Author's notes : This is the first and last time I write a story about sex between Ellie and Joel. Not that I don't think it would be okay for them to end up together but I still see their relationship more like deep friends or father/daughter-like.

This is the first chapter, doesn't include any sexual content. Ellie just wants to know if Joel shares the same attraction. Takes place around the time of the trailer for TLOU Part II (there was no way it would've been when Ellie was 14!). There'll be three chapters I think.

It had been a long time Ellie first noticed how attractive Joel was. His big arms, chest and his beard. They all kind of looked sexy to her. She never thought she'd feel something like this for a man as her first kiss was with Riley. But as the years passed, as they used to share one bed and as she was all grown now, Ellie wanted him. She only trusted him by the way so it would be natural she would want him. She didn't wanna have anything to do with another boy who would not understand her, what she's been through for survival. But there was a problem, a big problem.

She had no idea how Joel felt about her. Of course, she knew he loved her, otherwise he wouldn't have killed Marlene. But did he want her that way? Sexually? Sure, she was pretty - he called her 'pretty face' sometimes. There was a difference between finding someone beautiful and longing for their body. If he was attracted to her, he knew how to hide it. So, she thought, maybe she could just ask him. Or make it step by step. But it seemed like they already went through the step by step level, it had already happened at night when they're in bed. She would cuddle against his chest and he would hold her tight, kissing her hair. And sometimes, they would look at each other and ultimately kiss. He would always stop the kiss, she didn't know why. She knew it had an effect on him but he never went further. Was she too young for him? Though, this shouldn't count. He was 33 years older than her but then what? It's not like she still was a kid anymore. Yeah, she had to ask him. And, deep down, she knew that even if he refused, she would find a way to make him say yes. He couldn't keep restraining his male instincts for too long.

It was the evening, they hadn't really done much today except going into the nearby woods to hunt with some other neighbors and Tommy. The hunt was good, they managed to catch two deers and several birds of prey. Ellie was in her room, her heart beating strong as she was intending on asking him tonight. She was folding washed clothes when she heard him in the stairs. She took a deep breath and got out of her room. Joel stopped when he saw her and smiled.

"You did a good job today, you're getting better every time"

She hadn't noticed him observing her while they were hunting. She felt pleased.

"Thank you. Um, Joel?
"Yes?"
"There's something I have to ask you."
"Alright, tell me."
He now looked puzzled.
"Er... I'm asking you this because I know you and trust you. I trust only you by the way. And this kind of stuff is all about trust at first, I guess."
"Whatever you're afraid of asking, go ahead. You know, I'll always listen."
His words gave her the courage to get it all out.
"I want you to deflower me."
There, she said it.

He remained silent but got closer to her. They were a few inches apart now, their eyes almost at the same level. She had grown up in the last five years.

"Why me?" He simply asked.

"Well, I just told you. This is serious stuff, I-"

"Yes, this is serious stuff and I want you to overthink it. Really. That's not something you wanna regret afterwards."

Ellie felt as if he treated her like a child, again.

"I've been overthinking this for the past months. I didn't think about this yesterday and decided to ask you today if you think so."

"Ellie, it's one thing to share kisses from time to time but-"

This time, she cut his sentence:

"But it's a whole other thing to have intercourse. You think I don't know that? That I haven't been thinking about what would change then? I have a question for you: why do you kiss me then?"

"It doesn't have anything to do with making love. These are two different things."

"But one is the beginning of the other. So, you don't want me? You like kissing me but that's it?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then, help me understand. Because your ideas are completely opposite and it confuses me."

He looked down for a moment and finally said:

"I never said I didn't want you, but I don't… If something goes wrong, you're going to resent me. And that's the last thing I want, Ellie."

"So, this is what it is about? What are you afraid of? You forgot how to do it?"

She hoped teasing him would work. It did. Joel smiled weakly.

"I don't think so. But you're so young, so…"

"If you say weak, I'm gonna fucking kick your ass."

"Innocent?"

"Okay, it's better than weak."

He took a deep breath.

"Alright, let's make a deal."

Ellie waited for him to speak his mind, she was curious.

"We could do more than kiss but everything is up to you, if you wanna stop, we stop. I don't need your resentment, trust me."

He held his hand out for her to shake.

"Deal," she said as she put her hand into his.

This innocent gesture sent shivers down her spine and she got her face closer to his. They've never kissed outside of bed, at night. He didn't step back so she thought she was good to go. Taking his face in her hands very gently, she put her lips on his.