Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. But I do own the RUA and a very cute Russian man by the name of Volkov
Spoilers: Set after Season 2 so spoilers possible throughtout
Note: This is supposed to follow up the story "A Trip to Congress". You don't have to read that one unless you want to but it helps set this story...It's not that long. Please read!
A Breach of Contract
Jack's day had started off normal. As normal as the leader of Cardiff's alien control could. At around 6:32 he dragged himself out of his cot and took a shower to wash off all the sweat from a nice night with Ianto. By 7:00 his clothes were on and his hair had been perfectly styled. Once 7:12 rolled around he had his industrial strength coffee in his hand and his favourite Welshmen in eyesight.
"Sir, I took the time to set up a schedule for today, Rift permitting." Ianto handed Jack a piece of paper before he could take his second sip of heaven in a cup. Leaning back in his chair, he took the sheet and got another eyeful of Ianto. At around 5 that morning, Ianto had clothed and gone back to his apartment to get ready for the morning as if he'd never stayed the night at the hub. This always baffled Jack. The team knew very well the things they got to when everyone was gone for the night...or still working at their desk.
At that time, the cog door rolled open to reveal Martha. Silently Ianto left to get her caffeine cup for the morning, giving Jack the chance to smirk at Ianto's retreating arse.
While taking a leisurely sip of his coffee, Jack quickly glanced at the schedule with little interest.
8:00 - Call from UNIT to discuss discrepancies of China's claimed alien tech weapon numbers. Possible breach of Revnite Treaty
9:30 - Brief in the boardroom (No Jack, not that). Janet has been acting odd. Martha thinks she may be undergoing something similar to menopause.
10:00 - Call Helen at you know where. They need more funding for blankets, pillows, medication etc.
10:40 - Call UNIT to discuss Torchwood funds. (Ask me for the sheet of excuses for the new iPhones you ordered for the team. I've upped their prices on the account balance to allow for more money to be sent to Helen for purposes listed above. Though I feel I should end this Mac addiction before it gets too bad.)
11:30 - Guest arrives
12:20 - Lunch
The 11:30 slot interested Jack
"IANTO! My office now!" he bellowed and within a few minutes Ianto had appeared with a tray of breakfast pastries
"Sir, I thought you would like some of these. For breakfast that is"
"What I want to know is who is this 'guest' and why are you bribing me? Will there be a physical bribe later because I found a few things online I'd like to try."
"It shouldn't be a bother sir. The tour will take no less than 40 minutes and I'll be showing them around Cardiff for the rest of the day and tomorrow."
"Who said you could have this time off? If I remember correctly I have to sign requests for free days. My suggestion for bribery still stands."
"You did sir. Last week Tuesday. It was that day I kept kept you off coffee for 6 hours before you finished all your paper work."
Jack remembered that day. He quickly signed all those papers without much regard to what they stated. What else had Ianto gotten him to unknowingly do?
"Okay...that's the last time I want you to trick me into giving you free time! And you're coming in if we need back up!"
"Of course sir"
"That still doesn't answer my other question. Who is your 'guest'? Will we be needing retcon?"
"It's an international guest. He's from another Earth defending organisation. They're coming in to Britian for the week and is stopping by Cardiff for two days. You signed the papers stating they could come in and not be retconned along with the papers giving me time off. I thought it would be good diplomacy to give him a tour myself. Give Torchwood Three a better name...especially after the Obama fiasco-"
"Hey!" pouted Jack "He signed the shirt! He thought it was funny!"
"It wasn't the shirt so much as the kiss you gave him before you walked off and pinched Rahm Emanuel's arse."
"I'll have you know they- Whoa you're good Ianto Jones. Don't get me off topic here. Who is visiting today?"
"It's just...an...acquaintance of mine. He happened to be at the treaty discussions."
Jack raised an eyebrow. Most of the treaty discussion goers were old and-
"That hotshot Russian slut!" Jack sneered "You're going to spend your free time with that, that manwhore!"
"That's rich coming from you." the words left Ianto's mouth before he could stop them
"Is that what you really think of me? Fine! Go and take the rest of the week off if you want and go shag him at all the major tourist attractions of Cardiff! Don't think I'm going to play happy host when he comes in here though."
