Ex-V; Crackfic. Please make every attempt at enjoying this
"Eren"
"Ahem. Yes sir?"
"Turn slower when you face me, is it your desire to come off suspicious?"
"No, sir."
"If you were to employ longer sentences, it would appear less suspicious."
"Yes, Levi sir. It wasn't my intention to come off that way. My mistake.";
"When you force unnecessary words into your explanations, it becomes unappealing and therefore, suspicious."
"..." Eren trembled slightly. "Ah."
Levi, clearly distracted, made a good will attempt to clear his head by polishing a blade. "Now, Jeager. Where were you while i was expecting your presence here?"
Eren failed overtly to reply properly, and before he could sabotage himself entirely, a fortunately passing Mikasa interjected on his behalf. "He was getting some, sir. Forgive him."
A resounding silence.
Eren turned to look back at her, slowly.
Levi had never been aware of his eyes opening so wide. "Is...Is that right?" Entirely thrown off. Entirely. He knew it, too, and would have to make every attempt to salvage this. Don't appear at odds with what you've heard, Levi...Humanities greatest soldier would not be disturbed to hear such a thing..
"Was...Was it messy?"
By fortuitous circumstance, her interjection was entirely successful in throwing off the captain and they were able to leave him with his thoughts and blade polish; Eren however was rabid. "MIKASA!" he demanded of her.
"Mikasa, in god's name..." He was breathing deeply. Sweating. "I was NOT getting some..."
She paused. "You could have been..."
He took a second. He took a few seconds, and wiped his brow. "Right. Okay. Wow...Can I just...Can we reconvene in a few minutes, pretending this never happened?"
"I'll bring a condom. Don't worry yourself about it."
Ex-V: I'm a monster. There is no such thing as Out of Character
No such thing.