I wrapped the light purple towel tightly around my hair, ignoring Tori's restless chatter. I didn't even know what she was talking about now. To tell the truth, I was still a little stunned that she had been so willing to help after barely getting 4 hours sleep in the car last night. But in fact, she had insisted. If I hadn't known any better, I would have said she CARED about my well being. She quickly shot all hope down for that though.
"If I'm going to be seen with you," she explained, referring to the fact Andrew had promised us a trip to the closest town for clothes. "You have to look somewhat decent."
"Wow, thanks, Tori." Had been my response with a quick roll of my eyes. In all honest though, I was slightly afraid of all hair coloring after the black mishap, while she knew exactly what color to buy. She had even given Andrew the exact name and everything.
Nervously, I undid the towel, praying that Tori had been right and wasn't still out to get me. I chuckled bitterly at the thought, earning a suspicious look from Tori.
"Well, what are you waiting for? An invitation? Take the damned thing off." She ragged and filed her nails while sitting on the wooden lid of the toilet seat. The safe house was rather… Homey. It even felt safe, like how in the movies, a stereotypical mother with her fluffy blonde hair would be smiling and making cookies, or a grandmother would be knitting in the living room.
With one deep breath, I let it all loose. Burgundy pieces of hair fell around my face. It was bunched and knotty from being scrunched in the towel, yet still looked good. The color brought out my cheek bones, and my spiky cut gave it a little edge as to not look like Pippy Longstocking. My eyes widened as I looked at myself. A smile broke out on my face and I had an extreme urge to hug Tori, weird enough.
She stood oblivious and crossed her arms with a satisfied smirk on her face. I threw my arms around her, not really caring about her awkward reaction of patting my arm. When I pulled away, I quickly ran a brush through my hair and dried it a bit more with the towel. When it was completely dry, I practically skipped out of the bathroom. Tori muttered something about finally being able to get her beauty sleep and let me trickle down the stairs like a child on Christmas, her smirk turning into a weird look.
The dark stairs creaked under my happy and small bare feet. I almost felt like I hadn't only had a few hours sleep last night. I looked around the hallway, not really sure why I had gone downstairs to begin with. I turned to head back up and crawl up in the strange twin bed in a room I had to share with Tori.
Not had to; more like... She forced me to.
"Just because I can't see ghosts doesn't mean I want them in my room." She had grumbled and pulled herself onto the opposite twin bed of the one I had been lying on.
Whatever.
My ears caught a sound of someone moving in the kitchen and I froze. I smiled to myself and walked up the rest of the stairs before turning around and tip-toeing back down. I didn't know if it was Derek or Simon, but either way, I would have to be quiet. I moved over to the edge of the stairwell, creeping quietly, or as quietly as I could. I moved my head over the edge of the wall looking at a hunched figure, bent over and hiding his face. I still moved closer, hoping to God the floorboards didn't creak like the Lyle house.
I shivered lightly as I remember that place with its yellow walls and cheerful decor, causing a step below me to creak. The figure froze and I knew for certain who it was now. I swore to myself, and froze, hoping Derek didn't really think that someone was behind him. You know, because there was, and I didn't want him really freaking out. Just a nice little scare like in the bathroom and I'd be pleased...
"Chloe, good luck. He's a werewolf." Andrew stated as he walked by, taking in our frozen postures. He chuckled tightly, making me wonder how exactly he felt about that little bit of knowledge now that Derek had grown.
Derek straightened himself out and ripped a granola bar open with his teeth. "She wasn't doing a very good job to begin with." He mumbled and Andrew just walked away with a smile on his face and shaking his head lightly. Derek didn't look up once from the counter as he chewed. I was suddenly anxious and nervous at the same time. Was I wrong? Was my hair color absolutely ridiculous? Tori had been smirking, all proud.
Tori also locked you up in a crawl space. She doesn't have the best ideas. My inner voice chided.
I didn't know why, but I wanted to know what he would think. Would he like it? Would he scoff and call me a stupid girl for flaunting it around? Something in me told me I had somewhat earned Derek's respect now in the least. He wouldn't call me stupid; most likely he would chuckle and walk away. I fiddled my thumbs and leaned against the counter, watching his hunched figure. He grunted as a conversation starter, I guess, because he looked up at me with a curious expression.
His eyes widened noticeably as he took in my hair color. I bit my lip and lowered my gaze, not really sure why I was blushing. One thing I knew about Derek is he always made me feel unsure. Even when I first met him. He kept looking at me and I lowered my head, moving my thumbs to play with the edge of Andrew's smallest shirt. It happened to come to my knees like a dress. I felt his thumb under my chin and jerked up, my eyes meeting his.
