That DerekandStiles would happen was only a question of time. Scott knew it, the Sheriff knew it, Lydia knew it, Stiles and Derek knew it.
After the whole Nogitsune thing, Derek stuck around. He often stopped by the Stilinskis to check on Stiles. He saw them in their regular pack meetings, but it wasn't enough.
They started to hang out, watching movies or researching together. Scott was busy with Kira. Doing his love thing. Lydia did Lydia-things. Isaac did... whatever it was he did when he was not buying new scarves.
One evening Stiles and Derek sat on the couch at Derek's loft and watched the new Marvel movie. Derek was actually quite the geek, but tried to hide it. Stiles turned to stare at Derek and when Derek turned his head to return the stare it didn't take more than a heartbeat for their lips to meet.
That was three months ago. Since then they only went so far as getting off together, because even though the Sheriff knew, they'd both agreed to wait till Stiles turned 18 before they went the whole way. And the Sheriff was more than happy with this decision.
It didn't stop Stiles from having feelings though. If at all it just made him like Derek more, because he wasn't with Stiles to satisfy his sexual needs. It might also be the cuddling sessions and easy working around each other when making food or cleaning up that made him believe so.
So after months of doing this, getting closer and learning even more about each other, they lay in Derek's bed doing post-orgasm cuddling and it slipped out of Stiles' mouth before he could stop it.
"I love you."
He had his head on Derek's chest and felt the other's breath stopping for a moment, before the air was leaving him in a sigh.
Stiles smiled sadly, because yeah, he probably fucked up big time. "Ok." He patted his hand on Derek's chest two times before he got up reluctantly. He started collecting his clothes that lay around and put them back on. He planned to stay, but it probably wasn't the best idea right now.
When Stiles was dressed he finally took courage to look at Derek. Who wasn't even looking at him but just stared straight ahead with his eyebrows furrowed.
"I'm gonna go, big guy. See you." Sometimes Stiles was annoyed with himself how cheerful and carefree he could sound sometimes.
He waited a moment longer, but Derek didn't say anything, so he turned and slipped out of the loft.
It wasn't until he was in his bedroom that the panic of maybe having ruined the best relationship he might ever have hit him.
Derek doesn't do feelings. Everyone knows that. Every time he did in the past he got hurt, tortured, used, betrayed or in the end was left behind. Of course Stiles had to go and ruin this comfortable thing they had. He should just have kept his feelings to himself. If they would ever have gotten further, then it should have been Derek's call to make.
'Way to go, Stilinski. Is there something you can't fuck up?'
He let himself fall down on his bed and luckily he was tired enough to fall asleep, so he didn't spend the next hours berating himself.
Usually the others didn't pay him enough attention to know that something was up. But as luck would have it Lydia, Kira and even Scott asked him the next day what was wrong. He excused it with not having slept well and even though they looked doubtful, they didn't press further.
It didn't stop them from giving him looks all day long, though. So when he finally arrived home he was more than exhausted.
Derek and Stiles would meet up at least every three days, but it took a week until Stiles mustered enough courage to knock at the loft door.
It took Derek so long to answer, that Stiles considered running away exactly 8 times.
Derek looked pretty much as hot as ever. He also seemed to be as uncommunicative as ever. Leaving it up to Stiles to say something.
"Heeey."
"Hi."
Stiles stared in silence, because somehow he couldn't shake the feeling that his presence was unwanted. And if that thought didn't hurt.
"Um... good to see you're fine. I'm on my way then," Stiles said and swallowed, before he managed an awkward wave and turned around to leave.
'Taking a hint probably was never easier.'
He didn't expect to have fucked up so much that Derek didn't even want to see him anymore. Of course they haven't really talked about feelings, but all the hanging out and cuddling and even the talk about waiting with the sex until Stiles is 18... it just seemed to have been more than casual.
'Guess I was wrong.'
A sigh broke the silence, shortly followed from Derek calling after him, "Stiles."
He stopped walking, but didn't turn around.
"Can you please come in?"
'Guess at least he wants to end this officially. Staying friends and everything.'
"Sure," he answered with a cheerfulness he didn't feel and turned around to walk past Derek into the loft. He thought about sitting down, but knowing himself he'd be too nervous to sit still long enough.
