Where you go, I follow
Summary: A soul for a soul, that's what the creepy dude with the red face said right? The Soul Stone was back, shouldn't that mean she'd be back?
A/N: After one angsty story, I got hit with an idea for another one. God damn you End Game, and god damn you Russo brothers, no one said 11 years ago I was gonna lose people, this isn't Game of Thrones!
"I need a ship." It said a lot for how secure Shuri felt in her lab, that she didn't so much as blink at the unfamiliar voice.
Looking over her shoulder, a pleasant smile formed on her face at the sight of someone who her brother told her was instrumental in defeating Thanos.
"Doesn't S.H.I.E.L.D have their own ships?" eyebrow carefully arched as she asked, already having an idea that this wasn't a professional call.
"They don't know I'm here," Clint replied matter of factly, as he walked around to the table that was showing her latest project. "You've got better technology here than Stark ever did. If anyone can do this, it's this place."
"Have you slept, Clint?" Shuri placed her hand on his cheek, as she took in the large bags under his eyes, which did nothing for the haunted look that was already etched all over his face. "You look exhausted, we have beds here if you want to rest."
"I don't need sleep! I need a ship. he repeated, slowly moving her hand from his face, not liking the way that she was looking at him. "I'll clear it with your brother if you want me to, but I'd prefer if the fewer people who knew about this the better." Walking around to the other side of the oval table, that was currently showing a hologram of what he assumed was an improved suit for T'Challa.
Shuri could do nothing to stop the sad smile that formed on her face, as she took in the clearly heartbroken man in front of her. She had heard from the other Avengers, how Natasha had sacrificed her life to ensure they could get their hands on the Soul Stone. The one thing she regretted that Wakanda hadn't been able to thank her for what she had done, posthumous thanks were bittersweet at best.
Not liking the way that she was looking at him, Clint idly pressed buttons on the computer clearing the screen in front of him. Blue eyes quickly met brown, in a quick show of guilt, not knowing if she had any way of retrieving the information that she had just been working on.
"If you want to stay off the radar, we can put you up anywhere you want on the planet," Shuri offered, shaking her head as the suit she had been working on for her brother vanished in front of her eyes. If Clint didn't already look like his dog had been repeatedly kicked in front of him, then she would probably kick him, repeatedly.
Worrying his lip, Clint started pushing buttons until a holographic map was brought up in front of them. Inputting the coordinates that had been imprinted in his mind, ever since he had been to that damned planet, only looking up as it formed in front of them.
"I need to go here," Clint stated matter of factly, pointing towards it as he was met with a bemused face in response.
"This," Shuri began, frowning as she looked at the planet that he had pulled up and then back to the man who went by Hawkeye, or was that Ronin now. "This is a different planet Clint." she continued, wondering why he was talking about going to a different planet. She knew that some of the Avengers had been off-planet whilst they gathered the Infinity Stones, during their jaunt to the past. This however, this was the last thing she thought he was going to bring to her.
"Can you do it?" desperation laced his words, as his fingers tightened around the desk, if they couldn't help him then he wasn't sure who else he could ask. He could try and get in touch with Thor, but the last he heard, the Asgardian had gone off the planet. Even then it would raise too many questions he didn't want to answer about why he needed to go there.
"It will take some time." Shuri offered, although if she was being honest with herself she didn't know if she could actually build what he was asking of her. The way that Clint was looking at the hologram of the planet, however, meant she was more than willing to try. What was it about broken heroes that made it hard to say no to. First, it was Bucky, needing to have his Hydra programming removed and the battle with the guilt of what he had done, and now it was Clint looking like he was clinging to the last shred of hope that he had.
It was a few days following Clint's arrival in Wakanda that T'Challa finally found the archer, standing on the field that had been the site of the first 'snap'.
"As King, I usually know exactly where my guests are during their stay here." T'Challa's word came out in the calm and relaxed tone that seemed to typify everything about the warrior king. "You managed to stay one step ahead of me Clint, it's impressive," coming to stand next to the slightly smaller man, he had to agree with Shuri's statement that he looked utterly broken.
"I worked for S.H.I.E.L.D, being able to stay hidden is part of the job description," Clint replied with a humourless smile, staring out at only battlefield he hadn't been on whilst his friends had. He might have been a humble archer, Legolas as Tony had referred to him. That didn't stop him from thinking that maybe, somehow he could have helped prevent the 'snap' that started this mess in the first place.
