It was strange how fragile Annie looked inside that crystal. Months had passed since Eren had last seen her. Ever since their fight in Stohess, whenever he thought of Annie he always visualized the Female Titan's face. If Eren was standing close enough to Annie's crystal now, he knew that he would still see the tears on her face, a stark contrast to the Female Titan's stone cold expressions.
Squad Levi, Hange, and Erwin were standing in the basement of the Survey Corps' headquarters. After their failed attempt to kill or capture Reiner and Bertholdt in Shiganshina, Hange thought to use the new weapon they had developed to pierce the crystal material around Annie. Since it had worked on Reiner's skin, Hange figured it'd also work on this.
And they all wanted answers. Eren especially wanted answers. He wanted to know what it was that was so important that she had to kill all those people. He figured Annie owed him that much.
Mikasa and Levi were deemed the best at accuracy and given the duty of cutting Annie out. As Eren watched them rip into Annie's crystal, all he could think about was how much those two wanted her dead and how easy it'd be for the harpoons to slip and puncture Annie. Eren himself knew he wouldn't have been able to pierce the crystal so delicately—his hands were shaking already, though he wasn't sure whether it was out of anger or fear. Hange had wanted all the strongest soldiers available to witness this moment, just in case it turned into an ugly battle, but Eren hoped it wouldn't come to that.
Eren wasn't sure how he'd feel about fighting Annie again. He didn't really think he'd have a chance of winning.
"Eren, are you all right?" Armin asked Eren.
No. "Yeah, I'm fine." He couldn't really explain his feelings right now, not even to Armin. Eren hoped this would all be over quickly.
"You're shaking," Jean pointed out. Eren couldn't tell whether Jean was feeling sorry for him or making fun of him, so he ignored him.
Hange's weapon worked well, and Levi and Mikasa cut flawlessly as expected, and the crystal fell to shards within minutes. Eren ran up to her and caught her as she fell. Levi and Mikasa stood on either side of him, watching, and Eren knew they wouldn't have caught her.
Annie was still unconscious. Or sleeping. Eren couldn't really tell. He knew she wasn't dead because she was breathing.
"Wahoo! Great job, guys," Hange exclaimed. Eren wasn't sure how he felt about the excitement in their voice. Everyone else was dead silent, staring Annie down, waiting for her to make a violent move. The looks on their faces were mixtures of fear and hatred.
"Annie, wake up. Can you hear me?" Eren shook her, but she didn't budge. She still looked the same as she had. Duh, it's only been three months. Eren didn't know why he expected her to look so differently. So much had happened since their fight in Stohess, since that first reveal of betrayal. His anger and hurt, first a blinding fit of fire, had dissolved into a much duller feeling of sadness and bitterness. He was still angry, yes, angry at all of them. Angry at the entire situation. But he was also tired. Really fucking tired.
He was tired of feeling useless, of not knowing anything, and of hating everything and everyone.
Including himself.
"Annie!" he shouted at her. He shook her again, hard. Judging by her breathing, Eren decided that she was sleeping, but he was no expert.
"Nothing's happening," Mikasa said.
"It's gonna turn into an even shittier situation if she never wakes up," Levi said.
"Oh she'll wake up," Erwin said, walking over to them and standing over Eren and Annie. "We should lay her down somewhere and wait for her to wake up."
"Agreed," Hange said. "Eren, would you mind following me and carrying her to the infirmary?"
Levi shook his head. "She might be dangerous once she wakes up. It'd be better to put her behind bars." Eren bit his lip. Are they going to torture information out of her? Eren wasn't sure he could handle hearing her scream. She was a little different from those Military Police guys. This was someone he knew, someone he respected. Or at least, respected a long time ago.
Hange nodded. "Behind bars might be for the best. Eren, this way then."
Eren stood up and followed them. He felt Mikasa stare at him as he carried Annie away, but he didn't even attempt to try to read her feelings.
Soon we'll know everything. Then I'll know who or what to point my anger towards.
"I want to be there when she wakes up," Eren told Hange as soon as he placed Annie down on the bed inside the prison cell. The room was damp and smelled horrible, like stale blood and…something else that Eren couldn't distinguish and didn't want to know about.
Hange studied him. "For now, you should go hang out with the others and try not to stress yourself out more than necessary. Or…go get some rest. We might have a long, difficult week ahead of us."