It didn't stop Derek from sitting down, putting his elbows on his thighs and letting his head fall down onto his palms.
'And if that isn't a good sign.'
He started fidgeting soon enough and was about to break the silence when Derek beat him to it.
"I'm sorry."
And even though Stiles expected it, it didn't hurt any less to be rejected. He should have known that Derek wasn't ready for something serious yet. Or maybe after all it's because ... it's him. Stiles.
"Yeah, no. I get it. It's ok-"
"It's not okay, Stiles! You can't just- I didn't plan to..." Derek lifted his head and pushed his hands through his hair, making it look like his usual bed hair.
'And that's probably not something I'll ever see again.'
Stiles continued looking at Derek, wanted nothing more than this to be over, so that he could go home and wallow in self-pity.
"Stiles, you are 17. This hasn't been going on for long, you... you shouldn't talk about love. You don't even really know what that is."
Something snapped so loudly in Stiles that he was sure even Derek must have heard.
"You don't get to do this, Derek! Fuck you!" He started pacing, not being able to stand still any longer. "If you don't feel the same, that's okay. If you don't want to continue this, just say it. But don't you FUCKING DARE tell me how I feel and what I know. DO NOT make fun of my feelings!"
Stiles stopped right in front of Derek and if he wouldn't know better, he'd say that Derek looked surprised and a bit confused.
It didn't take long for him to regain his composure and he reached out to catch Stiles' left wrist in his hand while letting out a confused sounding, "What?"
"NO, DEREK! This whole thing is too much for you? You don't want to do feelings? OKAY! But I'm not going to take back what I said. I was absolutely serious when I said that I love you and I'm not sorry for how I feel. I am only 17 but I think it's quite fair to say that I'm more mature than most teenagers my age are because I went through a lot of shit. So just... don't."
Stiles tried to free his wrist, but Derek's hold got only tighter.
"You are going to college soon, you still have a lot you can do, to try out. You should not settle down with someone like me."
"So this was just a casual thing to you? Someone to spend time with so that you aren't alone?!"
"It might be better like this."
"But I don't want it to! I want you! Is that so hard to understand, you jackass?! You've been in my head ever since I've met you in the woods! I didn't even realize how long I hadn't thought about Lydia until Scott pointed it out!"
Derek stood up and Stiles jerked at the sudden move.
"No."
"Excuse me?"
"No. Get out."
"Derek! You-"
His objection was cut short by Derek turning him around and pushing him toward the door with his hands on Stiles' shoulders.
Stiles only managed to turn around to speak up again before he literally has the door slammed in his face. His mind was reeling and still stuck on the wide eyes Derek had when he stood up. "Huh."
It was only when Derek shouted for him to get home that Stiles noticed he stood there for over five minutes staring at the closed door. So he made himself turn around and walk to his jeep.
After three days and two failed attempts from Scott trying to make Stiles talk, it was Lydia that appeared in his room. Because it seemed she at least had the decency not to make people talk in the middle of school.
"We left you two idiots alone because we thought you'd figure it out. I mean you two got together, so we thought everything would be okay. And now this. Stop acting like babies and sort this out."
"I don't know if there is something to sort out, Lyds."
"Why?" she asked with a slightly softer voice and sat down next to Stiles on his bed.
"I think he kinda broke up with me. If it was really dating what we did to begin with. I somehow doubt that now."
"What happened, Stiles? You two seemed so happy. It's you two, so there was no avoiding of fighting, but this seems different."
Stiles swallowed. Because as long as he didn't tell someone else about his thoughts, it was only him being stupid. He didn't know if someone telling him that Derek and him really were just casual wouldn't break him. But he also knew that Lydia would tell him her thoughts upfront.
"I thought... I thought Derek and I were getting somewhere. That all the spending time together and that," he rushed out the next part while a blush crept on his face, " the kinda-sex meant something. That it wasn't just a casual thing."
"And we were in bed and I might have let it slip that I love him. I don't even know what came over me, but I guess I was just so content. He didn't answer and I left. And when we talked again he said I'm too young to know love and that I'm going to college soon and will try other stuff. I told him that I want him and he kinda pushed me out of the loft," he finished muttering and looked to Lydia for her reaction.
Her face was mostly considering, but her still thinking made Stiles nervous and so he rambled on.
