Title: Be Always Cast
Author/Email: Fairygnomes (fairygnomes (at) gmail . com)
Rating: 13+
Category: Angst, Drama, Sam/Jack Relationship/Friendship
Season/Sequel: Set between season eight and nine, 1st in the Interlude Series
Spoilers: Everything up to the end of S8
Archive: SJA, Heliopolis, GateWorld, Novel Archive,
Summary: The end of an era? Or just the beginning...
Disclaimer: Not mine, we're just bored between seasons. We'll put them back...
Author's Notes: Hee! We did it. Now I just have to finish writing Episode Ten. Or start writing Episode Ten.
Huge hugs to Jo and Ruth for everything! And huge thanks to Jo (the other one!) and Allie for the fab beta and encouragement :o)
'Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.'
It had been five hours since the Tok'ra had taken the body of her father and Selmak back to their planet, and Sam was sitting alone in the commissary nursing a cup of cold coffee. After saying her final goodbye to them, she'd headed straight for her lab, locked the door and cried for a long time. But then she'd reached that stillness that comes after heartbreak, and she knew she had to get herself out of there, out of that dark place otherwise she might never stop crying.
He had only been gone a few hours, but she missed him. Stupid really, because she was used to him being gone for months at a time. But this was different. So she'd left the lab, gone and washed her face and made for the comfort of coffee and cake. Thankfully there were few people in the room, and she managed to get herself and her tray into a far corner with the minimum of human contact. The server was someone new who she didn't recognise, and she doubted that they knew of the previous day's events and what they had meant for Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter.
So she sat there, not really thinking about anything in particular, just enjoying the silence and concentrating on breathing in and out, in and out and not falling apart. But the coffee grew cold and the cake was gone. Tiredly pushing back the chair, Sam got to her feet and went for refills. When she returned to the table a few minutes later (once again congratulating herself on avoiding any small talk) she saw someone hovering beside her chair.
It occured to her, as she sat down and gestured for him to do the same, that she'd never seen him hover before. He inclined his head and then sat down beside her, instead of opposite as he normally did. He didn't say anything, just drank from his mug of what she assumed was tea, and helped himself to pieces of her cookie. His eyes, full of sadness and sympathy, met hers from time to time, they were shining to match hers, although he did not allow the tears to fall. His hand moved from the table to cover hers and she let herself lean on him as she had done many times before.
"Your father was a great warrior, an honourable man and brave. He will be missed."
She just nodded, unable to find any words in reply.
"If there is anything I can do to make this easier for you I will do it."
Raising her head from his shoulder she managed a feeble smile.
"He really liked you, Teal'c. He was proud of you for choosing to stand with the Tau'ri, for helping to break down the barriers between Jaffa and Tok'ra."
He gently wiped away a stray tear from her face before pulling her back into his embrace.
Sam headed back to her lab and must have fallen asleep there, because the next thing she knew she was waking up to the sound of voices in the corridor. Opening her eyes, she saw General O'Neill and Teal'c entering the room, the General sitting in the chair next to hers, picking forlornly at the few remaining crumbs on the plate she'd covertly smuggled from the commissary.
"Hey, Carter."
"Hey," she replied, reaching up one hand to rub her eyes and then check she hadn't drooled anywhere. "What time is it?"
"0600. You've been out for a couple of hours."
She sighed. "OK, I'm going to go grab a shower and then I'd better call the airport and see about getting a flight out to San Diego."
O'Neill shrugged and pulled two pieces of paper out of his pocket. "We managed to get you on a flight this afternoon. There was one earlier, but we figured you'd need time to get packed and stuff."
She picked up the tickets, her hands brushing against his for the briefest of moments, and read the names on them. Samantha Carter. Peter Shanahan. Looking up at him in surprise he just shrugged again. "Call me when you get there, OK? And take as long as you need. Even though Daniel's back I don't think either of you are ready for active duty straight away."
"Thank you. Really it's… It means a lot, sir."
He smiled, and then rose to his feet as the klaxons began to sound. "Go, while you still have the chance."
She nodded and watched him leave the room.
"I too should go, but call me also when you arrive."