He gave me a small smile, and I froze. His thumb didn't move and I didn't break away from his touch. That strange feeling in the bathroom after Liam had fought him came back, reminding me of the one part in the movie that always made me mad; the kissing scenes. The parts where they build all that sexual tension then shove it aside and run away.
Not that there was sexual tension between me and Derek.
The tightening in my chest made me unsure, just like everything else. He had moved closer, his dark form swallowing me up like the clouds and the sun. My eyes were locked with his green orbs and his smile faded immediately. He pulled away, eyes wide and full of a mix between... Fear and possession?
He grumbled and turned away, leaving me with unevened breathing. I swallowed and tried to think clearly. What had just happened? One second I was happy about my new hair color and the next, my heart is throbbing in Derek's absence.
I wanted to slap myself. My heart was NOT throbbing.
Just, aching.
Softly.
Uh-huh.Said my inner voice. I told it to shut up and pushed off from my knees. I hadn't even realize they had given out on me. The wood was cold against my bare legs and I was happy to get off. I walked up stairs and wondered about what I was feeling. Why were my fingers restless and jittery? My heart still in my throat? My stomach wher my heart should be? Why did it feel that with one look, Derek had unleashed all chaos in my body?
Was this what it was like for those poor heroines in the movies?
Was this what it was like to actually LIKE-like someone?
Did I actually like-like Derek?
I went to the first person I could think of.
Tori.
****
"What do you want now, Saunders?" Tori grumbled, her voice muffled by the pillow.
I was breathless from running up the stairs and I flung myself on the dying bed carefully. My eyes were tracing patterns on the cieling. Even without looking at me, Tori knew I needed something from her. With Derek, I could at least say it was because he could smell me. With Simon, it was because he knew me. With Tori, it just creeped me out.
"I have a question to ask you." I whispered. Her head whipped up and she narrowed her eyes at me.
"Do you think I have canine hearing like the mutt? Speak up, Chloe." She snapped and rested her head back on the pillow. My jaw snapped together as she reffered to Derek as "the mutt". Slowly, I stood up and walked over to her bed, getting on my knees to be eye level. She opened her eyes and blinked rapidly in surprise.
"I need to ask you a serious question. And don't just shove it off and call me stupid or something." I stated, my voice calm. I took a deep breath and her brown eyes were staring into mine. With a swallow, I started. "When your heart pounds, and you get nervous, and you can't seem to understand anything, and your breathing hitches, and your eyes get all wide, and you just have moments where you just don't even KNOW anymore, and your nerves get all out of whack, and your skin tingles; does that mean you like-like someone?"
She blinked again in response, sitting up on her elbows. "What-"
"No, no, I'm not done!" I interrupted. I moved to her side and sat on the bed. "Your heart is in your throat and your brain malfunctions and you can't think of a single reason not to kiss someone, yet you're even surprised the idea popped into your head, and you can't seem to keep your stomach where it's supposed to be; is that a crush or whatever?"
She was blinking rappidly now, sitting up completely. "Chloe, who are you talking about?"
"M-Me, of course." I stuttered and looked at her eyes. She rolled them with good reason.
"I mean WHO makes you feel like that, stupid." She rested her head back on the pillow and started staring at the ceiling.
My mouth remained shut for a second. "Answer the question, Tori." I snapped back, venom in my voice that I didn't realize I had. She glanced my way and my eyes softened. "Please?"
"I should charge..." She muttered before sitting up again. "Yes, I do believe that that means you have a full-fledged crush on him. But I don't know why you're asking still. Care to explain." It wasn't a question. It was a request. My jaw set and I wanted to tell her to mind her own business. But she was the only girl-girl I knew, and she might be able to just help me.
So, I told her the entire scene in the kitchen with a hushed voice. Her eyes were wide and her jaw open like a fish. Only, I wasn't sure fish blinked as much as she did. "You mean... DEREK made your heart pound? Even when you have Simon eating out of the palm of your hand?" She seemed stunned by the idea. Anger swelled inside my chest and I frowned. Derek was just as good as Simon, in my opinion.
She snorted at my expression and rested her head back on the pillow. "So the mutt found a bitch." I stood angrily, glaring at her. She held her hands up in surrender, laughing so hard she was crying inwardly at her stupid joke. She continued laughing, peals and peals that made my fists clench.
"Shut up or I hit you." I grumbled. I wasn't sure if I meant it though. If It had been two weeks earlier, I probably would have laughed at that line too, and maybe even the main character's reaction, but when I was actually involved with it... It was... Different.
