A/N: I wanted to do something special for the holidays, so here it is! I want to try and have the whole thing finished by Christmas, so lucky for you I'm going to have to post a few chapters a day until I'm on schedule. For those of you who are reading To Capture the Divine, don't worry, I'm still working on that too.
Disclaimer: I do not own the song The Twelve Pains of Christmas or Naruto
Chapter 1: Finding a Christmas
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree
"Do you not feel the spirit of youth all around you?" Gai's cheerful voice cut through the cold December air like a knife.
Kakashi winced and pulled his mask farther up onto the bridge of his nose. As if the bitter cold wasn't enough, Gai had dragged them all out of the comfort of their homes and up into the mountains to search for the perfect Christmas tree. It was for the shinobi's Christmas party, he claimed, and didn't Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma want to bring the joy of youth and Christmas to Konoha? And so, in addition to desperately wishing to avoid another lecture on youthfulness, Kakashi found himself trudging through the thick snow with the others while Gai danced ahead.
"I think the phrase is 'spirit of Christmas', Gai," Asuma called forward.
"Christmas, youth—they both bring joy to the faces of Konoha's shinobi. And what better way to enjoy them than with the perfect Christmas tree brought back by the Mighty Green Beast?" He paused to look back at the other sensei's cool expressions. "With a little help, of course," he added hastily.
"And don't forget it, Gai. You didn't lug us all the way out here on our vacations just to take all the credit." Kurenai reprimanded. But Gai didn't hear. He was already skipping ahead once again, singing merrily to himself.
They had been walking for hours, and by now at least six inches of snow had blanketed the ground. A sea of evergreen trees stretched as far as the eye could see, but it didn't matter—none was good enough for Gai.
Shifting his axe to his other shoulder, Kakashi tried to remember why he had ever agreed to this idea. Why couldn't Gai be satisfied with the fake tree he kept in his basement all year round? Or with one of the trees within the village's walls? No, it had to be the perfect tree. What constituted perfect anyway? Glancing around him, the white-haired shinobi could see plenty of tall, full trees that would serve the purpose of any normal person. But not Gai's. He should never have agreed to this. It was much more comfortable sitting in front of the blazing fire with a nice Icha Icha Paradise book to read by its light. Two weeks of freedom from teaching and missions, it had been so wonderful. His little apartment was so cozy and warm. He sighed. The wind carried Gai's singing back to him— did that man know how irritating he was?
Similar thoughts were crossing through Asuma's mind. Gai's enthusiasm was far from catching, in fact, it was downright annoying! Inhaling his cigarette smoke, he made an effort to relax. As long as he was out here freezing his ass off, he might as well enjoy it, right? He had been impressed with the scenery at first, it was a winter wonderland. But the novelty soon wore off. He could have seen the same view ten miles closer to home. Thoughts of his father, the Third Hokage, flashed through his mind. The old man would have been thrilled with Gai's quest for the perfect tree. He had always been a sucker for fairytale holidays. There was that time Gai had wanted to use genjutsu to make a Santa Claus visible flying across the night sky, and what about when Gai had enlisted his student Rock Lee to help him transport snow from the mountains to Konoha's then completely snowless ground? Yes, the Third had heartily approved of these ideas, notwithstanding the fact that they couldn't be done. Sunlight gleamed off of Kakashi's axe, catching Asuma's eye. He pitied his comrade for having to carry the heavy blade all the way up the mountain. Things would have been so much easier if Gai would just have let him use his special knuckle blades to cut down the tree. Infusing his wind chakra into the blades would have allowed him to cut one down in no time. But no, that was not traditional, Gai had told him. One couldn't possibly wish to cut down the perfect tree without enjoying the time-honored method of swinging a back-breaking axe at its trunk, could one?
Kurenai hugged herself for warmth, the wind was bone chilling. Why hadn't she thought to bring along her jacket? Oh, that's right, she had. But then Gai had told her they weren't planning on going too far, a short run from the village is all, he had told her. She should have known better than to believe him, he always got carried away with things like this. The wind whipped by her again and she shivered. But it appeared the icy gusts had no effect on Gai, he was thoroughly warm in that green jumpsuit of his. He had offered one of his spare suits to her, telling her it would keep her warm while also empowering her body with the strength of youth, but she had fiercely declined. Hell would freeze over before she was caught wearing that. The suit was a crime against nature!
Contrary to the opinions of his fellow Jonin, Gai found the mid-December hike to be exhilarating, the cold air to be refreshing, and the power of youth to be everywhere. He couldn't understand the others' despondent faces and the way they looked longingly back in the direction of the village every time they crested another cliff. Wasn't it just wonderful to be alive on a day like today? And wasn't this mission—to find the perfect Christmas tree—just noble? Besides, he was looking to the extreme elements to help him best his rival in yet another contest of skill. Kakashi had beaten him in their last bout of rock, paper, scissors, but he hoped—no, he knew—he would win a game of chicken at the top of the peak. He glanced back at the white-haired man trudging mournfully through the snow and a sly smile crossed his face. Kakashi didn't stand a chance! Taking a deep breath, he belted out yet another Christmas song at the top of his lungs.
"Could he please just shut up," Kakashi groaned.
"Wouldn't you rather his s-singing than his l-lectures?" Kurenai responded. The muscles around her mouth were freezing, she could barely talk anymore.
"I'd rather listen to nothing," Asuma chimed in. "Silence is golden."
Kakashi snorted. "I really don't think Gai has ever heard that saying."
