Spottedleaf gazed at the flame colored tom in front of her. Everyday I wish I was still alive.
Starclan let Spottedleaf go to the real world and keep an eye on her clan. She gladly excepted the offer, but not to keep an eye on her clan, but to stare at her first love.
She had been killed by a heartless Shadowclan cat by the name of Clawface. She died a hero because she tried to protect the kits, and she was a skilled Medicine cat. Definitely one of the best. Everyone grieved her death just like the other deaths. But no one missed her more than former kittypet Firepaw.
Firepaw actually fell in love with her when he first came. Spottedleaf even started to feel some affection for him as well. But a Medicine cat is not supposed to have a mate. She often tried to tell herself she only cared about him because he was trying to prove himself to the Clan, but she failed and her thoughts would always fade into her love for him.
Ever since she was killed and joined the ranks of Starclan, she wished things would have been different. She wished that she and Firestar could have been mates and had kits of their own. She would be experiencing the same problem as Leafpool. Should she choose her love or her loyalty? She didn't need to think too hard to know what that answer would be.
Now that she is in Starclan, all she can do is watch over Firestar as a spirit. She would admire his ginger pelt which lit up like flames in the sun. She would be hypnotized by his deep jade green eyes. And often she would dream that she and Firestar were alone together. But something would always trouble her deep down inside.
Firestar has a mate.
"Firestar!" Spottedleaf suddenly heard a feminine meow coming from the forest. Out came a pale ginger furred Warrior. Her name is Sandstorm.
Spottedleaf felt a cold and uncomfortable feeling of jealousy inside her heart as she saw Sandstorm and Firstar nuzzling each other lovingly. How she wished she was still alive; how she wished she was Sandstorm right now!
Spottedleaf had told Firestar that she approved of his love for her. But there was a small part of darkness in her heart that stored away her jealousy and anger. Were she not gentle and caring, she would most likely let her feelings of jealousy in front of Firestar.
Sadly, she knew that no matter how many times she convinces herself that Firestar loves her more than Sandstorm, no matter how many times she visits Firestar's dreams, no matter how many times she protects him, she knows that Firestar loves Sandstorm more. And Sandstorm knows Firestar better than anyone; even Graystripe.
Spottedleaf sighed in sadness and longing as Firestar started walking away with Sandstorm's pelt brushing his side. For a second, she pictured herself as Sandstorm doing the same thing.
"Goodbye, Firestar. I love you…" With those words, she trudged back to Starclan's hunting grounds.