Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. (Tear) The awesome person named Stephenie Meyer does. (who I REALLY hope finishes Midnight Sun!)
EPOV
Bella fell asleep very quickly. She shuddered slightly as I continued to think about right and wrong.
Right: Leaving Bella, letting her have a normal human life.
Wrong: Staying with Bella, putting her in constant danger with my family.
Sigh. Wrong: Hurting Bella by leaving.
I could see no right side to this.
But it was necessary that I leave! What if Emmett hadn't gotten to Jasper
fast enough? I ran through the night in my head.
Shoot." Bella murmured. She pulled her finger out from under the tape of my gift to her. There was blood on her finger.
Jasper became very alert. That smell! Flowing blood! Must get the blood!
"NO!" I roared. I held my breath and flung myself at Bella. Her arms instinctively flew out to brace her fall. That made things worse. There was a long, deep cut on her arm now.
Jasper smashed into me. I was now blocking Jasper from Bella. His thoughts were not coherent due to his thirst. His teeth snapped inches from my face, but I didn't care. They were also inches away from Bella.
"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside." Carlisle ordered.
Emmett nodded. "Let's go, Jasper."
Rosalie ushered Emmett and Jasper out the door Esme held open. "I'm so sorry Bella." Esme murmured.
"Let me by, Edward." Carlisle demanded. I'm in control. He thought.
I nodded and moved aside so Carlisle could help Bella. The flavor of her scent was in the air. I could taste it on my tongue.
"Here, Carlisle." Alice said as she held out a towel.
He shook his head. "There is too much glass in the wound." He reached over and ripped a piece of the tablecloth off to wrap it around Bella's arm. "Bella," Carlisle addressed Bella now. "Would you like me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like to take care of it here?"
"Here, please." she whispered.
"I'll get your bag." Alice said and disappeared.
"Let's move her to the dining room." Carlisle said to me.
I lifted Bella in my arms and set her down in one of the dining room chairs. My thirst was almost overpowering. Don't you dare breathe! I warned myself.
"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked.
"I'm fine." she said.
Alice had the desk light set up and everything Carlisle would need to treat Bella. He went to work at once. How I envied him. How easily he could remove bloody glass from her arm.
Bella looked at me. I saw my reflection in her perfect eyes. I looked like I was in pain. I supposed I felt that way.
"Just go, Edward." Bella sighed.
"I can handle it." I insisted. She wasn't going to be out of my sight for one second. Though I was dangerously close to loosing it, she needed me.
"You don't need to be the hero." she argued, guessing my motives of staying. "Go get some fresh air."
Then Carlisle removed a large hunk of glass from her arm. She winced.
"I'll stay." I told her.
"Why are you so masochistic?" she mumbled.
"Edward," Carlisle said. "You should probably find Jasper. I'm sure he's upset with himself and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."
"Yes!" Bella agreed quickly. She must not want me to be in pain. Did her selflessness have no end? "Go find Jasper!"
"You may as well make yourself useful." Alice agreed.
I glared at all of them for a moment.
You don't want to lose control with her. Carlisle thought.
I nodded and fled from the room.
I had been so close to losing my true love because of my own brother! She could not stay in such close proximity to my world. She would have to be safe.
But what about your feelings? I asked myself. I was irreversibly altered. Bella came into my life and made me see reason.
I looked at Bella's sleeping form. For some reason, tonight she didn't look as peaceful while she slept.
"Edward." she mumbled.
I smiled slightly.
"Please…don't go." she pled.
Hmmm. She hadn't said that ever since we officially started dating. I wonder what she was dreaming about.
"Don't leave me." she whispered.
But I have to, I thought. There was no way I could stay with her and keep her safe at the same time.
But unfortunately, I wasn't strong enough to live without her yet. And she seemed to be attached to me, too.
All night, I warred with myself between doing what was right and wrong. By the time morning came, I still hadn't officially decided.
Before leaving, I gave her a kiss on the forehead.
"I'll see you at school." I said as I was climbing out her window.
She nodded.
When I got home, Alice was waiting on the steps.
Why? she thought.
I sighed. She knew I was thinking about leaving.
It's going to kill her. I can see it. She'll be catatonic for months.
"She'll get over it." I mumbled.
She shook her head. I don't think she will. You haven't fully made up your mind. She got hopeful. You don't have to go.
"Yes, I do." I sighed.
She got up and her hands balled into fists. "NO!" she screamed mentally and verbally.
I sighed. "Alice, be reasonable. She is in constant danger around us. Me especially."
"No, Edward." she disagreed. "You know you can control yourself now! You know you could never hurt her now."
"But any one of us still can."
"NO!" she yelled again. This time, some sobs were mixed into the denial. "YOU CAN'T EDWARD! I WON'T LET YOU!"
I sighed again. "I'm going to."
With that, Alice's vision changed. My leaving was definite. No one could stop me. It was going to happen.
Alice turned away from me. I hate you she thought as she ran away.
A few days later. The day Edward left.
When Bella pulled up to her house, I got out of my car and walked over to her. She got out with her bag. I took it from her and shoved it back onto the seat. She looked back down at her bag, confused.
"Come for a walk with me." I urged as I took her hand.
I led her into the forest. We stopped just a few feet up the path. I wanted to make sure she could still see her house after I left.
Bella looked at the clearly visible house and rolled her eyes. Then she turned to me. "Okay," she said. "Let's talk."
I took a deep breath and forced the words out. "Bella, we're leaving."