Eren knew that rest wasn't going to happen. He was always stressed out these days. "No, I want to watch over her." Hange looked up and stared at him. "Please," he said.
"I don't know—"
"I'll stay with them," Mikasa said. Eren hadn't noticed her walk in.
"Two people standing guard over her sounds like a great idea," Hange said as they started walking out. "If you two need someone else to take over, just let us know. Or if she wakes up before then…"
Leaving the door to the cell open, Hange waved goodbye and left the two of them alone with Annie.
"What did you do that for?" Eren asked as he sat down next to Annie's bed.
"I was afraid she'd wake up and hurt you. You're the one she's after, you know."
"Yeah, but she can't transform underground."
Mikasa pulled up another chair and sat down next to Eren. "I'm worried about you."
"Worried? Don't be." There were tons of stressful thoughts and junk rotting in Eren's brain recently, especially since he unlocked all those memories about his father, but he didn't really want Mikasa to know about them. He didn't really want to talk about them with anyone.
"I am. Annie always makes you act even more brash than usual. You need to keep a clear head."
Eren turned to glare at Mikasa. "That's what you're worried about? What does that even mean?"
Mikasa paused for a minute. She wasn't looking at Eren, but at Annie. Then she said, "I don't know. I just want you to remember that she's the enemy. And whatever we find out about her doesn't change what she's done. Your heart is too large, Eren."
What the hell? I didn't think I had a heart at all. Just as Eren was about to refute what Mikasa said, Annie made a whimpering noise and opened her eyes. Mikasa reacted quickly, standing up, pulling out her sword, and pointing it at Annie, who hadn't even sat up yet. Annie gave Mikasa the most terrified look Eren had ever seen.
"Hey, hey, calm down. She hasn't even moved," Eren said, standing up.
"See, that's what I'm talking about. You're too close to her!"
"She can't attack, Mikasa! It's two against one and we're fucking underground."
"Which means your powers are useless, too, Eren," Mikasa said.
Annie sat up slowly, keeping her eyes on the two of them. She still looked scared.
"Don't move!" Mikasa yelled at her and Annie lay back down. Eren had never seen this side of Annie and he wasn't sure how much he liked it. He couldn't help but think about that stupid phrase she used to repeat all the time. I'm just a frail little girl… He used to think it was utter bullshit.
"W-what's…going on?" Annie said so quietly that Eren almost didn't hear her.
Eren said, "You're underground Stohess. It's been a few months since our fight and we broke you out of the crystal thing."
Annie still looked confused, so Eren continued. "Now we're gonna need you to start talking. We need answers."
"Now," Mikasa said.
Annie turned away from them and glanced at her surroundings. She seemed incredibly nervous. "I…uh…can't help you…"
"You don't have a choice. You either talk. Or you die," Mikasa said. She still had her sword pointed at Annie and Eren wasn't sure that was helping them.
"Annie, please."
Annie looked at Eren then and stared for a long moment. "Annie…is that…my name?"
"I'm sorry to report that the plan to recover information from Annie Leonhardt is not going well," Hange said. After they had learned that Annie didn't remember anything, Mikasa had told Levi, Erwin, and Hange, and they called this meeting.
"In other words, we're in deep shit," Levi said, his arms folded. He was pissed. Eren could tell. Of course, Eren didn't feel too great either.
"After Mikasa and Eren reported that Annie had woken up, but didn't remember anything, Levi and I asked her a few questions just to make sure she wasn't lying. And…she isn't."
She's almost a completely different person. No, maybe not. You didn't know her that well to begin with. She was always lying…
Right now Mikasa and Sasha were watching Annie and Eren wasn't sure how to feel. He needed Annie to remember things and to be honest with him for once.
"I'm thinking this is a second barrier, if you will," Erwin said, interrupting Eren's thoughts. "If the crystal wasn't enough to protect her memories, then she erased them herself."
Levi sighed. "If that's the case, then how do you suppose we'll get them back? Force?"
Eren shuddered at the thought of them torturing Annie, especially with her like this. It seemed cruel, and he didn't think they should stoop so low. Besides, it probably wouldn't work, anyway. Eren said, "I don't think hurting her is the answer. We just need to spark her memories somehow."
"How?" Levi asked, looking at Eren. Then he looked at Hange. "Do you have a handy serum available that brings back memories?"
"You know I don't, Levi."
