For The First Time

by TheHildur92

Sam Winchester knows what it is to love to the point of insanity. He watches Dean flirt with other people and is consumed with jealousy, even beginning to question staying with his brother, until an event takes place that forces Sam to reconsider Dean s feelings. Takes place around six months after the death of John Winchester. Dean/Sam.

I have known what it is to love to the point of insanity. I watch him from a distance standing at the bar, nursing his drink, talking to a tall, handsome man with piercing green eyes. I know what is on his mind, it is written plainly across my brother´s face. Soon enough, he disappears into the bathroom, the stranger right behind him. Dean opens the door to allow his knight-in-shining armour to pass before him into the room and even winks in my direction before the door closes behind him.

It´s all I can do not to run into the bathroom and drag my brother away from the man he is sucking off right now. With dad dead, I had assumed Dean might go a little crazy but I could never guessed the ramifications of his coming out to me a few months after his decease. Since then, Dean went on a rampage and had even more success when playing for both teams. I think back ironically to the day when he made the revelation and a small part of me considered confessing my long buried feelings, until the realization dawned that even if Dean was also attracted to guys, it did not change the fact we shared the same blood. Since then, I had watched him flirt with both men and women, easy pickings they were too due to his handsome rugged, good looks, and tried to fight the worm of jealousy slowly coiling its way around my heart.

I wave down a waitress and order some shots, start doing them without thinking. She sends me a sparkling smile as she delivers my order. I start drinking and pondering how my life was before Dean came back into it. I had never perhaps loved Jess with the same fire as my brother, but it was safe, secure and completely thought through. I knew what we had together, what we could and would be. We were like those ships that sail to the horizon with the sun setting in front of them. With Dean, it was like sailing through a storm, knowing that the rocks of the island are coming and that you will be crashed to pieces on the rocks, but there is no way to escape.

Did I even want to?

There was a time when I had both the courage and the nerve to get out from under Dean, when I left for Stanford and built a new life. And then, he turned up on my doorstep and I realized that I had no choice.

That´s the price for loving Dean Winchester.