The Hyrule Warriors Parody 2

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! HAVEN'T PLAYED IT? GET OUT!

Also I am living on campus at my school and I can't get an internet connection for the Wii u. So I don't know what happens with Cia's story from one of the DLC packs.

Hyrule had fallen ….. darkness spread through the land … monsters slaughtered thousands.

At the center of the kingdom stood Hyrule Castle, now conquered by the main antagonist of the game. The evil walked onto the balcony with two generals kneeling to their master. The evil gazed at the scorched land of Hyrule as he ….. He? Hey what a minute! Ganondorf is that you?!

"That is I." Ganondorf answered with Ghirahim and Zant behind him. "Why are you surprised?"

But Cia's supposed to be the villain of this game. That hot ass and her two unique goons are awesome.

"Oh her." Ganondorf said with an evil smirk. "She's dead."

D-D-Dead?! But how?!

"The chosen hero and his friends. They've defeated her which allowed me to become whole once more."

But-but she had an unhealthy crush on Link. That makes her even more interesting as a villain, like an evil Helga G. Pataki. Have you even seen her palace? But what about Wizzro and Volga?

"Those two were both struck down as well. Cia just forgot to revive Wizzro and Volga died without a cutscene." Ganondorf gazed back at the scenery.

But wasn't Wizzro supposed to join forces with you? Nintendo said that he could do that kind of stuff if he wanted to. Also did they really cast away Cia for you? Did she get a good closure? Did she confess her attraction to Link? Did Lana ever join back with Cia? Will Lana try to win Link's heart? Does Link and Zelda share cute moments?"

As I continued my questions, Ganondorf drew his great swords and slashed toward me and Ahhhhhh!

"That took care of him." Ganonodorf smiled as he placed his swords back. "Hyrule and the Triforce are mine! And soon the whole world will bow before me." Ganondorf paused. "However, the hero and princess will soon bring their army to us for the final battle."

Zant noticed something from the distance. "Master. Look!"

Ganondorf looked over to see an army toward the distant. He took out a telescope and saw that it was Link and Zelda leading the Hyrule Army toward the Castle. Ganondorf laughed as he checked the upcoming fun for his army.

"So they have finally arrived." He said with a grin. "Looks like they brought their friends too." Ganondorf noticed Midna and Fi alongside Link. "They even brought the Zora, the Goron, the light of Cia, and M-M—ME!?" Ganondorf dropped the telescope and his jaw.

Ghirahim quickly picked the telescope up, only to be forcefully grabbed by Zant. "Let me see!"

"No, I am the Demon King's servant! I must see."

Ganondorf quickly took the telescope from them and looked over at the army to find another him with Link and Zelda. "What is this?!"

At the Hyrule Army, the other Ganondorf was laughing to himself. "Soon Ganondorf shall fall by my hands and I, Ganondorf, shall obtain the Triforce!"

Zelda leaned over to Link and asked why they have a second Ganondorf with them to fight Ganondorf.

"Hyah, Hy, heh, yah!"

"SPEAK WORDS, DAMMIT!" shouted Zelda.

"O.K., geese. He's just player two ….. with the Wii Remote."

They looked over at him while he was performing combos. "That's not the combo I wanted to do!" the Demon King shouted to himself.

Link sighed and drew a telescope and looked over at the Castle. He saw Ganondorf also looking through a telescope. Ganondorf then gave Link a Morse code and Link replied him back. (He's Player Two).

Back at the castle, Ganondorf growled to himself. "It appears this is free mode." Ganondorf quickly turned around. "Ghirahim, Zant. Gather our entire army and meet me at the Castle's gates."

Ghirahim and Zant bowed to Ganondorf and they teleported away.

Ganondorf turned to the army and smiled. "Anyone who opposes me shall suffer from the wrath of evil!" The Triforce appeared from Ganondorf and a dark aura surrounded him. He laughed greatly as his entire body was covered by a giant black monster with glowing red eyes.

