He also knew that he could hear the dull beeps of a machine that monitored his heart rate and the humming of other equipments that kept him alive. He didn't want to face those sounds. Especially the sound of another man with that person. Because he could hear love. Even though it was faint, he could still hear it.
Uzumaki Naruto had been in love once. Then again... he had never fallen out of love. He was still insanely in love with that person. He wasn't so sure if that was a good thing or not.
Uchiha Sasuke stared at the blond on the bed. Various wires were attached to the patient. The oxygen mask looked like it was practically glued to his face. He had an IV tube giving him dextrose and some other nutrients to keep his body from shutting down completely. He was covered in bandages and his right arm was in a cast. An unwritten cast. A clean cast.
It had been a week since this man was hospitalized yet nobody had visited him.
He had been rather surprised when he was called out of his office to go see something important. There had been a car accident nearby. The culprit had immediately escaped, probably off to drown in misery as he killed himself slowly with large amounts of alcohol and smoke. He had left the victim to die. Or the victim would've died if an ambulance hadn't appeared quickly and brought him to the ER just as rapidly.
One of Sasuke's close associates had called him to check something out the week before. Hyuuga Neji. And because it was Neji that told him that, he rushed into whatever room Neji told him to go to. Because Neji was a man that was all about work during office hours. He did not waste his breath with irrelevant things. But when Sasuke arrived at the room, he suddenly wished that Neji hadn't called him.
Neji was clutching a necklace and a wallet. The necklace was what had struck Sasuke the most. It was so familiar. So goddamn familiar that it hurt. It was a simple thick black string with three blue – the one at the middle being larger than the other two – crystals as the pendant. He knew who that necklace belonged to. There could only be one person it belonged to. Besides... Neji had been the one to tell him and he knew about that man, too.
Neji led him to where that man was residing in the hospital a week after that. Today, to be more precise.
Sasuke had thought that he would never ever see this face again. Most especially, he thought that he'd already forgotten this face. Memories of textures and smells assaulted his brain. He disregarded all of them. He had to. He was working right now and mixing feelings and business were a no-no in his list of work ethics. He had worked in this emotionless state for three years and he would not stop doing it. Not even now when...
He didn't care about that man. Not anymore. That man didn't want anything to do with him anyway. That man. They left behind their silly childhood days, forgot their idiotic crushes, and regretted everything else that they did with each other. That man didn't see him as anything other than some pathetic poor excuse of a human being. That man only pitied him.
Had that man ever even loved him, just for once? That wasn't much, was it?
Unfortunately, it was. Because love was so pricey that it couldn't be bought by money. Because love just had to be hard, otherwise it wouldn't even be called love. Because was something easy worth anything in the real world? Love was worth everything yet it almost always gave nothing in the end. Beautiful things didn't last long or weren't everlasting. Then again, love wasn't beautiful. Or perhaps it was only him.
It was not the person that made the circumstances, rather, it was the circumstances that made the person which made ideals about things, which gave definitions to things. A person could not control their personality. They couldn't control a lot of things in life. They could barely keep up with life so what right did they have to control it? That wasn't right. It would be defying a law of the universe.
Not a lot of things were right anyway in this twisted world of theirs. What was right, anyway? Was that even real?
Besides, if love was something that wasn't that much of a trouble, he'd probably be happy right now. Or in a relationship that would make moral sense, that wasn't so blurry. He'd probably still be living that dream that ended so brutally seven years ago. He had been forced to wake up and face the facts, whatever they may be. Or may have been. He was confused, yet he also felt as if he knew every single piece of the puzzle.
He stared at the unmoving body on the bed. He was getting tired of this small world. He was getting tired of remembering everything like some sort of jealous ex. He was getting tired of having this unrequited love from that man. He was getting tired of himself and of life. Why did this man have to come back to his life? Why did his heart still beat for this man? Why did he start breathing quickly when he saw that man on this bed? Why couldn't his questions have answers for once? Why did everything have to be so fucking hard for him? Why was he so pathetic? Why? Why? Why?
When he turned his back on the patient, he failed to register the tears pricking the edges of his eyes.
Hyuuga Neji had been enthralled with Sasuke the first time he met him. It was so many years ago in the med classes that they shared. Sasuke used to have someone back then. Neji could still remember who that person was. It was hard not to.
Sasuke and Naruto were known as the infamous duo of their university. You could hardly see one without the other. At least that had been until their last semifinals seven years ago. The two of them were sophomores and Neji was a junior. The two of them just started to drift apart after that. Neji would only learn the truth roughly around four years after that, when he and Sasuke became co-workers at this hospital they were in right now. He learned even more when he and Sasuke became an item.
