He has no idea what he does to me, does he? I think bitterly.

I am sitting under a tree at school, watching the kids play in gym. I'm watching Daisuke Niwa play soccer and use moves that he would never be able to pull off had he not been a Niwa.

I cross my arms angrily though my face remains impartial as I watch him play. He smiles happily while he kicks the ball. I notice the grace and my heart throbs and I'm forced to look away.

I have been watching Daisuke for little over a year. Sometime during that time I fell for him, hard and didn't catch myself. When he started to talk to me about art, I believe, I looked over and saw everything I wanted to be.

It was instantaneous. Anyone who ever said love at first sight didn't exist must've been insane, because when I looked over at Daisuke that time, it was the first time I ever saw him clearly. Smiling and yet saddened by a particular painting done by a junior. His emotions put so plainly anyone could have seen them. He hides them well.

I didn't realize it but I had fallen in love.

For awhile it felt good, being in what I classified as love. Then the problems started. Dark had just showed up again for the first time in 40 years and I had already suspected the boy with the Niwa name. I was thinking about him, about how he smiled that one day and the light behind his eyes…and I burned.

It was a horrible feeling; it felt like I was being burned and frozen at the same time. My blood ran icy but it felt like liquid heat. It was my curse.

I came so close to losing control that I didn't go to school the next day.

I had to keep everything inside. An unrequited love is not an easy thing to do keep locked away. I started to stalk him under the pretense that I was waiting for Dark. That was understandable and for awhile, I believed it.

I was wasting my time with that. Dark never appeared. Just Daisuke's smiling cheerfulness and shyness that made me burn. I wanted him to love me; I needed him to love me.

For awhile he did. I know he did because rather than spend time with Saehara or Mashiro, he spent time with me. I think he was curious, that's as best as I can put it. But after awhile…he kept his distance. I haven't figured out why, and it's causing me more pain that I can ever hope to express.

I've thought about getting rid of the pain in many different ways. I wanted to lock up all of my emotions using magic. I had attempted it, but Krad strongly protested. He wouldn't do it. I even went as far as to hint to Dark that it should be done. He protested too, saying that he could never rob anyone of any freedom.

I told him that by not doing it he was robbing me of my freedom to choose. He shrugged and said he had to be going.

I started to cut for awhile. I couldn't do that long. I don't know if I was just a coward or if the pain was too much or what, but I stopped. In the end, it was Krad laughing at me that really got me to kick that habit.

I don't understand how he couldn't know what was happening! Was it not so perfectly obvious?

I love him and yet he looks through me.

Daisuke is killing me by inches, and I don't know how much space I have left.