"Shuri tells me you want to go off planet," he started cautiously, a small part of him could understand why he felt that he needed to do this, even if the risks massively outweighed anything he could achieve. "Clint," he continued, not having received an immediate response. "I don't think I need to tell you this cannot end well. Whatever you're looking for, you won't find it in space."
"I should have died up there," Clint's voice broke as he turned to T'Challa, trying to blink away the tears that were forming in his eyes. "The people I've killed the last five years. I didn't care if they had families; the cartel, mafia, murderers, rapists. I have so much blood on my hands, it'll never wash off." Looking down as he spoke, almost as if he could see the blood coating his gloved hands. Clint's comments only giving a small taste of what he had been doing before they brought everyone back, and hinted at why Rhodey didn't know if he was worth finding before their mission.
T'Challa's eyes narrowed slightly as Clint walked a few steps ahead of him, his eyes not moving from his hands out in front of him. He only knew small amounts of what the former S.H.I.E.L.D agent had done, in the years following the 'snap'. He knew even less of his life before that, only bits and pieces that Natasha had offered up during her stay in Wakanda. Did he agree with everything he had done? No. Was it his job to condemn his actions and life choices? Also no.
"Stay here," T'Challa offered, "let your mind heal, take as long as you need, we won't tell anyone where you are." Saying nothing of the family he knew the other man had, this was obviously something he didn't feel that they could help him with.
A minute went by before Clint showed that he had even heard what was offered to him, slowly turning around, a tear making its way down his cheek.
"Do you know how you get the Soul Stone?" he asked already knowing what the answer was, and for his part, T'Challa didn't try and answer him. How could he? There were only four beings who knew what it took to get the Soul Stone and three of them were dead, whilst the fourth looked like he wished he was. "It's the sacrifice of the person you care for the most, that you love the most." Closing his eyes tightly as the memory of what happened on that cliff edge was playing out in his mind.
"Natasha gave her life for you to get the stone." T'Challa frowned, releasing what the crux of the matter was, looking at Clint and seeing the anger and pain flowing through his every pore.
"IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!" Clint snapped at him, finally saying what he had felt ever since he came back from that godforsaken planet. "It should have been me," he repeated, "I jumped so she could get the stone, Nat jumped after me….she….she" swallowing the lump that formed in his throat. "Everything I've done these last five years, I wanted to do one good thing in my life to make up for that."
"Natasha felt that your life was the one worth saving," T'Challa stated, wanting to reach other to the other man, but was wary of the volatile reaction it would likely have given his emotional state. He waited for Clint to say something, but the longer the silence dragged out the more appeared that he was still coming to terms with what happened. "Tell me, Clint, if you get to where you want to, will you come back?"
Shuri watched as her brother carefully walked around the ship and her team had made. Whilst she had designed the craft, she knew it wouldn't go anywhere without his say so, at least not officially anyway. If the way their latest resident had prowled around the shadows, checking on their work when he thought they were gone, then permission from Wakanda's King was the last thing he was thinking about.
"Are you sure this will work?" T'Challa asked his younger sister and perhaps the smartest person he knew, smiling good-naturedly at her annoyed look. "Weaponry and defences are one thing sister, but this is meant to go into space."
"Bruce said that S.H.I.E.L.D's quinjet got him into space years ago, at least far enough to end up at a portal that put him on a distant planet." Running her hand across her latest creation with no shortage of pride, she grinned at her brother, "this is more advanced than anything S.H.I.E.L.D came come up with."
Before T'Challa could respond to her claim, not that he doubted what she said, after all, she had become Wakanda's lead scientist when it came to technological upgrades on merit, the buzzing of his phone cut their conversation short.
A concerned look formed on his face as he called down at his caller ID. before flicking his phone at one of the multiple holographic projectors that were dotted around the room.
"Your Highness," Nick Fury stood in front of the brother and sister, a tight smile on his face as he looked at the man who's technology made his own organization look like they were playing with
children's toys.
"Colonel Fury," T'Challa responded with a warmer smile, having an idea what this call was going to be about, whilst also wondering what had taken them so long to make it.