They had both agreed to call themselves just an item. Their relationship was an on-and-off one. To be more exact, it was as if they were on all the time but there were periods when they just ignored each other or somewhat flirted – somewhat because their style of flirting was far too discreet and lined with their personalities – with other people. They were a couple, but not really. It had been confusing at first and it did hurt a lot, especially on Neji's side, but they were used to it now. There was no doubt about it. They were fucked-up. Then again, it wasn't as if they actually cared.
It wasn't as if they were really in love with each other. It wasn't as if Sasuke was in love with him. It wasn't as if he... loved him. Much.
Neji couldn't understand this feeling that he felt once he stepped out of the room, following Sasuke. He couldn't understand it at all. He only felt this feeling whenever he was around Naruto. Only around Naruto and nobody else. This intense feeling of something. It wasn't hate. He knew what hate was and this sure wasn't it.
Neji didn't know whether or not he was supposed to be happy at how things turned out. He wasn't even sure if he made the right decision by showing Sasuke Naruto's necklace and then Naruto himself a week after showing the former.
He should be happy, right? Because now... now... now those two had a chance to patch up things. To become the way they were before everything became messed-up. That is, if Naruto woke up. It was possible that he could be in a coma forever. Then they, or the hospital management to be more exact, would be forced to kill him because they really didn't know him. That was just how life worked.
Sasuke decided to call the cellphone number that could be found in Naruto's wallet. It belonged to someone named Sai. He wondered what their relationship with each other was. Were they lovers? Or were they friends with benefits? Was Sai someone like him? If he had been younger, much younger than now, he would've scoffed at himself. The idiot was making him think. Making his head tick. And it felt so odd.
Once Sai, or at least Sasuke presumed that that was Sai, picked up the phone, Sasuke told him what had happened to Naruto and asked him whether he was or wasn't someone named Sai. Fortunately, his name was Sai. Unfortunately, he wouldn't be able to visit Naruto because he was currently overseas. He, assuming that the conversation was now over since Sasuke seemed rather quite, said good-bye and was about to hang up when Sasuke stopped him and started asking him about Naruto.
It had taken Sasuke a good three minutes before he got Sai to talk. And he didn't know what to say even after they hanged-up.
Naruto was born rich. He was friendly. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. He wasn't at all that high in the academic rankings. Sasuke, on the other hand, was not rich. He was practically socially inept. He had no friends. He was also always at the top of their batch. The two of them had been classmates since the first grade. At least that was before Naruto suddenly approached him out of nowhere during their first year of high school. They became friends soon after that. Somewhere and sometime in the middle of all of that... they had a relationship.
It was during their second year of college when Sasuke started questioning Naruto's motives for befriending him because of something he saw his friend do. This eventually became the source of a huge fight between the two of them. Somewhere and sometime in the middle of that... they broke up. They avoided each other as much as possible. If they greeted or talked with each other, it would only be through polite words. They didn't call or meet with each other after school.
The part of Naruto's life that Sasuke had heard from Sai was after they'd all graduated from college. Naruto ran from his house and disowned himself in the process. He became a writer hiding under some pen name. Sai was usually the artist that drew the covers of his books or some other necessary pictures for the book. The two of them had become friends during their four years or so of being co-workers.
And Sai had said at the end that Naruto kept on talking about some guy.
Apparently, Naruto wasn't still over with Sasuke as Sasuke still wasn't over with him. Sasuke wanted to damn every other invisible higher being at that moment. He was such a fool... both of them were fools.
Every single day after that, during his breaks, Sasuke visited Naruto.
"You're quiet, you idiot, and that's not like you," was the first thing he said when he visited Naruto on the first day of his visits.
Neji was watching all of this from the small crack of the doorway. Sasuke had forgotten to close it. If Neji didn't know any better, he would've said that Sasuke sounded desperate. Maybe the latter was. He didn't know anymore. This was something that only Naruto would know.
Neji had been the doctor assigned to this and had noticed a significant change in Naruto. He still didn't know whether he should be happy or not. And he didn't know why his chest was constricting. Sasuke was giving more time to his... old friend nowadays. He and Neji had never had anything real in the first place. Neji knew that himself. So why did he feel like this?
It had been two months since the beginning of Naruto's coma. Neji knew that he was slowly losing Sasuke. And he didn't even know whether he should make a move or not. To tell Sasuke that maybe he wanted more than their on-and-off relationship. To tell that maybe he wanted real love to transpire between the two of them. But he didn't. Because Sasuke just looked far too happy while talking to Naruto.
