Glorious Uncertainty

"You want more, and you want it fast…" Rebel Rebel, David Bowie, 1974

She was nervous. She was buckling up with trembling hands and felt a twist in her stomach when the buckle made an audio click. It was a necessary restraint to keep her from bolting and changing her mind. It was physical and final, bounding her to a decision she had made on a dangerous, wonderful, whim.

This was it, she thought, I'm doing this. No, take backs, Lager.

She was about to commit herself to one of the most prestigious institutions, she was joining Starfleet. She didn't know what had possessed her to do it- She was all set for university, got into the school her Professor parents had dreamed for her since she was the size of a pea in her mother's womb. It had all been written in stone since her parents had decided her course in life: she was going to an Ivy League school, she was going to graduate as valedictorian, and she was going to work herself through years of grueling Academia until she was Dean of her Department.

She was supposed to be packing for her move to school tomorrow, not sitting in a shuttle hundreds of miles away. Her parents, of course, were friends with the teachers at the school she had been accepted to, and they would ease her into the new grind that would come from college life, guide her away from the seedier side to focus on her studies. No parties, no binge drinking or recreational drugs would dare come near her(not that she particularly needed someone to guide her away from that).

Her life was all set for her.

She would be successful; she was intelligent, hard-working, and timely in all of her worth ethic. She already had good connections to the scene of academia, she wouldn't be hard-pressed to find a job as a Professor of whatever she chose, of where-ever she chose. She would make it far in the world her parents had raised her in.

Her destiny was set, and it looked to be a great one.

Ariel Lager had decided, just a few hours ago, late last night, as she looked around at the bedroom that she had occupied for nearly all of her childhood, full of ready to go empty storage units, that destiny was greatly overrated. From the highly polished wooden floors to the crisp white walls her mother favored, to the small bits of herself that she had struggled to integrate into the sterile surroundings: she did not see anything that screamed loss in the fact that she was about to move to the university dormitory. This had never felt like her room- she was hardly in it all year because of her parents- and they had seen no point in allowing freedom of expression to a child that could potentially damage property value when they hardly occupied this space.

And really, the fact that most of her future was going to be exactly like that room had terrified her.

It was a quiet, stern room that meant little to her, despite all of the years spent here. Ariel had stayed awake late into the night, she was supposed to be packing all of her worldly belongings for tomorrow, but she had instead had just stared around in a haze. Then, she had gotten up off of the gleaming wooden floors, hands steady and blinking rapidly, and stuffed all of her important electronics, jewelry, precious knickknacks, and her toiletries into a backpack. She packed a large antique trunk that had housed her few antique books with as many clothes and shoes as she could fit along with them and the ones she couldn't bare to leave behind. She had put the pack onto her back firmly, picked up the trunk, her violin vase, thrown them out of her window, and crawled out after them.

She had been the perfect child, never one to make a big fuss always brushed her teeth, made it to her violin lesson on times, and did her homework. She had never stepped a toe out of line, never really seen a need to. She wasn't the rebellious type, she could see the logic and care that her parents were putting into to make her have a good, decent life. But somehow, last night something had snapped inside of her, she had still packed all the things that meant something to her, and gone to her best friend Dara Lee's window next door, throwing rocks in such a cliche way to get her attention.

Dara had grunted in her bed, rolled over, tumbled out in her large over-sized shirt she had stolen from a few boyfriends back, groaning as she scratched her head. She had blinked when she spotted Ariel, taken in her skimpy sleeping shorts and t-shirt combination (a Christmas gift from Dara because she thought that Ariel needed to show more skin), jacket and boots(she didn't have time to change, that only meant more time to think, more to change her mind). Then, she had just smiled, more of a smirk really, and leaned against the frame when she had opened the window.

"What are you doing, Fish Girl?" she had asked, using the nickname she had gotten from an ancient movie they both adored, her narrow eyes stern and that damn smirk on her face. They had flickered to her backpack, to her violin and to the trunk she had gifted her last year.

Ariel hadn't known exactly, but she knew for once in her eighteen years of life that she was doing something for herself.

"Something crazy, Princess," she had responded, and her heart had beat faster with anticipation, "And I need your help with the crazy part."

