ROXY

A/N and DISCLAIMER: Alright NONE, I repeat, NONE of these characters mentioned belong to me. Only technically Bethany's daughter, Roxy, belong to me. And please, try not to flame me if I happen to offend anyone with some of my jokes poking fun and adding my own two sense in at Pop Culture (i.e. Harry Potter and N Sync). This story is all in good fun and pure enjoyment, so if one knows that one will be highly offended say if I make fun of Justin Timberlake, just leave. Please just leave and save us the time and trouble of you flaming me and me getting pissed at you and flaming you back. Thank You and Have A Nice Day.

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CHAPTER ONE: Before Roxy...


Somewhere between time and space between heaven and earth two lone creatures are sitting down, contemplating over their recent actions. One would assume that they were the best of friends, just by the way that they are comfortable around each other if only one knew of what went down between them

"Loki, I—" The tall, dark hair one began, glancing at his blond hair friend.

However

"Don't talk to me." The shorter of the two replied, his tone of voice very angered and obviously pissed off.

"But I didn't mean to—" His friend began again. Desperation was in his voice, wanting to mend what was left of their broken friendship.

"Not listening to you" He replied, crossing his arms and turning around.

Bartleby, the angel with the dark hair, sighed. He could always count on Loki, the former angel of death, to be as stubborn as an ass.

"Still pissed that I killed you?" Bartleby asked, still trying to get through to Loki.

"That you fuckin' literally stabbed me in the back?" Loki turned to Bartleby, his eyes eerily calm. He paused for a second to consider, then spat out with his eyes blazing, "Well, what the fuck do you think?!"

Silence falls on them for a moment. Then

"Actually, I stabbed you on the side. By your rib cage" Bartleby recalled to his friend, a small smile on his face.

"Damn wise-ass." Loki glares, muttering at him.

"Hey!" Bartleby began to protest, growing frustrated at Loki. "At least your death was quick! I still have a faint ringing in my ear!"

"Well good for you, you fuck! I'm glad that your fuckin' head exploded due to the sound of God's powerful voice. You didn't have to go all anal over the Last Scion having to kill us, but no you decided to off every innocent within sight! Including the Last Scion!" Loki shot back.

"She didn't die, Loki." He pointed out. "And besides, she's technically not the Last Scion anymore."

"You know what I fuckin' mean, you anal retentive ass hole!"

"You can't be anal retentive if you—"

"Oh shut-up!" Loki growled, tiring of his friend's attempt to make him smile.

"Look, I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me! Can't you at least forgive me?" He placed a brotherly hand on Loki's shoulder, only to have it slapped away by him. Bartleby sighed, then pointed towards the heavens, "C'mon, Loki! She did."

"That's because God's the forgiving type! She has to!" Loki indicated upwards. Then he pointed to himself as he continued with, " I on the other hand was your best friend! Knowing me well enough, you will find that I'm not exactly the forgiving type!"

"Hey, man. I let you fire on those Mooby executives. That should fuckin' count for something!" Bartleby's eyes blazed, growing frustrated yet again.

"How many times do I have to tell you?! They were fuckin' commandment breakers! I was just taking out the trash, punishing the wicked"

Bartleby sighed, and interrupted him, "Raining down fire and brimstone, yeah, yeah, yeah. Haven't I heard this rant before?"

Silence follows again. Then

Loki softly added, "Well, did I make you watch?"

"No."

"Then stop it with the third degree. At least those deaths were called for." Loki managed to lighten his tone, causing Bartleby to hope that maybe their friendship could be salvaged.

"Maybe." He shrugged, yet a small smile was on his face.

"Maybe?" Loki's eyes widened incredulously. He came back with, "This coming from the guy that went postal over the Last Scion, killed a whole group of New Jersey clergy members, not to mention a lot of innocents, basically turning that church into a place of blood bath, and"

Bartleby sighed deeply, protesting to Loki, "Don't replay those hours on me, okay? I now know the error of my ways, alright? I just wanted to go home, as did you. When she let it slip that she had to stop us, just when we were so close, I guess I went psycho. I really didn't mean to kill so many people. Especially you. And I'm sorry." He looked at his friend straight in the eyes, sincerely adding, "Really sorry."

Loki allowed Bartleby's words to sink in. He then shrugs, "You know, Bartleby. At least we're not fuckin' damned like that bastard Azreal. Shit, if I ever get my hands on that backward ass fuck"

Bartleby smiled, "So what? You insinuating that it's a good thing that we've been placed for all eternity in limbo between Heaven and Hell?"

