The Boys in the Bar
It was June twenty-sixth and the bar was just about to open. It was ten thirty in the morning, and it looked like it was going to be a busy day. Of course it was, it was a Friday. The bar was always open every single day at eleven AM sharp, and closed at two-thirty in the morning. Helga would know. She'd been working here ever since she turned eighteen. She had to pull some strings, since minors under twenty-one weren't normally allowed to work in a venue where alcohol was served. But there was a reason she was working there.
Gino's bar was attached to the side of Sunset arms. It was built after Arnold Shortman had given the boarding house to Big Gino. Arnold had gone away to try to find his parents after high school graduation. The thing that prompted his leave was the death of one grandparent, then the other. Stricken with grief, Arnold had given the house to Big Gino, who had then built a bar next to it.
Helga had never told Arnold how she felt. She had several opportunities, and nothing had come of them. Driven insane, she reasoned that if she worked at the bar next to sunset arms, she'd be able to keep an eye on Arnold in case he ever came around to check on the place. So far, nothing had happened.
"Hello, Helga." Said Gino as she put on an apron.
"Hey, Gino." She said as she got ready for the day.
"You sleep good?" he asked.
"Aw quit making small talk and let me get to work." She said bitterly.
"You should take a drink for a change." Gino said as he smirked at her. "It might make you a little less bitter."
"You know my mom's an alcoholic, big guy." Helga said bitterly. "I can't touch the stuff. There's no telling what might happen."
"You might be nice to people for once. Heaven forbid." Gino said as he got a tray of clean glasses out.
"If you weren't my boss, Gino." Helga muttered under her breath.
"Oh, come on, sweetheart. Put a smile on that pretty face of yours, and let's get to work." Gino said as the back doors opened.
Susie and Phoebe came walking in. Eugeen came walking in as well.
"The bar's not open yet, girlie." Gino said to Phoebe as he started getting out the pretzels for the bowls.
"I'm here to give Helga a message. Dr. Bliss said she would meet you tomorrow fifteen minutes later than normal." Phoebe explained. "She's got a client who always goes over that day."
"Thanks, Pheebs." Helga said as she started getting her hairnet on.
"I'll be here for lunch." Phoebe said as she turned to leave. "Want me to bring you anything?" she asked.
"I'm in the mood for chicken strips with gravy." Helga said bitterly. "And make sure you get me enough chicken strips, okay? None of this six piece crap you keep trying to pull on me." Helga ordered as she slipped into the bathroom.
"Why do you keep hanging out with her?" asked Gino bitterly. "She is so bitter and unthankful."
"She's my best friend." Phoebe said sadly. "She's got a lot on her plate, Gino, so just leave her be."
"She's a sweet lady if you get to know her." Susie said as she washed her hands.
"Yeah." Gino said sarcastically. "Very sweet."
"Since you're here," Helga said as she came walking out into the bar. "Can you bring me a coffee and some carrots with ranch?" she asked looking at Phoebe as she started filling the bowls of pretzels.
"Right now?" Phoebe asked.
"No, Phoebe. I thought I'd wait until I get off work to eat breakfast." Helga said sarcastically. "Yes right now!" she yelled. "And don't forget to make it black. Medium cream." She said as Phoebe walked away.
"Getting!" Phoebe said as she walked out the back door.
Time passed smoothly. Soon the bar opened its doors, and in came the flood of customers.
"So that's three Bloody Marys, two Gin and Tonics, and a boiler Maker?" Susie asked as she turned to go. "Right away."
"Gino, I need a Scotch and Soda." Helga said with a scowl as she came over to them.
"Hey everyone!"
"Sid!" the whole bar shouted as he walked in and took his seat.
"Hey, Sid." Gino said as he spotted his friend. "I got a cold one waiting just for you."
"First give me a beer, Gino, I'm thirsty." Sid said as Gino handed him a beer. "Run a tab." Sid said as he took a swig.
"How's the construction business going, Sidney?" Susie asked as she returned from serving her table.
