Disclaimer:

I do not own anything related to Harry Potter. I've written J.K. Rowling and asked if I could adopt them, but she hasn't written me back yet, so I'm guessing the answer is no...

CHAPTER 1

Sirius sat with his knees on his elbows and his face in his hands. It was ridiculous for him to be nervous. He was no longer a student, and Dumbledore was no longer his Headmaster. Sirius knew this, but he couldn't ignore the fear and apprehension that was gnawing on his insides.

Dammit, why am I so afraid?

Dumbledore had asked him to meet him here, at headquarters, an hour before the Order's meeting started, and Sirius was involuntarily reminded of the countless times he had been sent to Dumbledore's office as a child. He knew that this time he had done nothing wrong, but he was still afraid.

So why was he so afraid?

Because Remus hadn't come home last night.

Or the night before that.

Or the night before that.

In fact, Remus hadn't been home in a month. Most of his absence could be attributed to the mission Dumbledore had given him. Sirius knew next to nothing about this "mission," but he knew it must have something to do with the Underworld, because Remus, their resident werewolf, was the only one qualified for such jobs. But Sirius knew one thing for sure: Remus and Dumbledore had both assured him that Remus would be back home by Halloween, and it was November 7th.

So, why was Sirius so nervous for Dumbledore to walk through that door?

Because he knew exactly what Dumbledore was going to say.

Remus is missing...

Remus was captured...

Remus betrayed us...

Remus is dead...

Those were the options. Sirius knew that some were worse than others, that some would hurt more. But, essentially, they all meant the same thing:

Remus isn't coming back.

He'd been thinking these thoughts for the last week, always in the same order, and always with the same conclusion. And every time he got to the end, he thought he would be sick: throw up, or pass out, or just flat break down. He'd also been thinking that maybe if he knew, if he just knew what had happened to his lover, then maybe he'd be okay. Well... not okay, but he might not go insane.

But as he heard footsteps approaching, Sirius realized that, knowing what happened or not, without Remus, he'd go insane.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Albus Dumbledore entered the room before Sirius was ready to be seen. He was still hunched over, looking wretched and miserable. He wasn't quite crying, but his eyes were red and wet, and the way his breath hitched in his throat every time he inhaled told Dumbledore that the young man was inches away from the edge. He felt a pang in his stomach. What he was about to say wouldn't help.

Sirius' head jerked up at the sound of the door opening, but he didn't turn his head to look. He knew who it was.

He didn't move as Dumbledore walked around the table and sat in a chair opposite Sirius. He held his head up, but he couldn't look the old man in the eye, not without completely losing it. He could imagine the look on Dumbledore's face, and to see an expression so sad and despondent in those twinkling blue eyes would be more than Sirius could bear.

After a few moments silence, Sirius couldn't stand it anymore. "So?" he asked, in a detached sort of way. "Where is he?"

"We don't know," Dumbledore replied quietly.

"He's missing?"

"No," the old man sighed. "He was... found out. He's currently being held prisoner. If I knew where he was, we wouldn't be here talking."

"How do you know?" Sirius asked, now meeting Dumbledore's eyes. "How do you know they didn't just kill him?"

"I received a message late last night- or early this morning, whichever way you wish to think about it. To my surprise it was from Voldemort himself. The message stated that he had captured Remus, but had no intention of killing him."

"But... why?" Sirius stuttered. "Why would Voldemort want him alive?"

"The message stated, and I quote, 'For entertainment purposes,'"

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and put his face back in his hands, but he didn't make a sound. Werewolf baiting wasn't unheard of, but that didn't make it any easier to bear.

"I know he plans to interrogate him about the Order: its members, its plans, that's obvious. But I have faith in Remus; he won't crack. No, I believe his true intention is torment," Dumbledore continued. "Voldemort is not unintelligent. He knows how close you and Remus are, he knows how close Remus and the Potters are. He knows that Remus has friends in the Order, and he is chipping away at our morale in anyway he can."

"So what are we going to do?" Sirius' voice was hoarse, his throat tight. He could hold it together though, at least until Dumbledore left him alone.