Back with Link's army, a hoard of Bokoblins were charging at them. "Bokoblins." Link pointed his sword toward the threat and ordered a horde of warriors to attack.

Darunia also joined in and threw a large hot boulder on top of the monsters, crushing them to death. And the Hyrulian soldiers. "Sorry!"

Princess Ruto of the Zoras sighed. "Really, I thought you would try and control your strength, Darana." She said like a wiseass.

"Hey, I already apologized for kidnapping you. You don't have to call me names." Darunia frowned as he stomped on the ground.

Ruto started acting snoody. "Oh please. Before you personally took me away, I was enjoying a seaweed wrap as I was fed clams."

Darunia raised an eye at Ruto. "I didn't take you myself. I had one of my warriors to do it."

"Oh really?" asked Ruto in shocked. "I didn't notice."

Darunia rolled his eyes. "Well it doesn't matter, we have a war to go to and … HEY." Darunia showed his teeth in anger. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Ruto took notice of Darunia's anger. "It's just that I also had cucumbers on my four eyes and-"

Then Darunia cut her short. "Oh I see how it is. You think we all look alike because we're not a Zora. Huh, is that what you think. Speciesist!"

"Now hold on!" Ruto poked Darunia. "I may be a rude spoiled bass. But I don't dare go into that territory."

"Huh, don't bother hiding it!" shouted Darunia. "You must think we are all just lazy lumps of potatoes that do nothing but roll all day. Well I have you know we are a proud race of mountain people. You're just jealous that your species can't stand the heat of Death Mountain. But guess what, we can't swim. What do you have to say to that?"

Ruto sighed in annoyance. "I don't care about our differences. We have to help Zelda in our war against Ganondorf."

"Zelda? I know what you're planning. You think that if you can help Zelda, she'll do a favor for you. Like mass-genocide on the Goron's race because you think we're ruining your economy!"

Ruto was completely shocked and dump-founded. "The hell did that come from?! And what's an economy?"

Their argument was stopped by Sheik. "Enough of this. We have to save the land from evil's wrath."

"W-What is this?!" Zelda marched over to Sheik. "Who are you?! I'm supposed to be Sheik!"

"Dudette. Spoilers to Ocarina." said Darunia.

Sheik strummed her Harp. "Do not be bothered by me. I am player three."

"But this game is only two players with no online gameplay!" shouted Zelda. "At least we don't have to hear children cussing."

Link placed his hand on Zelda's shoulder and advise her to just go with it.

"Good idea. I'm still wondering why we brought a little girl here."

Elsewhere in the army, Astra was walking with Midna and Fi. Midna was especially furious with Ganondorf. "Ganon … I still remember when your reincarnation had-"

"Minda, there is a 70% chance that you will spoil 'Twilight Princess'."

Midna gave Fi a half-light glare. "Everyone knows what happened in that game. Ganondorf gave Zant power and took over Hyrule. Then Link and I had to-"

"Sorry, Mistress Midna." Fi interrupted which made Midna a bit irritated. "For Hyrule Warriors, you are not allowed to acknowledge Link from your time. Nor anything about the Link in this time period."

"Well there goes my wolf fantasy." Midna said to herself.

"I heard what you said." Fi shouted which caused Midna to turn bright red.

"Please quiet!" Midna pleaded.

Fi's eyes turned red and her voice grew louder. "WOLF FETISH ALERT! WOLF FETISH ALERT!"

Midna tried all her might to stop the alarm. She tried pulling her away, covering her mouth, throwing rocks, having Skullantulas cover her with web, block it out with repetitive songs, and unleashing all the powers of Twilight on her, but nothing silenced the robot spirit thing. Until….

"HAULT!"