"Insinuating?" He pauses to think it over. Then replied, "Maybe."

Loki looks over at Bartleby, "At least I'm not alone."

He holds out his hand to Bartleby, "Not saying that I fully forgive you. I mean, my side fuckin' hurts like shit"

Bartleby smiles at him as he takes his friend's hand and shakes it. He then slyly replies, "Hey, y'know you still owe me ten bucks over that bet."

Loki stares at him, incredulously. He groaned, "Will you give it some damn time! I'm telling you, years from now, everyone will fuckin' forget about that stupid alien movie and Krush Groove will be forever idolized!"

"In your dreams, Loki! The day that happens is the day that Bill Clinton takes his priestly vows."

"Fuck you, Bartleby" Loki mutters, turning away, yet a small grin was apparent on his face.

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"You gotta be kiddin' me!" She exclaimed, staring at him with disbelief. The Muse turned to the person sitting besides her, his face also mirroring her shock.

"It's a fuckin' joke, right?" The person next to the Muse asked.

"Well you know Her and Her quirky sense of humor" The Voice sighed. The Metatron, the highest of angels, also known as the Voice of God, rolled his eyes as the two beings gaped at him with total shock. "Y'know, your faces will most likely freeze like that and so far, the sight of you two like that isn't at all attractive."

Serendipity, the Muse, murmured a quick prayer as she closed her eyes. She couldn't believe the news that Metatron told her and Rufus, the Thirteenth Apostle.

"Why him?! Of all the angels that God has up here, why him?!" Rufus snapped. Not only was he stunned over the news, but also a bit fearful of what might happen if something goes wrong. "I mean, damn! He's not even an angel now! When he died, his fuckin' wings were cut off!"

"Rufus is right, Metatron. So technically, he isn't an angel anymore."

"That is true but according to the Lord, She believes that because of his sudden change of heart, Loki might be a good angel for this very role."

"But sending the former Angel of Death to be Bethany's child's sole guardian angel is like sending a reformed psychopath to baby-sit the United State's President's daughter! You're asking for shit to fly, Metatron!" Serendipity exclaimed.

"Look," Metatron tried to reason with the two. "We all can bitch and moan about this whole situation but we have no official right to change this. What God says goes. Whether we like it or not."

"So why'd you tell us knowing that we would bitch about it?" Rufus asked, still not liking the situation.

"Because if I had told you after we had sent Loki down to earth without telling before hand, I'd most likely hear you two bitch about it from now until eternity! I'd rather hear your rants first instead of later. Might as well get it bloody over it!"

"Well why Loki? I mean granted that Bartleby attempted to kill Bethany, but at least Bartleby had a bigger heart and a sensitive stomach compared to Loki." Serendipity inquired.

"Shit, bastard couldn't even watch Loki work when he was the Angel of Death." Rufus pointed out.

"Because God has other plans for Bartleby" The Metatron replied mysteriously. He got up, then said, "Well I'm off. Gotta break the news to them."

"What the hell does other plans' mean?" Rufus turned to Serendipity as they watched Metatron leave.

"How should I know? She's the only being that I don't give ideas to and the only being that I wished I did" The Muse replied.

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"Do you really want to make a twenty dollar bet that Joey and Rachel from Friends' will hook up? Are you stoned?" Bartleby turned to Loki, surprised.

"Fuck you, man! I'm telling you, Ross will leave Rachel and the baby for a blond bombshell, and Joey will be there to pick up the pieces! I mean, come on! Joey's the man!"

"But what about Phoebe? Joey's dedicated to her more than anyone." Bartleby reasoned, only making Loki more mad.

"Look, dude who the hell would you rather fuck"

Bartleby gave Loki a look, which caused him to rephrase his words.

"I mean, say if we had dicks who'd you fuck Lisa Kudrow or Jennifer Aniston?"

Bartleby thought for a moment, then answered, "Aniston."

"Exactly! Rachel's fuckin' hot! Shit, if I were Joey, I'd say kill off Ross and marry Rachel."

"Yeah yeah you're the only one though."

"Now that's where you're wrong, my friend." Loki argued. "I have it on good authority that there are a number of Joey/Rachel fans out there."

"And what authority is that?"

"By ways of the Internet." Loki shrugged.

"What the fuck is the Internet?"