"Helga, here's the Scotch and Soda you asked for." Gino said as Helga passed her.
"It's insane." Sid said bitterly. "I'm on break."
"What are you building?" Eugeen asked as he took some dirty glasses and handed them off to Gino to wash.
"I'm working down in the Mayor's office adding to it." Sid said sadly. "She wants room in there for a standing desk."
"Hey, miss," said a customer looking at Helga. "Aren't you going to take my order?" he asked.
"I've got nothing better to do." Helga said bitterly.
"I'll have a dry Martini, and a glass of water, please." He said as he handed her the money.
"Fine. Be right there." She said as she walked off.
"Hey." Said a voice as Gerald came walking in. "Hello?!" he shouted.
"Hey, Gerald." Eugeen said as he passed him. "Gino, can I get a Pina Colada?" he asked.
"Can you make it yourself, Eugeen? I'm busy with the glasses." Gino said as he stood at the sink.
"Okay." Eugeen said hesitantly as he started to walk into the back.
"How come when Sid walks in here, he gets a huge hello, and when I walk in here, all I get is one simple hi? From Eugeen, of all people!" Gerald said bitterly.
"Oh, Gerald. I'm sorry." Helga said bitterly. "Why don't you go out and come back in again?" she asked as he glared at her.
"Fine." Gerald said bitterly.
He walked out and waited. Ten seconds later he came back in. "Hey everyone!" he shouted grinning at them all.
"Sid!" they all exclaimed.
"I never win." Gerald said bitterly as he sat down. "Just get me a Mimosa." He said bitterly. "I have to get back to work in a bit."
Phoebe walked in and handed a small tray to Helga. "Here you go, Helga." She said softly. "I came as soon as I could."
"Gee, thanks, Pheebs." Helga said as she laid the tray on the bar. "I'll snack on these when there aren't so many customers." She muttered. "Have a good day at work." She offered as Phoebe left.
"I'm off to work too." Sid said as he finished his beer. "I have to get this office done soon."
"Here's your Pina Colada, Mr. Bartlett." Eugeen said as he gave the customer a drink.
"Tell us a story, Gerald." Said Paul. He was one of the bar regulars. "I'm sure you have an urban legend there that is about a bar." Paul said smiling at him.
"I actually do." Gerald said smiling as the bar died down a little.
"I guess I can stay for a few more minutes." Sid said as he sat back down. "Helga, another beer please."
"Do I have a choice?" Helga asked as she poured Sid another beer.
"You guys remember the big fuss in the sixties and seventies about the pesticide known as DDT?" Gerald asked as the bar went completely silent. Everyone nodded.
"Can we get some more pretzels over here?" asked a guy as Helga grabbed a big bag of pretzels and walked over to refill the bowl.
"Rumor has it that a long time ago, bars used to serve a drink called the Mickey Slim." He said as he looked around and took a swig of his drink. "Myth has it that it was made of gin and DDT."
"Whoa." The audience said as they all listened.
"They said that ingesting DDT with alcohol made the drinker feel as if they had ingested absinth. This was useful because there are certain places where absinth is illegal. After a while though, the side effects started to outweigh the desire for fake absinth. People said ladies who drank this stuff started to have miscarriages, and the babies that were born were either still born, or born with severe birth defects." He said as everyone listened. "Some guys actually said it made their sperm die. Can you guys believe it?" he asked as Sid set his glass on the table.
"Legend has it that the recipe is still around somewhere. I've tried googling it, and all I get is urban legend stuff. But somewhere out there, is the real recipe. Some even say that there are still proponents of DDT as a pesticide. In order to try to make a proven point, they actually ingest the stuff every single day to show that there are no dangers." He said grinning at the audience at large.
"Damn." Paul said as he finished his drink. "I wonder if you can buy it on EBay?" he said out loud.
"Are you just curious, or are you a complete moron?" Helga asked as she took Sid's dirty glasses and rushed them back to the sink. "That stuff kills on contact, Paul." She informed.
