Well guess what people, Gabby's computer crashed. Not only did it crash, but all of her stories were gone. Deleted, erased, untouchable. I had finally finished writing Sara's Title, Kiaya Kenshin, Desire Climax, A secret second part to Glance My Way and a bunch of other secret stories I had written to post up all together as a thank you for sticking with me this long. But nooo… After posting my new story, Kiaya Kenshin, I started its second chapter and in about 5 days was about a page short to completion. That is, until the shit box of a computer that I had, died and took all my stories, put them in an inaccessible file and took my internet away. I went for soo damn long without internet. And once the computer was "semi-fixed" it had deleted Microsoft Word! Like how shity could it get for me!?
On top of all the shit I'm going through in school, guys, friends, and blah blah, of course the computer dies.
Oh wells enough of my complaining, It's time to re-think up, re-adjust and re-write my stories after all of the tampering I had done to them. I need to get back to my loyal fans and back into my writing routine. I've got so many ideas swirling in the back of my head that just need to be expressed. I've got writers build up, I went too long without writing.
Disclaimer, -Sighs- I never thought I'd get to write that word ever again…. Just insert any wacky disclaimer here and once I'm fully up and running I'll put my own craziness there.
-X-Nostalgia
Gently, she touched me and quickly warmed my heart. But over and over I broke hers and shattered her heart. Yet, she would always come to me, held me close in my time of need; helped me fix my broken self.
-X-
Love…
What's love?
It mustn't be important if everyone's trampling over other people's hearts. Even I am one of those people.
I still recall her so vividly in my mind…
She had the cutest eyes I've ever seen. Although her eyes ordinary in color, being a chocolate brown, they still stood out amongst the crowd. Her eyes were the type to reveal her heart and soul if anyone dared and truly cared to look into them. I didn't have to look so deeply, although she did entrance me to, her soul was always there. Laid out, in blind sight, yet no one seemed to ever look.
So naïve…
She loved so easily; I don't think she could ever really muster the strength to hate someone. Dislike someone greatly, maybe, but it was only if they had hurt someone she cared about deeply. She wasn't selfish, she cared so much about others, always putting their needs before her, even if it hurt her in the end. She couldn't even hate the person who killed her…
She worried a lot, always often seen as a mother figure to all. Her heart so genuine, that she cared for all who were in her life, and could even truly forgive and forget. She couldn't ever hold a grudge, and if angered it never last long. Although I once told her it annoyed me a bit, I still loved that part of her. I needed someone to nurture me once in a while.
Her embraces still haunt me. I could hug a million people, and never will I find someone who hugged like her. They were addicting. I never once thought that a hug could be filled with so much emotion. Love, happiness, warmth… It was all there and even more. I didn't know a person like her could ever exist in this tainted world of ours. Yet, there she was, like a late blooming rose, hidden under the shade, upcoming from rubbish.
So pure and naïve…
Her kisses… So tantalizing. It was like she was giving pieces of her heart away with every kiss she gave. Her lips, so soft and full. Always gave such warm, loving kisses; pouring every emotion she had in her into her kisses. Maybe, she was like the first snowfall of the year, so long awaited for yet no one seems to notice it.
Her smile was so contagious. I couldn't force down the smile that arose every time I saw her smiling. Her smile brightened up her face, making her look even more beautiful than she already was. Could she have been like the precious rain after a long drought? Giving life to everything it touched?
Did I mention her size? She was so short compared to my towering height. Guess it's true. Big things do come in small packages. Her boundless beauty was one of her many things. This girl slowly became like the sun to me, I smiled with her smile, frowned with her frown, hurt with her pain, as she did with me as well.
I had so many sleepless nights wondering why did such a person graze my life? I didn't deserve her before, nor ever after what happened…
She fell… Fell hard in love… With me… I loved her as well, oh so much. She brightened my days, illuminated my nights, held my hand through my darkest hours; wiped my tears and whispered words of encouragement and love in my ears.
Yet why…
Yet why?
Yet why did I hurt her!?
I still remember, she was the one who said it first, and she meant every last bit of it. I wasn't there yet, but she didn't mind. She wasn't the type to do or say something just to say it. She always meant what she said. She didn't care, she wasn't angry. She in fact was happier. She was happy as long as I knew. She loved me.