Her eyebrow shot up. "When was the last time we talked on the phone, Teal'c?" He just smiled at her and she hugged him impulsively. "Thank you."
He inclined his head as he always did, and then followed O'Neill, presumably to the Gate Room. Taking a deep breath, Sam looked at the tickets in her hand before putting one in her pocket, and replacing the other gently on the table before leaving her lab.
She was all ready to go. Bags were packed and in the car, house checked for running taps and plugs left in. But still she sat, outside a house that might have been her dream. Pete had left thirty minutes ago, his symbolic gesture with the real estate board still playing before her eyes. Why did she always end up hurting those she loved? Because she had loved him. Just not enough to give up her job. Not enough to give up General Jack O'Neill.
She had told herself she was ready to do just that so many times over the past few months that she was almost ready to believe it. But the dreamy promise he had made her still lingered, long after the hallucinations had faded away. And, whilst she knew it couldn't be now, she thought that what they had might just be enough.
So she had broken her engagement with Pete and was trying to motivate herself to get up and fly to her brother's. Her only remaining family now, well, related by blood anyway. Mark had taken the news of their father's death quietly, much in the way she had. He too understood that they had been given extra years with a changed man, and he was just as grateful. Sam was glad she was going to see them, and was looking forward to the distraction of having young kids around.
Sighing, she looked at her watch and then forced herself to stand up. She had an hour before check in ended, plenty time to get to the airport and get organised.
She was unlocking her car door when her cell phone began to ring. Fumbling for it in her pocket, she quickly checked the called ID before flipping it open and accepting the call.
"Hi, sir."
"Carter, all packed and ready to go?"
"Just heading to the airport now. Thanks again for organising the tickets, sir, I really appreciate it."
"Yeah, about the tickets…" He emphasised the plural. "I headed by your lab just now, just to make sure you had actually left and I found Pete's ticket lying on the table there. You want me to get someone to drop it off at the airport for him?"
Sam dragged her eyes off the real estate sign and reluctantly answered him. "No, sir. Pete's not coming with me."
"Oh. Can't get time off?" His tone was light, but she knew what he was really asking."
"I didn't actually ask him."
Silence.
"It's over, I ended it."
"When?"
"About half an hour ago," she replied, trying not to sound as miserable as she felt.
"Oh. I'm sorry."
She didn't say anything, just played nervously with her car keys.
"Are you OK?"
"Not really. But I will be. I should go."
"Yes, right. Of course. Have a good trip, Carter."
"Thanks, I'm looking forward to seeing the girls again."
He mumbled something.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
More mumbling. She just waited.
"It's over with Kerry too."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, well technically she ended it with me, but only because she knew I was in love with… I mean…" He coughed. A lot.
For the first time in days, Sam smiled a genuine smile.
"Look, I need to go, I'm going to miss the flight. But I'll call you when I get there?"
"Good, good. Bye, Carter."
"Bye, sir. And that's why I ended it with Pete too." And she hung up the phone.
Sam took the full fortnight, and arrived back home early on the Saturday morning, fighting her way past the piles of mail behind the door and ignoring all the sympathy cards. Dumping her bags in the hallway she headed straight for the kitchen, the kettle and the coffee. Ten minutes later she sat down wearily on the couch and just enjoyed the peace and quiet. Until her phone began to ring. She decided to let the machine answer it.
The disembodied voice was easy to recognise. "Carter? You home yet? Hello? Jeez I hate these things. I'll just call your…"
Her cell phone began to ring. "Hi."
"Where are you?"
She rolled her eyes. "I'm at home."
"Well why didn't you answer your phone?"
"Because it's over there and I'm here."
"Right. Well I just wanted to make sure you'd got back OK. You didn't miss anything while you were away."
"I know, sir. I spoke to you at least once a day, remember?"
"Carter, I was bored."
She laughed. "Yes, I know!"
"I'm going to let you go, you'll be tired after the trip. SG-1 is still on down-time, Daniel's still feeling a bit weirded out after dying again and things are pretty quiet around here with Anubis out of the picture so.."
"Invite me," she interrupted.
"What!"
"Invite me to your cabin."