Midna and Fi both stopped from Agitha blocking their path while she searched the ground. "I don't believe it!" Agitha held her hands up to reveal a simple bug. Midna and Fi both looked confused and concern as Agitha looked to the bug like the Holy Grail. "It's an African, flying, upside-down, bazooka, bed-time buggy bug. Also known as Saripulos domixytika mumlonariulynisemeronio." Midna and Fi immediately stepped away as Agitha began petting it sexually. "Huuuh, huuuh, yeeeeesssss, yeeeessssss, I'm your princcccesssss…"

The Army just walk toward the castle, leaving Agitha to do God wish he doesn't know.

They soon reached a field with plenty of rocks. This made Darunia laughed with joy. "Leave this to me." Darunia lifted a boulder up and threw it at a random direction, crushing something offscreen.

"My cabbages!"

Darunia then punched a rock and shattered it. "This is the strength of the Goron Race!"

Ruto rolled her eyes. "And weren't you just saying that your kind are not just the same people." She thought to herself, knowing that saying anything will start something again. But from the look of it, it seems Darunia wants to start something. Ruto continued to hold her grudge as Darunia became cocky.

"Ha ha ha!" Darunia laughed. "Rocks, nothing but rocks! Just like Rock n' Roll." Darunia rolled around Ruto and uncurled to get close to her face. "Rock n' Roll. Doesn't that just make you rollin?"

Ruto felt sick from whiffing Darunia's breath. "What do you want?"

"Oh me, I'm just rolling, rolling and you are just watching me. You see me?"

Ruto instantly knew what Darunia was doing. "Oh are you really doing that? I've heard the song before."

"And you're still hatin!" Darunia started dancing like in Ocarina of time. "They seem me rollin, they trollin!"

"W-What?" asked Ruto. "It's Hatin, not trollin."

Darunia stopped dancing and raised an eyebrow at Ruto. "Seriously?" he asked sternly.

"Yes, it is hatin." Ruto folded her arms as Darunia lowered his.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Darunia began stomping in anger as Ruto finds this amusing.

"Calm down and continue to clear the pathway. We don't have an unlimited amount of bombs."

Darunia stopped his tamper and pointed at Ruto. "We do have unlimited bombs! You spoiled blobfish!"

"Blobfish!?" Ruto used her Zora Scale and casted water around herself. "I'm going badass Katara on your ass!"

"We already referenced Avatar!" Darunia drew out his large hammer and the two duel each other. Flaming boulder and glaciers flew away from the fight and landed on plenty of soldiers.

Out of nowhere, Impa of the Sheikian tribe stopped the civil battle by slicing them both with her large blade. "That is enough." Impa turned to the two. "We are on the same side. Ganondorf is probably on his way to us right now. We must ….. must …." Impa then realized that Drunia and Ruto were lying unconscious in a puddle of blood. Impa slowly looked at her blade, stained with blood. "What … have I done!?" Impa dropped her sword and kneeled to the ground. "I've slain my own comrade. I have no right to be Zelda's guardian." She took out a small knife and stabbed herself in the heart. "Forgive me, Zelda."

Impa passed on from this world and her shell collapsed, right before two bottled fairies revived Ruto and Darunia. "Darn, I hate it when that ha …. Ha ha ha haaaaaa!" The speechless Darunia pointed at the dead Impa.

Then Zelda and Link, along with the rest of the army, saw the scene of Impa's body. "Impa …..?" a single teardrop ran down Zelda's face. "You two ….. you've killed her!"

"WHAT!?"

"Soldiers, fire on my word!" The warriors aimed their arrows at the two. Darunia and Ruto both hugged each other in fear.

"Ruto, I'm sorry I was trying to prove you were racist." Darunia said to Ruto with tears in his eyes.

"I was sleeping with your son!" Ruto revealed.

"You wha-"

Then the execution took place and both of them were sent to the afterlife. Zelda felt no happiness from the justice for Impa. She leaned onto Link's shoulder and cried. "I know this is war … but Impa held no honor in her death. All she wanted was to protect this kingdom. I … I…" Then Zelda was embraced by Link's arms. "L..Link?" Zelda could feel his muscular arms holding her tightly.

