Author's Note: Thanks to Liza and Shannon for coming up with this crazy plot. :P

Written for...

OTP Prompt List Challenge. Prompt: "Mrs. Potato Head" by Melanie Martinez

Skin Deep

1,297 words

"Please take a seat, ma'am. Doctor Lockhart will see you in a moment."

Hermione did so hesitantly. The surgeon's waiting room was already packed with gorgeous women in expensive clothes. They stared at her over their beauty magazines, and the looks she received were more than enough to have her feeling self-concious, if the pictures of models lining the walls didn't do the trick already.

She sat next to the only person who hadn't bothered to notice her yet, a man seemingly lost in his own thoughts, and attempted to fix her mess of curls while she waited. She hadn't put much thought into her appearance before she'd left the house that morning but now, in a place that celebrated beauty, it was all she could think about. Miserably, she realized she could probably spend thousands on procedures and never look as good as the women around her.

"I wouldn't go in if I were you."

Hermione turned to the man beside her in surprise. He was facing her direction, though his eyes were downcast. He was handsome, she noted, but not in the same way as the actors and models adorning the walls and magazine covers. This man was attractive without the aid of airbrushing.

"I beg your pardon?"

He leaned in closer, still looking down. "Don't see Lockhart," he whispered.

"Why not?"

The man looked up briefly, startling black eyes appraising her, before he hung his head glumly.

"Because I did. I'm a former patient of his."

Hermione was taken aback by this. This man hardly looked the type to be worried about his appearance. For one thing, he was the only person in the room not dressed to the hilt, besides herself.

"I - I'm not sure I understand."

"My nose," he pressed.

She squinted at it, unsure of what he meant. It wasn't his most attractive feature, she admitted. It was a bit crooked, with a long scar running over it, but it did nothing to take away from the man's good looks.

"It wasn't this bad until Lockhart got ahold of it." He pulled out his phone and showed her a picture of himself pre-surgery, without the angry red scar and a much less noticeable angle to his nose.

"Trust me, you don't want to let him anywhere near your face. Or … or anything else, for that matter." He turned away and fiddled with his phone.

"Why are you here, then? If Lockhart botched your surgery, why come back?" she whispered. A few of the other patients were still staring and she didn't want to take any chances that they might overhear.

"I was to see what he's going to do about this. I paid a small fortune for that surgery and I want it fixed."

Hermione bit her lip. She felt bad for the man. He wasn't like so many of Lockhart's other clients, addicted to making themselves appear younger than they really were. He was an ordinary man who had been mislead into thinking a new nose would make him feel better, maybe even give him some confidence. She knew she could spare him more trouble if she was willing to risk it.

"Mrs. Duncan, Doctor Lockhart will see you now," the receptionist called.

Out of time, she spoke quickly in a hushed voice as she reached for her purse. "Meet me outside by the fountain in twenty minutes."

The man stared at her quizzically. "Why?"

"I can help. Don't confront Lockhart." She could only pray that he listened to her warning as she went off to meet the famed doctor.

:-:

"Yes, I think you'll look much better after a little botox, Mrs. Duncan," Lockhart said, turning Hermione's head this way and that. "One of my associates might be able to do something about those teeth, too."

She swallowed down an angry comment, astounded that he would even say something so insulting to a potential client. "Do you really think you can help?" she asked instead, wanting to punch him in his perfect face.

"Oh, absolutely." He sat across from her and grinned. His teeth were unnaturally white. "I know all of this can be overwhelming, but you'll feel so much better when it's done. Pain is beauty, after all."

"Indeed."

:-:

Hermione was more that a little aggitated when she finally got out of the consultation. She found it hard to believe that insulting people about their looks worked so well to secure patients, but she was thankful she wasn't half as insecure as she'd been as a teenager.

She was surprised to find the man she'd met in the waiting room had taken her advice and was perched on the edge of the fountain, though she found it odd that he had the hood of his jacket up on such a warm day.

"Thank you for meeting me, Mr…"

"Severus Snape," he offered, standing as she approached. He made no move to lower the hood.

"Mr. Snape. I wonder if we could walk while we speak. I don't want the doctor to see us together."

He didn't argue, but Hermione noticed that he took a moment to follow her.

"I appreciate your warning in the waiting room," she told him. "I wonder, have you heard of Doctor Malfoy?"

"That's Lockhart's biggest rival, isn't he? They're always insulting each other in their ads."

Hermione smirked. "That's him. What would you say if I told you that Lockhart and Malfoy were partners?"

Snape turned to her. "How so?"

"You wouldn't be the first of Lockhart's patients to have an unsatisfactory result. In the last year, there have been nine cases of botched surgeries, and each person went to Lucius Malfoy and paid double to have the issue fixed."

"Do you think … perhaps it's a coincedence?"

Deciding they were far enough away from the clinic to talk safely, Hermione stopped to face Snape. "DCI Hermione Granger. I'm undercover, investigating the Lockhart-Malfoy scam." She pulled out her badge as she spoke.

"Granger," Snape muttered, inspecting the badge. "Why are you telling me this if you're meant to be undercover?"

Hermione pursed her lips, stowing her badge away again. "Because they've already started the routine with you. Next thing you know, you'd be going to Lucius Malfoy to repair the damage and losing thousands on the scam. My job is to protect as many people as possible." She pulled a business card out of her purse and handed it over. "This is the number of a reputable professional, Doctor Tonks. She's offering discount surgeries to the victims of the scam."

He spent a long moment studying the card, and Hermione could only guess what was going through his mind. Being taken advantage of was bad enough without having what little self-confidence you had shattered.

"You don't need it, you know." He blinked at her. "I've spoken with the other patients. Some are in pain because of how badly Lockhart performed. Some are unrecognizable from how they used to look. But you still look the same. You're still handsome."

"Handsome?" Snape scoffed.

"Yes." Hermione smiled, reaching out a hand to push Snape's hood back. He tried to pull it back immediately. "There's no need to hide."

"I look horrible."

"You look…" She sighed, knowing he would never believe her. Lockhart and Malfoy preyed on those thought so little of themselves that they would never believe a compliment. Telling Snape - no, Severus that he was handsome wouldn't be enough to convince him. Luckily, she had the rest of the day off and a personal interest in getting him to see things her way.

"You look like you could use a coffee. My treat." She didn't take no for an answer, pulling him along behind her to the cafe around the corner.