Dara Lee was all that Ariel wasn't- She was wild, she was bold, and she was street smart and she was tough as nails. Her parents had been on their last limb concerning Dara, simply because she had been kicked out of all the schools in her last city, and had bought a house in her neighborhood eleven years ago in the city because of its good schools(so many that they would last until she graduated even if she was kicked out five times a year) in hopes that one of them was what they needed to sort out their daughter. She went to several private schools and was subsequently kicked out of most of them(with an exception of the last one, which Dara had simply decided to finish her primary education), was a kickboxer and could drink to oblivion. Dara would either rule the world or she would simply just dominate it.

Ariel was quiet, book-smart and had a knack and love for science. She wasn't one to rebel, could hardly drink a beer without feeling queasy. She hated exercise and had a horrendously low stamina. She was most at home researching and hated to raise her voice in confrontation, and had no drive to party or pull epic pranks that lead to being kicked out of school. Ariel had never even gone to school at all- her parents did not see the merit of social skills being constructed, and instead had given her a plethora of the finest tutors and their own skills to educate her.

How Ariel and Dara had become friends was a mystery to even them, despite the fact that they had been next door neighbors for eleven years, but Dara and Ariel just had learned to accept it as one of the universe's strangest quirks. The subsequent meeting had been when Ariel had been practicing her violin, and Dara(unpacking her things) had jumped the fence, climbed through her open window, sat on the ledge, swinging her tan legs and bluntly said that she sucked. Ariel had blinked, raised an eyebrow and asked her to do better, offering the instrument. Dara had smirked, and started to sing, using her own personal instrument, and had done better. When Ariel had joined in with the violin, the other girl had smiled, kindly, shyly in a way that Ariel would never see again in the eleven years of their friendship.

They had been inseparable since.

Because despite the complete polarity of their personalities, they knew and understood the other perfectly. They didn't try to 'better' the other girl. Dara didn't press Ariel to do crazy things, only asked once, and Ariel did the same thing when it came to asking Dara to think before she acted. On occasion, the other would listen. Just asking once, they didn't need more than that and let the other do as they saw fit, which was something neither of them got from their parents. Last night, all Dara had to do was smirk even bigger, before she had jumped out of her window, shoes and car keys in hand.

"Don't you dare puss out, you smart bitch."

And so here she was in Riverside Shipyard, miles away from her home and her parents. They were probably just now waking up, with just a simple note on their PADDs of where they could find her if they so desired. Dara had driven her to the airport, and had refused to allow Ariel to buy the ticket to get her to the nearest and farthest Starfleet Port; one that was far enough away that her parents couldn't get to her in time, but close enough so she could get to San Francisco in time for the opening ceremony and the general admission(while she could get in on later admission, Ariel didn't want to lose an opportunity to see and meet all of her classmates as they entered, possibly find someone to room with, and give herself time to 'puss out'). Dara had given her a hug so fierce that Ariel was sure that she had cracked her ribs, she had returned the embrace just as hard.

"You boldly go and get into the Stars, Fish Girl," those were the last words Dara had said to her, after pressing a credit stick into her unwilling hand, and pushed(very hard, mind you) her towards the shuttle gate.

And now here she was, foot jiggling as she waited for the shuttle to take off.

"Nervous?" asked a kind voice, and a pretty girl, across from her, and already dressed in the Academy Uniform, was smiling at her.

Ariel licked her lips.

"You could say that," she smiled back, lips pressed closed and that made the woman across from her smile larger, making her brown eyes shine.

She is tall and lean, with smooth, even skin that is the color of the perfect cafe au lait. Her hair is pulled back, and her blood red uniform is crisp and clean. There is a calculative and easiness to the way she moved, a confidence that all but oozes out of her. But she is kind enough to try to reassure a complete stranger, even dressed as she is. She must've had taken in her cotton pj's strewn with a red-headed mermaid, dry, stringy hair thrown back into a messy bun, the mismatched socks peeking from the tops of her lace-up boots, the rumpled jacket that she had picked at random. But the young woman seemed to have dismissed that to try and comfort her, which Ariel appreciated. The guy at the signup office had looked at her as if she was crazy until he had brought up her records.

"We'll be fine. It isn't that long of a flight."

Ariel was no stranger to shuttle travel- her parents were high in demand across the world and went to conventions and the like all throughout her childhood(the trouble of being homeschooled). It was more the fact of committing her biggest act of serious rebellion in her life that was making her fidget. But well, she couldn't unload that on a complete stranger, now could she, even one as kind as the girl across her?

"Thank you. It isn't what's making me nervous, but thanks for the assurance."

The girl blinked, and curiously asked:

"What is making you nervous?"