"Zelda…" Their eyes locked onto each other. "Impa still have as much honor as anyone here. She would be happy as long as you live and peace is restored to Hyrule."

Zelda blushed. "Link … We will rise up against Ganondorf and bring peace back to this world. Then I'll knight you and you can ….. well you can accompany me …" Zelda looked away shyly and smiled.

Link eyes widened a bit and blushed. "Zelda, I really like you too. You're wise, beautiful, full of energy, and full of justice."

"You do?" Zelda gazed up at her hero.

"But …. This is no time to fondle me!"

Zelda's emotion shifted to shock and anger and broke from Link's hug. "You sick perv! Why would I even …" Zelda then realized a more important situation. She held her hand out and said, "But I wasn't touching you." Zelda caught something behind Link and pointed while freezing.

Link's face turned blue in fear and slowly turned around. "Oh Goddess, please don't let it be." His dreadful gaze soon met an old foe.

"Link, my love."

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Link jumped back and fell over. "No No, get away … Cia?" Cia the Sorceress, alive and well, stood before the two. "Oh thank the Goddess you're not Tingle." Link sighed and picked himself up. Then after quickly calming down, he drew the Master Sword toward Cia and demand answers. "Wh-why are you alive!?" Link asked with his face still red.

Zelda held her rapier at Cia. "And why did you touch my Link?!"

Cia smiled and licked her lips. "The Hero is mine, and I'm from a DLC pack. Along with both Wizzro and Volga."

She pointed at her two henchmen, Wizzro who was playing train and Volga was taking DNA samples from Volvagia and himself.

Cia stepped closer while moving her body seductively. "Come to me, Link. I'll fulfill your deepest desires."

Link noticed that Cia was untying something off her clothes. He hesitated, but then made a statement. "Cia, this is no time for those activities. I don't love you. You can never fill my heart with your ways."

"Score 1 for Midna!" Midna mistakenly shouted far away and soon realized her mistake.

"WOLF FETISH ALERT! WOLF FETISH ALERT!"

Link was oblivious to what was going on back there and continued his speech. "We must defeat Ganondorf or else all is lost."

Then Zelda shout out. "And YOU'RE RUINING EVERYONE'S CHILDHOOD!"

Cia smiled devilishly. "Welcome to Rule 34!"

Back at Hyrule Castle, Ghirahim had noticed that the enemy was coming slower than usual. "This may be a good sign." He smiled to himself and teleported to behind the front gate. "Zant, I have the current status of those dogs." Ghirahim became silent when he saw Zant making some weird possess as he preached to the monster army.

"I am the true Twili King, not Midna! I am destined for greatness!" He then started stomping like a kid. "It's my Kingdom! Mine, Mine, Mine!"

Ghirahim pushed him away and drew his sword. "My fabulous fellow demons. Today was slain the light of this world." He then licked his sword. "We shall perform countless of murders on the battlefield. Histroy will remember this day as only genocide." Ghirahim started breathing heavily. "Kill them, cover yourself in your blood. Only then you shall truly be …. FAAABULOOOOOOOOOS!" Ghirahim then … OH God, don't do that! No, no, no!

"Turtles are communists!" shouted Zant.

Back with the Hy-

"NO, I want more time!" Zant brought out a board that shows Zant's battle strategy in complete detail, complete detail that only he could understand. "Now, you Bokoblins, go over there! Octoroks, shot rocks at that guy! Lizlofs, bask in the sun. And Poes, what was 'The Raven' about?"

Ghirahim pushed the plan away and yelled at Zant. "What do you think you are doing? Your plans make no sense!"

Zant shouted 'Blah' and said, "We're the underdogs, underdogs always win!"

Ghirahim slapped Zant. "That only work in clichéd movies. And as of right now, the Hyrule Warriors are the underdogs. If you see for yourself, they seem to be preoccupied."

Ghirahim pointed Zant to the army watching the love triangle.

"Wait, don't cut us out now!" Zant disappeared and drew out a cursed Twilight weapon. "We have to revive skeleton monsters to do our bidding."