"Agent Barton has been missing for the last ten weeks," Fury continued
"We have no S.H.I.E.L.D agents here," Shuri interjected as she moved to stand next to her brother. Whilst he hadn't spoken much since he had arrived all those weeks ago, it was no secret that she had grown fond of the marksman, and he had requested that they keep his being there a secret from everyone.
"I didn't think you did," Fury replied with a smile that didn't reach his eye, before turning to address her brother once again. "Word has it, that your country has the most advanced surveillance system in the world." There was no mistaking the jealous tone that came with that statement, as the former director of an intelligence organization, he didn't like admitting other counties had better things than he did. "I'm going to send you a list of Barton's hideouts, all known and unknown ones. If you could keep an eye out for him, I'd appreciate it."
"Of course Colonel," T'Challa replied, shooting his sister a look that told her not to interrupt him, even if her own glare said that's exactly what she was planning on doing. "Though, if Clint has gone off the radar, then perhaps he doesn't want to be found."
"Perhaps," Fury nodded before terminating the call, a frown on his weathered face as he turned to Maria Hill who had been standing in the corner of his office. "They're lying to us." He stated with no shortage of annoyance in his voice. If there was one thing he couldn't stand was people lying to his face, even if he had told his fair share of lies over the years.
"Maybe T'Challa has a point, Nick," Maria stated, not moving from her spot. "Clint's been through the wringer these past few years; being brainwashed by Loki, seeing the Avengers break up, losing his family, losing Natasha." Stopping as she mentioned her old friend's name, breathing deeply to force back the emotions that came to mind, knowing she died on an alien planet. "Getting his family back, he hasn't had time to come to terms with everything, no one has."
"If we knew where he was, agent Hill," Fury stated as he made his way towards his door, "then I would give him all the compassionate leave he needed, right now he is AWOL." The look on his face told her, that he didn't fully believe what he had said. However, following Thanos' invasion and subsequent defeat, it had been ruled that all former S.H.I.E.L.D agents were once again on active duty. One being missing wasn't something the newly formed council was going to take too well.
"Sir," Maria frowned as she watched Fury stop in the doorway, "what do we do if we don't find Clint?" She knew there was a good chance that despite their best efforts, they wouldn't be able to find him. The terse smile that she was met with, didn't exactly fill her with confidence that they would.
Okoye found Clint Barton exactly where she had been told she would, sleeping, or was that meditating under a tree where he spent most of his days. For a few moments, she merely observed the male from her spot, some fifteen feet away. Okoye had seen enough during her travels around the world on behalf of Wakanda, to recognize a lost and heartbroken soul, and that was what was sat in front of her.
She had never spoken to Clint before, even at Tony Stark's funeral and Natasha's memorial service they had merely greeted each other with a nod of gratitude. She had, however, formed a bond with his former partner, and what she would have classed as a close friendship during the brief time the spy had been at Wakanda. The way Natasha had spoken in glowing terms about her long-term partner whilst they had been at S.H.I.E.L.D, gave the impression of an honourable man, even if he was led by his heart more than head at the best of times. Something that Natasha counteracted with her more level headed and rational way of thinking, which had obviously worked for them during their many years working together. Okoye was sure that if Clint and herself had met under better circumstances, the two would have struck up a friendship like she had done so with Natasha.
"Clint," watching as his eyes opened, snapping to her immediately aware of where her voice had come from. "We're ready for you." Smiling warmly at him, from her position on the automated ATV, as she stepped to the side as he slowly climbed in alongside her.
"It took less time than I thought it would," Clint commented, leaning against the side of the vehicle as they sped towards the airfield.
"You gave Shuri a challenge," Okoye replied, the smile of her face only growing in pride as she thought about the teenage girl. "If there's one rule everyone in Wakanda knows, you don't give her a challenge. The constant upgrades to T'Challa's suit, and more so the armoury that she had helped create for Wakanda was proof of that.
"This place makes S.H.I.E.L.D and Stark look like paupers," a sardonic smirk tugged at Clint's mouth. In another time and place, he would have loved looking around at technology that surrounded him. He mightn't have been the science nerd that Bruce or Tony were, he was, however, male and therefore there was still a small part of him that was a child who liked playing with toys. After all, hadn't S.H.I.E.L.D ended up as people playing a superhero?
