DISCLAIMER IN ADANCE: Transformers belongs to Hasbro, and "Anaconda" belongs to Nikki Manaj. All I own is the story. Thank you. Megatron was tired when he got back to base one evening. It was the middle of July and scorching hot! When it reached almost 100 degrees here on Earth, he had to be careful to not let his systems overheat. Most likely he'd released an astroliter of coolant collecting energon that day, possibly more. Talk about a planet with a faulty axis! It reminded him of when he worked in the mines on Cybertron, where his place of employment had no air-conditioning.
When he entered the living room, Starscream greeted him with a cheeky smile. The twins appeared to be taking their afternoon naps; Starscream was watching TV, feet propped up on the coffee table; Sapphire, their three-month-old daughter, was snoozing in his arms.
"Hey, big guy." Starscream smiled. "How's your day?"
"Way too hot," Megatron told him miserably. "I wish summer was over."
"Yeah, then you can look forward to how cold it gets in the winter."
"Don't remind me." Megatron sat down on the couch next to Starscream. "What are you watching, anyway?"
"Just these home movies," Starscream told him. "Look. This is Stars' and Megs' first Halloween, when we took them out trick-or-treating."
"I STILL think you only brought me along so I could operate the camera," said Megatron; he thought this because he was never allowed to actually be on camera, resulting in a lot of shots with Starscream hogging the twins, who had been about seven months old at the time. Starscream had given Stars a big purple cape and a golden crown, and Megs got a black-and-white striped "prisoner" costume. Starscream and his Trine members had created a group costume, like they did every year. This time it was Starscream as ketchup, Skywarp as mustard and Thundercracker as mayo. Megatron wanted to be the scariest thing possible so he wanted to go as himself, but finally Starscream told him to put on a costume, so he dressed up as the Grim Reaper (luckily he didn't scare the sparklings).
"Don't be silly, Megatron," said Starscream, looking down at Sapphire and stroking her head with his finger. What would they dress her up in for her first Halloween? Probably something cute like a pumpkin or a cat or a ballerina. They might be able to count on Starscream's mother to knit something.
The tape ended with them arriving home. Skywarp was stuffing his face with candy; Thundercracker was scolding him for pulling all those Halloween pranks; Starscream was playing with the sparklings and tickling them.
"Why are you watching all these home movies?" Megatron asked.
"Just because." Starscream shrugged. "Stars and Megs are napping so I don't have to watch Autobot Air Force...Here, hold Sapphire so I can find another."
Starscream thrust Sapphire into Megatron's arms and he held her while Starscream searched in the huge pile of home movies piled on the floor (of course, the Decepticon Leader was never against Starscream bending over). Starscream was glad he could bend at the waist again, since for most of the time he'd been pregnant with Sapphire he would have to pick up his twins or their messes by bending his knees, which was majorly uncomfortable. Eventually, Starscream ended up needing back-rubs and wing-rubs every few hours!
"Find any?" Megatron asked.
"Well, I just found 'Business Trip to Cybertron," Starscream said dryly.
"How 'bout that one?"
"Are you nuts?" Starscream stood up and glared at him. "I think you should've left me and the twins home. That was when I had first gotten pregnant with Sapphire, remember? I had to ride on the SPACE BRIDGE, and then we had to travel in a subway ALL over Iacon, and there was the three-hour layover in slagging Yuss on our way to Polyhex, and then the ride BACK to Iacon, and then another space bridge ride home. I could have just stuck my finger down my throat and gotten the same results. Not to mention the twins were just uncontrollable on the subway rides and I resorted to entertaining them with the little safety booklets, and in the hotels they ate everything in the minibar and tried to destroy everything they touched. We didn't even do anything fun."
"You went to the spa, remember?" said Megatron. "And you looked so pretty after you nearly maxed out my credit cards with all your treatments."
"Well, do you think this gorgeousness just happens?" Starscream still looked indignant. "But anyway, I'm still not going to watch it."
"Whatever," said Megatron. "Just find another."
Starscream searched a little more, rooting through lots of their home movies, until finally he grinned, selected one, and stood up again.
"I've got one," said Starscream. "I found 'Sapphire's Pregnancy Announcement'."
"No, not that one," Megatron groaned. "Anyone but that one."
"Why?" Starscream was still smirking at him. "Is there something embarrassing you did?"
This tape was probably the only one they had where Megatron had been caught crying. Starscream had been announcing his second pregnancy to Megatron, who had gotten a little choked up, and little did they know Skywarp had been taping the whole time as a prank! Megatron had threatened to kill Skywarp unless he destroyed the tape, but Starscream had insisted on keeping it, ostensibly because it was "cute", but also as possible blackmail.
"Okay, fine." This time it was Megatron's turn to look indignant. "But you better not laugh at me."
"I'll try to control myself," said Starscream, popping the tape into the TV.
ONE YEAR EARLIER..."Twenty energon cubes says it'll be positive this time," Skywarp was saying excitedly as he and Thundercracker waited impatiently outside the closed bathroom door.
"I'm not placing any bets on Starscream's reproductive system," Thundercracker snapped. "Besides, what makes you think this test will be any different than the past thousand?"