Ghirahim gave Zant a half-lite glare. "A skeleton monster with an obvious weak point? That shows not true intelgeeee, alright you got me there. But we must strike now! While they are distracted."

Zant liked the idea. He went into another room and pulled out a giant bomb. "And we can use this to wipe them all out!"

Ghirahim was intrigued by this. "Wonderful. Their bodies will be blown into pieces. Where only the rats will eat." Ghirahim then heard a sizziling noise. His joyful looked slowly turned to an annoyed slum. "Zant, have you already lit that?"

"Yes, what's the pro-"

BOOM

Back with our heroes, Zelda was protecting Link from Cia's unhealthy lust. "You scank. I spelled that correctly, right?"

Cia moved closer, doing some sexual things to herself as all the warriors watched. "Link, you know you want it. Just toss that boring girl away and we can .. get to know one another."

Zelda looked up at Link. "Link, don't listen to her. She doesn't truly love you. And we have a T rating. She is only a cock tease!"

Link gulped, "Zelda .. I …"

But then someone appeared into the scene. "Halt. Cia, this isn't the way." It was Cia's light, Lana. "Zelda is right. This is a T rating!" She used her tomb and created a force shield to block Cia. "Cia, I am your light. The love you think you hold, it is within me alone. What's left in you is only desire."

Cia was absorbing in all of what Lana had said. "It's true … it's all true." Cia dropped to her knees as Lana approached Zelda and Link.

"I'm sorry for everything that has happened." She looked to Zelda. "I know you might never forgive me for all this, but I tried to warn Cia that – Paralyze!" Lana quickly shot an electric attack on Zelda and stunned her.

"Zelda!" Link was about to jump into action until Lana jumped into action on him. She began kissing him and dragged him behind a boulder.

"You … whore!" Zelda recovered and followed the two behind the rock as Cia just watched.

"What just happened?" Cia then looked at the warriors. "Well if I can't have Link, then I'll find another man." She called out to all the warriors. "Alright, who's single?"

Everyone rose their hands, looked at each other, and all fought to the death.

Volga and Wizzro walked over to check out the fight. "So Link chose another?" asked Volga.

"My light took him away and Zelda went after them. Since love is light, I don't truly love him. It was only lust."

"Lust, huh?" Volga asked himself. "That will just lead to an unhappy wedding or a bastard child."

They both looked at Wizzro who single eye turned into a mouth and he began sucking his thumb. "Mommy, I want my binkie!"

Midna and Fi were looking at the group of soldiers fighting each other. Midna used her hair and took one of them. "What is the meaning of this?!" she demanded the soldier.

"It's Cia. She's single now!"

Midna sighed and tossed the soldier back to the fight, which he got impaled by a spear. "I don't believe this." She floated around Fi. "At least the warriors following us are not a part of this."

"Apart of what?" asked one of her soldiers.

"Those soldiers at that location are fighting for the Sorceress Cia's affection."

"WHAT?!"

Midna slapped herself as the rest of the soldiers joined the fight. "Now look at what you've done."

Fi danced around Midna which ticked her off more. "Do now worry. There is a 100% chance that there will be no punishment."

"But I'm in charge of this squad!" Midna got close face-to-face with Fi. "I will not be fine with this. Do you realize what Zelda will do to me?!"

Fi smiled. "I wasn't talking about you, second rate help character."

After hearing those words, Midna snapped. "You, think I'm …. Second rate compared to you?! I am the best helper to Link ever. You're just a emotionless robot that points out the damn obvious and when the batteries are low!"

"And I was not explaining that you are second rate compared to me." Fi pointed at what she meant as better than Midna, Navi.

Midna then unleashed her anger and gathered the Fused Shadows. She turned into her Twilight Beast form and was ready to kill Fi, that is until Ghirahim and Zant fell from the sky, burned from the explosion.

"You idiotic freak!" Ghirahim shouted as they stood up. "You've ruined our plan and made a huge opening in the Castle. Now Ganondorf will have our heads!"

