Challenge accepted tinylexie! So much friend fluff, I loves it! I imagine this takes place before OoTP. Absolute silliness.

He should have known better. Severus stood outside of his home in Cokeworth finding every excuse not to go inside. His lights were on and the shadows of both Lucius and Narcissa strutted around his house making disparaging remarks about his décor. Yet the summer heat along with the mosquitoes trying to gnaw at the little exposed skin persuaded him to the lesser evil. He stepped inside and already regretted it.

"Oh I think that's Severus."

"Really?" Lucicus cried in excitement. "Severus is that you?" Severus crept out of the entryway and peered into his sitting room. "Ah it is you."

"Who else would barge into my home unannounced, aside from you two of course." He glared at them.

"We thought it might be the painters." Narcissa declared and went back to the color swatches in her hands.

"The what?"

"We talked about this Severus." Lucius said placing a hand on the dark wizard's shoulder.

"We talk of many things Lucius, but I don't think this, whatever it is was one of them."

"Don't be ridiculous. We're turning this wretched bachelor pad into a respectable home." Lucius turned away with a smile and returned to consulting Narcissa about the colors.

"You're what?"

"I told you he wouldn't like it." Narcissa nodded back at Severus and then to her husband.

"He doesn't like anything."

"And the people on that list are growing." Severus grumbled. He had more on his mind but the front door swung open and from it two bulking men stomped into his living room.

"Ah!" Lucius said while putting down his glass of wine, which he'd helped himself to.

"And who are they?"

"The movers of course. Goodness Severus are you really so daft? You can't expect us to move all of this." He and Narcissa shared a chuckle as she began directing the movers into the rest of the house with instructions.

"All of the 'couches' need to go. What little is on his wall can go as well."

"Are you seriously redecorating my house?!"

"Well it won't be serious until the floor guy gets here. Honestly I think a nice marble in the entrance way and then dark wood throughout the rest of the house would be lovely. Except for the washrooms of course."

"Of course!" Narcissa called from the kitchen.

"Then kitchen will have a modest wood quality. From what I hear you use it like a laboratory anyway." Lucius snickered.

"When were you planning on discussing this with me?"

"You know as well as I do the only way this would get done is if we took you kicking and screaming." Lucius chuckled and sipped his wine. "You should be thanking us by the way." He slapped Severus on the arm.

"Thanking? Breaking an entry and taking my personal things to be put to charity?"

"Gods no not charity, we're going to burn them."

"He's right Severus." Narcissa came from the kitchen and took her glass that Lucius had been holding for her. "Oh thank you dear. Your possessions are unacceptable. Most of them are ancient and what isn't is mismatched and well…ugly."

"Listen here-" he stopped when he realized one of the behemoths masquerading as a man went into his study. "Whats he doing?"

"Nothing!" Narcissa did her best to direct him elsewhere but Severus twisted out of her grasp and demanded the man out of his private room.

"Out you oaf!" Severus shut the door and locked it with a key he seemed to pull out of nowhere. "This room is off limits. It has all of my books and my favorite armchair."

"See Lucius, he does like some things."

Lucius rolled his eyes. "Yes, boring things."

"Lucius I mean it!" Severus placed his back on the door protectively.

"Fine, keep your dark and dreary room. Am I to assume your bedroom will be off limits as well?" Lucius sighed with that moping tone Severus couldn't stand.

"Absolutely not Lucius. That's the most important room next to the sitting room. If he's ever to bring a lady-"

"Lady?"

"I know it seems improbable Severus, but with the right colors and room orientation-"

"I won't be brining anyone back here." Severus said with his arms tight across his chest.

"Fine, dwell in your loneliness. Still, something has to be done about this room." Narcissa sighed and shook her head in bewilderment. Severus had no sense of symmetry, the sofa and coffee table were misaligned and the arm chair sat almost in the middle of the room. She shuddered at the thought of his kitchen, clean but cluttered with pots, cauldrons and flasks.

"Did you really grow up in this place?" Lucius said with just a hint of care in his voice.

"I did."

"Gods, no wonder you're so…" he regarded his friend with an expression that wanted to be kind but was uncertain of how to do so. "So you…"

"Thank you for that assessment Lucius, now is there anyway I can escort you and your lovely wife out of my home with all of my possessions intact?"

"I'm afraid not Severus. Narcissa is elated with the idea of a make over and you just happen to be the most…challenging target."

"Severus." Narcissa called from the kitchen. He rolled his eyes and with the ever looming fear of what would come next.

"What?"

"Have you ever changed these curtains? They're ghastly. OH! And they smell terrible." Severus could hear Narcissa using her wand to rip the curtains off of the wall and with a quick inferno spell they were gone. She came back in to see Severus pouting and Lucius looking more than amused. "For goodness sake Severus, go through your home and tell us what you must keep. Honestly I would have never thought a man like you would be so possessive over furniture and curtains."

