Note: This little fanfic is based on both of the series of Black Stallion books, written by Walter Farley and his son Steven. Near the end of the first, original series Walter Farley wrote about Alec falling in love with Pam (Told in The Black Stallion and the Girl and a memorial to Walter Farley's real daughter who was killed at the age of twenty in a car wreck. Her death was recounted in the last book of the series he wrote, The Black Stallion's Legend). In this story I've decided to imagine Alec's ongoing reaction to the loss of his first real love while he's in Florida for the winter with a string of horses. He's rented space at a small family owned farm, moved into the guest cottage. (This story line was written by Steve Farley in the Young Black Stallion series). All characters belong to the Farleys and as always, I obviously make no money from this and hope the Farley family—should they ever come across this, take it in the spirit it's intended from someone who loved the books as a child.

Warning: This story contains non-graphic references to s-e-x and death. If you're too young for this or have a problem with it, move along. Nothing to see here.

Explanation

"But he's major cute. C'mon Danielle; you know he is. You're just being blasé because he lives like ten feet away from your room."

"Blasé? Leave the English vocabulary words in school, okay? He's my boss, Julie. I just don't, I don't...I mean…I, it's not like that when I'm working out in the barn."

"Yeah, sure it isn't. I saw the way you were looking at him last week in the truck."

"…I was not!"

"Uh-huh. Sure you weren't."

"Besides, he probably has a girlfriend. Think about it—he's the most famous rider in the country and maybe the world, he travels everywhere and he can hang out with anyone in racing he wants. Besides, I've never seen him give any girl even a second look; he has to have a girlfriend. He's just not the type to fool around on someone."

"Has he ever mentioned one? Have you ever seen any love letter for him when you pick up the mail? I bet he's too busy working and he's lonely." Julie went moony for a second. "And you're right; if he had a girlfriend I bet he'd never even think about another girl—he's too nice for something cheesy like that." She looked out the window towards Alec's cottage. "I bet he's all alone in there, eating alone, reading himself to sleep, waiting for a phone call to break up the quiet…"

"Right, Julie—and you're going to fill his empty nights for him?"

The conversation ended in giggles and Danielle's mother, listening from the next room, thought it might not be a bad idea to have a head's up talk with Alec later. Girls had crushes on cute guys all the time and she knew it was harmless, but he would probably like to know so it didn't get out of hand.

Danielle and Julie were in the kitchen tearing and cutting up veggies for tonight's salad.

Julie was Danielle's best friend, it was a Friday and she was spending the weekend; this was a common happening and had been for years with these two. The two of them practically lived in one another's homes and were comfortable in one another's houses.

Tonight was pretty normal for everyone concerned. Danielle's mother had asked the girls to finish the salad and then set the table while she worked on an ad campaign she had to fax to the office within the hour. She needed the help if they were going to eat in time for the girls to get to the movie in town.

They were going to see the new Pirates film, the one that was supposed to be the big hit of the summer and Alec Ramsay had agreed to drive them for the eight o'clock show. It turned out that he didn't have a race the next day, none of the horses needed any special attention tonight and he actually had some time to himself. This was first since he'd arrived at their small farm and rented the barn and the small guest cottage for himself a few months ago—no question about it, the young man worked hard. Hopeful Farm had decided to send a string of horses down to Florida for the winter to avoid the brutal winters in New York State. There were three here with them and about a dozen more at a large neighboring facility. Alec had been going from one place to another, plus Hialeah for races since he'd arrived. Sometimes she wondered when the poor guy ever got any sleep, in fact. So far everything was working out well for all of them and even though Alec had been a total stranger when he'd answered the rental ad a few months ago; he had quickly become a fixture on the place. He'd hired Danielle to help him in the barn and was generally useful around the place when he had the time. Plus he was simply a very nice young man and one Danielle's mother didn't think twice about leaving the fourteen year old girls alone with, having no doubts at all about him trying anything he shouldn't with either of them.

Dinner came and went quickly since the girls were in a hurry to get good seats and they were out the door and over to Alec's by a quarter after seven. A short while later Mrs. Connors heard his pickup heading out the driveway and settled in with a book she'd been meaning to get to for a while now. Around eleven she saw the headlights coming back and park by the guest cottage and went down to greet the girls as they made their way in, giggling again.