Zant sprung up and twisted his body. "I'm the Twilight King. I can do whatever I want!"

Fi and Midna looked at the two side villains and Midna reverted back to normal. "Great, you guys." Midna sighed.

Zant turned his head and screamed. "The false ruler of Twilight!" He swirled his body and drew out his weapons. "I shall take the Fused Shadows and cover Hyrule in Twilight!"

"And what about the other kingdoms?" asked Midna.

"Nobody cares!" Zant spun around like Taz, stopped, fell down, and puked.

Ghirahim grabbed his face in agony. "Why must I be on the same side as this fool?"

"There is a 89% probability that the game designers, I mean the Gods, made it so." Fi said as she floats around the demon lord.

"Ooooh, you dare lay harm on the wall?" Ghirahim drew out his duo blades and licked his lips. "Prepare for your demise as my blades cut through your soft and vulnerable body."

"My body is just as sturdy as yours, Ghirahim. We are both sword spirits."

Ghirahim gasped. "But that's a spoiler from Skyward Sword, not Hyrule Warriors!"

"There is a 25% probability that you have broken the fourth wall." Fi said as she spun around

Ghirahim faced turned red with anger. "What do you mean 25%? What else could I mean that has a higher chance?"

"Your sexuality."

Ghirahim started twitching. "How can … that make no sense! You're saying that ….. Errrrr!" The ground shook and fissures opened. "I don't even need that desire! I'm a Demon Spirit of the Demon King's Sword!"

"Now you're spoiling Skyward Sword." Fi mocked Ghirahim as she spun around him. Suddenly Ghirahim attacked Fi with his swords. Fi was going to block, but Ghirahim used a powerful combo, leaving Fi dangerously low on health.

"Master, I require your assistance!" Fi pleaded to Link.

Meanwhile behind a boulder, Link heard Fi's cry. "I'm all the way here! Do it yourself! And I'm trapped!" Link looked back at Zelda and Lana who were mud wrestling.

"Link is mine!" they both shouted at each other.

Link sighed. "I would be enjoying this, if this wasn't a fight to the death."

Fi stood there, with no Link coming to save her. "There is a 90% chance Link is in an almost arousing situation. And a 100% percent chance that you wish you are the center of attention there."

Ghirahim cried out and stabbed Fi in the crystal on her chest, thus making her flee (killed her).

Midna heard Fi's defeat and laughed. "Noww I will show everyone how a true help character fights." Midna summoned her Twilight wolf and hopped on. "Zant, you have dethroned me and turned my people into beasts. Your punishment is.."

"WOLF FETISH ALERT! WOLF FETISH ALERT! WOLF FETISH ALERT! WOLF FETISH ALERT!" Shouted Fi from out of the map (beyond the grave).

Zant laughed and started swinging his swords wildly as Minda blocked with her hand-hair thing. "Mah ha ha ha! You can't block my attacks forever!"

"Yes I can." Midna said as she filed her nails.

Zant temper went crazy and he summoned a large helmet like his. "Time to smash!" Zant threw the helmet toward Midna. All she had to do was move out of the way and the attack struck Ghirahim. "Uh ooooh."

Ghirahim stood up and turned into his final form. "You damn fool! You can't even harm an imp! Ganondorf has no need for you!"

Zant laughed. "But he is my God. I'm his only worshiper. I also don't remember how snapping my neck as a ghost finished him off. I'm the Twilight King! ME ME ME ME ME ME!"

Then Ghirahim teleported behind Zant and snapped his neck. "Retched idiot." Ghirahim reverted back to normal and looked at Midna. "I see it's just myself and you. Attack me as much as you like, but you can never do any harm to my ….. oh no…!" Ghirahim stood back as he witness the beating hearts in Midna's eyes.

"You're beautiful…." With a snap of her fingers, two wolves lunged at the Demon Lord and dragged him away to parts unknown with his cries of fear and Midna's laughter fill the air.