"I mean I know he has trouble with feelings and trust and everything, but I didn't expect him to say nothing and actually push me away for wanting something serious. I thought- I hoped he might actually be serious about me, about us."
"Mh. He probably just wants to keep himself, and maybe you too, safe from getting hurt. He is right about you going to college. Those are years everyone changes and he won't be around for whoever you might meet. He's probably afraid to lose you. He doesn't have the best relationship stats."
"But-"
"BUT," she turned his gaze back on him, "he's also an idiot for not seeing how far gone you are on him. Or not believing it, whatever. And it's not like you would end up as one of his relationships that turns out to be a hunter or dark druid. Even though you are annoying, way too loud, talking too much, more often than not a spaz and-"
"Hey!"
"... yet one of the most loyal, bravest, smart and loving people that I've ever met, Derek would be stupid to give you up. There is no guaranty that he'll get you back after you've been to college and 'changed'. Maybe you won't come back. You probably won't even change at all. I have first-hand knowledge of how deeply you fall when you do. Even if it was not really the romantic type of falling you did for me, you didn't give up for so long no matter how often I brushed you off and ignored you."
Stiles stared at her. Because those were not words he expected to ever hear. Also it was a lot Lydia was saying on that topic. He actually felt a bit happy that she seemed to care so much.
"What I want to say is, if you say that you love him, then I believe that it's true to some extent. We've all been victims of your UST and now that you've been together for months, none of us would believe that it was anything else but romantic and serious."
"But I'm not the problem, Lydia!"
"No. Maybe. It was maybe a bit sudden. You probably never talked about how it would be when you go to college, right?"
"No. I thought we would just try... long distance. But maybe I'm just not worth the trouble."
Lydia's sigh told him exactly what she thought about that, but she thankfully didn't comment on it.
"I think you don't have much of a choice but to try and talk to him - hell, talk at him - until he gets it. Scott will stay here, so if Derek would want to, he could just go with you. But I don't think that long distance would be hard for you two. Maybe it would end in less arguments," she finished with a smirk on her lips.
"I thought you wanted to help, but now I think you just have fun playing couple counselor or something."
"Maybe," Lydia started, but seemed to realize that Stiles was in no way amused and added, "and maybe I just think it's funny that you two fight. Honestly? I thought you'd get together and be the couple in the pack that will be the most happy and maybe adopt two kids and get a dog and live in a big house."
Stiles gaped at her before answering, "Now you're really making fun of me."
A soft smile appeared on Lydia's face and she put a hand on his arm. "No. I really mean it. I don't even know why, but despite the bickering and fighting, you two make a pretty good pair."
Stiles snorted. At the puzzled look he got from Lydia he explained, "Matt said the same thing when he hijacked the police station."
"Mh. Well, I guess if the enemy sees it, then there must be something true about it."
"Probably."
"So what are you going to do?"
"Try to talk to the asshat, I guess. It will most likely end with me talking through the door. I don't think he'll open it."
"One of your talents is to be annoying. He will open the door if you talk long enough."
Stiles tried to glare at her. He tried. But it never works on anyone.
'I should take some lessons from Derek. If he ever talks to me again.'
"Thanks, Lyds. I think I'll just do my thing, then."
"You never gave up easily, don't start now."
Stiles couldn't stop the smile appearing on his face and kissed her on the cheek before she left him to think how to go about it. Because even if he might have to talk, he could try to think about what to say.
'So here we are again. You and me... This would be probably more impressive if I wouldn't talk to a loft door.'
"Are you going to stare at my door all day?"
Stiles did not squeal, he did not. 'Thank you very much.'
Derek was standing to his left, seemingly coming back from groceries shopping going by the two brown bags in his arms. His eyebrows also tell Stiles that he is not impressed. At all.
They looked at each other for a few seconds before Derek sighed and nodded toward the door. "Go in."
Stiles didn't wait for Derek to repeat or even change his mind. After all, the first and biggest obstacle had been to get into Derek's loft. At least the werewolf seemed more open to talking than last time.
'Or maybe he thinks the topic is closed for him and he doesn't expect me to come talk about it again? Yeah, that's more likely.'
Derek walked past him to probably put the groceries away in the kitchen, so Stiles closed the door and sat down on the couch.