"Well, I better get to work." Sid said bitterly as he stood up. "Helga, here's the money I owe you." He said as he gave her the money.
"What? No tip?" she asked bitterly.
"Oh. I forgot. Here you go, Eugeen." Sid said as he handed Eugeen a dollar.
"I wasn't your server." Eugeen said puzzled.
"Get yourself some ice cream." Sid said as he walked away.
"One of these days." Helga snarled.
"Yeah, yeah. We all know." Gino said as Sid went off to his job.
The bar filled with customer after customer. Helga just wanted today to be over. Not that today was any different from any other day when she just wanted it to be over.
"Hey, little lady!" screamed a very familiar voice. "I'm talking to you!"
"What?" Helga asked as she looked up into her father's eyes.
"Get me a glass of water, and a Long Island Iced Tea." He ordered. "Here's the cash. Make it snappy."
"Dad. You're on the wild side today, aren't you?" Helga asked grinning as she handed him the water.
"This is for your mother." He said bitterly. "So make it in a to go cup or something. Oh, and put a tiny umbrella in it. She likes those." He said as he sat down on a chair and waited.
"I'll get it." Eugeen said as he started making the drink.
"Helga, I'm here for lunch." Said Phoebe as she walked in.
"Gino?" Helga asked bitterly.
"Go ahead. Give us all a break from your bitter mood." Gino said as he watched her take off her apron.
"If you gave me a damned raise I would be nicer." Helga grumbled.
"I have to live with that." Bob said as Helga and Phoebe sat down across from him.
"Here you go." Phoebe said as she placed a bag in front of Helga.
"Here's your drink, Mr. Pataki." Eugeen said as he handed him the beverage and Bob handed back the empty glass of water.
"Thank you. I'll see you guys tomorrow." Bob said as he got up. "Don't burn the place down, Olga." He said as he squeezed Helga's shoulder.
Helga got tears in her eyes as he left. "It's Helga, dad." She grumbled. "Helga. With an H."
"I'm sorry, Helga." Gino said as he took Bob's seat. "I guess maybe I should give you a break for being so angry all the time." He said softly.
"Aw put a sock in it, Gino!" Helga said bitterly as she stared him down. "I don't need your pity!"
"Hello, son." Said a voice. "May I get a Zombie?" the man asked as he approached Eugeen.
"I've got it, Eugeen." Gino said as he stood up and went back to work.
"Helga, are you all right?" Phoebe asked gently.
"Yeah." Helga said as she tore open the bag.
"You're crying." Phoebe observed.
"No, Phoebe, I am not crying! I got lemon in my eye! Big Gino is a big moron and doesn't give us enough protection. I sit here for more than twelve hours a day garnishing drinks and squeezing lemons and limes for these worthless losers, and I don't even get enough protection." She complained. "Of course it's going to look like I'm crying." She said as she wiped her streaming eyes.
"Hey, chicken strips!" She perked up as soon as she saw her tray piled with chicken strips. She smiled as she saw four dipping cups with gravy in them. "Thanks, Pheebs." Helga said as Phoebe started on her sandwich.
"Your welcome, Helga." Phoebe said as she and her friend ate peacefully.
"You guys will never guess what just happened!" shouted another familiar voice.
"You grew four feet taller?" Helga asked as she saw Ernie Potts enter the bar.
"This is serious, now. I just saw an article in the paper. The supreme court has just announced that same sex couples can now get married!" he shouted as he sat down at the bar. "Get me a cold brew, Gino, I'm angry!" he shouted.
"Are you serious?" asked another man as he turned to face Ernie from the table he was sitting at.
"Yes! It's all over the paper, and TV! At first I thought it was a joke. NPR is announcing it though, and they never lie." Ernie said as he gave Eugeen the money for his beer.
"Shoot. This whole world's falling to peace's. First we get a black president, and now this." Said the man as he got up. "I gotta go talk to my wife." He said as he left.
"What's wrong with same sex marriages?" asked Susie as Helga and Phoebe watched the reactions of bar folks around them.