With a slight sigh, Ianto left Jack to sulk with the pastries. Jack still couldn't believe Ianto was actually bringing in that Russian. There was also the question of all the things he cleared on Tuesday. After a few minutes of cooling down, Jack decided to call in Martha. He needed back up
"Yes Jack?" Martha asked as she walked into his office
"What do you know about this guest that Ianto is bringing in?"
"Oh, Konstantin Volkov? Ianto tells me he's a new field agent in the Russian United Agents. There's a training seminar this week in London but he was able to extend his stay to visit Cardiff."
"So Ianto's told you a lot about him?" asked Jack while trying hard not to clentch his teeth
"Well, some, I mean those two talk all the time it seems like. Email and phone and all that. I think he was helping Ianto learn Russian." Martha jumped as Jack snapped a pencil in half
"Soviet slut!" mumbled Jack
"I'm sorry?"
"Oh...no just...Martha can you do me a big favour?"
------
11:30 had rolled around too soon for Jack's liking. The team's excitement at having someone to show off too wasn't helping his mood either. Martha refused to plant a microphone into Ianto's clothes which annoyed Jack. He claimed she was not listening to orders and she claimed he was being jealous and frankly quite cute. A reply which Jack did not appreciate.
The opening of the cog door signalled the arrival of the unwanted guest. After a short debate, Jack opted to take a look at Volkov from his office.
With crossed arms and a pout, he looked through his office window only to find that the Russian hadn't become any less hotter from the last encounter. In fact the casual attire of a t shirt and jeans only made him more attractive. Try as he might, Jack knew he couldn't mentally cause blemishes by just staring.
Martha, Gwen and Mickey all appeared to greet the Russian with civility and Ianto was a little too familiar for Jack's liking via unnecessary lingering contact. After watching Myfanwy swoop down to get a better look at the new comer, Jack decided to sit back at his desk and delay his meeting the man as long as possible. Shooting him would not make for good relations between Russia and Britain, or Jack and Ianto for that matter.
"I have some more admin for you guys to finish as I see you're all not working. Has Ianto gone with that- that 'friend' of his?" Jack asked 40 minutes after the arrival of his unwanted guest to the rest of his team who had gathered around the medical bay. He attempted to sound as nonchalantly as he could at the moment which was hardly at all. Mickey gave a smug smile but Martha interrupted him before he could think of something rude to say
"Ianto is still showing him the cells and archives. Then he'll change and head off."
"Change? Change for what?" asked Jack
"A day out in the town." Gwen answered "You can't expect Ianto to show him around Cardiff in a suit and tie can you? Mind you, I don't think that Konstantin would care if Ianto went around in a bag. Did you see the way he looked at him!" she directed her final comments more towards Martha
"If I didn't have Tom, Ianto would have some competition." Martha agreed
"I was wondering if he confused Ianto for a vodka shot from the way he looked at him." Mickey finally spoke up "Improving international relations? Ha! I bet they're probably shagging in the archives now. That'll improve relations all right."
"They are not!" Shouted Jack a little too frantically. He calmed down before answering Mickey's bemused smile "It would be completely unprofessional and against all protocol. Besides he's not Ianto's type and I checked the CCTV."
"Being professional never stopped you before" teased Gwen "In fact I think you like not being professional. But how could he not be Ianto's type? That man is anyone's type!"
At that moment Ianto and Konstantin emerged from the lower levels of Torchwood 3. Ianto was now dressed similar to Konstantin in a pair of jeans and T shirt. Jack actually dropped all the files he was holding at the sight.
"Sir, I hope you don't expect me to pick that up. I'm officially off the clock."
"Never stopped him before." Mickey mumbled to the girls. Ianto and Konstantin walked passed the rest of the team, giving them a whiff of both their colognes.
"You're going out like that?" Jack asked in a pitch higher than usual. Ianto definitely did not smell like that this morning. Had he smelled like that then they'd still be in Jack's cot and Jack would be blissfully unaware of some Russian angrily waiting in the tourist office.
"Yes sir, we're also going to be taking the scenic route out" Ianto pointed towards the lift "Oh Konstantin, I believe you met Jack at the conferences. Jack, Konstantin Volkov."
