In a League of their Own, a situational comedy

Mad as a Padywagon

My thoughts stray to how beautiful the coasts and cliffs outside the carriage window are. It was nice of fathe- Card Master to give me this assignment. Granted there are some gruesome aspects to gathering the materials needed for the ceremony on Judgement Day, but why would that do anything but delight me? I- I hardly ever feel this way, but I'm sure father will be proud of what good work I've done, after all, there's no other way we could ever get enough baby skulls in time for the mass sacrifice.

I take a moment to cross to the front of the carriage. Perhaps I will ride outside, by Cassian. Now that I consider it, it is strange that the authorities have not stopped us over having a driver who appears 14, good luck I suppose. I don't wonder any further and simply climb out to sit by Cassian. It is nice, with the sea breeze and gulls, and Cassian is not so bad.

He looks to my direction and watches while I take the seat by him.

"Doctor, why are you out here? We're still hours away from our stop, go back in before you get a cold."

"I don't need health advice from you, Cassian. I've taken perfectly good care of myself for the last twenty six years."

Cassian sighs and shakes his head, "No, you haven't, doctor." He sees reason to poke my ribs, "Just look at yourself, kid." I swat at him, maybe not a good idea while he's driving.

"Stop that, Cassian. Just- DUCK!"

I hear Cassian mutter so he's finally gone insane. I grab the reins from him.

"There are ducklings crossing the road!" I yank the reins quickly in whichever direction. there is no way to stop the carriage, so I divert us off the road.

"Doctor, no!"

Oh, of course, we were on the cliffs. That barely has time to register before we hit the water. Alas, I cannot swim.

Waking up in soggy bed sheets is most unpleasant. I run a hand through my hair, and that's wet too. I have to remind Cassian that it's part of his job to remind me not to go to bed with my hair wet. That's probably what's at fault for my strange dream. When I spot Cassian I open my mouth to scold him, but instead merely end up saying:
"I just had the most unusual dream."
He just snorts and keeps spinning his knives.
"Really, Doctor? Because it might be due the lack of oxygen your brain got... You know, after you almost drowned from driving us off a bloody cliff! Do you have any idea how hard you were to drag to shore, and then back to the hotel?! ...Oh, by the way I had to pawn your watch and cuff links. You know, to get money for the hotel stay.
And tickets as far away from here as possiable, because your father is going to kill us for losing all those baby skulls."

I dart out of bed pulling the bathrobe tighter about my body.

"Are you serious? We lost the baby skulls? Oh, god, I have to call Father right away so his plan to bring about the Thousand Year Hell Empire is not ruined! I must go ask the proprietor to lend me their phone!"
I run out the door hearing a "Doctor, stop-" as I dart down the stairs, full speed.

"Doctor, stop. You're not even dressed..." Damn, I don't think the brat heard me.

I make my way down to the lobby hearing Jizabel's Father, we have problem before I see him using the phone at the front desk. Some other hotel guests gather by to eavsedrop on the man in a pink bathrobe twirling his hair while muttering: Yes, I know we needed them for the Thousand Years Hell Empire... Can't you just delay the planets alignment by a few months?

You can hear the Cardmaster yelling on the other end of the phone: Delay?! Jizabel, you moronic boy, what makes you think that I can delay a planetary alignment!

The crowd grows larger as Jizabel timidly replies: But... You said you were all powerful. What do you mean you can't stop the alignment?

I start breaking vases, to see if it will distract people from Jizabel's conversation.

That doesn't work, as everyone goes still to hear Alexis' response: I said I was all powerful over you, Jizabel. Even a pupy is all powerful over you. I still have to defer to cosmic law. And taxes... Just, get back to headquarters at once. This changes Delilah's mission.

Jizabel says his goodbyes before hanging up the phone and seeing the crowd around him.

"Do you people mind? I was having a private converstation." He mutters crankily.

The crowd disperses in a dull choir of voices.

"Sorry, sir" "Of course, my good chap." "A pleasant day to you." "Sorry, sir." "Of course, my good chap." "A pleasant day to you." "Sorry, sir." "Hell Empire! Slattern, you're mad as a padywagon!"

Whatthefuckisthis? I don't even know. It's been sitting in computer for months. Mostely this is just a dumping ground for crack that just couldn't possiably fit into my other stories.

Becuse those stories- and Godchild- all take themselves too seriously at times.