"What's wrong?" Ernie asked bitterly. "It's disgustin'. That's what's wrong. Tell her, Gino!" he shouted.
"Hey, loud girl!" shouted a familiar voice as Wolfgang came over to their table. "Everyone is busy, and I'm thirsty."
"I'm eating." Helga said bitterly.
"I don't care. I want a drink, now!" he shouted.
"What will you have?" Eugeen asked intercepting the conversation.
"I'll take a Sake Bomb, please." He said as he handed the money to Eugeen.
"Coming right up." Gino said from somewhere far off.
"So, what are we gonna do?" asked Ernie as the bartenders turned their attention back to him.
"It's not really a big deal, Ernie." Susie said softly. "You're straight, and that's all that matters."
"They're ruining marriage." Said another regular as she looked over at Ernie. "He's right. First we get black people in office, and now this. What next? We were this close to having weed legal in all states. Mark my words, the world as we know it is falling apart." She said as the bar's doors swung open.
"Hey, everyone." Sid said as he came walking in.
"Sid!" they all shouted.
"Back for good this time, Sid?" Gino asked smiling at him.
"Start that tab, Gino, my man. I'm done with my construction gig for today." Sid said as he settled down.
"Thanks for the lunch, Pheebs." Helga said as she got up and took all the garbage. "I better get back to work." she finished.
"Have a good day." Phoebe said as she stood up as well. "Do you want me to pick you up tonight?" she asked.
"Nah. Big Bob's coming to get me." Helga said bitterly. "It's his turn."
"Well, call if you need anything." Phoebe said as she and Helga hugged. "I'm sorry for what he did today." Phoebe whispered.
"Thanks, Pheebs." Helga said softly. "I'll call you?" she asked.
"Anytime." Phoebe said as she walked out of the bar.
"—That's not okay, Sid." Susie was saying as Helga disposed of the trash she and her friend had gathered. "You need to be more open minded."
"Lesbians are hot." Sid said defensively. "Gay men are disgusting, though." He said bitterly.
"I'll have you know that right at this very moment, there are two gay men and at least one lesbian sitting in this bar right now!" Susie said bitterly. "And let me tell you, they are having a wonderful time watching all of you homophobic jerks make fools of yourselves." She said bitterly. "Gino, aren't you going to say something?" she asked.
"Uh…" Gino looked around blushing.
"What can I get you, Mr. Simmons?" Helga asked as she walked over to him. He was tucked away in the back corner reading a book.
"I'll have a half and half to start off, please, Helga." He said smiling at her.
"You got it, boss." Helga said as she walked away.
"How come you're nice to him?" Sid asked bitterly.
"He could give me an F if he wanted to." Helga said bitterly. "He's a teacher."
"Stop it, Ernie." Susie said bitterly. "Or Gino will kick you out." She warned.
"I'm not in this." Gino said in a low voice as he prepared Mr. Simmons's drink.
"Gino, they're all being obnoxious." Susie said bitterly.
"Hey!" said a loud voice.
"Oh look, it's tall hair boy." Helga said as she took Mr. Simmons his drink.
"Thank you, Helga." He said smiling.
"Don't get too out of control." Helga said sarcastically.
"I always did enjoy your sarcasm." Robert said as he went back to reading his book.
"Out yourselves, whoever you are!" shouted Sid bitterly. "Or when we find out who you are, we're gonna kick your—"
"—Gino!" Susie shouted bitterly. "Do something!"
"We have the right to know if there are gays in our bar!" Ernie said bitterly. "This is the place where normal people come to drink and socialize. We will not be silenced as we allow primitive beings to mingle among us!" he shouted. "So, whoever you are, show yourselves."
"Gino, you have the say!" Sid shouted bitterly. "Are you going to serve scum like that? Or are you gonna lay down some rules?" he asked.
"Now wait just a moment, you morons!" Helga shouted bitterly. "Are you telling me, you all are about to tear Gino's bar up because you believe that there are homosexuals here and you wanna rip them to shreds?" she asked.