The two men shook hands though Jack's grip was a little more hostile. Konstantin was oblivious to Jack's jealousy and only smiled pleasantly.
"I can only imagine how busy you are. Ianto was telling me how much work you have. I feel sorry that I'm taking up Ianto's time. I know it could be employed more efficiently."
"Don't worry, I think Captain Cheesecake would also be preventing Ianto from archive efficiency." Mickey assured causing Martha and Gwen to try and hide their giggles
"Ah, here are some instructions on cleaning up for tonight sir. Also some advice if things go awry. I already ordered lunch and it should be arriving within the next 10 minutes. They already know to put it on our tab. Don't bother trying to use the coffee machine, there's a coffee shop 5 minutes walk away. Everything is in here." Ianto finally handed the neatly typed sheets into Jack's hand before putting a light arm around Konstantin's shoulder "Shall we go?"
"It was very nice meeting all of you. Thank you for letting me into your base. Your hospitality is heart warming." He shook everyone's hand good bye as well as giving Martha and Gwen a kiss on the cheek
Jack watched with a pout as the invisible lift took them up to the streets to Cardiff. Before Martha and Gwen started to chatter more about Konstantin, Jack made his way to the lower levels of the Hub
"I'll be in the shooting range if you need me. Don't bother me unless there's a conga line of Weevils on the Plaas." he barked
-------
"It's just you and me tonight Myfanwy." Jack called out to the pterodactyl. It was the second day of Ianto's job as a tour guide and Jack was feeling down. The rest of the time had been sent home so he could brood alone. As he walked towards his office the cog door signalled a new guest
"Martha, I don't need another heart to heart talk tonight." Jack called out over his shoulder.
"All right sir, though truth be told that wasn't my aim." Ianto called from the door. Jack swung around violently
"Ianto, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be doing Volkov?"
"Sir that truly stings." said Ianto as he walked towards Jack "And I think his fiancé would have some issues with that." that caused Jack to do a double take
"Fiancé? He's engaged?"
"Yep. Oddly enough, after Gwen's wedding I swore wedding fairy would be taken off my CV but I found myself in that role again. Though choosing venues and 'groom' suites were better than cleaning up."
"He's engaged?" Jack said again trying to figure out what the past two days had been about
"Yes we've already established that. A thank you package will be arriving from Russia in a few months time I believe. Assuming the ceremony is a success."
"Ianto I'm confused. What's going on?"
"Gay marriage is illegal in Russia sir if you didn't know. Konstantin and his partner wanted a civil ceremony here in Whales and I was helping him find an appropriate venue."
"So you and the Russian? Nothing going on?"
"Of course not. Though he sends his thanks."
"For?"
"For the copies of the files you gave him. He's in charge of a new field team beginning of next month. There are a number of strange occurrences they're to look into that are similar to some cases we had here. He appreciates your help as will the rest of Russia I'm sure. He's agreed to convince one of the commanding officers to let Torchwood Three have various devices that are collecting dust in their archives. With a few changes on Mickey's part, I'm sure catching weevils and aiding injuries will be quicker and more efficient. If I remember correctly Konstantin even discussed letting us borrow a device labelled 'de-fabricator'. Though we'll eventually have to send that one back."
"Let me get this straight. After helping some Russian with finding a wedding chapel and bridal suite, the Russian United Agents will be sending us some new equipment and sex aides. Something that not even UNIT has managed without a headache?"
"Correct"
"But how do you know this guy can even convince his commanding officer?"
"As I said sir, it depends on how well the ceremony goes. I've offered Konstantin as much help as possible leading up to the date. The commanding officer he has to convince is his fiancé. I'm sure Konstantin is more than capable of convincing him. In fact I aided in choosing a nice stopwatch for him to buy."
"Ianto Jones, you are amazing. I can't wait till I get to brag to UNIT about this one." Jack gladly wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist and said in a huskier voice "Or use the de-fabricator, oh the fun we will have..."
"Before I forget sir." Ianto handed a tourist pamphlet of Whales to Jack. With a frown, Jack took it and gave Ianto a questioning look
"I thought we could plan out that suggestion you had earlier. Something about making Cardiff attractions much more interesting..." A devilish smirk appeared on Jack's features for a split second before he lead Ianto roughly to his office with the pamphlet still in his hand