"We are looking for him, Sirius," Dumbledore assured him.

Sirius nodded. He knew that. He knew everyone wanted Remus back. Everyone loved Remus; you couldn't help but love him once you met him. This was the first time Sirius damned his lover's charisma. If he wasn't so well loved maybe Voldemort wouldn't have even bothered with him. Maybe he'd be home right now-

"Sirius, are you listening?"

Sirius' head jerked up and he glanced around the room distractedly. "No, I'm sorry. What was that?"

"I said, please don't try anything yourself. I have faith in your abilities, but you'll only manage to get yourself captured. I assure you, as soon as we have a lead, you will know."

Surprisingly, Sirius nodded.

Dumbledore sighed and nodded back. "Now, would you like me to tell the Potters, or do you want to do it yourself?"

"I'll tell them," Sirius almost choked; his throat had grown even tighter.

"Very well. I'm sorry, Sirius, but I have other matters to attend to before the meeting starts..." he trailed off, standing up.

"Of course," Sirius said. Dumbledore nodded and walked toward the door, but before he could step through it Sirius asked, suddenly, "Can I see it?"

"See what?" Dumbledore turned to look at him.

"The message," Sirius said. "Can I see it?"

The old man hesitated. "I don't think you should. There's nothing in it you don't already know, but it was extremely... unpleasant. I don't see how it would help. I'm very sure it would only make things harder for you." With that, Dumbledore turned and exited the room.

If anything, Dumbledore describing the message as 'unpleasant' made Sirius feel worse. He could only imagine the things Remus would be suffering, was probably suffering right now.

After a moment of dark contemplation Sirius stood and left the little room. He needed to find Lily, James, and Peter before the meeting started.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Padfoot, mate, are you alright?"

"Sirius?"

Lily and James Potter stood at the bottom of the steps staring at their friend. Sirius stood leaning against the side of the little house that served as HQ for the Order of the Phoenix. He had a unlit cigarette dangling from his lips; his eyes were red, and his face was as white as a sheet.

"Sirius?" Lily repeated. He seemed to snap out of his reverie and looked at her. "What's wrong?"

"Umm..." Sirius muttered, and cleared his throat, but he couldn't get the words to come out.

"Remus isn't back yet, is he?" James asked, visibly upset.

"No," Sirius whispered quietly. "Remus... umm... he won't be coming home," Sirius didn't need to look at them to know what expressions their faces would be wearing. James would be standing there dumbly, his mouth open, arms hanging limply at his sides. Lily's eyes would be wide and brimming with tears. He didn't need to look, but Lily's gasp made him look anyway.

He was right.

"What... what happened? When did you find out?" James stuttered.

Sirius told them of his conversation with Dumbledore a few minutes previously. He didn't leave out a word; he didn't need to. When he finished James breathed a sigh of... relief?

"What?" Sirius asked, incredibly irritated.

"Well, he'd not dead, is he?" James said. Yes that was definitely relief in his voice.

"No, but he might as well be," Sirius spat. "After the Death Eaters have their sick way with him, he'll probably be wishing he was."

"If he's not dead, we can find him," James said earnestly. "We can save him." After Sirius shook his head in disbelief, James continued. "I know what you're thinking, Sirius. You think he'll be dead before we can get to him. But for God's sake, the man's a bloody werewolf. Notoriously hard to kill, they are." James had meant it as a joke, and was rewarded when Sirius... well, he didn't smile exactly, but his face softened a bit. His eyes lost a little of their coldness.

"Remus isn't the type to just give up and die, Sirius," Lily said, walking up the steps to face him. "He knows we'll be looking for him. More than that, you will be looking for him."

Sirius nodded and looked down, his shoulders hunching miserably. That was the last thing he needed: to know that Remus was counting on him; Remus was waiting, needing to be saved by him; Remus' life depended on him. It wasn't that Sirius didn't want to try, or that he wouldn't try, (because he would), but to let Remus down when he was counting on him the most... He didn't think he could survive if he failed.

"C'mon, mate," James said, putting a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "We'll be late for the meeting."

Sirius nodded, and without looking at them, turned and opened the door.