"Wakanda is the most advanced nation on the planet." Okoye beamed, she was immensely proud of where she was from and would challenge anyone that said where they came from was better.
"And still no Starbucks." Clint snarked
"No...no Starbucks..." Okoye muttered in disbelief, ready to rant at the male next to her about just what Wakanda had accomplished. The words died on her tongue, as she spotted the humour dancing in his eyes, as he stared steadfastly ahead. Smiling to herself, she let him have that one, after hearing what he had gone through, the fact he was even cracking a joke showed he wasn't completely lost.
Shuri stood alongside her older brother, as the pair watched Clint and Okoye draw closer with bated breath. She had complete faith in the ship she and her team had created, but that did nothing to settle the butterflies in her stomach.
"Relax Shuri," T'Challa placed his hand on her shoulder, offering his sister a proud smile, "you have done yourself and Wakanda proud with this ship."
"That's not why I'm nervous," she whispered to no one as she watched him greet Clint as an old friend, as he helped him down from the vehicle before patting him on the back. It was now her turn to be filled with pride, her brother truly was a great King. The fact that he had opened Wakanda to the rest of the world, would perhaps make him the greatest King of their time.
Clint tried to hide the look of awe as he took in the ship that had been made for him. It definitely had a similar design to S.H.I.E.L.D's quinjets, however, it was red with shades of gold, similar to what he had seen their warriors wear, as opposed to the grey ships he was used to.
"The coordinates you provided have been programmed into the ship," T'Challa explained, watching as Clint continued to take it in. Looking at his sister, his smile quickly fell seeing her chewing her lip and looking at everything but him and Clint. "I'm sure Shuri can show you inside the ship."
Shuri gave a curt nod as she indicated for Clint to place his hand on the front panel of the ship.
"The ship was configured to respond to you primarily," her voice gaining in confidence as the panel opening letting the pair inside. "I have an override of course, and will remotely programme anything that goes wrong." Clint's head snapped towards her at that comment, ready to ask just did she think could go wrong. "Hey, it's a long journey," Shuri quickly added, her hands held up in front of her, "we've never sent anyone to space before, you're pretty much the guinea pig."
"Great," Clint muttered shaking his head at her, "so if the ship blows up?"
"It won't blow up, I least I hope not. We haven't exactly tested this." Shuri laughed before sitting down in the cockpit, tapping the seat next to her. "Press this button here," she indicated to the panel in front of her, "and it will take you to Vormir, as good of a pilot as you might be, I don't think you want to get lost in space."
Clint for his part, listened silently as Shuri walked him through everything she had installed in the ship to make his journey as easy as possible. For someone so young, she definitely had a mother hen vibe going, though he wasn't sure if that was directed at him or her ship he was taking. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a sharp stabbing pain in the side of his neck,
"Ow." Clint glared at her, even though his anger was more directed at himself that he hadn't seen her move.
"A microscopic chip," Shuri beamed at him, her fingers a millimetre apart to show just how small it was. "It'll let us keep a check on your vitals whilst you're off the planet."
A cough from the rear of the ship indicated that they weren't alone, the pair turned around to see T'Challa smiling at them.
"Shuri, don't stab him with things," he shook his head at his younger sister as he slowly made his way over. "I need to speak to Clint alone." His tone left no room for an argument, and surprisingly Shuri nodded before leaving without a disgruntled comment.
"Why do I get the feeling you're going to ask me not to go?" Clint asked, turning his chair around so he could face the other man.
"Clint," T'Challa laughed quietly, "even if I ordered this ship stay at Wakanda, something tells me it would go missing when you thought everyone was sleeping." A single raised eyebrow dared him to deny what he was saying. An amused snort drew a smile in return, as T'Challa held his hand out, a small earpiece resting in his palm. "So we can keep in touch whilst you're off planet."
Clint held the small communicator in his hands, his eyes closing as he listened to the footsteps of the other man walking away.
"T'Challa," he called out, causing him to stop mid-step, turning to look over his shoulder at him. "Thank you." A genuine smile, however small, formed for the first time in a long time it felt, as he tried to convey in those two words just what this meant to him.
