Facing the Mirror
Author's Note: This was written for the Chicken Soup of the Soul project for the All-Praise-Yaoi group I'm a part of on Deviant Art. I signed up for the Learning to Love Yourself section, and I hope I did the project justice. Original story or fan fiction is allowed so I went with a character that's close to my heart.
Disclaimer - I do not own any characters associated with Neon Genesis Evangelion nor do I earn any profit from this story.
The cello played with almost flawless technique as the instrumentalist kept his gaze focused on the sheet music that rested upon the stand. The wooden instrument sang with its usual rich tones but to the listener, something was lacking and it bothered him.
No passion, no emotion. All there was for the listener to hear was simple technique and nothing to support the music.
The young man listening to the music finally could take no more, knowing the other had more to give when it came to music, and walked to the side of the other. He knelt, resting a slender hand on the bow arm.
"Shinji-kun, what is troubling you?"
Blue-gray eyes looked almost listlessly at silver haired male that was staring at him so intently. How was it that this one could see so deeply into him by just a simple glance?
"Nothing," was the almost monotone response from the cellist.
"It's obviously something, Shinji-kun. I'm used to seeing you with more passion and vibrancy, especially when you play. Did something happen today?"
Shinji rested the cello against his chest so he'd have his other hand free and sighed. The telling action only confirmed to Kaworu that something was very much wrong. He waited, knowing Shinji would speak soon.
"It was just a really bad day, Kaworu. Asuka decided to rip into me first thing this morning and didn't stop even when we reached NERV headquarters. My synch scores weren't as high as they usually are, which had both Misato-san and Dr. Akagi after me on that. The final straw was running into Father afterwards."
Kaworu winced, knowing just how bad the relationship between father and son was. He didn't say anything, allowing Shinji to vent.
"It's like I'm never good enough; nothing I do makes anyone happy and if I manage to do something right, it's not noticed. I'm so tired of it, Kaworu. If there weren't so many people depending on me to pilot Unit 0:1, I'd have left long before now."
The red-eyed male gently rubbed Shinji's back, offering support as Shinji vented.
"I'm so tired, Kaworu, so very tired. I don't know how much more I can give. Every time I think I find some strength, it gets sapped away. I feel like such a pathetic loser and really don't know why you even care about me."
Kaworu shook his head. Shinji's self esteem issues stemmed from his father's harsh words and abandonment right after losing Yui Ikari. His frail psyche had no bolstering at all, and the harsh words and actions of the people around him only hammered in the fact that he was not worth being loved. No one had tried to reach him in order to help the teenager find some inner peace, and that was going to stop now.
Carefully, he pulled the bow from Shinji's grip and laid it and the instrument aside before taking the slender hands in his. He tugged the brunette to his feet and guided him to the silver haired male's room, positioning him in front of the mirror and standing behind him.
"Shinji-kun, you are very much worth being loved. You have a heart that is full of compassion, kindness, love, and gentleness. You have both the spirit of the warrior and artist in one beautiful body."
Shinji shook his head, not seeing it at all. The action made Kaworu press a gentle kiss to his lips, cuddling him against his chest.
"Yes, Shinji-kun. You need to learn to see you as I do," he told him, holding him lovingly.
"But you say that because you love me, Kaworu. No one else sees what you do. That's got to mean something, right?"
"It means they're blind and stupid, Shinji-kun. I'm not going to let that red haired terror continue to degrade and abuse you like this. Katsuragi-san should have intervened before now and stopped it. You deserve a lot better than what you've been getting, and I'm going to see to it that you are treated the way you deserve to be."
Tears and a mix of emotion filled Shinji's eyes, turning them to a soft shade of almost violet blue. This was a color Kaworu adored because it meant that his beloved boyfriend was dropping defenses and allowing him to see into that beautiful heart and soul he loved so much.
"I don't understand," the cellist whispered.
"You will in time, Shinji-kun. You trust me, right?"
He didn't answer, simply nodding as he didn't trust his voice right now. Kaworu had really hit on areas of his life that were major issues for him.
"Then let me show you how to love yourself, koi. Let me teach you to respect yourself enough so that you can feel stronger in the face of adversity."
"Is it really that important?"
Kaworu smiled, eyes lighting up as he met the gaze of his lover in the mirror.
"Yes, koi, it is. Because when you learn to love yourself, only then can you really open your heart to others. The love we share will be stronger and richer because of it. Do you think you can try?"
Shinji was quiet for a moment, taking strength and comfort in the embrace that held him so tightly.
"I can try," he promised.
"Good," the silver haired teenager responded before capturing the lips of the other in a deep kiss that conveyed his pride in the answer he'd heard.
As Shinji lost himself in the taste of the other, he promised himself again that he would try to see what Kaworu saw. Not just for himself but so that he could finally show his lover just how much he really adored him.
Kaworu was boyfriend, best friend, and his saving grace, and the musician would do everything he could to ensure their relationship was a strong and healthy one. Even if it meant confronting his own fears.
Author's End Note - Fluffy with a bit of angst. I really hope everyone enjoys this and will leave some sort of review! Thank you for reading and remember, we must learn to love ourselves first before loving others as we learn to value their love more when we know inside that we are truly worthy of it!