We spilt, yet she stayed, ever so faithfully, by my side. She still loved me deeply, even as the months flew by us. I wondered why she'd stay beside me of all people, but she just answered my unasked question,
"We promised, remember? We'd stay friends no matter what happened between us." Taking a small breath as she closed her eyes, slowly let it go, and looked up at him, a slight blush on her face. "A-and I promised you, that I'd do what ever made you happy." With a smile on her face, a brighter blush dusting over her cheeks, she hugged him and walked off with a wave.
I still feel my face change into a look of amazement whenever I recall this moment. She could always keep a promise, and was always so honest with me.
'I love you…'
Those words haunted me, kept me up a whole night as I thought. But it wasn't because she had uttered them to me. No, it was because I finally realized that I was in love with her.
"What's got you blushing, Blushy?" She teased, poking his pink cheeks. She watched as he shook his head, and curiosity hit her hard. "Oh c'mon, tell me." She smiled brightly, thinking it was cause he thought she looked cute that day or something along those lines. Still he shook his head, and it seemed, to her, as if the words were at the tip of his tongue. As if it was taking all he had in him to hold them back.
Walking down the stairs along side him, she turned to face him when they reached the lobby. "Tell me, please?"
He still said nothing.
"Fine…" Extending her arms out, she signaled for a hug. Pulling her close to him, she smiled happily and hugged him tenderly.
"Its cause I love you…"
Pulling away from him, she stared at him shocked. "W-what?"
A small smirk on his lush lips, loving her reaction, he shook his head, "Nothing."
Her face, bright red, and burning hot, she stared at him. "W-what?!"
Although her shock was still evident, something in her screamed to move, to get away and think carefully, probably take a hearing test as well. Taking a step back, she blinked trying to clear her confusion, said a quick bye and ran to her class.
She probably didn't know at the time that I was beating myself up inside. I had blurted out something I had just realized the night before. But I had yet to realize that by me saying those precious words to her, that it would be the start of her downfall.
She watched from afar as I loved another. Yet I still strung her along, kept her close by my side and she happily followed. And as I did so, bits and pieces of her heart slowly shattered away.
I'd bring her close, then distance my self from her. Over and over, I repeated this cycle. Causing her to hurt, which made me hurt as well. I was the cause of her pain, of her tears; I was causing this precious girl to cripple away in pain. I told myself that she'd better off without me, yet she knew. She knew me like the back of her hand, hell, maybe even better.
I ran to her, tears streaming down my face, and she held me so gently. She'd listen even if it broke her heart to. She advised even if it didn't bring her any closer to me. So unselfish she was with me, yet I know her. She probably thought herself selfish for loving me when I was with another. Probably thought her self horrid for wanting me all to herself.
"Hey… Inu-kun… Is it okay… If every once in a while… I tell you I love you?" She felt so silly for smiling at the moment, but she couldn't help it.
"Mhmm…"
"'Kays!" She giggled softly.
"And is it… Okay…. If … I tell… You the same?" she could hear the strain in his voice. He didn't want to say it, he wanted to hold in his words but they seemed to slip out.
"Of course." Her smile brightens, and she clutched her phone even tighter. "I love you, Inu-kun."
"I-I… Lo- damn it! I know its so wrong, but it feels so right, Kags… It feels so right to… to love…"
"Just say what feels right, Inu-kun. You don't have to say it."
"I love you Kags."
"I love you too, Inu-kun." She blushed brightly and they both knew she was.
Defile…
Corrupt…
Taint…
She lay beside him, snuggled close to his warmth. Her eyelids were fluttering close, landing against her soft cheeks. "I'm so tired Inu-kun…. I just wanna sleep and never wake…"
He laughed at her silliness and stroked her cheek tenderly. She snuggled closer to his bare chest and yawned loudly. "I'm too tired Inu-kun… I'm too tired to go to school. Can't I just stay here? I don't wanna leave just yet, I wanna spend more time with you."
Through closed eyes, she pictured his face. Nice beautiful smile, a bright blush on his cheeks. She heard him laugh softly before sighing.
"Stop blushing. "
"How'd you know?"
Sighing blissful, she forced her eyes open and propped herself up on one elbow, "Hmm… Lets see…" She slowly brushed her hand over his left cheek and smile brighter when his blush intensified and when he leaned into her touch. She watched as his eyes fluttered closed. "I'm Kagome, I always know."