"I think Eren has the right idea," Armin said. "What if we just remind her of the events we know about? It's worth a shot."
"I think so, too," Hange said. "Did anyone here know Annie really well?"
Jean, Conny, and Armin turned to Eren. "Nobody really knew her that well," Jean said. "But this suicidal blockhead probably knew her the best."
"They were always training," Conny said, nodding.
"Well…yeah…but I didn't find out much about her…"
Armin put his hand on Eren's shoulder. "Eren, just talk to her about the trainee days to start with and then go from there. Maybe it'll spark something."
Levi said, "I'm not sure I like this. Cozying up to her and reminding her of the glory days. We have no guarantee that it'll make her recall what we need to know." Levi looked at Eren. "And I don't know about Eren getting so close to her either. He's the one they're after."
Erwin said, "If she doesn't remember anything, then she doesn't remember her objective either. We're running out of options, and Eren seems like our best bet once again."
Everyone is worried. They all think I'll fail this time, too…
"Erwin's right, Levi," Hange said. "I say we go with Eren."
Levi stood up and said, "Fine. But she stays in that prison cell. And I want to talk to her again before he sees her."
Eren felt a shiver run down his spine.
Hange stood up. "It's settled then. Eren, I'm placing you in charge of recovering Annie's memories."
Eren nodded. I won't fuck up this time. I'll make her remember everything.
Humanity will win this time.
Eren went to go talk to Annie as soon as Levi was done with her. Levi didn't say anything as he passed Eren in the hallway, just gave him a blank stare. Eren wasn't sure what that meant.
When he reached her cell, Annie was lying down on the bed, her eyes closed. He sat down in the chair in front of the bars. There were still a couple of chairs inside the cell, the ones Eren and Mikasa had claimed a mere two hours ago, that were being unused. The chair in front of the bars was cold, and Eren supposed that Levi had stood up when he was talking to Annie, probably trying to intimidate her like he had intimidated him when they first met in a place just like this one. He wondered if he'd also threatened to kill her just like he had threatened him. Eren was 99 percent sure that he had.
Annie opened her eyes and stared at Eren. He couldn't read her expression, but that was nothing unusual. Back when they were on a familiar basis, Eren could never tell where she was on her spectrum from bored to pissed-off. Seeing Annie in a cage like this, and remembering all the shit that had happened, made Eren miss the trainee days. Back when life was a little simpler and he could consider Annie, Reiner, and even Bertholdt his friends. Back when he had no idea the world could become even crueler. Back when he believed that as long as he became a soldier and tried hard enough, killing all the Titans would be possible.
But he was staring right back at one right now that he wasn't sure he was ready to kill.
"Hey, Annie. Do you remember who I am yet?" He tried to keep his voice even, but he felt like he was about to cry just from frustration.
Annie shook her head, slowly, keeping her eyes on him.
Eren took a deep breath. "I'm Eren. Eren Jaeger? We used to be in the Trainee Corps together. You taught me some useful hand-to-hand combat moves."
She sat up and nodded, but not like she remembered. She nodded like she was agreeing with him and trusting what he said.
"Um…" Eren didn't even know where to go from there. Did she consider them friends at some point? He wasn't sure. She never told him as such. "They used to call me the suicidal blockhead. I think Jean started it because I always talked about rushing in and fighting Titans."
Annie nodded again and continued staring and Eren still wanted to cry.
What if everything was for nothing? What if they never found out any answers, or killed the Beast Titan, or found out what was in the basement? Or if there was no way to defeat the Titans and they'll all just finally die out one day and everyone's deaths were for nothing?
All of those people who sacrificed their lives for me, thinking I was something special…
"Annie, I have no idea what your past is like. I don't know what you, Reiner, or Bertholdt were trying to do when you kicked down the walls." He felt tears streaming down his cheeks and he wanted to punch himself. He stared at the floor, but he could still feel her staring at him. "But I really need you to try to remember, and I'm gonna try to help you."
"I…feel comfortable around you," Annie said quietly. Eren looked up from the ground. "I don't know why. It's like you have a warm presence."
"That's weird. It should be the opposite. I'm not that nice. No one's told me that I had a 'warm presence' before."
"I like you a lot better than that angry short guy. And the girl with the sword."
"Captain Levi? Yeah he's been through a lot. He's…suffering." Because of you. "And Mikasa is scared of you and what you'll do." If she knew I'd said that, she'd kill me.
