A thin line.
Disclaimer: I only own the computer were all this crazyness comes togheter. That´s it. Not the show nor the character in it.
Author´s Note: This is a ONE PARTER and quite frankly it´s just a ridiculous idea. It´s an AU and OOC story so be kind when you read... and when you review. :)
I wake up on the verge of falling of the bed and I ask myself once again why has my bed turned so small... until I feel his arm in my waist. This is not my bed, is HIS bed. I then accommodate myself in his embrace, closer to him, trying to prolong the time that we have together. I know that I must go, it´s going to dawn any time now and I should be at home. He moves, still asleep, and holds on to me tighter. I close my eyes once more and dream that this is true. That this hug will last for ever. That I will never have to leave this bed; but the clock strikes 5 and my dreams collapse squashed by reality. Slowly, I leave the bed and get changed trying not to make any sounds, I know I won´t be able to leave him if he wakes. I give him a kiss in the forehead and watch him sleep before leaving. With that last image I return to my life, remembering the day that this began, as if had been yesterday.
Chris and I were together all of high school; an excellent relationship, until I got pregnant at 16. We got married, like it was expected, and we had a baby girl, Rory. That was 13 years ago.
I believe our relationship died the moment the second pink strip appeared. The first years we tried it, but whatever was between us had simply disappeared. I became the classic high society wife and Rory my best friend, my only friend, while Chris lived his life without us.
Almost a year back, Chris decided to become independent from his father´s company. Idea that I learned to hate with time. As a favor to our parent´s friends, Chris hired their daughter, Celia, as his secretary. I suppose I knew since the second week of work that he was having an affair. Something I confirmed later when I stopped at the office to drop by some papers.
I left the office without them seeing me, I went to my car and I drove without knowing where to. That was how I arrived here, in Stars Hollow. I left the car in the central park and walked for hours trying to clear my mind. When I returned to the park, I sat in the gazebo and cried myself numb.
I am not in love with Chris, mine was not a love disappointment... No, mine was spit in the face. It was a proof of his lack of respect for me and his daughter. But mainly, it was a sentence to share my house and my bed with a person whom I despised. Because a divorce was unthinkable. Not in my life, in our social group... not with Rory in the middle. So I cried, for hours and hours until I forgot everything.
While returning to my car I realized that the hardware store I had parked my car by was actually a dinner and seeing that it still had some lights on I decided to go in and buy something to drink.
"We are closed." A not very amiably voice said somewhere as soon as the bells over the door sounded.
"I´m sorry, the sign said Open."
"We are still closed." Said a man of about 33 years from behind the counter. My face must have been very depressing because after seeing me he added "But I can give any thing that does not need baking."
"A cup of coffee to go will to be enough." I said with a smile. He poured an enormous cup for me, I paid and left. I did not want to return to the house, not yet, so I sat in the steps to drink my coffee. I heard the bells of the door once again.
"It is warmer inside, if you´d like to come in."
"This is fine. The coffee was too much. I would not want to keep you up."
"Somebody has to put up the chairs before closing." He said and went away. After considering it a little bit I followed him. I took a sit at the stoles in the counter. Silence was beginning to drive me crazy when my cell went off.
"Hello... What do you care where I am?... I don´t know, in a couple of hours I guess... You can very well have dinner without me... nothings wrong with me... I don´t want to talk about it now Chris, a have a splitting headache, we´ll talk about it when I get back." And I hang up the phone and I started crying once more. When I raised my view I found the owner standing beside a sign that baned the use of cell phones in the dinner.
"I´m sorry, I didn´t see the sign." I said, trying to calm down.
"Don´t worry." A little more embarrassed he offered. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Could you turn back time 14 years?" I asked fighting against the tears that threatened to start falling again. I lowered the glance, and without knowing why I told him everything that had happened.
"He is having an affair with his secretary..." I began, explaining our relationship since we knew of Rory´s existence. "I´m sorry, I shouldn´t be harassing you with my problems." I said finally looking at him. I guess he would have answered but my cell went off again.
"Chris I said I did not want to speak about it now... Rory, I´m sorry, I thought you were your father... No, there is no problem, just a small discussion over today´s supper... Yes, babe, I am on my way. Kisses."
"Guess I must go." I said looking at him. He was very busy cleaning the counter and did not look up. "Thank you very much for the coffee... and everything." I said while crossing the door.
"You´re welcome." He answered without looking at me.