"Teenage rebellion and complete disregard for carefully laid plans," she answered, keeping it vague, but honest. She couldn't help the small twitch of her lips as she says this, but she forcibly stopped herself, easing her face into her careful mask.

The girl chuckled, smiling again and bringing out the fact that she had lovely pearly white teeth.

"Nyota Uhura."

Ariel smiled timidly, barely flashing her teeth, before she tempered it and leaned as far over as she could in her seat. Uhura stands up, smiling, and grasps her hand with her long, elegant one. Ariel is relieved and leans back on her backrest.

"Ariel Lager," she gave Uhura as firm of a shake that she could give already strapped to her seat.

Uhura's returning shake is firm, though brief. She leans her hip against one of the empty seats next to Ariel's seat and smiles again.

"What are you hoping to study, Lager?"

Ariel blinks at the question and feels a relief so hard that it if she hadn't been sitting she would have lost her balance. Because someone was asking her. Her lips are trembling as she reveals her biggest secret, held so damn close to her chest all this time, not even Dara knew this:

"I want to be a Doctor." she was smiling now, full on beaming as her stomach flutters with excitement. Because she could damn it, and because she had always found the way organisms function fascinating, wanted to help people in need: it also happened to be a challenge in Starfleet as it was a four* year course versus the regular six, and focused more on Xenological Medicine for obvious reasons(and Ariel was determined to do it in three), "What about you?"

"Xenolinguistist," she says, and her smile here is smug and so sure of herself that Ariel respects that, even if she hadn't had that sort of drive for most of her life.

She had been herded most of her life, but well, here she was. Blazing her own trail, so to speak.

"That's amazing, how many languages do you know?"

"Most main Terran languages, as well as a couple aliens ones. I hope to become the Head of Communication on a starship," again, there was a confidence and a drive that Ariel envies, "What about you, Lager, what's your ambition in Starfleet?"

"A Doctor on the medical staff that doubles as a Xenobiologist on a starship, hopefully."

Ariel does not want to be the Head Medical Officer, simply because that is so high on the hierarchy that she would not have much wiggle room. She's seen what responsibility like that does to a person, the constrictions of authority that Ariel isn't really keen on having. She can respect it, envy those in that position, but felt as if she had the wrong temperament. She rather be a Doctor first, a Xenologist second, and not have to deal with paperwork.

"That's a tough course, and you want to be Xenobiologist, not just medicine?" she asks, and she's frowning at her.

Nyota Uhura sees a young woman with a carefully blank face that is betrayed by bouncing legs and twisting hands. She is unassuming, thin little thing, fairly pretty, but wouldn't have stood out if it weren't for her odd attire against all the Academy Reds. Her hair is a light strawberry blonde, more of a wheat with a barest hint of a red, her face has small features, small lips, small nose, but very expressive, wide eyes that contrast to the stillness of the rest of her face. The ultimate poker face, Uhura thinks, even her voice is soft and precise. She wonders why this 'lion of God*' wanting to be a Doctor is becoming one in Starfleet. Most don't take that route, preferring the longer six-year course offered at regular universities before joining the 'Fleet.

"So is becoming a Xenolinguist Communication Officers, you don't need one to be the other," she counters, raising a simple brow, and her light eyes shine with a secret challenge that makes part of Nyota immediately leaps up. She can feel a kinship of ambition and comradery.

She blinks, and then smirks.

"You're ambitious."

"I could say the same to you," and Ariel feels her lips curve into a slight smirk in response. She wonders as she pulls back her smirk if her nerves are so shot that she is so loose with her facial expressions. Faintly, in her head, she can see her mother's fierce scowl.

The hopeful Xenolinguist chuckles and knocks her hip lightly against Ariel's shoulder in a startlingly casual show of friendliness. They talk for a several more minutes(Ariel had arrived on the shuttle an hour before it could even be boarded, and Uhura had been one of the first people behind Ariel once they were allowed inside and had more than an hour to kill), general stories of their backgrounds. Ariel is treated to Uhura's life* as being split between African Great Lakes area and the North American Continent, visiting her Swahili grandparents and learning the language that sparked her curiosity about others, and finding her lifelong passion. By the age of ten, she had learned more than a dozen languages and was devouring more and more as she grew, determined to be fluent in as many as she could. She had started learning alien languages at the ripe old age of fourteen when she had found an old Romulan to English dictionary at a library.