Derek came back five minutes later with two sodas and put one down in front of Stiles on the coffee table. He himself sat down on the couch opposite the one Stiles was sitting on.
'Huh. So maybe he knows what it's about... or he wants to keep his distance.'
"Promise me to listen and not run off or throw me out again, please?" Stiles started with. Because Lydia was right about them having to talk about it.
Derek's jaw tightened, but he still gave a faint nod.
"I know you said no, but we really need to talk about this. I really want to talk this out," Stiles tried to sound serious, but he knew that his voice probably came out more hopeful maybe even begging than he wanted to. He didn't want to show so much weakness, not even to Derek, but sue him for trying to save this relationship.
"Talk."
Stiles swallowed. He had come up with several ways he should start with, but now that he sat there, he didn't know which one to chose.
'Going with the gut feeling in the end.'
"Can you tell me if this really was only a short-time thing to you? That... if you have any real feelings for me?" When he saw Derek's look he added, "This may be of no use anymore and you might think it doesn't matter, but ... please?"
Stiles didn't think that Derek could clench his teeth any more that he already did. It took some moments before he answered and Stiles tried to sit as still as possible, tension making his body feel numb.
"It wasn't just a... thing. Or I would have liked it not to be just a thing."
Stiles figured that was as much as he could get Derek to admit he had feelings of some sort.
"I know you think I will end up playing around in college either way and to be honest I couldn't even promise you right now, that I would not end up tempted. But if you can't trust me on my feelings, then maybe I can ask you to trust in me. Did I ever hurt someone on purpose? And I'm not talking about my mouth running away."
"So what?"
"I would like to continue this and," Stiles lifted a hand when he saw Derek opening his mouth, "would come to you to end this IF I find someone else. And if not that..."
Derek sighed as if annoyed, but his voice was soft when he said, "Stiles."
"And if not that, I would like to try again after I come back from college and you are still single. Because I know I can't ask you to wait, when you don't even trust my feelings."
"Why are you so stuck on me, Stiles? There are a lot of people out there that are much better than me."
Stiles snorted. "Because they don't have such a big baggage? If you haven't noticed I'm carrying quite the big one as well. And it's not like... like so many people can deal with me. With the hyperactive, ADHD burdened, talking too much, ugly with tons of mole covered skin and weak person that I am. It's not like people line up to get it on with me and I don't think this is gonna change much in college."
"You have your ... quirks, but you are just normal enough for people to like you. College is different, Stiles."
"And what about the supernatural part? It's not like I'm gonna quit and run away, being with someone that is in the know is much easier. It was hard enough lying to my dad. Also, you! You are just so against this, because you don't think someone would want you because of your baggage. Isn't that right?"
Derek looked away and it was answer enough.
"I know all about it and I'm still here, aren't I?"
Stiles could only stand so much sitting, so he stood up and paced around.
"What are you so afraid of, Derek? That I'm gonna dump you in the near future for the first person that shows interest in me? That I suddenly realize 'oh this baggage is too much for me to handle after all' and drop you? Are you maybe afraid of your own feelings? Afraid this could be something good but sooner or later one of us will be killed be the next supernatural thing coming through Beacon Hills? Because that would be stupid. This is life, Derek. I could be hit by a car tomorrow and die."
"But you could choose to stay away from the supernatural stuff, Stiles!"
"Don't even start with this. You know me well enough; I won't turn on any of you just so that I can live safely. I don't know where I'm going to college yet, but I might as well consider going to the nearest just to be around. And you won't change my mind. But you can also get your ass out of your head and just come with me."
"What."
Stiles stopped and turned around to look at Derek. "You heard me. Scott will stay here; he is the alpha around and can take care enough for you to go away. You can come back here if you want to in case there is trouble or to help, but you don't have to stay in Beacon Hills forever to take care of everything. This is not your responsibility, Derek. At least not yours alone."
"This has been Hale territory for so long, I can't just go. Even if I'm not an alpha anymore, it's my home."
"That doesn't mean you can't take a break and come with me."
"How did you even come up with the idea that I would want to go with you?"
Stiles looked down at his hands as he started wringing them. "You could just have said no. No need to be so-"
"That's not what I meant."
"Oh. ... Um, Lydia actually suggested it. Well, she said we could make long distance work, too. And also she thought we'd...," Stiles stopped himself and turned beet-red when he remembered what Lydia said about their future.