"I wasn't going to go to the…"
"Invite. Me."
"Carter?"
"Yes?"
"Would you like to come fishing with me?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
She smiled. "Yes."
"Does that mean what I think it means?"
She could hear the hope and blind terror in his voice, and tried to be charmed rather than insulted. "It means that we're going fishing." Suddenly the enormity of what she was doing struck her. "I mean.."
"Hey, why don't I invite the guys to come too, we could get a head start and then they could follow us up tomorrow?"
"We're going now!"
"No time like the present. Get packed. And, Sam?"
She held her breath.
"Don't forget your PJs, it gets pretty cold up there at night this time of year. Hope you appreciate me sleeping on the couch."
"I don't mind taking the couch, sir."
"Couldn't let a guest do that. But we're wasting time arguing when there are fish to be caught and there is beer to be drunk. I'll pick you up in an hour?"
"I'll be ready."
Things did not go to plan, however. Her cell phone rang again within five minutes, and this time it was all business.
"Is that correct?"
"If it is, we don't do anything?"
"Apparently nothing we did affected the timeline."
"But we didn't do anything."
"Not yet. Apparently we were going to, two weeks from now, but now we don't have to."
"Excellent! That's it! I like it."
She waited until Daniel and Teal'c had left, and then reached over for the box holding the ZPM which was sitting on his desk.
"OK, I'm going to get this up to the lab for analysis."
"No, I'll take it. There's a whole room full of geeks up there just dying to get their hands on this. You've got packing to do."
She smiled. "Already done, sir. Just say the word."
He looked back over his shoulder and grinned. "I'll be back in five."
"I'll be waiting."
Men. Women. Children.
She'd helped to kill them all.
She'd been following his instructions for the past ten minutes, keeping an eye out for the turn off he'd assured her she 'couldn't miss'. Which, naturally, she missed. Backing up she took the road heading down to her right, so close to the trees on either side of the road that they brushed the windows of the truck.
The gravel crunched under the tyres as she pulled to a stop in front of the infamous cabin. Or should that be cabins? The General was already out of the truck and walking round towards the small pond behind the largest of the scattered buildings.
"Come on, Carter!"
She released the seat belt, stretched and got out of the vehicle slowly. "I'll just grab my bag and..."
He appeared in front of her, his face lit up like a kid's on Christmas morning. "Never mind that, come on!" He leaned forward, grabbed her hand and practically dragged her round to the other side of the truck. She gave in and followed him, curling her fingers around his. He led her out ot the end of the (very short) dock, and presented her to the surrounding area.
"This is it, Carter. This is my favourite place in the whole galaxy." His smile was infectious, and she found herself grinning back at him.
"Better than P3X-498?"
He stared at her blankly.
"The planet with the giraffes and the.."
He nodded firmly. "Much better."
She looked all around her, took in the trees and the calm water with turtles and ducks swimming, the cabin and outhouses, the utter peacefulness of it all. "You know, I think you might be right," she said softly.
He squeezed her hand, and then, still holding it he twirled her round until she was standing in front of him, her back to his front. With deceptive casualness he dropped her hand and put his arms round her, giving her plenty space to pull away if she wanted to. She didn't.
They stood there and watched the sun set behind the trees. Only when Sam began to shiver, despite the warm arms now holding her close, did they head inside, grabbing their neglected bags from the truck. Jack went back outside to bring in the cardboard box full of food, leaving Sam free to explore for a moment. The cabin's main room was a reasonable size, with the living area off to the left in front of a large fireplace. To her right was a small dining area complete with table and chairs and ahead of her was the kitchenette which was open plan into the living room. There were a couple of doors leading to what she presumed were bedrooms and bathrooms, but she didn't have enough time - or courage - to open them.
Hearing the truck door slam she walked back over to the door, opening it for the large box on legs that appeared there. Closing it behind him, she followed to the kitchenette and began helping to get things organised. She put the kettle on at his request, making tea for both of them and carrying the mugs through to the living room. He sat down next to her on the battered old sofa, shoulders brushing against each other whenever they reached forward to pick up their mugs from the table in front of them.
"This is nice."