"Probably not," Asuma agreed. "Kurenai, I can hear your teeth chattering from over here! Maybe you'd better head back."
"N-no," she replied. "I'm a-alright. J-just a little ch-chilly."
Asuma sidestepped towards her and wrapped his arm tightly around her shoulders. He pulled her close to him, trying to share what little warmth he had.
"I thought you two weren't a couple," Kakashi accused.
"We're not!" Both said simultaneously. Kurenai blushed and Asuma looked away, but he didn't remove his arm from about her shoulders. Kakashi laughed quietly at their reactions.
"What? A fellow Jonin can't try to help out his comrade when she's freezing to death on top of some godforsaken mountain? You read into things too much, Kakashi," Asuma retorted.
Suddenly Gai's jubilant shout floated back to them on the wind. "Yeeeeeeeeees!"
"Thank God! He's found it," Kurenai cried.
"Well it's about time," Kakashi muttered under his breath.
The three Jonin broke into a run, spraying snow in the air as they slid to a stop in front of Konoha's Green Beast. He was crying tears of joy and his eyes twinkled with delight. Gai had always been one to overreact. Silently, he pointed over the newcomers' heads at a gigantic evergreen tree.
"Umm, Gai? That thing is huge," Asuma commented. He estimated it was at least ten feet tall, and only a slight bit less in diameter. Its incredibly large and full branches were already naturally decorated with snow and icicles. "It wouldn't fit in my house if I put a hole in the roof!"
"But luckily for us, it is not going in your house, Asuma. It's the perfect size for the great hall the Hokage's building, after all, that's where the party's going to be." Gai's eyes were still shining with happiness.
"You do realize that it's going to take all day to cut it down, don't you?" Kakashi asked, dropping his axe on the ground.
"Y-yeah, and h-how are we s-supposed to get it b-back to the village?" Kurenai stuttered.
"With the power of youth!" Gai reached down to pick up the axe and took a mighty swing at the tree's trunk. He barely made a dent.
"Naturally," Kakashi mumbled.
Taking turns, the four ninja diligently chopped down the tree. Despite the cold air, they were all considerably warmer after completing the task. Gai fairly glowed with pride as the tree crashed to the ground, spraying them all with snow and pine needles. The others weren't as overjoyed, although they did have to admit, it had been pretty fun to get a tree the traditional way. But their faces quickly fell when they remembered that they still had to make the long trek home, and this time they would be loaded down with literally a ton of extra wait.
"So, Gai, how do you expect us to carry this?" Kurenai asked dejectedly as she eyed the tree's size.
"My dear, Kurenai," Gai began. "With the four of us and the power of youth, we will have this tree back to Konoha in no time!" He walked to the trunk and heaved it up onto his shoulder. "We didn't get to face off at chicken, Kakashi, but what do you say to a contest of strength?"
"Not now, Gai. I really—" Kakashi was cut off by Gai's booming voice.
"Excellent! He who falls first under the weight of the tree will be declared the loser." He began to jog in place. "Come on, everyone grab hold and let us begin our journey home!"
The remaining shinobi each lifted a section of the tree, straining their muscles under its weight. Kurenai took the front end, followed by Asuma, Kakashi, and finally Gai in the rear. They took it slowly, choosing to exchange speed for extra strength. Occasionally, they paused to take breaks. Once, as they were all catching their breath under a rocky overhang, they laid the tree down in the snow. Gai was busy regaling them with a tale of his latest 500 lap run around the village while the others were halfheartedly listening. Suddenly, a deafening crack resounded as the snow mound on which the tree was resting collapsed and the great evergreen began rolling down the mountainside. Gai wept tears of horror.
The tree didn't come to a stop until it was nearly at the bottom of the peak, and miraculously the little incident had saved them hours of labor. Gai refused to see the positive side of the situation, he was too busy mourning the few crushed branches and broken twigs. His three companions had their eyes squeezed tightly shut, silently praying that he wouldn't make them climb back up the mountain to find a new tree.
"What a tragedy," Gai cried, "to see such magnificence damaged." Kurenai, Asuma, and Kakashi held their breath. "But this is still the perfect Christmas tree, and we need to get it back to Konoha, damaged or not." His colleagues simultaneously let loose a sigh of relief.
Hoisting it back on their shoulders, the shinobi continued on their way. A little way farther down the path, Gai consented to let Kakashi summon some of his ninja hounds to help them with their burden. Although he wouldn't admit it, even his youthful muscles were tiring out.
By the time they reached the village gates it was dusk. Kotetsu and Izumo were hanging out in the entryway when they arrived, but promptly ceased their chatter to gawk at the huge tree the four Jonin were carrying.
"It's enormous," Kotetsu exclaimed.
"It's perfect," Izumo added.
Kurenai, Asuma, and Kakashi groaned. Did those two have to egg Gai on? His ego was already soaring sky high as the group finally reached its destination. Slowly they made their way to the Hokage's building. They had to open the double doors wide in order to fit their load through. It took all of two hours and many more helping hands to set the tree up in its stand, but when it was, even Gai's three unwilling companions couldn't deny its majesty.
Its top branches reached up to the high vaulted ceiling, but didn't quite brush it. One could hardly see its damaged portions amid the clusters of needles. And, most importantly, there was plenty of room underneath its arching lower branches for all the shinobi's gifts.
Gai had tears in his eyes—again. "Mission accomplished. We found the perfect Christmas tree."
A/N: Please review! I have a freshly baked gingerbread cookie for everyone who does. =]