And Ariel tells her of her somewhat stifled upbringing, and her discovery of Xenobiology in a very similar situation, and her volunteer work at a local hospital that had made her see how much potential good she could do by caring for others. Her fascination at the difficulty of dozens of anatomies known to the Federation, and extensive knowledge of treatments, and medical tech that was precise and cantankerous.

"Do you have anyone to room with?" asks Uhura near the end of their hour wait.

Ariel blinks, and feels her face heat up, hope rising in her chest at the thought that she could already have a roommate.

"I don't. I was actually hoping to-"

Ariel is interrupted by the fact that Uhura makes a clear face of distaste, nose wrinkling, eyes narrowing. Ariel sees from the corner of her eyes as the seat next to her is taken. Ariel blinks at the abrupt shift in her mood, looking at her side to see a guy, a little older than them sit down gingerly, face covered in bruises and a split lip. The bruises and cuts do not diminish his handsome face by much, nor the cockiness she sees there as he spots Uhura. His dark blonde hair is closely cropped, and he has tan skin beneath all of his bruises, and blue eyes piercing. He leans towards Uhura as she rushes away, strapping into the seat she had been before she had come over to talk to Ariel. His eyebrows are wiggling, and really gleeful at Uhura's scowl.

"Never did get that first name," he says, and his smirk pulls at his cut lip, and the man doesn't even flinch.

Uhura rolls her eyes, looks towards Ariel.

"We will discuss this after the flight Lager," she snaps in a brisk, but apologetic tone. Then, she turns her head directly away from the guy, stalks to her seat and starts talking to a girl next to her. Ariel is bewildered at the change in the woman's attitude, but puts that aside when she hears shouting, turning towards the noise:

"You need a doctor," says a female officer, eyes exasperated and pulling with the help others at a flailing man.

He is physically straining at the restraining hands of several officers, his chiseled face(did everyone joining Starfleet have to be gorgeous!?) distressed and twisting as he wiggled forward.

"I told you people, I don't need a doctor. I am a doctor," he snaps, and his hands are clutched at a silver hip flask, trembling as the group of officers grab at his armpits, and escort him away from the back of the ship.

"You need to get back to your seat."

"I had one in the bathroom with no windows," sulks the Doctor, and he makes a break for it away from the officers, but the group of struggling officers simply snatch him back.

"You need to get back to your seat, now!"

"I suffer from aviophobia. It means fear of dying in something that flies."

The female officers only crosses her arms, lips pursed.

"Sir, for your own safety, sit down or else I'll make you sit down."

The surly man growls.

"Fine," he snaps, sitting down on the blond's other side and taking a mean swig of his flask.

"Thank you," says the officer, nodding, and turning away.

"This is Captain Pike. We've been cleared for takeoff," says a male voice over the com, and Ariel feels a rush of excitement flare, her boots tapping on the grating as the shuttle warms up.

"I may throw up on you," says the Doctor to the blond, face grim as he quickly straps in.

"I think these things are pretty safe," responds the blond.

The doctor laughs, a hysterical one, and then turns to the blond with a snarl:

"Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. A solar flare might pop up and cook us in our seats. And wait 'til you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles. See if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger after darkness and silence."

He hisses this with terror mounting in his gruff voice, and while Ariel knew all of this beforehand, hearing it from someone else still makes a part of her flinch.

"Well, I hate to break this to you, but Starfleet operates in space," says the blond, blunt and with a gleefully raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well, got nowhere else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I've got left is my bones."

Here, the doctor takes another swig of his flask.

"Jim Kirk," says the man, and he extends a hand. He sounds firm and friendly.

"McCoy, Leonard McCoy," says the doctor, hesitating for a fraction of second, before they shake, and he hands over the flask.

Kirk takes a swig.

Amused beyond belief, Kirk looks at her, possibly because she's staring at the humorous exchange, or because she happens to be next to him. He smirks, flask in hand, doing a leisurely little survey of her from the tip of her scuffed, boot-clad toes to the top of her strawberry-blonde head. He takes a measured sip and offers it to her. Leonard McCoy snaps it out of his hand even before she can make a move, and takes a swig himself.

"What about you, what's with the pj's?"