"How many is a thousand?"
"Just be quiet," Thundercracker told Skywarp, pressing his audio to the door. "Well, I don't hear any weeping. That's a good sign."
"I guess Primus sent sparkling dust their way," said Skywarp thoughtfully. "Here, tell you what. If he's pregnant, then you have to dance around the kitchen with a dress on singing 'Anaconda'."
"And if he's not pregnant, you need to drink three cubes of healthy energon." Thundercracker grinned.
"Not healthy energon!" Skywarp cried, but he decided to shake on it, and a deal's a deal, so whatever happened, they would need to follow through. They were just wrapping up their official handshake when Starscream burst out of the bathroom excitedly.
"Well? What was it?" Skywarp demanded.
"Let's see," said Starscream, holding the test out and shaking it.
"Shaking it won't help," Thundercracker reminded him. Starscream kept shaking the test regardless. Would there be yet another negative sign, resulting in disappointment and tears? Or would there be a positive sign, resulting in...well, to be honest, Starscream had no idea how he'd react! By now he and Megatron had been trying for a sparkling for almost four months now. Starscream took them a couple weeks after he was sure that this time he was going to have a sparkling, but they were always negative. Megatron liked this partly because he got to spend a lot of time in the sack, but they were both also hoping, praying so hard to Primus that Starscream would bring another sparkling into the world soon.
"C'mon!" Skywarp urged the test, teeth clenched. Starscream's spark was beating so fast, feeling like it was going to burst out of his spark chamber.
And that was when they finally saw it.
The little pink plus sign.
"YAAAS!" Skywarp hollered, pumping his fist in the air.
"Wow, Skywarp, it's nice that you're so excited about the sparkling," said Thundercracker sarcastically.
"Um, of—of course, yeah." Skywarp blushed slightly, suspecting that Thundercracker might know the real reason why he was so happy.
"B-But guys!" Starscream sputtered, scarcely able to believe his eyes. "Look at it!"
"I see it." Thundercracker smiled slightly. Even though he'd lost the bet, he was still happy for his younger brother.
"I'm going to take another one, just to be sure." Starscream rushed to take another test and, sure enough, that one was positive too.
"Oh, you guys," Starscream was saying deliriously, one light-blue hand over his mouth. "I-I, oh my...I just can't believe this. I-I can't believe my optics..."
"But...you're happy, right?" Skywarp asked.
"I'm more than happy," Starscream whispered, tears shining in his optics. "And just wait until Megatron comes home. I'll make sure he gets the news."
...
Starscream had to wait all day for his sweet-spark to come home, but that evening, Megatron entered Decepticon HQ with a decent haul of energon cubes.
So when he entered the kitchen to put them in the fridge, he was kind of surprised at what he saw...
"He keep telling me it's real, that he love my sex appeal
He said he don't like 'em boney, he want something he can grab
So I pulled up in the Jag, and I hit 'em with the jab like...
Dun-d-d-dun-dun-d-d-dun-dun
My Anaconda don't...
My Anaconda don't...
My Anaconda don't want none UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HON!"
"Thundercracker, take off that dress and stop your dancing this minute," said Megatron, looking disgusted, then looked over at Starscream, who was sitting by the table and grinning. "Is he drunk?"
"No," said Thundercracker, stopping his "performance" for a minute. "It's just that Skywarp and I were betting on whether or not Starscream's pregnancy test would be positive. I thought it would be negative...so I lost the bet. I didn't want to do this, but a deal's a deal, right?"
"W-What?" Megatron was heard saying. Starscream wasn't sure if he got it at first, so he held up his positive test, which he had saved, and smiled.
"You hear that?" said Starscream, getting up from the table and handing the test to Megatron, who was just kind of staring in shock. "For once, TC is happy he lost a bet."
Megatron looked skeptical for a moment, then his eyes lit up like they hadn't in a long time. Next thing you know he'd scooped up Starscream in his arms, smothering the newly pregnant Seeker with kisses. Starscream wrapped his arms around Megatron's neck as Megatron asked, "Is it true, Starscream? Am I really gonna be a Daddy again?"
"Yes." Starscream gave Megatron a little kiss. "This spring, Stars and Megs will have a brand-new baby brother or sister to play with."
Starscream was pretty sure this was the only time he had ever seen Megatron cry. Well, he wasn't full-out bawling or anything, but suddenly the tough, miner-turned-gladiator-turned-Leader had tears welling up in the corners of his optics that were soon on his face-plates.
"Dude, are you crying?" Starscream grinned and let Megatron hold his hand.
"No, of course not," said Megatron, but then he just hugged Starscream tight and whispered, "I-I can't believe it...we waited so long and tried so hard...and now..."
"And now what?" Starscream was laughing a little. This wasn't how he thought Megatron would react!
"And-and now w-we're going to have another sparkling." Megatron's usually raspy voice was a little big higher-pitched than normal and was broken by the occasional raw, uncontrollable sob. "I love you, Starscream. Thank you for being the one to bear my children...they are all perfect, I already know it..."