"She thought...?"
Stiles' gaze snapped up to meet Derek's. And yeah, he surely couldn't tell him. Not if they might not even get back together or get together for real. 'Semantics.'
"Nothing."
They stared at each other. Derek knowing that Stiles was lying, Stiles not wanting to talk about less important things.
Derek sighed and walked over to the big loft windows with his back to Stiles. "Do you really think we could work out, Stiles?"
"We surely won't know until we try it. Was it that bad the past months? Because we didn't act much different than before we became a ... thing. Just with the bonus of hanging out and cuddling and some sexy times."
Stiles realized that Derek wasn't going to answer, so he closed the distance between them before calling out with a slightly angry voice, "Goddammit, Derek!"
The other turned around, fierce look back on his face. "You are so fucking annoying. Why do you always have to push things? Why can't you just give up when people tell you to?"
Before Stiles even knew what he was doing, he gripped Derek by his Henley and pushed him back against the windows. "Because I don't want to give up things anymore! I'm sick of it! I'm always standing by watching things slip through my fingers! And I DON'T WANT THAT ANYMORE!"
He breathed heavily from his outburst, but still didn't let go of Derek. The other only lifted his hands and held Stiles' wrists gently.
"I'm sick of losing things. So what if we don't work out. But at least we'll know it. And we are both stubborn enough that we still stick around each other afterwards, that we could go back to being friends. But stop giving up without trying just because you are afraid!"
"I'm not afra-"
"Stop it, Derek. Stop holding back because you are afraid. You lost so much and you are a self-sacrificing bastard more often than not. If there is something that makes you happy, then hold it close. If it stops making you happy, then let it go. But stop thinking you don't deserve nice things."
Derek's grip tightened around Stiles' wrists, but it didn't hurt. And Stiles knew it was for holding on to something for comfort. So he waited to hear Derek out.
Derek didn't answer right away, though. He dropped his head on Stiles' left shoulder and let out a sigh.
"You are so infuriating. Sometimes I don't know if you're a curse or a blessing."
"When you feel all alone
and the world has turned its back on you.
Give me a moment please,
to tame your wild wild heart."
"Stiles, stop."
"If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart.
If you need to crash then crash and-"
Stiles' pathetic attempt at being a romantic sap was broken by Derek's lips on his own. The kiss didn't last long; it was gentler than even their first awkward kiss. And that was a story for another time.
They still panted when they broke apart and a small smirk appeared on Stiles' face.
"You never know when to give up, do you?" Derek sighed.
"Nope," popping the 'p' with some extra noise, "but I've been told that I shouldn't start now."
'And oh, is that a smile I see on my Grumpy's face?'
"We'll try it. We make it work as long as we can. I guess you are right - for once - in saying, that with the lives we have, we might as well take what we have. It could any time. I hate to admit it, but I also think this could be something good."
Stiles' smirk turned into a shy smile before he shook his left hand free of Derek's grip and tangled their fingers together.
"Just stop with the..."
"Romantic sappiness?" Stiles laughed, "Yeah, that was too much even for me. Though its meaning is true. I'll be there for you as I have been in the past and that wasn't even a matter of choice."
Derek let go of Stiles' other wrist and lifted his hand to cup his cheek. "I know and I'm sorry. Now shut up, already."
Stiles snickered and let his forehead fall against Derek's.
'This much talking is even exhausting for me.'
Hours later found them lying on their sides in Derek's bed, legs tangled, clothes still on but in disarray and nothing but a bit of cuddling had happened. Stiles couldn't say that he was unhappy with that.
Stiles pushed at Derek so rolled over onto his back and Stiles rested his head on his chest. It didn't take long for Derek to run his fingers through the other's hair.
"Are you sure about this, Stiles?"
Stiles hummed, then answered, "Absolutely."
"Okay."
"I promise."
Derek pressed a kiss to Stiles' head. "Thank you for being stubborn."
"Anytime, big guy."
They continue to lay together in silence, not a thing they did often before. Because Stiles couldn't stay put for so long and Derek always thought silence meant something bad is about to happen, so tended to tense up when it was quiet.
"What did Lydia think? You didn't tell me earlier."