"All of this…is terrifying to me. Frustrating. Not remembering anything or anyone. I…don't even know what I did to make everyone hate me so much." She turned away from Eren and hugged herself.
You probably don't wanna know. "It's frustrating for us, too." He wasn't crying anymore, but now he just felt drained. "This is the most honest you've ever been with me, you know."
"Really?" She still wasn't looking at him. She looked so delicate and harmless. Eren wondered how, if this was her true personality, how she became such a ruthless killer.
"Yeah. You were kinda a liar before. 'God, all of this fighting shit is pointless. I hate doing it. It's all a game, Eren, don't be their pawn.' But really, you enjoyed all that fighting stuff. I could tell because your eyes would light up."
"My eyes?"
"Yeah, every time you flipped me, or threw me down, your eyes would let me know that you were happy. Kinda sadistic, looking back on it."
"Oh…I'm sorry I hurt you."
"Nah, that's not what I meant. I didn't really care. I learned a lot."
They were silent for a few minutes. Then Eren said, "They kept me in a cage like this one once. 'Cuz they were terrified of me. They even chained me up."
"They…didn't like you either?"
"They didn't understand me. And I didn't understand me either. But they kept me prisoner in a place like this and it scared me, too, like it's scaring you. Hell, I still get nightmares sometimes. How dark and creepy it was and how shitty I felt. If I'm sleeping in a place that's too dark, sometimes I think I'm back in that cage and I get freaked out."
Annie nodded and fiddled with the sheets on her bed. "That sounds horrible…"
"But you being down here isn't gonna help you get your memories back. I'll ask Captain Levi and Commander Hange about getting you some other room. Can't make any promises though."
"Really?" For a second, Eren thought he saw her eyes light up again.
I'd be willing to do anything to get her eyes to light up like they used to. "I'll give it my best shot."
Hange was surprisingly cooperative when Eren elected to pull Annie out of the prison cell. Maybe they were willing to try anything that might scrounge Annie's memories back up. He and Hange set up a room for her that was still underground and lockable from the outside, but lit and comfortable. It had a better bed, a table, and chairs. It looked nice to Eren, anyway. And he made sure it was clean. Hange wasn't much help there.
Hange also said that there needed to be two people talking to Annie at one time because it might be too dangerous for Eren alone. Eren didn't think so, but he didn't argue.
Eren and Sasha (Mikasa wanted to be the one who came but Eren didn't want someone who was going to terrify Annie too much and inhibit her progress) went down to Annie's cell to get her the day after Eren had talked to her. She was pacing around her space.
"Hey, Annie. We get to move you," Eren said. As he unlocked the cell, he could tell Sasha felt uncomfortable and he couldn't blame her. "But, Annie, you have to be real careful, okay? Stay by me and don't pull anything. I don't wanna hurt you."
"You sound like the short guy," Annie said quietly. Eren felt a pang of guilt. If someone had told him he sounded like Levi a few months ago, he would have been proud, but now it felt like an insult. He respected Levi. A lot. But he no longer wanted to be just like him.
"This is Sasha. She was also in the Trainee Corps with us." Sasha waved at her and faked a smile. Eren felt bad for her. He felt sorry for everyone, honestly.
Annie nodded at her, but stayed by Eren's side. "She and Mikasa watched me after you left the first time."
Oh yeah, during the meeting. Right.
They walked down the hallway until they got to her room. Eren unlocked it (he kept the key) and said, "Here." After they were inside, Eren closed the door.
"This is even nicer than where the girls stay," Sasha said with a pout.
"That's because I cleaned it."
"Go clean the girls' room next, then!"
"No. Anyway, this is your room, Annie."
"Why not?" Sasha asked. Eren sighed.
"This…is a lot better," Annie said. Eren felt relieved.
"We still have to keep the door locked, for, uh, reasons. But we'll still bring you food and stuff."
"Thank you, Eren," Annie said.
Eren frowned. "It was nothing, really. It was easy."
Sasha turned to Annie. "I've decided I like you this way. You don't make fun of me as much."
"I…made fun of you?"
"Well…not so much with words and jokes and such. More like with your expressions. I thought you hated me."
"Oh. I…don't know," Annie said.
"Okay, let's try to crack your memory some more," Eren said as he sat down in one of the chairs at the table. He motioned for the other two to follow him and Sasha claimed one beside Eren and away from Annie.