"Its not about the bloody curtains! Its about you and your husband strutting about my home like you own the place. I don't have much but what isn't at Hogwarts is here!"

"Oh I knew I forgot something, his office."

"Oh no." Narcissa 'tisked' "We'll never get him to go along with that."

"Gods…" Severus collapsed into the one chair that hadn't been taken out into the yard to be burned. "How long is this going to take?"

"Hard to say. This place needs a lot of work but honestly once we take everything out it'll be like working with a clean slate. Have we decided on what to do with the garden?" Lucius inquired to his wife.

"No amount of white peacocks are going to help here. I think simple might be better. Modest, cozy with maybe one flower bed."

The rest of the day seemed a blur. Both Malfoys bopping from one room to the next. Inadvertently insulting Severus and his taste in domestic style. He sat in his study trying to ignore them as much as they would allow. Every so often they would burst in with the following formula.

Affront him for his poor taste, praise the other Malfoy for their brilliant idea on how to fix the offense, Severus insisting they leave it alone, and the both of them telling him how silly he was and continue right along with what they were going to do. Severus had found little energy to stop them. He never cared much for what his home looked like before so why care now? If the Malfoy's wanted to waste their money on this project that was their affair. As long as his books and armchair remained intact.

Towards the end of the evening Lucius sat down in the only other chair in Severus' study. The potions master raised a brow and pretended to ignore his friend for a little while longer.

"So, getting bored of playing house already?"

"Oh me? No no, I just thought I'd come to see how you were."

"Annoyed."

"It baffles me that you're single."

"It baffles me that you and Narcissa aren't actually clones of one another."

"Say, do you remember that night in muggle London? The night before my wedding?"

"The night were you got so drunk you concocted an elaborate lie to two women about how we were not only cousins but I was a private tutor and you were a painter if I'm not mistaken, then you paraded around the pub like an imbecile with Narcissa's picture and almost told our lady companions about a very painful memory of mine." Severus looked up and to his dismay his friend was not at all disenchanted by the recap.

"Well when you say it like that, it makes me sound like an ass."

"You were being an ass, you're being an ass right now!" Severus slammed shut the book that had previously had his attention.

"The way I remember it, you were pouting all night, trying not to flirt with the muggle girl who at the very least could have shown you a good time. Showed me up in pool, with might I add horrible muggle music and then after I had done my best to show you a good time you shouted at me and almost left me in muggle London."

"There you go, being dramatic again."

"Don't think I didn't know what was rolling around in your thoughts. You weren't always the great master of occlumency that you are now."

"Its not like you didn't deserve it. You were pushing me, like you are now with damned redecoration! Like you always do."

"That's what friends do."

"Oh really? They barge into each other's houses? Drag them all over a dark and cold city, embarrass them? Constantly annoy them?"

"Yes…" Lucius said quietly. "They protect each other too. They bequeath the status of godfather to their only son. I don't know about you Severus, I don't take that title lightly." Lucius leaned in after checking to see if Narcissa was in ear shot. "Do you know what I had to do to convince Narcissa not to give a similar title to Bellatrix?"

"Perish the thought." Severus said dryly, but seriously.

"How is Draco at school?" Severus sighed reluctantly, of all the people he lied to, Lucius was one he didn't want to lie to.

"Apprehensive. I think he knows something is about to happen."

"We've told him the ministry will be getting involved with Hogwarts."

"More than that." Severus said quietly with his eyes affixed to the floor. "He's not stupid Lucius, he knows the dark lord is rising and what that will mean for him eventually. He can't stay out of the death eater's club forever."

"I try not to think about it. I brought it up to Narcissa once and she got really upset."

"Lucius do you think-"

"Severus! Lucius! Come look."

Together they rose out of their chairs and left the study and into the sitting room. The dull brown walls were now a dark shade of red with black trim along the floor boards and doorways. The wood on the floor was a dark oak with a light red rug to accent the contrasting colors. The square lopsided coffee table that used to sit in the center was now a sleek, oval shaped blackwood table, one that must have cost them a fortune. On either side of his fireplace mantle, which was now white marble with streams of onyx throughout, two crystal candle holders with a fat white candle in each one. His sofa was now a modest love seat made of black suede.

Narcissa sighed, pleased with herself. Lucius planted a kiss on her forehead. "My dear Narcissa, you've outdone yourself, and its only the first room."

"I know its just the sitting room but it's a start. What do you think Severus?"

"Too much red."

"Yes but its accented with black not gold. Both bold colors, they compliment each other well." Severus moved to the center of the room and inspected it from another angle. Watching Narcissa's anticipation of his approval was almost worth the bother in the first place.

"I suppose I can trust you with the rest of the house. Except the stu-"

"The study." She echoed. "Yes yes." He should have counted himself lucky, Severus had very few friends, and even fewer that would annoy him to defeat.

Wooo fun times!