"Yeah!" shouted Ernie bitterly.
"Pretty much!" Sid said angrily.
"It's the law of the bible!" Ernie put in.
"Gino, tell them to shut there yaps, before Old Betsy shuts them for them." Helga threatened.
"What?" Sid asked bitterly. "Are you a lesbian, Helga?" he asked.
"No, you bucket of slime." Helga said bitterly. "But your behavior is obnoxious. And you, Mr. Potts. I thought you were better than that." She said bitterly. "What if Gino said he didn't want to serve short people?" she asked.
"He can't do that!" Ernie shouted banging his fist on the bar. "I pay good money for my brewskis! I could also sue! That's discrimination!" he shouted.
"So what gives you the right to discriminate against gay people and lesbians?" Susie asked as she gave another customer his drink. "Gino, we're almost out of the red Vermouth." She added as she went back to tending to her duties.
"Helga, can I get a drink?" asked a familiar voice.
"Sure, Nadine." Helga said as she walked over to her. "What are you having?" she asked.
"I'll take a Hemmingway." Nadine said smiling at her.
"Daring today, aren't we?" Helga asked as she took the money. "One Hemmingway!" she shouted.
"Got it!" Eugeen shouted from the back.
"Why is everyone fighting?" Nadine asked looking around at the bar.
"Gino refuses to stop serving gays!" shouted Mickey. "He better give in to our demands, or we'll start leaving by the boat load!" he shouted bitterly.
The doors opened and a very beautiful woman came walking into the bar. She smiled at everyone as silence fell. She took a seat next to Nadine, and made eye contact with Gino.
"What can I get you, Miss Lloyd?" Gino asked as he walked over to them.
"I would like a perfect Martini, please." She said smartly. "Here's the money I owe."
"Gino, this is your last warning." Said Sid bitterly.
"I'm not going to drive away my customers just because you believe homosexuality is wrong." Gino said bitterly. "I don't like it either, but it's what it is, and I know when to keep my trap shut." He said as he went to the back to get Ronda's drink.
"I, for one, am very disappointed." Ronda said bitterly. "I thought Obama had more class. I guess I was wrong. If I was president, I wouldn't have let the courts rule in favor of those…, creatures." She said bitterly. "Lloyds do not condone homosexuality." She added bitterly.
"that's too bad." Nadine said softly. "I was going to make you the bride's maid for my wedding ceremony." She said sadly.
"I can still be your bride's maid, Nadine. Who's the lucky man?" Ronda asked as everyone turned to look at Nadine.
"Lucky lady." Nadine said as everyone gasped. "Katrinka and I are getting married." She announced.
"Nadine!" shouted Ronda as she stood and grabbed her glass. "Are you telling me that you…, and her…, and…, you're a…,"
"Yes, Ronda. I am a lesbian." Nadine said smiling. "I came out to my parents today, and Katrinka to hers. We get married in two months." She said smiling.
"I can't believe you!" shouted Ronda as her eyes filled with tears. "I cannot believe you! You were my best friend!" she shouted.
"That explains a lot." Helga said smirking at her. "Who's taking who's name?" she asked.
"We're going to hyphenate." Nadine said smiling.
"I am disgusted." Ronda said bitterly.
"Me too." Nadine said sadly. "I thought better of you, Ronda. After all, you were the one who campaigned for Obama to win." She said sadly.
"Being of a different race is something you can't help!" Ronda said as she drank the rest of her Martini. "Homosexuality is a sin, and a choice. If you are gay or lesbian, you are just despicable." She shouted as she slammed her glass down on the bar and walked out in tears.
"Damn." Helga said bitterly.
"Okay, this is the last call." Ernie said bitterly.
"It's only six fifteen." Gino said looking at Ernie nervously.
"No, I mean, this is the last call for all gays to leave. If you don't, we'll do what they did to that Shepherd guy." He said bitterly.