"Let's start with your dad," Eren said. "So do you remember anything about him?"
Annie shook her head.
"All I know from what you told me is that he taught you how to fight. Oh and you said that I reminded you of him because I was…stupid, I think. Or was it idealistic?"
"Same thing," Sasha said.
"Anyway, so you don't remember him either?"
"Not really."
Eren said, "Do you remember Reiner and Bertholdt? Tall guys— "
"Much taller than Eren because he's short," Sasha said.
Eren ignored her. "Bertholdt was really tall. Dark hair. Real quiet. Reiner was a little shorter. He was blond and buff. Perfect muscles."
"You were so gay for Reiner," Sasha said. Eren saw she was smirking when he turned to face her.
"Would you stop messing around? I don't even know what you're talking about." He turned back to Annie. "They were the ones helping you—"
"Kill humanity," Sasha finished.
"Thanks, Sasha," Eren said.
"What? Does she not know?"
"I…killed people?" Annie asked. She looked horrified.
"Uh, yeah…but let's focus on Reiner and Bertholdt right now."
"I don't remember them."
"Oh. Okay." Eren was really frustrated. If they didn't get anywhere with her, then what was going to happen? Would Levi start torturing her? Keep her locked up? Would they just kill her? There had to be an easier option. Annie was just starring at Eren the whole time he spoke to her and he couldn't even tell if he was making a dent anywhere in her memory. "Do you remember the Titans? Giants that killed and ate people?"
"Titan…sounds vaguely familiar."
"Do you remember that you are one?" Eren asked.
"He is, too," Sasha said.
"Yeah, we're both Titans. Well, Titan shifters more like, but yeah. We used our powers to fight mostly. Uh…fight each other."
Annie nodded her head slowly. "I fought you?"
"We're technically on opposite sides," Eren said, quietly.
They were getting nowhere.
Just another failed attempt from me… No one will even be surprised.
Armin thought it might be best for Annie's memories if a bunch of them talked to Annie at once, so the next day, Squad Levi (minus Levi) brought their dinner into Annie's room to eat with her.
"So let's go around the table and say one thing about ourselves," Eren said. "And if we can tie it back to Annie, that'd be great."
"This isn't a fucking group counseling session, Eren," Jean said, sounding frustrated.
"I'll start. I graduated fifth in our class." He looked at Jean. "One rank above Jean. Annie, you were fourth. Now, Jean, you go."
Armin said, "Guys, let's not—"
Jean glared at him. "Fine. Well, I had the highest 3DMG skills."
"I'm pretty sure Mikasa did," Conny said, frowning.
"Yeah me too," Sasha said, her mouth full of food.
Jean started to say something, but Armin interrupted him. "I'm Armin. You once told me that I was weak, and I told you that you were nicer than you seemed."
Annie frowned. Eren didn't get it either.
"I'm Mikasa and my specialty is cutting flesh," Mikasa said, staring dead at Annie. Annie, who was sitting next to Eren, scooted closer to him. Eren figured Mikasa was angry because she wasn't sitting next to him, but he didn't tell Annie and Armin to sit on either side of him. Mikasa was on the other side of Armin.
Sasha said, "They used to call me potato girl because one time I ate a potato in front of everybody."
"That was kinda a big deal, potato girl," Jean said with a smirk.
"Shut up! And stop calling me that! I like meat better."
"Um…I don't know what to say," Conny said.
"Can you think of any conversation you had with her?" Armin asked.
"Um…oh yeah. One time you told me I was stupid. I think."
"That's not specific," Jean said. "Everyone's told you that besides maybe Eren because he's even dumber than you."
"Shut up, Jean," Eren said, tiredly. He felt that usually he'd be angrier than this, that he would've started a fight right now, but he was all out of fight. Jean seemed even more fiery than usual.
"This whole thing is stupid. She's not going to remember anything," Jean said, folding his arms. Something was definitely wrong.
"We don't know that," Armin said. "Annie, are you remembering anything?"
Annie shook her head quickly. She hadn't even touched her food. She seemed nervous, maybe because of all the people and the yelling, but Eren didn't know a better way to do this.
"I think she's a bit cuter like this, though," Conny said. "And nicer."
Eren had to admit, that he almost preferred her this way because she seemed more innocent. But Eren would never admit it out loud. It sounded wrong somehow. For multiple reasons.