Loki and Bartleby pause, meeting each other's eyes. Then they turn towards us readers via internet giving us this small shrug and a smile.

"You know," Bartleby began again, "You are as rabidly insane about this as you are about that stupid idea about Harry Potter and Hermione Granger hooking up!"

Loki's eyes began flashing dangerously, "Oh don't you fuckin' start, Bartleby"

"Harry and Hermione is as insane as Joey and Rachel!" Bartleby declared, causing Loki to jump straight out of his place.

"What the fuck?! I told you, man, not to fuckin' start with me!"

Bartleby just snickered, his posture calm. "Some angel's got his panty wings tied up in a bunch"

Loki started pacing, ranting and raving. All the while, Bartleby just sat lazily in his seat, watching his friend with content amusement.

This would have gone on for at least a good two hours if a certain "voice" had not entered the scene.

"Now what exactly are you bitching about today, Loki? It better not be about some 'Harry Potter' nonsense again"

Loki and Bartleby turned to the approaching voice surprised that it indeed belong to the Metatron.

"Does ranting about why Hermione should date Harry instead of Ron Weasley count?" Bartleby smirked, just as Loki took a seat.

Loki glared at him, and was about to comment, when Metatron interrupted with a sigh, "Good heavens, not that rant again I've already had enough of that stupid debate up in heaven between a great deal of the other angels!"

Loki perked up, "Really? So what's the majority's take, huh?"

Bartleby ribbed Loki, glaring at him to silence. Loki winced and returned Bartleby's glare. The Metatron only sighed again, rubbing his temples at the two former angels.

"Shit, Bartleby what the fuck did you do now?" Loki whispered.

"I do one fuckin' act of disobedience and now I'm the one always getting us into trouble?!" Bartleby snapped at Loki.

"Shit, man, I'm not the one that tried to kill the Last Scion."

"Fuck, man! How many times do I have to apologize for that?! I'm sorry! What? That makes that five thousand?!"

"Enough!" Metatron boomed, causing the pair to cease. He rubbed his temples again, "Damned it if I'm getting a migraine from you two."

He sighed, then, "Okay, listen up I'm down here visiting you two because God has decided to kick you two out of limbo. So pack up boys, you're moving on down"

"What?!" They both exclaimed, fear in their voices and eyes.

"Holy shit, don't tell us She's sending us to Hell?!" Bartleby exclaimed.

"No, no, She's not." Metatron assured them. He turned to Loki, "You are to be sent to earth as Bethany's daughter's personal guardian angel."

"I am?" Loki's eyes widened, completely amazed. A smile emerged on his face, "Really?"

"He is?" Bartleby was just as stunned. "Why?"

"No, my friend. I think you should be asking why not'." Loki smirked.

"Okay" Bartleby began, "Why not me?"

Loki glared at Bartleby, only to receive a smirk from the Metatron.

"Bartleby, you are also given a second chance, just like Loki."

"Oh don't fuckin' tell me that I have to play guardian angel over those two wasted stoners, Jay and Silent Bob!" Fear and annoyance was evident in Bartleby's voice.

At the mention of the two prophets, Loki's eyes widened with delight. "Hey, if you are, man, reconsider! Bartleby can watch over the Last Scion and I can watch over Jay and Bob!"

"No, Bartleby you won't be their guardian angel God help whomever are assigned to those two" Metatron sighed. "No you will be going to earth for a totally different reason."

Metatron snapped his fingers, causing Bartleby to suddenly disappear.

Loki jumped, startled at his friend's disappearance. "Holy shit! Where the fuck did he go?!"

"To earth" Metatron replied simply. He placed at hand on Loki's shoulder, guiding him away. "Okay, now your turn. Any minute now, Bethany will be giving birth to a young girl. From now until the day she dies, you will be there to watch and protect her. You got that? Or do I need you to take notes?"

"Y'know," Loki regarded the Metatron. "One of the good things I'm looking forward to this assignment is that I don't have to take in your fuckin' droll sense of humor anymore. No offense, Metatron."

"None takin' I don't have to hear your nasty mouth anymore."

"Hey! I'm a breath of fresh air compared to Jay!"

"Unfortunately"

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Alrighty then... should I or should I not continue? Give me... say five to ten reasons why I should (IOW... five to ten reviews). If not, then I guess I shall go back to the drawing boards... *sigh*... til then, I'll just be making bets over which couple will avenge... Clark and Lana or Lex and Lana (from Smallville)... any bets? Huh? Anyone?