"Good movie?"

"Terrific movie! And three people came up to Alec to ask for his autograph—it was so cool and then everyone was looking at us when we went in to sit down."

"How did Alec like that?" The poor kid, that must get tired for him if he was approached even in a little local movie theater like the one they had around here—even though she suspected that the girls were exaggerating a bit. Alec was well known in horse circles, but he wasn't all that high profile in the general population. Or she didn't think he was, anyway, though come to think of it…there were those articles in newspapers and People, Sports Illustrated and heaven knew what else all the time.

"He just kind of smiled and said it was weird but was part of his job. I don't think he really liked it, though." Julie had even taken his arm to try to get him away from the people who wanted to talk to him on the popcorn line. Her face took on a dreamy look. "He was wonderful with them, really polite and he listened to everything they asked him and even gave some advice to a boy who said he wanted to learn how to ride race horses."

"That was nice of him but he probably gets a lot of that. Okay, ladies, it's late. Bed please and be quiet when you go up, Dylan is asleep already."

Half an hour later Mrs. Connors was downstairs locking up and turning off the lights when she looked out the front widow to see Alec leaning, unmoving against the paddock fence. On impulse she went out, thinking that this was as good a time as any to warn him about Julie's feelings for him.

"Alec? Am I interrupting?"

It was a quiet warm night with a million stars above them and Raven out in the paddock enjoying the cool air. Alec seemed to just be watching the horse as he wandered around finding clumps of grass and was likely about to bring him in for the night. He looked at her in the light of the not quite full moon. "No, you're not. It's nice out tonight." In fact it was a perfect romantic set up, if either of them had someone here they were involved with here but her husband was on the road with his band and Alec…well, Alec was alone tonight, too.

She nodded and stood beside him for a few long minutes, watching the young colt. "Julie has a big crush on you."

"I know." He didn't bother to turn towards her. "I won't do anything to hurt her—and I haven't been interested in fourteen year olds since I was fourteen myself." He had a small half smile on his face. "I stay away from jail-bait." He saw the startled look on her face. "Joke."

"I wasn't worried. If I were we wouldn't have rented to you."

He looked at her for a moment. "I know that, too."

They stood together in a companionable silence for another few minutes until she asked, quietly. "I don't mean to pry, and you can ignore me if you want but…"

He gave a half laugh, "This sounds like it's going to be something embarrassing."

"I'm sorry. It's just you have me curious; you're a very nice, good looking and well-known young man. You're smart and you're tremendously successful at what you do. I was just wondering if you have a girlfriend somewhere. That's all. Oh, I know it's none of my business but I'm a little nosy sometimes. Or are you too busy for that kind of thing?"

He was watching her when she asked her question but turned back to look at Raven when she stopped talking, his face unreadable and saying nothing.

She'd gone too far and she knew it. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me, Alec. Intrusive. Your personal life is certainly none of my concern." She'd stepped over the line—he wasn't a member of her family or even a close friend. He was just the person who'd rented part of their farm for a while and she hoped he wasn't insulted or angry at her curiosity.

He still didn't look at her and she was just about to leave him alone, embarrassed at asking when he quietly said. "I was going to get married last spring."

That was about the last thing she'd expected—he was mature beyond his age, certainly, but he was still no more than nineteen or so. He was still a baby as far as she was concerned and she immediately wondered what happened to prevent the wedding from happening. Had he been dumped? Did they argue? Had the one of them changed their mind or found someone else? She couldn't ask him, she simply couldn't. But he was such a mystery to her that she heard herself, "What happened?"

There was another pause, long enough for her to think he wasn't going to answer her before he took a breath, his eyes still on the colt. "Pam—that was her name—she was killed in a car wreck just after Christmas." He said it calmly, as if he were talking about what he planned to eat for breakfast. "I wasn't there when it happened and I didn't find out for a couple of days."

