Note: OK, again I have written a spur of the moment fic based on a song I heard this morning on the radio. (Joshua Raudin - I'd Rather Be With You) I heard it and exclaimed Harry's name out loud (Read the lyrics, it has Harry stamped all across it!) To say my step dad looked confused is a major understatement! Hope it makes sense!

Spooks is owned by BBC/Kudos and Lyrics to "I'd Rather Be With You" are owned by Joshua Raudin (I assume, but definately not by me!)

He didn't move when he watched the barge disembark from the dock. Instead he manoeuvred himself over to the nearest bench he could find and sat himself down heavily, sighing loudly. He had wanted to say so much, but couldn't articulate the manner in which to explain it. He supposed there was only one way he could have said it, and she wouldn't let him.

One Year Later

How long he remained seated, he wasn't entirely sure. The sun had managed to force a gap between the clouds, and he could feel the warmth spread across his shoulders. The feeling was soothing, and he soon found his spirits lifting, a simple beam of sunshine relieving some of the pain that had been etched on his features for most of the morning.

Two Years Later

The same day, the same bench, the same pain, a different year. He felt he was getting too old to continually mourn the loss of life he had suffered, to mourn her. He imagined her life somewhere exotic. She would be happy, have someone to care about, maybe even have a family. Yet here he was, surrounded by a comforting blanket of rain clouds, mourning somebody he never really had to begin with.

He reasoned with himself. He had a good life here. He was on good terms with his daughter, work was being to ease a little and retirement seemed to be approaching rapidly. He'd even been to see a few country houses over the weekend. Once his career was over he couldn't remain in the City which had taken more or less everything important to him away.

London took her away. She was the one thing that was missing here. He couldn't stay.

Six Months After She Returned

She could have saved them both some time. Two years before she was exiled, six months after returning, and she hadn't even hinted or spoken about their final encounter on the docks. She supposed she deserved it. She had moved on with her life between her exile and her return. But she knew he was the reason she was there today. She was home; surrounded by the people she cared most about. He did that for her. Secured her job, her home, her life. He had waited on her so long. She could see it in his eyes when she was brought into the room where Mani had been holding him.

In the brief time she had with Jo following her return, her most loyal friend had filled her in on everything that had happened. It wasn't lost on her that most of the information was about Harry, and how he hadn't moved on, how no other intelligence analyst lasted more than a week, or stayed loyal. Jo had managed to articulate just how much she had meant to Harry without actually saying as much. She had fallen in love with him all over again. She was back. His Ruth.

He had shut himself off from her since she returned to the grid. She knew why, because she had moved on and he had finally admitted defeat. The ball was in her court and she was finally going to do something about it. Smiling slightly, she opened her drawer and pulled out her notepad and neatly ripped out a page before scrambling to find a pen. She knew he'd appreciate a hand written letter. He always opted for the simplest forms of communication.

Harry,

I need to be bold, and you know as well as I do I find that hard to do at the best of times. Fortunately, some days I see me leaving as an important stepping stone in establishing what we once had together. I realised that I needed to stop being so shy of myself, to acknowledge what is available to me despite what people might think.

I'm going to take a leap of faith and jump in the cold water because I've lost too much love and wasted too much time, and neither of us are getting any younger. I'm just glad you're still here to read this.

I finally see now that you were the one who made living life here so easy and I always saw the true Harry, not the man of stone everybody else thinks you are. Leaving you made me realise a lot of things. I want to be with you, I want to grow old with you, I love you.

I'd rather be with you. Out of every man walking this planet, I only want you. I only need you.

Say you want the same thing too. Say you feel the way I do.

Yours Forever, Ruth x

She didn't realise it yet, but he too would be glad he's still there to read it.

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