"FLAMBOYANT DEMON FETISH ALERT! FLAMBOYANT DEMON FETISH ALERT! FLAMBOYANT DEMON FETISH ALERT! FLAMBOYANT DEMON FETISH ALERT!"

Back with Cia, Volga, and Wizzro; the entire Hyrulian army have killed themselves in the civil battle for a night with Cia. "I still don't see how Link doesn't have affections for me." Cia said to herself.

Volga looked around to see that they are the only ones left to face off against Ganon. "Cia, it appears that the fate of Hyrule lies within our hands."

Cia looked at the castle and smiled. "Yes … once we've destroyed Ganondorf, I shall be its new ruler. The people of this kingdom will have no choice but to bow to me, and me alone!" Cia marched ahead with Volga and Wizzro following close.

They unleashed their horrid powers among the enemy forces and conquered the majority of the bases. As they reached close to the castle, a harp was heard. They looked on top of a dead tree and saw Sheik.

"Halt, my comrades. Link still lives."

Cia pouted and pointed to the other side of the map. "We know; he's having such a wonderful time with both the Princess and my light side."

Back with Link, Lana and Zelda were both near their deaths. "Link will be mine!" they both shouted.

Link finally had enough. "That's it! Stop it this instant!" The girls looked at Link. "I am no prize! The girl I want will be for love only. Someone to spend the rest of my life with." Link glanced at Zelda quickly and sighed. "Please … please look deep within your hearts and ask what you truly desire. I know well enough what my heart cries out for."

Zelda and Lana lowered their weapons. Their minds and hearts conflicted with each other for a while. The two girls looked at each other, and started making out. "Oh Zelda!" "Oh Lana!"

"Oh are you kidding me!?" shouted Link with anger. "Again!?"

Link sighed with defeat and walked away towards Hyrule Castle. "But … but I really thought for sure Zelda wanted me …." He looked at a ring he was saving, clenched it, and threw it off into the distance. "Why does every woman I form feeling towards always do this? Is there someone there that will love me forever?"

"ME ME!" Link gasped in fear as Tingle floated toward him. "I will love and pleasure you. Fairy Bo ….. you're no boy! You're expiration date passed!" Tingle then floated away.

"Rather live alone and hated than …. That!" Link shivered at the thoughts, but became depressed again. "But this pain for Zelda …"

Back with Cia, Sheik was blocking their path to Ganondorf. "Cia. Link is heading this way. I sense that his love for Zelda was shattered by the very person he loved. So … he's single now …. Hmmmmm …. I think I'm a lesbian now."

Cia casted a thunderbolt down at Sheik and the warrior landed next to Wizzro. "Hey mister. Do you know where my bwankie went?"

"Bllllanket. (cough)." Sheik corrected with her final breath.

"No, it's bwankie!"

The three side villains made their way to the castle. The main gates opened and there stood the dark beast of evil, Ganon. "So Hero, you have …" Ganon then noticed that it was just Cia and her thugs. "Where's the hero ….. where is everyone else?"

"Oooooohohoh heeeeeh." Agitha was now surrounded by insects.

Lana and Zelda held their vows at a church.

Link was still depressed while dragging his way to the castle.

Midna sighed peacefully next to Ghirahim … looks like they both enjoyed ….. building a house of cards? Could of sworn they would … never mind. …. Does that shipment exist? I'm too scared to look it up. And shut up Fi … it's pronounced what?

And everyone else is dead.

Cia laughed. "They are not your concern. Your end will be delivered by us." Cia's dark aura covered her body while Volga was engulfed in flames and Wizzro was taking a nap. "This world shall be mine and the hero as well."

Ganon laughed. "You should just play dead or kill yourselves. It would have been awkward leaving the battle field empty, but it will save you the price of the suffering I will bring to you all!"