A knock came at the door and it opened slowly. Simon poked his head in and smiled heartbreaking at me. Except it really didn't have an effect on me besides making me blush. "Tori's laughing so hard I could hear her downstairs. I was just making sure you were okay." He sent a glare Tori's way and she shut up, glaring right back.
"Jump off a cliff, Simon." She muttered and turned over under her covers. I stood up from my bed and walked towards the door. "I'll talk to ya later, bitch." She said in a teasing tone. My fists clenched again, and I could feel them breaking the skin just a tad. I recoiled from the pain and pushed Simon back to get some room.
I stropped down the hallway, wondering why I had even told her.
Oh yeah; because she was the only girl in this house besides the creepy old lady down the hall who carried around parrot seed and smiled with her first two teeth.
"Chloe, don't listen to her. She doesn't mean it." Simon said, coming up next to me.
"No, she doesn't, but I still let it get under my skin." My tone was weary as I sat at the top of the stairs. Simon sat next to me, his hip brushing mine. He warm, but not as warm as Derek. When he touched me, my skin didn't tingle. Sadly, I kept hoping it would.
"Where's Derek?" I asked before I could process the question in my mind.
Simon shrugged. "I saw him run out the door. I was kind of hoping you would know; he looked really upset."
I swallowed.
Simon didn't notice. He stood up and smiled at me while holding out his hand. I took it, and let him pull me up, maybe a little too close to him then necessary. "Want to check out their movie collection here?"
I smiled back and nodded. "I bet it's all Disney. They probably noted that kids were coming and baby-proofed the movies." My aunt had done that for Christmas once. I had been little, sure, but she still kept the same G rated movies in my reach just to make sure everything I watched was appropriate. My heart stopped again and I almost stopped walking with my knees buckling under me. Aunt Lauren.
"I hope you're wrong." Simon called back, never noticing my sudden lack of oxygen. I shook my head and focused on movies, following Simon again. I walked into the theatre room and looked around. Big tan "L" shaped couch with a giant screen. I could definitely like it here. Simon walked over and chuckled while fingering the movies. I didn't feel so interested any more and sat down, closing my eyes. "You okay?" He asked. My eyes opened to meet his concerned ones. Amber gleamed lightly in the heavy sunlight, and I wondered slightly what would happen if Derek were in that position.
I blinked like Tori and nodded. "Y-Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." I stated, shrugging it off and smiling for reassurance. My voice had wavered and I tried not to think about where Derek was or why he was upset. I mean, it's not like I did anything... Right? I mean, common. What did I do? What right did he have to just up and leave? Did he hear my heartbeat? Did he notice my erractic breathing?
Something hit me like a ton of bricks: What if he didn't care about me the same way? What if he knew and he just didn't care?
No, Derek isn't like that. I grumbled to myself. Simon sent me another glance as he popped in a movie and sat down. He was sitting too close. I could hear his breathing. I could smell his vanilla and perspiration mix. My skin didn't tingle; it crawled. I didn't like being this close to him. He was a friend, I realized. He wouldn't be anything more. I wanted him to be. Simon, I could handle. He was nice and easy-going. Derek was... Not.
Derek was stubborn, and self-loathing. Derek was arogant, yet bright. He was protective and calming. He was witty and a total smart ass. He was...
My stomach contracted as I thought it and I wanted to gag. I was getting too deep; too girly.
Simon place his arm around my shoulders carefully, leaned his mouth to my ear, whispering "You're hair looks pretty." and it was all I could do to try not to gag again. Shrugging his arm off, I curled my legs to my chest and rested my chin on my knees. I clutched my eyelids together in hope he wouldn't try again. When did the lights turn off? When did he start liking romantic comedies? My heart was pounding for all the wrong reasons.
"I want to got to sleep." I stated dully and stood, walking out of the room.
As soon as I was out of eye-shot, I was running down the stairs and out the door.
****
The wind was brushing my face as tears ran down my cheeks. All I needed was thirty minutes to cry myself out. I was feeling so much. I was overwhelmed. I was sleep deprived.
I was crying for Aunt Lauren. For my dad. For my mom. For my uncle. For Simon. For Tori. For Simon and Derek's dad. For Andrew. I was a wreck.
You're in love. The voice chimed again, causing me to groan in frustration.
Not love; a crush. I reasoned back. Still, I dug my fingers into my scalp as I ran them through my hair in anger with myself for being so wimpy. They were dirty, but I didn't care. I'd just shower later. I didn't want to go inside. I didn't want to face Simon after I rejected him and then ditched him. I didn't want to face Tori after I poured out my soul to her. I didn't want to face Derek, in fear he'd reject me again.