She took a deep breath, too. "Why now?" she asked. "Another year-"
"Bella," I interrupted her. "it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all?" I gave her an excuse that was hardly relevant to my leaving. "Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon, regardless."
She was silent for a moment, trying to absorb what I was saying.
Then realization hit her face. "When you say we…" she whispered.
"I mean, my family and myself." I said very distinctly. Half of me didn't want any confusion on this. The other half was beating myself for making it clear what was happening.
She was silent again, deep in thought. I waited patiently for her to speak again. It took a few minutes.
"Okay," she said, sounding determined. "I'll come with you."
"You can't, Bella." The whole point of me leaving was to keep her safe. It would be pointless to leave if she came. Of course, she didn't know that. "Where we're going," I came up with a half-truth on why she couldn't come. "it's not the right place for you." Any place with me wasn't the right place for her.
"Where you are is the right place for me." she disagreed. Oh, how wrong she was.
"I'm no good for you, Bella." I said. That was the truth.
"Don't be ridiculous! You're the very best part of my life!" How could she think that? A vampire? The best part of her life?
"My world isn't for you." I told her grimly.
"What happened with Jasper," she raised her voice. "that was nothing, Edward. Nothing!"
"You're right." I agreed. "That was exactly what was to be expected."
"You promised!" she begged. "In Phoenix you promised that you would stay-"
"As long as it was what's best for you." I finished her sentence against her will.
"No!" she yelled. "This is about my soul, isn't it?" How did she know about that? "Carlisle told me about that," Ah, Carlisle had informed her on my beliefs. "and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you! It's yours already."
I looked down at my feet. Now I had to lie to her. The biggest lie in the world. I wiped all emotion off my face and looked up. I forced out the impossible words. "Bella, I don't want you to come with me."
She seemed confused. "You…don't…want me?" she asked in disbelief.
"No." It pained me so much to say that. Physically hurt.
The little pucker between her eyebrows appeared. She always did that when she was thinking hard about something. "Well, that changes things." she finally said.
I unwillingly looked away from her, to the trees. "Of course, I'll always love you," I said, then instantly regretted it. If she knew I would still love her it would take so much longer for her to move on. "in a way." I amended. "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…" I struggled for the right word. "tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human." I looked back and met her confused gaze. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." She would never know how sorry I really was. Sorry for putting her in danger so many times. Sorry I couldn't protect her from what I was. And mostly sorry for now. For hurting her so deeply. I could only hope she would move on and forget how much pain I had caused her.
"Don't." she whispered. There was pain hidden deep in that whisper. "Don't do this."
I just stared back as I tried to make her understand that I already had.
She did understand. She looked down at the grass and didn't look up for a while.
"You're no good for me, Bella." I told her. It was the truth. It was the lie. She was my opposite. Perfect, loving, selfless. But she didn't deserve me. The sick vampire.
She looked taken aback. That brought misery to her face. After a few minutes, she mumbled, "If…that's what you want."
I nodded.
Then I remembered I had to make sure she stayed safe. I wouldn't be able to live if anything were to happen to her.
"I would like to ask one favor, though." I requested. "If it's not too much." I added. I wondered if she was so selfless she would still do me a favor after hurting her.
She looked up and I lost my hard façade when I saw her eyes. She looked as if she were holding back tears. Like she was trying not to let herself feel. It pained me to see her like that.
I quickly recovered my hard expression.
"Anything." she said. Her voice sounded stronger.
I let my eyes have emotion. I stared deep into her pain-filled eyes and made my request. "Don't do anything reckless or stupid." I ordered. "Do you understand what I'm telling you?" She had to understand. She had to keep herself safe.
She nodded.
I relaxed and allowed no more emotion in my eyes. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course." I said. I now used Charlie as a stand-in for myself. "He needs you. Take care of yourself, for him."
She nodded again. "I will." she whispered.
I relaxed more. She would be safe. Now I could promise her something. It was more for myself than for her. I needed to stay away and this promise would make sure I did. "And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise this will be the last time you see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."
Her knees started to shake. I imagined she didn't like this promise now. But when she got over me, when she fell in love with someone who was worthy of her, she would be happy.
"Don't worry." I told her. I smiled gently. "You're human. Your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for you kind."
"And your memories?" she choked out.
"Well, I won't forget. But, my kind, we're very easily distracted." Though nothing would distract from the agony of losing her.
I took a step away. It hurt. You'd better get used to it I thought grimly.
"That's everything, I suppose." I said. "We won't bother you again." I inserted the 'we' so she would know none of us would still be around.
Her breath caught. "Alice isn't coming back." she mouthed.
I shook my head. "No, they're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."
"Alice is gone?" she asked.
"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her a clean break would be better for you." Surely she would remember the doctor in Phoenix telling us about her broken leg. You can see it's a clean break. he had said. That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.
"Goodbye, Bella." I said as I took another step away. Half of me wanted to do the exact opposite. That half wanted me to take her in my arms and kiss her. Tell her that I was just kidding. Tell her that I would always be here. But the other half knew it was the right thing to do.
"Wait!" she choked as she reached for me.
It hurt to see her reaching like that. My hands locked around her wrists and I pinned her arms to her sides. I pressed my lips very lightly to her forehead. Her eyes closed.
"Take care of yourself." I whispered as I took one last look at her breath-taking face.
Then I ran away.
A/N: So? Please review! Thanks. BTW: This is my first time posting so please take pity. Nothing too mean. :D