My Lonely Pain
I do not OWN Scrubs (I do however wish I owned Zach Braff).
Summary- JD has developed some not so good habits… This is right after Kim told him there was no baby anymore…
Sitting on porch alone in the dark was depressing, but he had been depressed for a while now so that was nothing new, ever since Kim had told him about the miscarriage he had been living in a haze that consisted of the hospital and this porch. At first he was just really stunned that there was no baby, and then a little relieved. He had no clue on how to be a father, but as time wore on he began to realize just how badly it had messed him up inside.
He started pulling away from the people that he loved gradually, skipping lunch in the cafeteria opting to see more patients instead, bailing on Turk and basketball games that he sucked at anyway. Not hanging out with Carla or Elliot in the on-call room. Instead he would find an empty room and just sit in silence, away from all the noise and constant demands. It was in these moments that he would ponder what the hell was happening to him, everyone was moving forward it seemed but him, Turk and Carla had a family now, Dr. Cox was as happy as he was ever going to get with Jordan and even Elliot: neurotic, rambling, crazy person Elliot had finally found Keith.
He felt alone and desolate like everyone was moving on without him; and his one chance to move was gone before it had even really gotten started. He had even started to resent his friends especially his oldest one. "V-Bear you wanna come over to the crib for Gilmore Girls tonight?" "I can't Turk I got other things to do, and though I am fond of Izzie, baby vomit is hard to get off sneakers" "Yo man this is like the umpteenth time you have dumped me for something else!! You have another Bear in your life…don't you!" The truth was he just couldn't stand to be around Turk's happy family it was a too painful reminder of what he could have had. So instead of opening up, he closed up no longer letting anyone in, it was easier that way keeping people at an arms distance so that they couldn't see the hurt or know the secret.
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