"Hurry back," Wakanda's King smiled back at him, before leaving the ship as the doors shut behind him. The smile quickly fell from his face as he watched the ship slowly gain altitude before it blasted above Wakanda's skyline. He could have asked him to stay, he could have offered him asylum in Wakanda like he had done so with Bucky Barnes, though he doubted Clint would have ever agreed to it.
"What is he looking for?" Okoye asked her King, noticing the morose look that had formed on his face.
"A ghost." Was the simple reply.
Space was dark and empty, and….and quiet Clint realized as he stared out of the observation panel. It hadn't seemed this bad the last time he was travelling through space, which sounded insane even to his own ears. Although the last time, he had been consumed by the adrenaline and excitement of just what they had been trying to accomplish.
'You had Natasha.' His mind whispered at him. He resisted the urge to punch something, the only thing that stopped him was the fear that he would break something in the ship and then where would he be?
Closing his eyes and taking long, deep breaths trying to use the meditation techniques that Coulson had taught him following particularly difficult missions in his early days being part of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Arms spread out either side of him as he jumped off the cliff, Clint could only smile to himself. He would do this if it meant bringing everyone back then his life was a small price to pay, and who knew, maybe it would make up for all the questionable things he had done in his life.
Something black and red shot past him in the corner of his eye, causing him to grab hold of it out of instinct as he jerked to a stop.
'Damn you,' blue eyes stared down at Natasha in shock, before he turned his head to the cliff face where she had somehow attached her grapple to both it and his belt in the split second following her leap. His stomach dropped as he realized what she was trying to do, fear etched on his face as he turned back to her. 'No!' He tried to pull her up to him with one hand, whilst at the same time, he tried to pull the pair up her grapple wire, finding it impossible due to the angle she had attached it to him.
'Let me go' Natasha begged him, green eyes shining with unshed tears that were mirrored in his own blue ones.
'No, please no,' Clint shook as his head in defiance, as he tried once again to pull them up the wire, but his hand slick with his sweat slid back down it. He could feel her small hand slipping out of his own, as he tried to cling to it. 'Please' he pleaded, not sure how much longer he would be able to hold onto her if she wasn't trying to keep hold herself.
'It's ok.' Natasha smiled sadly up at him, seeing his heartbreak as the tears fell down his cheeks.
Clint could only watch in horror as she planted her feet on the side of the cliff before she pushed off and forced her hand out of his, plummeting to her death
'NOOO!'
"Noooo!" Clint cried out, his eyes snapped open as he fell out of his and onto the floor of the ship. His heart was beating that hard, it felt like it was going to pound its way out of his chest.
"Clint!"
He tried to suck air into his lungs, but it wasn't working. His stomach felt like it was filled with ice.
"Clint!"
Tears burnt his eyes as he emptied his stomach onto the floor of the ship. He forced himself to count to ten, his hands blinding groping for the chair.
"CLINT ARE YOU THERE?!" Shuri's panic laden voice boomed in his earpiece.
"I'm here Shuri," he replied taking ragged breaths, as he slowly pulled himself back into the seat, slumping backward, his eyes clenched shut.
"Are you ok?" She asked, only slightly calmer than she had been, "your heart rate spiked out of nowhere."
"I'm ok…..just….just a bad dream," Clint said, more to himself than her. She didn't ask what said dream was about, or just why it was so bad that his heart rate spiked so much that she needed to contact him. "Just a bad dream," he repeated, almost as if he was willing it to be true. "What time is it back home?" he asked, needing some kind of distraction.
"Nearly 4 A.M." Came the sheepish reply, earning her a bark of laughter.
"Go to sleep, the last thing I need is your brother threatening to kick my ass." Clint didn't wait for her to respond before he turned his communicator off. In the quiet of space, he wondered what his old team would think of his plan if he knew what he was trying to do. No doubt that would think he was crazy, try and talk him out of it, maybe even keep him locked in the Avengers compound.
As silence filled the ship once again it didn't take long before Clint's eyes grew heavy. As he felt his head droop he pinched the bare skin of his forearm, using the sharp pain to keep himself awake. The last thing he wanted was to fall asleep again. He couldn't see Natasha falling to her death again, and he knew that was what awaited him in his slumber.
