Khak!

Captain James Kirk woke up in the dead of night, his nine inches throbbing in deep space.

Kirk… Kirk…

He could not deny the call. He needed to be sated. He needed to release.

[break]

"Spock, not tonight."

"But Uhura, in a time of war, we should not risk you getting pregnant."

"I got the injections."

"…"

"Spock, no! You're not going to put it in my ass!"

Spock sighed, and then poked Uhura in the forehead and then did some cool shit with mind control and then Uhura kind of went into a trance, and then Spock shoved his nose into her butthole. He breathed deep.

"Voyager," he whispered, before muttering an additional "spicy", and then slid his Vulcan pork up Uhura's booty-hooter.

[break]

Kirk found his way to Khan's hot box. Khan was standing there, totes naked, butt pressed up against the glass.

"Khan."

Prrrrrrp. Khan's only reply was a cloud of droplets forming around his tight, hungry buttocks.

Kirk slammed his fist against the glass walls of the prisoner's hot box. "Goddamn it Khan, what do you want?!"

Khan slowly turned, still pressed against the glass. Kirk couldn't believe the size of his penis. He had a dong as big as a pelican's beak. It was huge! Immense! Engorged and nasty. He wiped away the fart droplets with his dick like it was a windshield wiper.

"You know what I want, Kirk."

He stepped back, and then began to rub his stomach.

"Make me feel goooood… make me feel gooood…"

Kirk felt light-headed as he pressed some button or other and then let himself into the hot box. As soon as he was in though, he took a big whiff of the ancient man's musk, and came to his senses!

"Nooo!"

But it was too late! Khan pounced on the hapless young captain, and then forced him onto all fours, getting him all ripe for the reaming.

Itty bitty wee tears escaped from Kirk's eyes as Khan slammed his digits up his hole. He was beefy and brutal. He tried not to clench down on the knuckles invading his rectum. Invading like some uncouth Klingon.

Khan found some 'cling ons' of a different kind when he removed his fingers. He flicked his fingers, splattering the hot box with more mess.

Kirk squeaked as Khan's seemingly endless ship of meat made its way into the darkest corner of his own personal galaxy.

"There's something wrong with you, Kirk. I just can't put my finger on it."

Kirk's tears and snot and drool started to pool on the floor as Khan swept him back and forth like a mop, his schlong the handle. A schlong too hot to handle.

For real, his anus was getting very warm. Khan began to thrust harder, throwing around his head, crazed, crazed I tell you! Kirk screamed, a piercing little scream as his asshole began to burn and itch. Khan shot his seed, except instead of going up into his bowels, Kirk found himself involuntarily making his brown eye wink, soaking up the spermatozoa.

Somewhere else in the Enterprise, Spock shot a wad into his beard.

"KOOOOOOOOOOCK!"

[break]

"Where's Chekhov and Sulu? Why aren't they on the bridge?"

"Apparently they won't leave their room, they won't come out, they're holed up in there with a bottle of olive oil and a live goldfish!"

"Bones?"

"Pleasuring himself with medical instruments."

"… Scotty?"

"He's doing wicked things with that little man who follows him around."

"Ugh. Oh yeah, isn't Uhura supposed to be on board?"

"Oh, she escaped in the emergency pod when she realised that I thought of her as something 'nice', but not 'great'. Like a parakeet."

"Mm."

"Are you unhappy about this?"

"No. What happened to Carol Marcus?"

"She escaped on an emergency pod when everyone else was getting sex-crazed too."

"Oh. Damn. But Spock, why could this be? Why are we all so horny, all the time?!"

Kirk sat down, he and Spock the only ones on the bridge. Feeling nervous and in distress, he started to shove a sandwich made from Nutella, peanut butter, bacon and banana into his mouth.

"Stop that!"

"What do I care?!" Bacon grease slopped onto Kirk's mustard coloured shirt, straining against his tight belly. "I know what everyone calls me!"

"Honey, no…"

"FAT-SHIRT KIRK!" Kirk slammed his sandwich down onto some control panel, like an overly-emotional turd. Some alarm began to bleep. BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP.

"Kirk, what have you done?"

Kirk began to cry, big bosoms jiggling. The ship began to plummet, screams of either fear or joy coming from different rooms.

Spock tried to take control, but it was no use. They were going down.

"Why? Who has infested the ship with outrageous feelings of needing to fuck?"

There came a sound from the hot box.

Prrrrrrp.

"KHAAAAAAAAAAN!"

[break]

The ship had crash landed on some stupid ass planet. Spock, Kirk and Khan were the only survivors. Bones was nothing but a bag of meat. Sulu and Chekhov were a mess of oil and wang. Scotty had been split apart, the little man shoved in his ass like a gerbil.

"Ooof, oof, ooof, ooof," Kirk gasped, sweaty as a hog, smelling of bacon. He ripped off his pants.

"Kirk?" Spock was dazed and winded. Khan went to Kirk instead.

"It's coming, isn't it? THE BABY."

"What baby? Khan? WHAT BABY?!"

"It's why you have become too fat for your shirts, my love! Why you heeded the call for my seed! I wanted you to be the one to grow my baby in your stomach! It's nestled there amongst the Nutella and bacon!"

"But that is illogical –"

Khan sat on Spock's head, shutting him up.

"Khan! Am I giving birth?"

"Yes my sweet piglet. Our baby shall be born out of your butthole."

Spock began to protest again, so Khan lifted himself slightly and began to do a series of squats on his head.

"Noooo!" Kirk screamed, but it was too late! He had to push! He grunted and squished his innards and raised his legs and shot out a baby with pouty lips and clear blue eyes.

"Khaaaaak! Khaaaaak! Khaaaak!" The baby cried, as Khan mopped away the filth.

"Yes! You are KHAK!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Spock sat up, arms raised to the sky, tears of anguish running down his face.

"It was meant to be… KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!"

Fin.