It has officially been ten years since the hunger games were abolished, yet the ashes still haven't lifted over Panem and all the painful memories still remain. No matter how hard we try to bury the past it always comes back to haunt us as we keep repeating the same mistakes. When will we learn that history cannot simply be rewritten or swept under a rug? Here lay the blood of a warn torn country consumed by greed.
I awake in next to Peeta Mellark, the boy with the bread. His arms are wrapped around me in an embrace holding me tight as if afraid to let go. The sunlight filters in through flittering curtains dancing on a soft autumn breeze blowing through our open window. The sunlight hits Peeta's face, his lips curled into a smile. Despite the horror of the Hunger Games both of us endured and spent years of sleepless nights fearing to see the dead. The ones we watched die in our arms, those we killed out of survival. Time heals all things, but these scars are something that are never going to fade. It's reassuring seeing Peeta so at peace with the world, it fills me with hope that this state of peace isn't just the eye of the storm before it comes back tenfold. Peeta is out of it, gone to the world. I gently move his arm off of me careful to avoid waking him. I would hate to disturb this rare moment of calmness. I slip out of bed and head out to the woods.
Walking downstairs of our house in the Victors Village of District Twelve, I retrieve my father's hunting jacket from a hook. Now that the war is over and Panem isn't ruled over with an iron fist I decided to keep it close since there is now no rules to stop us coming and going from the District. I pull the jacket over my shoulders. It has faded significantly with age and to be honest I'm surprised it lasted quite this long. It has a few holes in it and loose stitching but other than that it remains in a good enough condition to continue wearing. After becoming a mother, I grew some, so the jacket is a tiny bit small on me now and is rather tight around the shoulders. That doesn't bother me in the slightest as it serves its purpose and I can't bear to let go of it as its one of the only few connections I have left to my father. I walk to the room where our son sleeps. We chose the name Adrian after his late uncle, Peeta's oldest brother who never got to meet our children. Lapis, our seventeen year old daughter who was named for her brilliant blue eyes would have gotten up hours ago to work at one of the bakeries that sells the beautifully painted cakes and biscuits. She got that talent from her father. I
I pull my hunting jacket closer as the autumn breeze chills me to the bones. The woods is only a short walk through town behind the meadow which is now covered in beautiful primroses. The thought of a flower that my sister was named after brings a tear to my eyes. Even after ten years, I still remember the parachutes dropped onto the children of the capital by the rebel forces. Prim happened to be in the second wave of explosions while tending to wounded children of the Capital. The parachute bombs were developed by Gale, who at the time was my best friend and hunting partner. I still hold him responsible and resent him for my sister's death. The rational part of me knows that Gale didn't intend for them to be used against Prim, but it's just easier for me to blame him and to have someone to hold responsible. In front of the meadow is my old home I grew up in, which all that remains now is a pile of bricks and part of the roof that collapsed in years ago. The place has definitely seen better days. Despite its ruined condition, I bring primroses here from the meadow each day and place them in the location that Prim used to sleep next to our mother when she was younger. I can see the primrose I laid on the cement yesterday, its petals starting to wilt. I place a fresh one next to it wiping tears from my eyes. "You will have justice Primrose" I say sorrowfully. What happened to her wasn't right. She deserved so much more than being a corpse laying six feet in the earth, she deserved to live. After the explosion her body was blacked beyond recognition, her beautiful blonde hair singed off and her blue eyes which she got from our mother glazed over.
If I focus on the past too long, I begin to slip into hysteria and begin to forget who I am. It always helps bring me back to reality by telling myself things about me. "I am Katniss Mellark. I used to be known as Katniss Everdeen before I married the boy with the bread who I love with all my heart. We have two beautiful children together: Lapis and Adrian. I was part of not just one Hunger Games, but two and I started a rebellion which bought about an age of peace" I repeat aloud over and over. I am so fixated on my words I barely hear the crunching of dry autumn leaves under someone's boots. Instantly I go to grab my bow of my back and draw an arrow, forgetting I didn't bring them with me as I no longer have the need for them other then hunting as Panem is now peaceful and there is no need to defend myself anymore. I turn around and see my old friend Gale walking towards the house, primroses in hand. A mixture of emotions swirls within me. I want to run to him and wrap my arms around him, while the other half wants to put a knife through his jugular for what happened to Prim. I realize it was over ten years ago and I should let the past go but I can't.
Turning around I inhale a gasp of frustration, biting my tongue. After ten years why return now. He left like a coward and didn't even say goodbye. How dare he show his face here of all places, considering he was the one to take Prim's life. My rage gets the better of me and I storm over to him, walking briskly.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I hiss at him, my tone venomous as a viper. I have to hold back vile rising in my throat.
"I wanted to pay respects. I loved Prim", Gail's voice stutters and cracks with emotion. Not good enough. He had all these years and only suddenly cares to visit now. "I feel guilty in the part I played in her death" he says solemnly, staring at the ground.
"So you should feel bad," I spit. "You killed my sister. It was your bombs that ended her life. Regardless of if you dropped them or not, you are still responsible for her death. If Prim were alive she would be turning twenty three, but she is dead. You took her life and I will never forgive you" I said, my tone as cold as ice.
Gail continued trying to apologize but his words just went through one ear and came out the other. His words didn't register as I was seeing red.
"Just shut up," I screamed. My fists was clenched my nails cutting into my hand drawing blood. "You don't get to come around apologizing and asking for forgiveness after all this time Gale," my rising voice reaching a crescendo. He looks at me pleadingly with his watering grey eyes. I feel bad for how harsh I am but I've contained this bottled up anger for years and years now and I need to take it out on someone. Before I realize what I am doing, my fists are pounding upon his chest while I choke back sobs. Gale doesn't even flinch or try to deflect the blows. He just takes them. I'm pounding on his chest, jabbing him with clenched fists, tears streaming out of my eyes because I can't take it any longer. My sobs become hysterical until I just can't even bare to continue laying a hand on him. I just collapse into a heap on the dirty cement beneath my feet. Gale kneels down and sits down next to me and pulls me in close into his arms. At this moment I'm too weak and vulnerable to resist and I just sob into his muscular arms and stay like that for what seems like eternity.
"I missed you Katniss and I know I'm ten years too late but I love you and I always have,"
Gale leans in for a kiss and I'm drawn in by his warmth. It's so calming and inviting. I feel at home. I have to admit I have missed him as well. I know it's wrong because I'm married to Peeta but I still like kissing Gale.
I pull away from Gale's warm wet lips. "I can't do this. I'm married to Peeta and I have two beautiful children, I can't do this Gail,"
"I need to ask have you ever felt this way about me?" he asks.
"I did once, and I kept waiting for you to tell me how you felt but you never did. I stopped waiting a very long time ago Gale" I say. The sun has ascended quite a bit and Peeta must have surely gotten out of bed by now and would be wondering where I am.
"I have to go Gale. This can never happen again" I say as I get up, dusting the dirt from my clothes.
I begin my walk back to the Victor's Village and don't look back. I know Gale is still there watching me walk away from him.