She stared at him; horrified and knowing she'd opened this all up for him. "…Oh Alec, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I never would have brought it up if I'd known…"

"It's all right, you didn't know. Not too many do." His forearms rested on the top fence rail, his fingers lightly laced together; his voice was still quiet and calm. "Pam worked up at the farm, that's where we met after I hired her." Mrs. Connors noticed that he seemed to almost be talking to himself as the story came out. "Anyway, she exercised and trained the two year olds for us because I was traveling so much last year and couldn't do it." He paused again, remembering. "Part of the reason I'm here is because after it happened, after I found out she was dead, I was pretty upset." He paused for a moment before going on and she suspected that 'upset' was a major understatement. She'd noticed that about him—that while he seemed to be pretty unemotional and matter of fact about his day to day goings on, she'd also seen how deeply he cared about what he did and the welfare of his charges here in their barn. If he'd gotten close enough to a girl to want to marry her, she had no doubt that he was deeply in love with her. She thought that devastated might be closer to the truth. In fact he'd had close to a complete breakdown but he didn't go there with her.

"I found out that my parents and Henry talked with a family friend who's a psychologist and he thought it would be a good idea for me to do something to keep my mind off of it and so I'm running the string down here." He almost laughed. "Like anything could keep my mind off it…but it seemed like what they wanted and it doesn't matter to me where I am. Besides, someone has to be here to work the horses." His voice was so calm that if you didn't listen to what he was saying you'd have thought he was making small talk. "It's weird—Pam's family lives here in Florida, not too far from here."

"Have you been over to see them yet, then?"

He shook his head, hesitating. "I've never met them." He hugged his elbows. "I'm not even sure if Pam had told them that we were together, that we'd gotten the blood tests and a marriage license. Neither of us wanted anything big, we were just going to do it and then tell everyone afterwards to keep it simple." Another pause. "I wouldn't begin to know what to say to them."

She touched his arm, but he flinched away. "I think they'd want to know someone who was so important to their daughter, Alec."

He shook his head. "I couldn't handle that."

"Maybe not yet, but eventually, when you're ready. I think they'd get some comfort from knowing how happy you two were. I know I would." She saw his denial. "And I think it may help you, too."

He started really talking then, maybe needing the release. "Sometimes I see some girl who maybe has the same color hair or the same build and it's all I can do to stop myself from…" He stopped and shook his head. "I really loved her. I knew she was who I wanted to spend my life with and have kids with and all of it—I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I knew she was whom I was supposed to be with and she felt the same way about me—and that amazed me. I mean that she loved me back, I couldn't get over that. I still can't." He shook his head in wonder at having won Pam's love, still unbelieving at his luck and smiled to himself at the memory. "She was so gentle and kind and funny. And she could ride as well as I can, she even rode the Black a couple of times and up till then no one but me…" He stopped, catching himself. "And she was beautiful; blonde and small, slender but she was so strong." He stopped and took a couple of ragged breaths. "I'm sorry."

He stopped for a minute and Mrs. Connors was about to put her arm around his shoulders but she suspected it wouldn't have been welcomed. "My parents didn't really approve. They thought we were too young to get serious—sounds like a bad song on the radio, doesn't it?" He gave a half laugh. "I guess they liked her well enough but they thought it was just…they were upset when we moved in together last summer." He glanced over at her. "There are apartments over the barns at home for the workers and she lived in one of those. I moved over there from the main house. Anyway, my parents thought it was just about sex." He took another breath. "It wasn't." Raven came over to the fence, Alec rubbed his soft nose for him then handed him a small piece of carrot from his pocket and smiled. "Well, okay, it wasn't just about sex. We loved each other and thought it was stupid to separate every night when we didn't want to. It wasn't just about sleeping together." He gave the colt another piece of carrot. "My mother kept telling me that I should go back to Mass or confession or something." He gave a small laugh. "I didn't."

She could understand that; she was a mother and if a teenaged Dylan came to her one of these days and announced that he'd set up house with a girl she wouldn't be dancing in the streets, either. "What about your father? How did he feel about all this?"

"I think he was jealous after he accidentally walked in on us one day. And Henry took the tack that she was a distraction and that I'd get killed on some track if I kept seeing her. I thought it was pretty funny—not to their faces, but it was. Last summer was one of the best racing seasons I've had." He left unsaid the obvious fact the girl had been the one to be killed.

He stopped again and looked at her with a mild expression on his face. "And that's why I don't have a girlfriend—I know the girls were wondering but I fobbed them off when they asked."

"I won't tell them any of this, Alec. Don't worry."

He shrugged, opened the gate to the paddock and caught Raven to put him away for the night. "It doesn't matter; they could look it up on the Internet if they were really curious." He clipped a lead line to the colt's halter. "My life is pretty much an opened book with all the PR I've dealt with the last few years."