"It is, isn't it. Worth the drive?"
Sam stretched again, wincing slightly as her shoulders popped. "Ask me once I've caught a fish, Sir."
"Didn't I say there were no fish in my pond?"
"You did. At least you've stopped claiming it's a lake."
"Hey, when I was a kid it was a lake. It just kinda...shrunk," he said with a shrug and a shrinking motion. She said nothing, just raised an eyebrow.
"I'm glad you came." The words were whispered, and he stared straight ahead into the empty fireplace.
"I'm glad you asked."
"Yeah, about that, Carter...?"
She replaced her now empty mug and twisted round to face him, one leg bent up underneath her with her hands clasped round the knee. Waited for him to speak because, for once, she was happy to let him do all the talking.
"This is kinda... look I'm just going to say it, OK?"
Sam nodded.
"I know things haven't been easy for you lately and I don't want anything to... I don't want to make things any more difficult than they already are. And technically, I'm still your Commanding Officer..."
She really didn't know what to say. He took a deep breath and continued.
"I've been thinking about retiring. Hell, I've written my resignation letter about four times already. But then something always happens to pull me back in and I just put it off. But now..."
Her knuckles were turning white and she made a conscious effort to unclench them. "But now...?"
"Now I would like to be able to put someone else first for a change, someone other than the US Air Force."
She smiled at him. "You?"
He shook his head. "You." And she was finding it hard to breathe. "I want to do this properly, Sam. You know?"
"Yeah. I know." Unable to stop herself, she reached out a hand to frame his face, brushing her thumb across his cheekbone. His hand came up to cover hers, echoing her own movements.
"So, we take it slow." He leaned in closer.
"We don't compromise the regs." She leaned in closer.
"I'll sleep on the couch." His mouth was so close she couldn't see it, her head tilting slightly in an automatic response.
"Is kissing against regulations?"
He paused, eyes that had been drifting closed opened again. He actually thought about it, damn him. "I would be extremely surprised if two senior officers with an exemplary record were court-martialled for one little kiss. Especially if they had saved the world on several occasions."
"Good enough."
Although when she thought about it later (much later) she decided that the the exact number of kisses was irrelevant really.
Daniel and Teal'c arrived bright and early the next morning, and the rest of the day was spent next to the pond which actually did appear to have a couple of fish in it. Teal'c had seemed almost sulky when this fact was pointed out to him, at various intervals, by the General. Sam and Daniel had wandered round the side of the pond late afternoon, sitting on the bench opposite the cabin and talking about everything and nothing. They ran back round when it looked like Jack had caught something but it turned out to be a false alarm, much to the silent amusement of a certain Jaffa. After dinner Jack set a fire and they played cards and drank hot chocolate.
They were just starting to relax when Daniel's cell phone rang.
Men. Women. Children.
She'd helped to kill them all.
Jaffa who'd looked at her with fear and reverence in their eyes. Who had died believing in her, believing in her kind. Believing their souls would go to Kheb.
Believing a lie. The glass of brandy in her hand was untouched but she held onto it Nine hours ago. Nine hours and she still saw their faces. Heard their voices. Heard her own. None of it had faded as daylight had beaten back the night. None of it had faded as the sounds outside intruded on the oppressive She still heard his voice in her head. Osiris. The parasite that had violated her, forced her hand. The being that had laughed sadistically in her head as she wept for all of the lives he'd taken. For the lost souls whose blood still stained her hands. She still heard his laugh sometimes. Still thought that he was with her. The therapist she'd seen, Doctor Mackenzie, had been easily fooled into thinking she was okay. That she had recovered from the trauma and the terror. She wondered sometimes if maybe she'd been as easily fooled into believing it was over. Sarah shuddered and walked to the window. Stared down at the empty road below and pushed back a fresh set of tears. "Where are you, Daniel?
desperately, treating it as her own remaining link to reality. She hadn't been able to sit down since her nightmares had woken her, since her trembling fingers had dialled the numbers she'd memorised but hadn't found it in her to call before.
silence in her apartment.
To Be Continued in Episode Two - Misdeeds Undone by Jo. R, posted on the 14th June 05.