"That's what I told her yesterday," Sasha said.
"I mean, looking at her this way, maybe Reiner and them have some reason they're doing this stuff?" Conny said, quietly. "And they could just explain it and—"
Jean slammed his fist on the table. Annie's untouched plate hit the ground and shattered, food spilling everywhere. "Here, I've got a better question for you, Annie. Do you remember what happened to Marco?"
The whole room got silent. Even Sasha stopped eating.
"He was our friend. Also in the Corps with us. And he died, and you might have killed him."
Annie shook her head, not looking at Jean. She grabbed Eren's hand, unexpectedly, but Eren didn't squeeze it back.
"Fuck this whole thing. Marco is dead and we know next to nothing about the Titans. You guys shouldn't be treating this like some kind of joke. She's a murderer." Jean left the room, slamming the door behind him. He didn't bother to take his plate of food with him. Half of his food was still there.
After a few seconds of silence, Mikasa said, "He's right." She gave Eren a pointed look and followed after Jean.
Sasha and Conny finished their food quickly after Mikasa and left, saying very little. Armin, Eren, and Annie sat in silence. Eren hardly ate a bite after that. He could only think about Marco and how much his own guilt was eating him.
Armin stood up and grabbed some of the plates that were left behind. "You can go ahead and get going, Armin," Eren said, breaking the silence. "I'll stay behind and clean up that mess."
"Are you sure? I could stay."
"Nah, go on ahead."
Armin stared at Eren for a good minute before saying, "Okay," and leaving. Eren couldn't help but think that Armin was losing faith in him, too.
Eren kneeled down and started cleaning up the mess next to Annie. He was starting to understand why Levi liked cleaning so much. It was a distraction, a coping mechanism. And even if every other part of the world is dirty and fucked up, your own space doesn't have to be.
"I can…do it. Clean," Annie said, quietly.
"I got it," Eren said without looking at her. After he finished picking up the mess, he set the broken pieces and wasted food in a bucket. Luckily, the floor was wood, so sweeping wasn't difficult.
"What…did I do? I want the whole story."
"No, you really don't." He stared at the floor.
"Eren…"
"You wanna know?" Eren shouted at her, finally looking her in the eye. Annie's eyes widened in fear, but Eren didn't care. "You betrayed humanity. You killed hundreds of people, including my friends. You lied to us for three fucking years about who you were and why you were here.
He grabbed Annie's shoulders and shook her. "Marco is dead. Tons of people are dead. And we still know nothing and you and your damn comrades won't tell us shit and humanity keeps losing.
Eren started crying and bowed his head, his hands still on Annie's shoulders. "And everything is my fault because I'm supposed to be useful and I can't even get your memories back or kill any of you traitors…and…all I can do is cry about it."
Eren let go of Annie and sat down on the floor. He buried his face in his hands. He was shaking and crying and he felt like an idiot.
Annie sat down on the floor in front of Eren. She didn't touch him. She just watched him cry.
"I bet you don't think I'm real comforting anymore." Eren said, not looking up. He sounded muffled through his hands.
"I know I don't remember anything, but I'm sorry that you're in pain," Annie said. "And…you're still the kindest person here. To me."
The next few days, Eren started spending more time with Annie than he did with everyone else. He broke the rule Hange had about not being alone with her, as well, but he didn't really care that much. Annie was harmless this way, he was positive.
Eren was determined to get Annie's memories back and if he avoided the rest of them, he didn't get lectures about getting too close to her, or being tricked by her, or whatever bullshit they were probably thinking.
He wanted to do this his way.
"I'm thinking Historia would be the best option," Hange said at the beginning of their next meeting.
"Using Historia to resurge Annie's memories…that sounds plausible," Erwin said.
Levi said, "But she's busy though. Doing queen things, right?"
Hange said, "Yeah, the quickest she can get here is in three days. But that's better than nothing." They turned to Eren. "I know you've been trying your hardest, and I want you to keep trying, but if you can't get them back then we'll try Historia." Eren nodded, but said nothing.
The rest of the meeting was spent deciding on details. Eren stayed out of it, but he still felt Mikasa's and Jean's eyes judging him. In exactly three days, Historia was going to bring back Annie's memories in front of an audience: Squad Levi, Erwin, and Hange.
He couldn't argue with them, but he didn't know how to tell them that he wasn't sure he wanted Annie's memories to come back anymore.