Stiles froze, but relaxed again seconds later. "I was shocked too. She said that once we would get together, we'd stay together. Get a house, a dog, adopt two kids and be the most happy and sappy couple among us all."
When Derek didn't answer, Stiles lifted his head to look at him. He would be lying to say that he wasn't surprised by the smile he saw. "What are you smiling about?"
Derek's eyes settled on him and it was obvious he tried to stop smiling, but it wasn't working at all. "I think I know where she's coming from. I can actually imagine it too."
"Oh my god. Who's the sap now?" Stiles said mock serious while getting up from the bed.
"Where are you going?"
"Just going to call my dad and tell him that I'm staying over. I don't feel like leaving this bed anytime soon." He walked over to his bag he left at the couch and pulled out his phone.
"I didn't say you could stay."
Stiles turned around to give Derek his best bitch face and held the ringing phone to his ear. As expected it didn't take his dad long to answer, he should still be at work.
"Stiles?"
"Hey, daddy-o. Just wanted to let you know, that I'm staying at Derek's loft tonight. I'll be home for lunch. You have the late shift tomorrow, right?"
"Yes. But you're not going against what you told me about waiting, are you? I seriously didn't need to know about that."
Stiles did squeal this time and Derek the asshole was laughing at him. "We... that's not- I... oh my god..."
He heard a laugh from the end of the other line too and was planning to get his revenge with salad for lunch tomorrow when his father answered, "It was just a matter of time. But be safe, son. At least none of you can get pregnant."
"Oh my god, dad! We aren't going to- nope, not going there. We just had an... argument and I wanna stay, okay?"
"Yeah, I got it. See you tomorrow then. And if something happens, I still don't wanna know."
"Argh! Bye!" Stiles shouted and ended the call before looking back at Derek. "And you stop laughing already!"
"But I've never seen you this red before. Only you can make a simple stay over sound dirty."
Stiles decided that was enough meanness and literally jumped onto Derek, who grunted when the air in his lungs was pushed out from the sudden impact.
"Let's order pizza and stay in bed the rest of the evening, 'kay?"
Derek sighed but his lips twitched nonetheless upwards. "Just this once."
When Stiles woke up the next morning he found Derek already awake. Drawing probably meaningless signs with his finger on Stiles' belly.
"You know, when you said... that... it just made me realize that you still have so much to do and I didn't want to keep you on a leash."
"Seriously, you are doing dog jokes now?"
"Shut up, Stiles," Derek deadpanned. "But no matter if I feel the same, I'm sorry for how I've reacted. If I've learned something over the last years, it's that your actions show what you feel pretty much. Your mouth runs away more often than not and not always in a friendly way. But no matter how much you'd say you didn't care about someone or threatened to let them die, you'd help in the end. So yeah, I do trust your feelings."
Stiles smiled relieved. Because there was no way he'd take those words back. And Derek trusting someone is a big Like as well. Capital L and everything. It only needed a small push to become love.
"I can't say them as easily as you do, but you are important to me. And I'm glad you can understand me more often than not without me having to say something."
"Not everyone has a PhD in Grumpy McGrump and I'm proud of it. Though I still have a lot more to learn."
Derek's lips twitched and he tried to maintain the furrowed eyebrows, but he was obviously amused.
"I only say it this once, so listen."
Stiles focused his everything on Derek, because no matter what he was about to hear, he could see how tense Derek suddenly was and knew it was serious.
Derek looked at him a bit longer before a smile appeared on his face. He leaned forward to press their lips together and as he moved back he whispered, "I love you, too."
Stiles stared at him with big eyes and didn't realize he was crying before Derek had sat up and cupped his face in both hands, trying to wipe away the tears with his thumbs.
"Why are you crying, Stupid?"
"Just never thought... I'd get to hear that," Stiles sniffed but tried to smile. It probably came out more like a grimace, but it seemed to calm Derek down a bit.
"Should have filmed it, then."
Stiles laughed, "You should have warned me." He wiped away the last tears and sat up too.
"Thanks."
"Gotta compete with you quoting love songs to me."
"It's not a love song."
Derek raised an eyebrow at Stiles.
"It's not! ... Maybe. Shut up."
Derek shook his head pulled Stiles with him as he lay back down on the bed. Might as well use the last few hours they have, before Stiles needed to get back home.
And both didn't need much more right now.