A/N: So, I was going through my files since I'm getting a new computer, and I stumbled across this. I wrote it a while back, and fully intended on posting it then, but didn't. I don't remember why. . . But I do remember that this was inspired by my stalking the HP Lexicon. Oh, and yes, this is a SiriusRegulus brother fic, but Sirius and Remus are in an established relationship, so it's slash as well. Enjoy!
WARNING: SLASH. Don't like; don't read.
Disclaimer: I'm just a fangirl. Does it look like I own anything here? Didn't think so.
"Hey, Padfoot. You alright?" Prongs asked as they sat around the fire in Moony's new flat that he and Padfoot shared.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just. . . thinking," Sirius replied as he gazed into the flames.
"Now we know something is wrong. Padfoot never thinks. What's up?" Remus cut in, placing his bookmark carefully in the spine, and closing the novel he was reading. He figured this is something important, so he didn't want to be distracted.
Sirius sighed. He wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about it yet, to talk about his younger brother's death. He'd just got news that morning of the passing, and word inside the family (he was still kept in the know of certain things, in hopes that it will 'change his views on the world.') was that Voldemort had him killed because he wanted out. Sirius supposed that made Regulus a somewhat decent bloke—or at least one who was starting to see reason. Even though it got him killed.
It completely changed what Sirius had thought about Regulus. Before, he was just his kid brother that followed his mother's—and everyone else's—every command. That, in Sirius's eyes, made him bad enough. The fact that he became a Death Eater while he was still in Hogwarts—Regulus had been in his 6th year—just made it that much worse. It proved that he was just like the rest of them.
But now, Sirius wasn't so sure. Regulus had wanted out? What if he knew something, something horrible, and Voldemort didn't want it to be known, so he had Regulus killed? Those and a bunch more questions floated about in Sirius's head, making it throb.
He sighed again. "Just some family drama. Regulus's bit the dust. According to dear ol' Mum, he's been killed by some Death Eaters, at Voldemort's command."
Remus and James sat there, taking it in. They both knew that Sirius had mixed feelings about his brother, and they could sense that he was even more shook up about it that usual.
"Well, Pads. That's something." James said a bit later, mainly to fill the eerie silence that had overtaken them.
"Definitely. Does the Order know? I mean, he was your brother, but he was one of them, too. It'll be useful news." Remus said, trying to be gentle about it.
"Yeah, I know. But I can't tell everybody right now. You lot can, but I think I'm just going to kip off to my room. 'Night." Sirius pulled himself up with a grunt, and padded off in his socked feet.
"He's taking it hard," Remus observed, watching Sirius' retreating back.
"Yes, he is. He doesn't like people to know—I'm certain you do—but he really does care about Regulus. I mean, they are brothers," James said, picking at a loose thread on the hem of his shirt.
"This is true. Even though I wouldn't know first hand. The Marauders are the closest thing I have to brothers," Remus agreed.
"Same here. . . Well, I'd better get home. Lily worries if I stay out too late, even if she knows where I am. I'll be glad when this damned war is over, and we can just go back to living. See ya, Moony," James called over his shoulder as he walked out. "Tell Padfoot I said bye."
"I will. Be careful out there! Bye," Remus watched James leave until he was safely Apparated away.
He sat back on the floor, leaning on the side of the couch. He jumped about 10 feet in the air when he heard a crash coming from Sirius's room.
"What the bloody hell?" Remus asked himself as he got up to venture in there and see what was going on.
The door was already slightly ajar, and all Remus had to do was swing it open. There, he found Sirius ransacking his room, throwing things about, somewhat roughly. Moony watched as a particular motorcycle part—Sirius was obsessed with the things, for some reason; James and Remus never really quite understood—went flying through the air, and colliding with the wall. It clattered to the ground amid a cloud of drywall and plaster, the hole in the wall quite large.
Remus coughed. "Padfoot?"
Sirius's head poked up from the other side of his bed, "What?" He said a bit sharply, then bit it back. "Did you need something?"
"I just wanted to know what the crashes where, and I think I've figured that out. Now, why are you destroying your room?"
"Looking for something." Sirius disappeared from view yet again.
Remus just surveyed the chaos. "What do you need to find that requires you to turn your room upside down? Why can't you just summon it?"
"It's something Regulus gave me," Sirius said, his voice coming from somewhere under his bed, a bit muffled. "And no, I can't summon it. I've got charms around the place to keep things from being summoned.