Life at the house became a torture. To apologize to Chris for my reaction, to pretend that everything was still OK, to sleep in the same bed with him. We hadn´t had sex in years, and if it hadn´t been for Rory we would have had different rooms; but since that day his presence drove me insane.
One afternoon, when Chris pretended to be in yet another business trip, I decided to return to Stars Hollow. I arrived at the town and I went to the dinner that was deserted. As I had hoped, he was working there.
"Hello. Do you remember me? " I asked and I believe that he answered something like yes. "Mmm... I brought this for you, as a thank you for the other day." I said giving him a small package. Inside there was a blue cap like the one he was wearing. "I don´t know if you actually like them or not, but you had one the other day; I believe is the same one than today, and I wanted to thank you somehow."
"Thank you very much..."
"Lorelai" I said, filling in.
"Lorelai... I am Luke."
"Pleased to meet you, Luke." I said, holding out my hand.
"Would you like something?"
"A coffee?"
"One second, I´ll get it for you." While he filled a mug, I took a seat at the counter just like weeks back. We spoke of silly things for hours... well, I spoke he just commented every now and then. Before I realized it was time to get back, Rory was going to get back from Chilton any time and I didn´t want her to arrive to an empty house, but I returned the following day. And the other, until the end of the week. On Friday we were talking when I saw the clock.
"Oh my God! Chris is going to be back from his trip and I haven´t planned the supper yet. I better leave." And I put on my coat.
"Do you plan to stay with him?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Get a divorce..."
"Impossible. He would keep Rory... I´m gone. Bye."
"Bye."
To know that Chris was having an affair was bad, but never, not in my worst nightmares, did I ever thought he would be as shameless as to bring her to our house. With the pretext of the fumigation of her apartment, Chris had invited her to stay with us for some days. The asshole had done so in front of out parents so I would not say no.
By the end of the first day of coexistence I no longer could contain the disgust. The glances, the "office" jokes, all the small hints. I had to leave, they had defeated me in my own house, but I was not going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
I arrived at Luke´s half an hour later with running mascara from crying. I entered the empty place running and I threw myself into the arms of Luke who had been cleaning the counter, till five seconds before.
"Lorelai, What...?"
"Just hold me, please."
"Sh..." He said to me, while caressing my back.
"He brought her to the house... to MY house." I said when I could calm down. "Where our daughter lives. And he made me sit at the table with her, while they tried to pretend nothing was going on. I cannot go back to that house... at least today I can´t."
"One minute." He took the phone and after a while he returned. "I´m sorry, the Stars Hollow Inn is booked." He said and I began to cry again. Later in our relationship he confessed that he still does not know what made him say what he did, but he hasn´t regret it yet.
"I live in the apartment above, you can crash there if you want." He offered. "I have a single bed, but you can take it and I would take the couch."
"No... I could never ask that of you. You´ve already done enough for me as it is."
"Look at it this way, you haven´t asked, I offered." I followed him upstairs. He showed me where the bathroom was so I could clean up and he lent me a big shirt and a pair of shorts so I would be more comfortable. I lay down and felt asleep immediately.
I woke up in the middle of the night and I found him sleeping in the most uncomfortable position known to men kind. He had his head squashed against one end of the couch, and his feet excelled over the other. I woke him up and insisted he took the bed while I got the couch but he would not have any of it. Finally we reached an agreement in which we would both sleep in the bed
That was the first time that we slept together. Nothing happened but when I woke up I was happier than what I had been in the previous 12 years. I had forgotten what it was to sleep with someone at your side who cared about you. To feel their embrace and how the protect you. To wake up and see the face of who you loved. I knew that morning, I was in love with Luke Danes.
It´s been almost three months since that day. Chris spends more time with Celia that with us and I take every opportunity I have to see Luke. He never kissed me, nor have we had sex. He holds me whenever my world becomes impossible to bare and he hugs me while we sleep. And for those tiny moments before sleep claims us we can dream that this is real. But Luke will never play second base, in his head our relationship can be disguised as a friendship. I guess in mine too. And then I think that the day will come when some woman with no commitments comes and steals him away and as I climb into my car I tell myself: "I´m gonna leave Chris today. I don´t know how, but I will." But by the time I arrive to my house I´ve lost all of my confidence. What if Chris get´s to keep Rory? I won´t be able to live without her by my side... but to live without Luke is the same as to be dead.
So I keep on walking this thin line where any false step will claim the life of me.