"Congratulations, you two." Thundercracker smiled. "I might have to wear a dress and sing this inappropriate Earth culture song. And I might not be able to force Skywarp to consume healthy energon. But y'know...I'd rather have another niece or nephew than win some dumb bet I made with Skywarp."
"Speaking of, where is the little pain-in-the-aft?" Megatron sniffed and wiped his tear-filled eyes, then narrowed them in slight suspicion. That was when they heard a snicker, then the sound of someone tripping and falling onto the floor, a crash of metal upon metal.
"Um, hi guys," said Skywarp, looking up at everyone, holding a video camera in his hands.
"You caught this on tape?!" Megatron yelled, setting Starscream down. "Give me that!"
"Skywarp!" Starscream was laughing and holding Megatron back. "Why did you tape my announcement?"
"Well, I wanted to get a shot of TC singing 'Anaconda' so I could post it all over the Internet," said Skywarp. "But getting footage of the scary Decepticon Leader crying happy tears is just icing on the cake."
"Starscream, did you set me up?" Megatron demanded.
"No, I honestly had no idea!" Starscream was laughing even harder. "But I'm glad he taped this!"
"I said give me that, you insolent little—" Megatron was laughing too now through a fresh set of tears but he was still yelling as he grabbed for the camera. "Destroy that tape or I'll kill you, I'll rip you apart, do you understand?"
Skywarp just waved goodbye and teleported away. Megatron was about to chase after him, but Starscream grabbed his arm before he could.
"Megatron!" Starscream gave Megatron another kiss and rubbed his arms to calm him down. "Look, this was a wonderful moment in both of our lives and you know it. Won't it be great to look back upon this memory and watch it someday, after the new sparkling is born?"
"No," said Megatron sourly. "I'd rather not record myself crying, thank you."
"Well, I think it was really sweet of you," Starscream whispered, drawing Megatron into a gentle hug.
"Do you think so?" Megatron said, and when Starscream nodded, eyes shut, Megatron felt another wave of tears reach his optics. "I-I love you Starscream, I really do."
"I love you too." Starscream squeezed Megatron a little tighter. "And soon you'll have another little sparkling to fall in love with too."
"Can't wait." Megatron kissed Starscream's helmet.
PRESENT DAY…
"Wow." Starscream thought he'd be laughing, but it seemed he'd forgotten how poignant that moment had really been. Now tears were filling his eyes as he stared at the TV screen, holding Megatron's hand. "That was so cute."
"I do love my daughter," said Megatron, "and I love Stars and Megs too. But don't forget, I could never love anyone more than I love my fiancée, Starscream."
"Yes, I'm so glad we're finally getting married." Starscream looked with admiration yet again at his beautiful sapphire engagement ring. "It was so long overdue."
"Well, no more," said Megatron, giving Starscream a long kiss on the lips. When they'd separated, Megatron said, "You know, Starscream, I have to say…when you finally did give birth to Sapphire—and this goes for our twins too—it really was amazing to witness."
"What do you mean?" Starscream asked.
"I felt bad that I couldn't help you any," Megatron explained. "And that I didn't understand what you were going through. But I just wanted to hold you in my arms and tell you how strong you are."
"Oh, you know that I'm not all that strong," said Starscream. "You're the strongest Decepticon. I just…well, my body did all the work, I guess. It's weird. The twins' birth was over two years ago, but what I remember most isn't the pain I went through for them. It was when Moonbeam finally set them in my arms and I got to touch and hold them, hold them to my spark and cuddle them. In fact, when I went through it again I was a little shocked because I hardly remembered what it was like!"
"My spark had never felt that much emotion," Megatron said quietly, cuddling Starscream. "When you had the twins, I'd never watched a sparkling being born before. It looked like it hurt a pretty damn lot. But you just pulled yourself through somehow anyway. I was so proud of you. Same thing with Sapphire."
"I must've looked so silly." Starscream grinned. "Grunting and moaning, meandering around trying to find a position that would make the pain go away…which turned out to be impossible! I can't believe I made you pick me up."
"You bit me," said Megatron.
"Seriously? I bit you?!" Starscream laughed. "I'm so sorry!"
"Even if you did look silly, it doesn't matter to me as long as you felt you were doing something that worked for you." Megatron shrugged.
"When I was having Sapphire, positioning did really help me," said Starscream, remembering how for pretty much all five hours he was laboring with Sapphire, he'd been bent over, facing the bed with his hands on the edge, squeezing the metal surface, dripping buckets of coolant and panting in between moans of pain as he tried to breathe through strong, lengthy contractions that nearly overlapped each other, even more frustrating because he wasn't ready to push yet. "I had horrible back labor. It wasn't so much the contractions as it was her head pressing against my spine."
"But just look at her," Megatron said gently, holding Sapphire's tiny hand, which was black, just like his. "We have the most wonderful little femme in the entire world. The entire Universe, even. She'll be smart and strong."
"Of course." Starscream leaned over to stroke his baby daughter's helmet. "I don't care how much back labor it took to get her here, I'm just so glad we have her."
"Well." Megatron smiled at the now-blank TV screen. "Maybe it is a good thing we kept that tape."
-the end-