He was also aware of the fact that Sasuke was looking more and more tired each day. For Sasuke's sake, he hoped that Naruto would wake up soon. He couldn't hope for himself anymore. He had dug his grave. He had dug in deep and now, he couldn't even climb out of it anymore. They were putting in the earth and sealing him away now.
He decided to talk to Naruto, too. Maybe it could solve some of his problems. It was probably like talking to a plant. He didn't have any plants at home. Maybe he could buy some.
"You know, Sasuke really loves you," he whispered, "and he really wants you to wake up now. I love Sasuke, too, but I'm not the one that he needs. And it hurts... so you have to justify my actions. It's only fair."
Hyuuga Neji had a feeling that Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto were fated to be together. And he was never wrong, wasn't he? Fate was never wrong. Because he'll be damned if it was. Because... because he would be happy if it was.
He didn't know what to think about the whole thing anymore. He really didn't know whether he should be happy or not. He didn't know what he should wish for. He hated himself because of those. He hated his indecisiveness. He was running away from the issue. He was a coward. In the deeper depths of his mind, there was someone saying that it was alright to be a coward.
It had been a year since Neji first talked to Naruto. He did it quite often now. And he also had a plant at home.
Neji knew that Sasuke was worried even though the latter didn't show it on his face. It had been a year and Naruto still hadn't woken up.
For Neji, it had been a year and two months since he last kissed Sasuke or did anything that was even the least bit romantic with Sasuke. The latter had cut off all of their romantic ties. Or implied that he didn't want to have a romantic relationship with Neji anymore. Neji was alright with that. He was ready.
But it still hurt. It felt like... whenever he was smiling, he was crying. Whenever he was laughing, he was screaming. He didn't know what to do. Did he even have to do anything? Naruto would all make it work. If only he'd just wake up and open his damn eyes or something like that. But he didn't.
Sasuke knew – or perhaps the more appropriate word was thought – that Naruto was just being his stubborn and stupid self. He wished that Naruto wouldn't do that anymore.
A month since had passed. Sasuke knew that he was near his limits. Nobody knew though. All they could see was his emotionless face. Only Neji could see, but he wouldn't tell that to Sasuke. He knew that Sasuke had worked so hard on schooling his expressions. He'd humor Sasuke. He always did, didn't he? And he was used to humoring people. He humored himself.
The hospital management had said in some meeting of theirs that Naruto only had a year before they would give up on him. Sasuke was worried because a year was sometimes not enough.
He went to Naruto's room. It was his lunch break. He sat on the seat placed right next to the idiot-who-wouldn't-wake-up and placed his forehead on the mattress. He clutched Naruto's hand, some part of him thinking that perhaps if Naruto felt someone else's heat, then he would become compelled to wake up.
Sasuke had thought of bringing ramen over once. Too bad it wasn't allowed in this floor. It might've roused the moron from his coma. He loved ramen.
Then he suddenly became aggravated. It was just so annoying. Everything. Everything was assaulting him. Memories and feelings and his senses. He was feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"Why won't you just wake up?" Sasuke hissed.
He didn't know who he was frustrated at.
"You're so selfish, you little prick," he continued. "God how I hate you right now. I don't even know why I'm angry all of a sudden!"
He felt the need to break something. Maybe he should break Naruto's hand. It would teach that dolt to mess with him, especially when the idiot was technically unconscious.
"I'm feeling tired again," he said. "I want to give up on you but I can't. I want to not come here and be all pitiful and sorrowful and shit, but I can't. Something's telling me that I should keep on going and that I should keep on coming here."
He then looked at Naruto's face, half of which was blurred by the oxygen mask. That face... had always looked determined whenever Sasuke saw it. It still held some of the determination Naruto usually had despite looking so fragile and lifeless. Perhaps that was what made him come here every single day. If Naruto wasn't ready to give up, why should he?
"When you wake up, I'm going to throttle you and make you treat me for some decent non-ramen food," he said.
He felt Naruto's pulse. And then... the most amazing thing happen. The most fucking amazing thing in his life. Naruto's hand moved. Just for a bit. And he swore that he wasn't imagining things. Naruto's hand moved.
He actually yelled it out in joy.
Neji slumped to the ground with his back on the wall right next to the door of Naruto's room. He put his arms on his knees and he buried his head in his arms. He didn't care how weird he looked. He just lost the love of his life.
First off, I would like to thank anyone who came across this story that decided to read it or even skim through it.
Please comment on it and please point out the mistakes. I really am trying to improve myself and it would help me a lot if you pointed out the mistakes I made. Thank you.
This fic was something I made Kaikouken request because I was in an angst bubble which I didn't need to be in so that I could make the second chapter of "That's Called Courting" a funny one. So, um, I'm really thankful for the request that she made.