Roswell

By White Angel

Why

I can't do this anymore.

I can't pretend I'm not feeling for him. I *am* feeling for him.

I love him.

That's why I have to leave.

I don't want to leave Max. I don't want to leave Isabel. I don't want to hurt them, to hurt Max.

But I can't control my feelings anymore.

We promised to always stay together.

We promised to be honest, to never have any secrets from each other.

And what am I doing? I keep my biggest secret locked deep down in my heart.

I can't lie to him anymore. I can't look him in the eyes.

I couldn't see the pain in his eyes if I told him.

Why am I still here?

I am standing on a cliff. A cliff barely anyone knows about.

I am throwing stones, searching for answers, trying to get my head clear.

I have to go.

It hurts.

It damn much hurts.

I can't feel my knees anymore.

The next thing I notice is stones. The ground was under my knees. I broke down.

"WHY?" I scream at the top of my lungs as if the desert could answer me. But the desert is quiet. Only the wind blows through my hair.

"Why?" I whisper again, bending over.

I don't know what I am asking. Why… why what?

Why do I have to leave?- because I love Max.

Why does it hurt?- because I love Max.

Why am I so lost?- because I love Max.

Why do I love him?- I don't know.

The pain inside me is radiating and I feel dizzy, loosing consciousness. But I don't hit the floor. Instead I am captured by strong arms.

I hear a distant voice before everything goes black. "Why?"

*  *  *

I slowly come back.

I still feel those arms around me, holding me tight, rocking me gently.

I hear a familiar voice "Why, Michael, why?"

I feel wetness on my shirt.- tears.

I feel the cooling wind of the evening blowing over my skin, making me shiver.

I can't open my eyes. My eyelids are heavy. Everything is still black.

But I can move my arm.

I slowly raise it, searching for the face above me. When I find it I feel it wet with tears.

The voice still repeats that one word "Why?"

I work my mouth a couple of times, opening and closing it before I can answer.

"Because I love you."

Now it is out in the open.

I feel tears stinging in my own eyes.

I am afraid to open them, afraid to see the shocked, disgusted look on his face but instead of backing off he pulls me closer, stroking my hair and back soothingly, almost frantically.

"I love you, too." He whispers, shaking.

Now I open my eyes surprised and see him for the first time.

His eyes are red from crying but there is no disgust in them, only shock and something else. His eyes are glowing, laughing although he still is crying.

His face comes close to mine, capturing my lips in a hesitant kiss. I don't back off, I lean into the kiss, welcoming him, showing him that I am true.

I believe he is as unsure as I am.

The kiss lasts for a long time but I whish it could have gone on forever as we part, looking at each other.

Max puts his forehead to mine, never breaking eye contact.

"Don't leave me, Michael. Don't ever leave me."

"Never." I promise, feeling warm in his arms and content.

For the first time in my life I know where I belong.

The End