"Mr. Potts, he was killed for being gay!" exclaimed Nadine standing up. "Are you telling me you'd kill an innocent person over what sexuality they have?" she asked.
"We'll do what's necessary." Franky G said as he finished his fourth drink.
"You're all a bunch of hot headed jerks." Said Helga as the bar door opened.
"We did it!" shouted Principal Wartz as he ran into the bar. He walked over to Mr. Simmons's table and they both hugged. "I thought this day would never come!" he shouted as he walked back to the bar. "I'll have a Margarita, please!" he shouted to Helga as he gave her the money.
"You got it, Mr. Wartz." She said as she handed back the left over change.
"You can keep it!" he shouted gleefully.
"Wartz, you're gay?" Ernie asked confused.
"Yes, sir!" shouted Mr. Wartz.
"We're not gonna get fired, are we?" Mr. Simmons asked looking at the principal.
"No one can fire you." Susie said bitterly. "I used to work for a law firm, and you would have a good case on your hands if anyone refused to provide services to you because of your sexual orientation." She said bitterly. "Including bars!" she added as the bar went silent. "So, stop with all your protesting, or else get out. Gino is not going to stop serving people just because of what you hot heads tell him." She said bitterly.
"Thanks, Susie." Gino said as he looked around his bar relieved.
"I just have one question." Ernie said as he looked around. "Earlier you said there was one lesbian and two gay guys in this bar. Nadine, Wartz and Simmons, but who's the last person?" he asked.
"Me." Said Park as he leaned over and kissed Ernie on the cheek.
Ernie blushed, but didn't say anything. He just turned to Park and they shook hands.
"It's okay to have different beliefs." Susie said addressing the bar at large. "But when you try to push your belief system onto others, that's when you're crossing really terrifying lines that shouldn't be crossed." She explained.
"That doesn't explain why Obama let the courts rule in favor of this, when he himself was against it." Sid said bitterly.
"He is a good president who doesn't let his morals stand in the way of the law of the land." Susie said as the bar went quiet again. "Segregation is segregation whether it's against gays or someone of a different race. It needs to stop. If you ask me, it's time to take forward steps, not backwards ones."
The door burst open, and a very pretty girl came walking in. She smiled to everyone as she walked up to the front of the bar. She cleared her throat. Gino came up to her, and they shook hands.
"I would like to ask if we can use your bar for our wedding." She requested as she smiled at him.
"You most certainly may, miss Katrinka." Gino said as he hugged her. "Congratulations." He said as he gave her a small smile.
There were hugs and smiles all around, and Eugeen came out to the bar and put a rainbow reed over the front door. Everyone clapped, and Nadine and the girls all hugged.
"Well, I guess it's not that bad." Sid said as he looked down at the ground.
"I guess not." Ernie mumbled. "I mean, they're still our friends, right? Nothing about them has changed."
"Yeah." Gerald said as he wiped sweat from his brow. "I guess we all have a lot to learn." He said as he got up. "It's not going to be that bad."
The rest of the day was very uneventful. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Helga was able to just do her job as always, and no threats were made against any more of the customers. Before she knew it, it was time for her to go home, and Big Bob Pataki was standing at the door ready to take her off. She was tired. She just wanted to sleep. Maybe today would be the day. Maybe today there would be no more nightmares, or sleepless nights.
Bob opened the front seat door to Helga, and she got in. He shut the door, and in seconds was opening his own door and climbing into the driver's seat.
"So, girlie? How was work today?" he asked.
"It was strange." Helga said as she launched into a story of what happened.
"Man, what a bunch of jerks." Bob said as he drove on.
"Dad, you think so to?" Helga asked.
"Well, yeah. I got a cousin who's gay." He explained. "You never dessert your own blood." He explained. "Besides, this means more weddings. More weddings means people are going to be shopping for?" he asked looking at Helga.
"Beepers and cell phones." Helga sighed bitterly.
"Yessiree!" Bob shouted as he drove on. "It's going to be a wonderful year, Olga." He said as Helga growled.