Author: nakashimadesu
Title: Fear.
Fandom: supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel, Bobby, Sam
Rating: K+
Genre: romance, angst, sad,
Warning: angel!preg, slash, post season eight
Plot: the war angels vs demons is over. Dean and Castiel are together, now. But something important is happening through them.
(Bobby is alive and Sam has got his own roadhouse)
Notes: I am not english or american, and my language is simple and maybe I have committed some mistakes. I wish you enjoy this story and you can correct me if my translation (from italian) isn't good enough. Love you, guys!
Disclaimer: supernatural is not mine, I don't own this characters and I don't earn anything with this story.
1. There is a time to love and another one to go away. But who goes away, will ever come back.
Dean doesn't know if he has understood well.
He hopes to get wrong, while he stares at the angel that has brought him out of Hell. Maybe Castiel has learnt how to joke with him.
Maybe when he will get mad, his angel will begin to laugh and scream "It's a joke, idiot!".
But Castiel doesn't laugh, his eyes are serious and vitreous, nearly afraid for that reaction that should be come but doesn't. Doesn't come.
Dean doesn't even know how to react, because those words are ridiculous (besides the impossible) so he stays in silence: stay quiet is better than blab inconclusive words.
What would he say, otherwise?
There isn't an answer to the sentence "Our love has generated life" there is no sense. Because him and Castiel have been together many time, they have shared more than a simple feeling: they have shared passion, yearning, possessiveness in a sensual pleasure as well as spiritual.
The same angel who has taught him love: the true one, the love that gives you everything even when it hasn't anything.
Dean has never believed in love, simply because he has never had the right person by his side. The person for which suffer or fight, make a mistake and despite that watch him in the eyes and whisper "it's worth it".
Dean has never loved because he hasn't had Castiel.
But then the angel has arrived.
And when Dean has understood to love Castiel, he has thought to be lucky: he has reached the most precious thing in his life.
But this, this, it's impossible.
All the night passed trough Castiel's arms, all the times they have tied together their bodies, Dean was relaxed with the certainty to be a man with another man -at least physically- and he hasn't known that the angels' Grace was like a vagina or he would have been more careful.
Dean runs a hand on his tired face, scrapes the palm on the nose and crinkles the fingertips on his weary eyelids; but he does it more to try to think at somewhat to say than to drive away the tiredness.
"Talk to me" the seraph is standing in the middle of the room, the hands abandoned along the hips in his same pose of 'Castiel-the-angel-with-a-pole-in-the-ass'. The hunter would shake him up to tearing off them -that have a sense just when hold his body- and would hit him in the face. So hard.
"Your silence is oppressive." Castiel says.
"I need a drink." grunt the Winchester directing toward the mini bar of the motel room, finding a beer.
"You need a drink. Is it all you can tell me?"
Castiel is annoyed -and God!- maybe is right. But he can't do anything. Anything.
He wasn't prepared to have children with women, imagine to have them with an angel of the holy God.
Dean is scared, because he isn't ready to be father, he has never imagined it -the life of a hunter is hanging by a thread and he doesn't even know how they have done to generate a life.
Is scared; he is in the paralysis of mind, emotional paralysis from whom he can't come out. He doesn't want to irritate Cas, but he doesn't know what to do.
The angel stares hardly at him, then he lower the shoulders and watch his feet, or maybe the dirtied carpet of that squalid motel room.
"I thought... you would have reacted differently" admits "but I was wrong."
Dean closes the eyes and takes a deep breath, he sits on the bad playing with the can "What do you think I have to do?" murmurs. It is the first thing he thinks. It's a stupid thing, but is a miracle that his voice is awake again!
Castiel doesn't look at him, but the human is enough familiar with him to know that he's hurt and is suffering for his shit and inadequate behavior.
"I can't tell you what you have to do, Dean." says the angel, raising the gaze and shrinking the mouth to a split of tense flesh "But I can't never expect anything from you."
The hunter takes those words as a punch in the chest, he hasn't believe that a simple sentence can hurt so much.
The Winchester takes a long sip of the beer "I don't know what to say, Cas. It's a new and surreal situation for me."
"Because I am an expert, right? It's new for me too, but you are complicating everything! But what... what was I thinking?"
Dean feels attached and maybe he shouldn't react so, but worry, fear and uncertainty drive him mad; he stands up slamming the can on the only table of the room "So... if I am so complicated, if you can't expect anything from me, what the hell are you still doing here?" screams, growls, hangs, trapped in a rage turmoil that don't make him capable of think.
Castiel's eyes are now gloomy, he can reads the pain in those eyes usually blue like the most beautiful ocean.
"Yeah, what the hell am I doing here?" the angel sadly smile.
Dean licks unnerved his mouth "Look maybe... maybe we should take some time. Stay apart and think of what we want."
The soldier of God still smiles, but his face is a melancholy and delusion mask.
"Don't think too much, Dean. I understand now, this is not your business, not anymore." the angel stares at him last time, with those eyes that maybe want to say something important but Dean can't understand. He simply can't.
Dean should approaches and hold him in his arms, telling that everything will be ok, and that they will go on together, because they are a team, they belong to each other; but in the exact moment Castiel goes away, Dean feel something inside of him, and knows that something important, essential is broken now.
To be continued...
Attention please:
I'm translating the story, so the next chapter will be on:
7 April.