I still had the blood of a hitokiri running through my veins. Perhaps the Battousai in my soul believed my new path to be a futile one.
Nevertheless, as my lonely journey as a rurouni continued, I began to get more and more desolate. I began to see the sharp edge of the sakabatou as not a warning of a possible future, but of a possible reprieve from ever facing such a future. It would be cowardly, but the hearts of mankind as so cold... most have even forgotten what compassion truly is. There were times when I held that sharp side close to my wrist, trying to gather the courage to pull the blade across my flesh and end it all. I never feared death, so it eluded me as to why I never could bring myself to commit suicide. Now, I know why.
As I look to the night sky, I see it as a reflection of myself. The tiny stars represent the lives I have taken, the hardships I've faced, and the sins I have to atone for. Yet as I stare up at that endless field of glittering lights upon a black backdrop, eventually the sky begins to lighten. A bright light from the east always brings an end to the night, covering up the stars and hiding them from view. Sure, they are still there. They are always going to be there. Yet, there is always a time when a brighter light can shield you from their constant glare and help you to forget their existance. It is one of the few sure things in life... that there will always be night followed by day, which is in turn followed by another night. It is an endless cycle, and though the day gives me only a temporary hope before the sunset and the return of my problems, I continue to live knowing that day will always follow night.
Who I am will never change who I was. The sins of the past can never be erased by good deeds in the present. But as long as day follows the night, I will hold on. One can never change what has been, but one can always change what will be. I may not be able to wash away the blood staining my past, but I can at least create a painless future for those I care about. When I met Kaoru-dono, she guided me out of the night and into the blinding light of day. There will be bad times, but it is the bad times in life that allow us to enjoy the good times. It is the nighttime that allows us to bask in sunlight.
So why do I still carry a sakabatou? Call it a reflection. It is a reminder of the Battousai that is... and will always be... a part of Himura Kenshin. It is a constant symbol of the night and day warring in my soul. So until the time when the sun and moon can become one, I will continue to enjoy the warmth of the daytime and allow my friends to guide me through the coldness of the night.
~~Owari~~
Nevertheless, as my lonely journey as a rurouni continued, I began to get more and more desolate. I began to see the sharp edge of the sakabatou as not a warning of a possible future, but of a possible reprieve from ever facing such a future. It would be cowardly, but the hearts of mankind as so cold... most have even forgotten what compassion truly is. There were times when I held that sharp side close to my wrist, trying to gather the courage to pull the blade across my flesh and end it all. I never feared death, so it eluded me as to why I never could bring myself to commit suicide. Now, I know why.
As I look to the night sky, I see it as a reflection of myself. The tiny stars represent the lives I have taken, the hardships I've faced, and the sins I have to atone for. Yet as I stare up at that endless field of glittering lights upon a black backdrop, eventually the sky begins to lighten. A bright light from the east always brings an end to the night, covering up the stars and hiding them from view. Sure, they are still there. They are always going to be there. Yet, there is always a time when a brighter light can shield you from their constant glare and help you to forget their existance. It is one of the few sure things in life... that there will always be night followed by day, which is in turn followed by another night. It is an endless cycle, and though the day gives me only a temporary hope before the sunset and the return of my problems, I continue to live knowing that day will always follow night.
Who I am will never change who I was. The sins of the past can never be erased by good deeds in the present. But as long as day follows the night, I will hold on. One can never change what has been, but one can always change what will be. I may not be able to wash away the blood staining my past, but I can at least create a painless future for those I care about. When I met Kaoru-dono, she guided me out of the night and into the blinding light of day. There will be bad times, but it is the bad times in life that allow us to enjoy the good times. It is the nighttime that allows us to bask in sunlight.
So why do I still carry a sakabatou? Call it a reflection. It is a reminder of the Battousai that is... and will always be... a part of Himura Kenshin. It is a constant symbol of the night and day warring in my soul. So until the time when the sun and moon can become one, I will continue to enjoy the warmth of the daytime and allow my friends to guide me through the coldness of the night.
~~Owari~~