Ganon floated into the air and breathed fire at the three. They dodged and Volga used a hookshot to destroy Ganon's tail. Ganon held his left arm out and shot a laser, leaving Cia to shoot an arrow in the arm's eye. Ganon then shot small needles from this top horns, that were quickly destroyed by Wizzro's boomerang. Finally Ganon was going to shoot a fireball at the three, but then a bomb was thrown by the Hero himself.

"Link!"

Ganon slowly got up, but Link then stabbed him with the Master Sword.

Cia was surprised by all this. "Link, how-" Without warning, Link grabbed Cia by the waist, pull her close and passingly kissed her.

"Are you turning into a lesbian? Or was the last parody canon to this?"

Cia was confused deeply by what Link said. But she managed to answer his question. "I masturbated to you for years. The hell do you think?!" Cia pulled Link back and they kissed and embraced each other.

Volga smiled, knowing that the battle had been won. And Wizzro hugged Link.

"Daddy?" Link just slowly patted Wizzro's head.

The battle was victorious and the war had finally ended ….. that is if they weren't playing this level on Hero mode. Ganon got up with only losing a small amount of his health and roared at the heroes. "This world belongs to me and me alone!"

"Not so fast!" Ganon turned to a new and yet familiar voice and saw Player Two Ganon. "I've turned into the dark beast as well and I will not allow you to conquer this land!"

The two Ganons roared and rushed toward at each other. They clawed and tackled one another like wild boars, destroying everything in their path. Thunder filled the red and black sky and the ground shook as two forces of darkness battled for control of the world.

Cia held her staff in the air. "This world is crumbling! We have to end this once and for all!"

Link held out the Master Sword. "We need to finish off Ganon with the Master Sword. If Ganon can hold Ganon in one location, I can lay down the final strike … but now we just have to remember which one is which." They all sighed in defeat, but not Cia.

"Link, I have a solution." Cia casted a portal. "This leads to the space on the disk with unfinished and scrapped data. If we can send them both down there, we will win."

"And I'll have them following me." Link said.

Before they moved out, Cia stopped Link. "And Link…" Cia whispered in Link's ear. "After all this, you and I are going make this fanfiction's rating M."

"Shipping war jokes, we get it already." shouted Volga.

Link blushed as he ran to the two Ganons. "Hey Ganons!" the two beasts looked at him. "Yeah, that old Ganon is no match for the King!" the two monsters anger grew and they rushed at the hero. They followed him to the checkpoint. "Cia, now!"

Cia opened another portal to the scrapped ideas and the monsters were getting sucked in. One Ganon fell in as the other was holding onto the ground. "I … I will not be defeated. I am the Final Boss! All new villains must be secondary compared to me!"

The remaining Ganon looked at Cia and shot a dark laser at her. "Mommy!" "Master!" Volga and Wizzro both jumped in to block the attack, but the laser was too powerful and engulfed them. Cia watched at her end was coming. "Why …. Why did my side of the story have to be short and thrown away for Ganondorf?"

Link could only watch as his love was taken away from this doomed world. Ganon only laughed at what little that remained of the Sorceress.

Link glared at Ganon. "Ganon ….. GANON!" the Master Sword glowed a white light and he charged right at the beast. With one strike, Ganon … was not harmed. "What is this?!" Link continued to slash at the beast, but nothing was happening. "Damit, you're OUR Ganondorf!"

Ganondorf laughed. "Yes, and now you shall share the fate of your friends!" Ganondorf raised his fist and crushed the Hero, even though he's breaking the game's rules. "Finally, the Kingdom is mine! The Triforce is mine. The whole world is mine!"

Ganondorf faced toward the sky and continued this evil laugh. "Har har ha ha ha ha ha … ha … huh .. huuuuh …. Ah … ah ….AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Out form the dark clouds, the moon from Majora's Mask fell and landed on not just Ganon, but the castle as well. The shock of the crash was so powerful that a wave of force spread through the land and destroyed all life in the Kingdom of Hyrule.

VICTORY!

Majora's Mask floated toward the screen and gruesomely turned into its Wrath Form while laughing.

The End