Affection
Oh my god, he looks awful.
He has cuts and bruises all over his skin.
He has beautiful skin. All soft and warm and smooth to my touch.
But now it is all shades of colors, blue, green with a hint of yellow, a lot of swellings and cuts, stained red like his shirt when he was found… when I found him.
It almost broke my heart.
He was a total wreck, curled together, his clothes torn and red from his blood.
I kneed down at his side, gathered him in my arms… well, I tried. But he wouldn't let me, wouldn't recognize me. He tried to fight me but he was too weak. I could easily hold him, catching his thrashing arms and waiting until he calmed down.
The night air was cold and he was shivering.
When he stopped struggling I gently carried him to my car.
I lay him down on the back seat and drove. I didn't know where I could go… my place was not save, his neither and I couldn't go to that friend of his, because he wouldn't let me stay.
He doesn't like me.
But I was not ready to leave him.
I decided for a motel, just for the night and that is where we are now.
He is sleeping uneasily, dreams seem to haunt him.
I whish I could wipe them away, make him better but all I can do is wait.
He is whimpering, stirring and I can't hold myself back any longer.
I get up, out of the chair I am sitting in and go over, kneeing down at the bedside.
I start to gently stroke his hair, brushing the sweaty strands out of his face, doing everything I can to sooth his nightmare but I am quiet. I don't know what I could say.
"I love you."
I don 't know where that came from but I know it's true.
I love him.
I don't understand why but I do.
Suddenly I see his eyes. He is staring at me. Those brown eyes are holding mine, and I am relieved to see them clear, not as fogged and dazed as they have been earlier.
But there is a sadness in them, that frightens me.
He reaches out a shaking hand, caressing my cheek gently. He says my name. It's more like a hushed whisper and I can tell he is choking on tears.
I smile down at him, taking his hand in mine, tenderly brushing over the fingers.
"I'm here."
He sighs and starts to shake violently.
Without another thought I gather him in my arms and rock him gently.
I feel the tears soaking my shirt, hear his sobs, helpless.
I never felt this helpless.
Not even when Mum left.
I lay down at his side, never letting go and arrange us so he lays on my chest, my arms wrapped around him protectively. No one will ever hurt him again. No one.
I promise myself that I rather let the world know that I'm a fag than letting anything happen to my lover.
I have made the mistake once.
I won't repeat it.
I don't know what exactly happened in the desert tonight and I won't force him but if he needs to talk I'll be there.
That's the last thing I tell him before I drift off to sleep…
The End