All I wanted was to sit out here. I pulled my hands out of my hair, full out sobbing into the dirt below my face. I wrapped my arms around my knees and leaned against the tree behind me. I could see the stars through its branches, and counted them to myself. It calmed me, and soon my shaky breaths even came to a stop. I let the wind cool my hot skin and settle my fired eyes. I stayed there for a few minutes, tuning out the world. I didn't think about anything, just about the fact that the dirty was soft; that the tree bark was harsh; that my back was aching; that my throat was dry; that my eyes were dry.
I let it all soak in before standing up. I took another deep, shakey breath and moved to the front door. I hadn't gone too far. I just hoped I could get back without getting lost. I could just imagine how embarrassing that would be to find me dead in the woods.
I shivered at the thought of meeting all those ghosts I had accidentally risen. That would be a nightmare.
Stumbling over sticks and even catching a tear in the thigh of my- and by "mine", I mean Andrew's- shirt, I made it back to the front of the house. I walked up the porch steps, having de ja vu of the yesterday. This morning? Who cares.
I opened the door quietly, hoping everyone had gone to sleep. The light was on in the hallway and two very stern and angry green eyes burned into mine.
Derek scowled at me and a piece of my heart fell to the floor. He didn't seem to notice, and if he did, he made a big deal of stepping on it as he walked over to me. "Where have YOU been?" He growled out, making me bite my lip.
I met my eyes with his and I could tell he could see the tear stains on my cheeks and my bloodshot eyes by the way his own eyes softened. "I could ask you the same question." It was weak. I was tired. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep, and maybe even cry some more. I didn't want to have this fight now.
His eyes became guarded and he shrugged indifferently. "I was outside. Is that a problem?"
I rolled my eyes, my anger returning slowly to my weak body. "No. It's not. Considering I was just there. Why does it matter anyway? Hm?" I snapped back and crossed my arms.
He shrugged again and waved off the question. "I was just wondering."
"Yeah, well don't if you're not going to care anyway." He looked back at me and his eyes connected with mine. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "It's my business where I go and what I do. If I end up dying, who cares? You've protected me enough, thank you." I continued to gripe. "I'm not your little precious Barbie doll who can't handle being handled roughly. I can stand a little wear and tear."
He narrowed his eyes. "Well, maybe I do care. Have you thought of that? Or do you know exactly what's going through my mind now too?" His voice was calmed and reasoned, but I could hear the guttural growl lacing the words. The menace.
"You sure don't act like it!"
"Doesn't mean I don't."
"Well, prove it!" I swallowed, noticing how close I had gotten. My face was in his and his eyes were burning into mine. "Never mind. You'll probably just run away again." I grouched. I stepped closer. He didn't step back, looking down at me with wide green eyes. I could smell the dirt on his skin; I could smell something... Natural in his smell. It wasn't BO like it had been when I first met him either. It smelt... Good.
"Chloe..." He grumbled. His eyes were still boring into mine. Possession and uncertainty were clear in his forest green eyes. The moon light gave his eyes a yellowish pitch, with a fevered tent. My throat constricted and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end and my skin wanted to be touched. It was stinging and burning. My thoughts were swirling around my head as I noted my physical condition. My breathing, my heartbeat, my need to be closer; all of it made me even more nervous then the Edison Group and Liam and Ramon put together.
He stepped away, turning away from me again. My heart faltered, but my rage was fueled. "What's wrong with me then?" I cried out at him in a hoarse whisper. "Is it my height? Is it my weight? Am I just plain ugly? Is it my hair? Do I smell bad? I don't understand, Derek; explain this to me."
"Explain what?" He choked out, leaning against the stairs and breathing deeply. I could see the clothes Andrew had handed him clamping over him as he breathed in and let it loose. The muscles in his back were toned and I wanted to touch them, just to see if they were real. He had the body of a guy out of an Abercrombie magazine.
"T-That!" I yelled at him. "That whole... Thing that just happened. It happened in the bathroom. It happened in the kitchen just now."
"You're just tired, Chloe. I don't know what you're talking about. Go to sleep." He was lying. I could tell in his stance and in his tone. He was lying and it was killing me.
I stood and nodded. "You're right." I whispered, knowing it would sting if I just accepted his excuse. Sure enough, his shoulders cringed at the sound of my broken voice. "I'm going to bed."
"Goodnight, Chloe." He whispered back.
I didn't answer and ran up the stairs.
I'm a horrible person.
I'm sorry.
I had an urge to write this.
It's long.
And wordy -kind of-
And OOC
and none to exciting.
I don't even know if I'll continue it.
Should I? I feel kind of bad about Chloe's depression state. :[
It's up to you;
Review!