"Keh…" he said softly before pinning her down. She giggled before yawning loudly. "I got you all exhausted…" He smirked and nuzzled his face into her cheek.
"Mmm… It's not fair. You're so cruel. Now, I'm so exhausted and I've gotta go to school while you get to stay home and sleep."
"Not my fault I'm older." He smirked and rubbed his nose onto hers.
"Mean-" yawn. "ie…"
"Shh…" He gently pressed his lips against hers and kissed her.
That's all I ever did. I stripped her of her pureness, her innocence. Yet, somehow, she still remained a saint.
I cringed at her pain. I knew I was wrong, she had every right to hurt me, but I just couldn't…
She begged for forgiveness, yet it was I who should have begged, but never would…
Insomnia
That's what my guilt, her pain and my pain gave me. Yet, I spoke in words of blame. I blamed her.
She held me close and forgave me. Pushed aside her pain to ease mine.
I should've walked out, out of her life for good. She would've been better off without me, but I'm so greedy. I needed her.
My words.
My words were what always dragged her back to me. I knew just how to string her back and always did. My words were the first stab.
I muttered sweet nothings to her, and in a daze she fell for the trap.
I always told her I'd corrupt her.
My touches were the second stab. I held her close, kissed her, and enticed her to get closer.
My lies were the third stab. I wrapped her around, drowned her in lies. The excitement got to her. She was tainted.
My fake promises were the fourth stab. Who else would make a promise to such a precious girl and never keep them but me? She was so blind in her daze.
Her realization was the fifth stab. Her throbbing pain crippled her, wound around her so tightly it suffocated her. Broken was her daze, and her heart and soul as well.
The knife was the last stab. It pierced deeply in her. Blood ran like water, soaked and drenched her.
"Inu-kun…? Inu-kun are you home?" She tipped toed into his house. He had given her a spare key a long while ago, to come and go as she pleased. She placed a hand over her thumping heart as she thought. What would she say to him? How would she say it? She wanted him to choose between her and Kikyo. She loved him too much. She was filled with horrible thoughts fuel by jealousy of stealing him from Kikyo. Pushing away those thoughts, she took a breath. She wouldn't do it that way. She would ask him to choose. And if he would stay with Kikyo, then she would accept it and let him go.
Walking into his living room, and seeing no sight of him, her courage started to spiral down. 'Maybe he's with Kikyo-chan right now…' she thought as she bit her thumb softly.
Hearing a soft cry, she turned around and tried to place where it came from. 'Inu-kun's room? Maybe he's with Kikyo-chan in his room…' She blushed and closed her eyes to push away the pain.
"Okay you can do this Kagome…" She inhaled and held her breath and walked to his bedroom. Knocking on slightly ajar door, she peered in a bit.
"Inu-kun? You in here?"
A sniffle was the only reply. Opening the door more, she gasped in shock at the sight before. "Inu-kun!"
She ran inside and grabbed the hand the held a knife. "Inuyasha! What are you doing!"
"Give it back, Kags!"
"No!" They wrestled for the knife, Inuyasha trying to be as gentle as possible. Yet he wasn't prepared for the loud gasp that fell of their lips.
"Inuyasha!"
Horrified, I reached out my hand to her and she clutched it loosely as her life drained out of her.
"I still love you…" she whispered out, tears in her eyes, and a soft smile on her lips.
I choked up, couldn't say it back.
"Goodnight…"
Through tears I replied, "Sweet dreams…"
"Sleep well…"
"Take care…"
"I love you…"
"I- I- I"
She closed her eyes, gave my hand a tender kiss and there went her final breathe.
I couldn't even let her hear the words she desperately wanted to hear, not even as she died in my arms.
A man who doesn't deserve to live is what I am.
Yet, greedily, I'll keep a promise to her. A promise I shouldn't keep since it's foolhardy of me, but I'll never admit it.
I won't die.
I promised her, so long ago, that I wouldn't commit suicide and so I won't. Even though I don't deserve to lie, I can't let her life go in vain. She wanted me to live; she wanted me to be happy. And although, I can only fulfill one half of that promise, I'll live. But as I live, I'll suffer.
-X-
Tah- dah! And this is the end to Nostalgia. I hope you all have enjoyed it. And if you review, I shall be giving away tissues so you may blow your nose and dry your tears. Cause I know I cried… -Sniffles-