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Siriusly Mad by Sirius Black
Everyone tells me I acted rashly – that I rushed into things – but how would you be thinking if everyone was gone?
Not straight, I can tell you.
I wasn't married, but my girlfriend had been killed a few months earlier. My friends were all I had.
How would you feel if you'd unintentionally murdered two people? – Your best friend who was like a brother to you and his wife. People you'd known since your first year at Hogwarts, who had made you their son's godfather, were suddenly gone.
I felt guilty for persuading James and Lily to use Peter as their Secret Keeper, but I had no way of knowing that Peter was the traitor. It was wrong of us to assume that it was Remus just because he's a werewolf. It seemed like a foolproof plan to use Peter as Secret Keeper.
How could he betray his best friends like that? I didn't get it; I didn't get how he could be so cowardly. He took all the help he could get from us just to throw it back in our faces – especially that last trick of his, I should've seen it coming. He must've been out for himself the whole time, sly and cunning like a Slytherin. It amazes me that he ever got into Gryffindor.
Why should two innocent people die just so he could live? A thousand Peters would never be worth one of Lily or James.
Everything you knew had changed, moved on, and you'd been left behind – what would you do about it?
I wanted revenge.
A double crosser, traitor, liar, coward, loser – calling him names wasn't enough. I was too angry, too hurt to let him get away with it. I wanted to hurt him. I didn't think about him getting the last laugh and to be honest I didn't care at the time. I'd lost everything because of him; I wanted to kill him as soon as possible.
So I tried.
Obviously it didn't work and he managed to slaughter twelve more innocent people before going into hiding. Why did I laugh? I had nobody left, Peter had got the better of me, and I was going to Azkaban. That's why I laughed – I truly had lost everything.