"I should have asked for some music," he muttered to himself. He was used to silence on his solo missions, as rare as they had become in the latter days of his time at S.H.I.E.L.D and before he became an Avenger, but this was a different kind of silence. It filled the ship making it feel claustrophobic, he almost turned the communicator back on. Almost.
Clint found himself using one of Coulson's old techniques, of thinking about different kinds of food he would have when he returned. 'Steak – rare, mashed potatoes cooked with a hint of butter, no sauce, it ruined the taste of the meat.' Coulson and Natasha had always said the cow was still moving in the field with how he ate his meat. Although he argued that having it cooked well done, as the pair of them did, was a waste of perfectly good beef.
An alarm blared out causing Clint's eyes to snap open, not knowing when he had fallen asleep, but it must have been for a while as he stared out at the reddish purple orbit of Vormir. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, as he inputted the commands to take the ship down to the planet's surface. 'Breath in, hold it, and breath out' he reminded himself, this is what he had come all this way for, he wasn't about to turn back now.
Placing his sword on the sheath on his back, blue eyes stared steadfastly on the cliff face that haunted his nightmares. Dirt crunched underfoot, as he followed a trail he could have made with his eyes closed, something he had done whenever he allowed himself to fall asleep.
Eyes narrowing into pinpricks as he edged his way along the spiralling path, his hands twitched at every and any sound, even if he was the only person on the planet.
"Clint Barton," a black cloaked figure rounded the archway in front of him, its face was hidden under the large hood, however, it wouldn't be a shock this time around. "You've come looking for the Soul Stone." Leading him towards the cliff-edge, the Red Skull repeated the same lines that had been burnt into his head since he had been teleported to the planet decades prior.
Clint followed silently, his face set in stone and he stared a hole in the back of the one time Hydra commander's head. It felt like his heart was sitting in his throat as he walked towards the cliff edge, having half expected to see Natasha's body at the bottom. The only sign that anyone had ever visited the planet previously, was the numerous dried bloodstains at the bottom of the cliff.
"Bring her back," he growled turning to the Red Skull. No sooner had the words left his mouth, did Clint feel like he had a needle piercing his temple.
"That's not possible," the Soul Stone's guardian replied, looking back at him blankly.
"You said a soul for a soul," Clint spat before pointing towards the cliff edge. "You have the god damn stone back! .Back!"
"A soul for the Soul Stone." The Red Skull's gaze followed his finger, "what's lost cannot be returned."
With a cry of anger, Clint pulled his sword from its sheath before swinging for his head. He lurched forwards as his attack went through the Red Skull like smoke, his teeth bared in a snarl as his head snapped to him. Ignoring that his attacked did nothing, he swung his sword a second time, only for it to pass through his harmlessly again.
"You can't harm me, Clint Barton." The Red Skull stated matter of factly. He wasn't the first to try and attack him, many were drawn to the planet for what it possessed, and he lost count the amount who thought they could take it with violence.
"A soul for a soul," Clint repeated, keeping his back turned as his sword fell out of his hands. "My soul for hers." He could do this, he'd trade their positions, he would give his life if it meant she'd come back.
"No." Came the simple reply as he ignored the anguished cry from the other man. "This is not the trade you offer."
"Please..." Clint pleaded finally turning around, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.
There was a moment of silence where the Red Skull seemed to stare through him, Clint wasn't sure what it was looking for if anything at all.
After what seemed like an eternity, the stone's guardian started walking over to him, one slow step after another. A red, disfigured and badly scarred hand reached out from under the black cloak stopping an inch from the younger man's face. Clint for his part actively tried to stop himself from flinching, he had seen many horrific things, but this thing was perhaps the most unsettling with the way it stared into his soul. Clint felt himself go cross-eyed as he stared back at the aforementioned hand, and in a blink of an eye, it was gone. No, scratch that, everything was gone.
Spinning in a tight circle as he took in his surroundings, he was no longer on the cliff he had been seconds earlier. There was no worn, gravel path underfoot, the reddish purple sky was replaced by a more orange hue. He had been here before, this was where he'd been after Natasha had sacrificed herself, only that time he had been laying in water.
Had it worked despite him being told it was something that couldn't be done?
"Clint?"
A/n: This originally had a different ending, the document crashed before I could save it. And for the life of me, it doesn't look right whenever I've tried again. So cliffhanger it is