"That must be hard."

Alec was putting the colt in his stall, unsnapping the lead line, closing the stall door. He turned to her. "You get used to it after a while." He hung up the line turned out most of the barn lights and started out towards the guest cottage then turned back. "I've never really talked about any of this. Even with Tom—he's the shrink they called in—I've never told anyone this stuff."

"Time will help, you'll see."

"No it won't, I'll never forget her or how I felt when I was with her." He stopped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I know eventually I'll probably meet someone else but she'll always be…" He stopped again and shook his head one more time. "Thank you."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'm never sure quite how to deal with you, Alec. You've been through so much—that shipwreck, a plane crash, winning all those big races. You're one of the smartest and most together and people I know and despite the fact that you're about as famous as an athlete can get, you're one of the nicest young men I've ever met and you're young enough to be my son. It's disconcerting."

He smiled at her, amused by the reaction he often seemed to get from older people but also grateful she'd let him talk. He never did talk about Pam's loss—it was still hurt too much for him, like an opened wound that wouldn't scar over and painful whenever it was touched again. And he was basically a private person, not wanting to bother his friends or family with his problems, knowing they all had their own. It felt good to get some of the hurt out. "Good night. Thank you."

"Sleep well, Alec."

"Mom, did you know that Alec had a girlfriend last year and she got killed?" Danielle and Julie were eating their breakfast the next morning and had a pile of printouts from the computer.

"It was so sad—we couldn't believe it when we saw it."

"What are you two talking about?" She wondered if they'd been eavesdropping last night.

"We googled him and there found some articles about how he had this girlfriend and she rode the Black in some big race…"

"It's right here—she rode him in the Manhattan Handicap last fall and won like $100,000 for Hopeful Farm but then she died in a car crash a couple months later. It's so sad!"

Mrs. Connors took the pages and looked through them for a way to diffuse this. "Oh, really. You girls know better than to read this garbage. It's sad that young lady was killed but it doesn't say anything about her being anyone's girlfriend."

"But look how pretty she was—and Alec let her ride the Black. He must have been in love with her for him to do something like that."

"More likely—look right here. It says that he was suspended then for some infraction and this girl, this Pam was able to ride the horse. It would just make sense for them to not want to miss out on all that money. I'm sure it was just a business decision. You both know how expensive it is to run a farm."

"But Mom…"

"That's enough of this foolishness and don't either of you say anything to Alec about this nonsense. He has enough on his mind without you two talking his ear off—if this girl really did work for his farm he certainly knew her and will probably be sad if you bring it up so just mind your own business."

"But…"

"I mean it now. You leave him alone about this. Now outside and help your brother clean up the garden like I asked you to a week ago." The two girls reluctantly dragged outside to weed the flowerbeds, the ones as far away from the barns as she could possibly get them for now. She looked down at Pam's picture at the head of the article from some sports section last year. The photo was taken in a winner's circle with her wearing racing silks and standing next to Alec and Henry Daily with the Black in the background. Even with her hair pulled back and mud on her face, she'd been a pretty girl, a very pretty girl. And like Alec had told her last night, she was tiny and blonde with humor in her face, strength in the way she held her shoulders and confidence in her hand resting lightly on Alec's bicep.

It was the look on Alec's face that really drew her attention, though. In the picture he was looking at Pam, happiness, pride and adoration as plain on his face as the print on the paper she was holding. And they both looked so very young.

They should have had years, decades together. The two of them should have shared their first real home and seen their children born. With the least bit of luck, they would have grown old together.

Such a waste.

About a month later Mrs. Connors looked up from her flowers to see VW bug she didn't recognize coming down the driveway. It stopped by the guesthouse and a small, very pretty blonde girl got out, obviously looking for someone. "May I help you?"

"Yes, thank you. I'm looking for Alec Ramsay—is he here?"

Just then Alec came around the corner of the barn, walking straight over to the young woman, staring at her for a moment; the family resemblance was very strong. "I'm Alec and you're Ann." They were awkward for a second then the girl put her arms around Alec and he returned the long hug. He glanced over to Mrs. Connors, his eyes red. "This is Pam's sister, we both thought it was time we met."

4/30/07

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