"Oh." Remus just stood there, watching Sirius 'look' for whatever it was that he wanted. Truth be told, Remus thought Sirius was throwing things about to relieve his anger—or something to that effect. He knew that James and Sirius both usually would throw things when they were upset.
A few minutes later, it was quiet.
A bit worried, Remus ventured into the room, and walked to the other side of Sirius' bed. He looked down at Sirius, and his heart about broke right then and there.
Sirius was holding a letter in a shaky hand, tears streaming down his face. He looked up at Remus when he noticed him, and started wiping his face. Then in a thick voice, he said, "I found it."
"I noticed," Remus replied, coming to sit next to him. He put an arm around Sirius' shoulders, and rested his head on the other's shoulder as a comfort for both of them. "What's it say?"
Sirius swallowed, and Remus found it odd that he could both hear and feel the movement. "It was the last letter he sent me. I disregarded it at the time, but now looking back over it. . . he was trying to tell me. Dammit, he was trying to tell me! And what did I do? I blew him off, just like always. I'm a horrible brother. If I had paid more attention to him at home. . . at Hogwarts. . . maybe he wouldn't have turned out like he did. Maybe I could've stopped him from joining in the first place. . ." Here, Sirius stopped. He had started to cry again.
"Siri. . . It's not your fault. It was Regulus' decision, and at least he went out trying to bring Voldemort down, didn't he? That's what you said. He was a good bloke, deep down. Oh, Padfoot. Don't beat yourself up for this." Remus looked up at him, pleading with his eyes. He hated it when Sirius was upset, because it made everything else so dank. Sirius was a light; he brought out the best in every situation. So when he was thinking on the dark side of things, everything got depressing.
"Yeah. He was. . . And it is my fault! If I had paid more attention to him—spent more time with him. . . maybe he wouldn't have been so submissive to our parents and everyone around him. I'm not entirely convinced that joining was his idea in the first place; he always did what others told him to do, even if he didn't want to. The boy had no back bone. . ." Sirius took a deep breath, and started to wipe away the tears again.
Remus stopped him, however. The werewolf held Sirius' hand in his strong grip, and with the other he wiped the tears from Sirius' face with the pad of his thumb. Then he caressed the animagus' cheek, his hand lingering on the slightly stubbled skin.
"Moony. . . ," Sirius started, looking into his favorite amber eyes. "What am I going to do?"
Remus let go of Sirius' hand, only to have Sirius lace it with his own. Remus smiled; their intertwined hands always made him feel warm inside. "You're going to let fate dictate what will happen. We are but mere mortals, therefore the events of the future aren't left up to us. You might get away with trying to distract yourself, but time is the only thing that will fix this for certain."
Sirius smiled through the pain. "How is it that you always know what to say?" He squeezed Remus' hand, and leaned forward a bit. "It seems that no matter what the circumstance, you always make me feel better."
"Well, there had to be a reason you've kept me around this long." Remus smiled back, somewhat bitterly.
Sirius looked offended, and hurt. "No. I keep you around because you're you."
Remus smiled. "And you always know how to squelch my insecurities." He leaned forward, their noses almost bumping, their breath mingling with each others, whisping across their lips.
"It's what I'm here for." Sirius breathed, closing the space between them.
The kiss was just as passionate, just as eager, just as magical as all of their kisses were. They put all their emotions into their kisses, and the results showed. After an eternity-long minute, they pulled apart, breathing heavily.
"And so I can kiss you whenever I want," Remus smiled.
"That's why we moved into together."
"Well, one of the reasons."
"Yes."
Remus stood up, and pulled Sirius with him. "Come on, Siri, You can't let this get you too down. I know he was your brother, and a mourning period is much more that justified, but you can't forget to live, too. Life is too short, too important to spend it thinking about the past, rather than looking ahead to the future."
Sirius stopped and looked at Remus. "Then I have to tell you something. I love you." Tact was never one of Sirius' strong points.
However, Remus smiled. "I love you too, you old mutt. Now come on, let's eat." He grabbed Siri's hand, and promptly pulled him down to the kitchen.
Sirius looked at their hands, and thought, Even if I am sad about Regulus, Remus is right. We can't waste our precious time living in the past. We have to look to the future. And I know what I want in the future: Remus. And I'll always have him, too.
A/N: So. . . That turned out to be quite sappy. I didn't mean for that to happen. Hopefully the SiriusRemus fluff made it alright. Reviews make me happy! :]
-PieRSquared