Ariel licked her lips and shrugged as both men turned to stare at her. The grumpy, fidgety man, squinted at her, eyes narrowing. Kirk did the same, but his eyes were calculating, and Ariel figured that this cocky man was that for a reason- it wasn't just his looks- but rather the brain behind his lovely face. Dara looks at the world like that, cavalier and so far down that she could have things figured out in fifteen seconds flat. He takes her in for a second longer as she stays silent, unsure and rather curious to why Uhura, who had seemed very nice and generally friendly, to have been so honest and blunt in her dislike. Especially since the worst trait Kirk seemed to have was being a little on the cocksure said, and had actually tried to reassure the frightened and pissed off doctor.

"Runaway, you are a runaway!" said Kirk, and he was grinning as he stared at her. Cocky sure, a bit of a rogue, but Dara was like that, too.

Ariel feels a bit of pang thinking of her best friend. But she laughs, a bit delighted at the assessment, and liking the genuine glee that courses through her at the fact that she's doing what she wants. She wiggles her toes.

"That's one way of putting it," she muses, resting her head back as she feels the shuttle start to power on,"I mean, is it running away if you're a legal adult?"

Kirk smirked(he seemed to like doing that). He moves his head back but has it twisted to look at her. His eyes are assessing, never losing their calculative edge despite his jovial attitude. McCoy's eyes are looking at her, but his lips are pressed into a tight line as the subtle rumble of shuttle starts.

"Yes. In fact, that's a bigger commitment, no one has a right to drag you away."

Ariel blinks and feels that nervous bunch of butterflies in her stomach twist at her. She thinks of her parents' reaction, at the thought of what she had decided to throw away.

"You okay, kiddo?"Kirk is sure of his assessment and gives her a look that shows genuine worry that most wouldn't associate with cocky hot guys.

Ariel wonders if she is. Because she's throwing away from the future she had been working for all her life- Starfleet is not a step down by any means, but it is much larger, much bolder than anything she has ever done, has ever been expected to be. Her parents are not cruel, they are just narrow, concentrated, and Ariel has always felt a sort of restlessness at the thought of the 'Grand Plan'. So well thought out, and everything her parents knew, everything she had grown up on… Her will had been suppressed, but always lingering in the back of her mind, being encouraged and fueled by Dara. Because she wants to move beyond her parents' world, wants to see the stars and wants to innovate, explore, evolve.

"Yeah. I really am," she responds, beaming despite her nerves, because she is so damn eager for what the future may hold.

Because the future is uncertain, and that is glorious.

AN: I do not own Star Trek, that belongs to its production and broadcasting company.

I own Ariel Lager, Dara Lee, their families, and this plot bunny.

Edited: 4 Novemeber, 2017

So I've been reading a lot of Star Trek fanfiction lately, rewatching the OG series and tried to find a fanfiction that went through the Academy years at StarFleet from the 2009 reboot. But I am infinitely picky when it comes to what I read and haven't found too many ones. Hence the start of Rebel, Rebel(Rest in Peace, David Bowie). This is going to be a very long, extensive fic that at the very least reach Into Darkness, maybe into Beyond depending on how I feel at the end of that story arc, and when I watch the movie for myself. As of now, that means roughly sixty-eight chapters planned.

I want to explore the new, Kelvin timeline universe deeply and extensively using bits from OG, and what the movies provided. Ariel will be our guide throughout it.

*(notes of things I feel I should explain)

1*Now, it takes roughly eight years to get a general medical degree(if you take the regular, two-semester course, four years in general, and another four in medical school, give or take). I figured in the future, way down the line the years are shorter and more intensive courses to become a Doctor. StarFleet, of course, would be even more intense, and one of Ariel's weakness is ambition, so she is going to work herself to death to get her Medical degree and her smaller degree in Xenobiology: which I figured would be double-faceted of two things depending, a Doctor certified to care for aliens(which all StarFleet Doctors must be), and a zoologist. Ariel wants to be both types.
2* 'Lion of God' is the Hebrew meaning of the name Ariel and generally used as a male name. Ariel's mother is of Jewish descent, her father is Swedish. By the way, Lager means 'bay', or 'laurel'. I'd always figured that Nyota Uhura, who's cream and butter in the Kelvin timeline is several different languages, would have a hobby of learning the origin and meaning of words, and also names. Which is why she know's the meaning of Ariel's name.

3* Uhura's history is extremely vague in all variations of Star Trek that I've come across. Even online, she has very little info out about her origins. Plan and simple that gives me a lot of room to expand on her in this fanfiction. She is going to become Ariel's roommate, and subsequently will be a very big focus of the fic, which pleases me to no end because I love her character.