"Hey, Eren," Jean yelled after the meeting. He grabbed Eren's shoulder and turned him around. "On your way to see Annie?" He asked it in an accusatory fashion, and Eren didn't appreciate it.
"Just doing my job," Eren said, dismissively.
Jean, Armin and Mikasa crowded around him. Eren felt like running. "We're worried about you," Armin said. "We haven't seen you much…"
"You're always with her," Mikasa said.
"I'm supposed to be getting her memories back, remember?" He knew he sounded too agitated, and probably guilty, but he didn't know how to come off nonchalant.
Jean punched Eren in the face. "You idiot! Do you realize what's happening?" Jean said.
Eren started to punch him back but Mikasa held him back. "You'll only start a fight," she said.
Oh, so it was okay for Jean to punch him, but getting payback would start a fight.
"You're being so stupid right now," Jean continued. He didn't hit Eren anymore, but he was in his face. And Mikasa was holding him back, so he couldn't move.
"I'll ask you the same thing I did her. Do you remember what happened to Marco?"
"Yes, I fucking remember!" Eren shouted back.
"I don't think you do because if you did, you wouldn't be so chummy with her!"
"What do you know? You haven't been there."
"You're right…I haven't. No one has. No one knows what the fuck you're doing, including you."
Armin said, "Listen, Eren, I was thinking about Annie's memories, and it might be you that's blocking them." Eren stared at Armin, not comprehending. Armin continued, "I'm thinking that she ties you along with whatever she's trying to forget. You were her main target after all."
"I don't get it."
"Basically, she associates you with her mission. And her mission and her purpose is what she doesn't want the enemy—"
"Us," Jean said.
"—To know. So you can't help her get her memories back, Eren. That's why."
"That doesn't make any sense. And it's just a theory, right?" Eren said. He didn't want to believe that Annie wanted to forget him, regardless of the reason.
Jean glared at Eren. "Do you even want Annie's memories to come back? Or do you like her better this way?"
Eren didn't answer. He just glared back at Jean.
"That's what I thought. You are being blinded by…something. Snap out of it! She's your enemy. She's unforgivable. And before you say it, even if we know why she did what she did, it doesn't change what she did. Even if she's being forced. Even if her daddy's in trouble. She. Still. Betrayed. Us.
"To us, she's just a monster," Jean said, quietly.
"You don't know her! You don't know anything!" Eren shouted.
"None of us do!" Jean was angrier than Eren had ever seen him.
"Okay, you want to know the truth, Jean?" Eren said, finally pushing Mikasa away from him. He walked up to Jean, but Jean stood still. "Yes! I prefer Annie this way! I prefer her not knowing everything that happened! Because I'm tired. I'm tired of hating everything and everyone! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of feeling. I'm sick of fighting. I'm sick of people dying for nothing.
"I know this isn't going to solve anything, Jean."
"If she doesn't remember, then Marco's death was for nothing. Everything was for nothing!" Jean grabbed Eren by his shirt and held up a fist. Eren didn't raise his own. "Do you even realize what you're saying?"
"Yeah, I do. I'm a terrible person, hardly different from her. Hundreds of people have died for me, probably about as many as Annie has killed. I'm a useless idiot and I don't want to hate her."
Jean let go of Eren and looked away. He looked like he was about to cry. Quietly, Jean said, "You're also humanity's hope, useless idiot. And it's your job as humanity's hope to stop being emotional over all that shit and to move on from her."
As Eren left, he heard Armin say, "Jean, hitting him was out of line. We were only supposed to talk to him…"
"You probably think of me as an ignorant child this way," Annie said, sipping her drink.
Eren scoffed. "Nah, I don't really think of you like that. You are nicer than you were before. Less guarded. But it's not like you're acting like a little kid. Just…sweeter."
It was the night before Annie's trial. Historia was arriving in the morning.
Eren spent most of his time with Annie still. Jean's speech didn't change his actions much. He was pretty sure that the others, even Armin, were angry with him now, but he didn't know what to do about it. Historia was going to come and bring back her memories anyway, so it didn't matter what he did now.
"Sweeter…what do you mean?"
"You used to be mean. Or…cold, maybe. Distant. I never got a good read on you. You're different now."
Annie picked at her food. Eren noticed that she did that a lot, didn't really eat much. She'd eat all of one thing on her plate, maybe her favorite food, and that was about it.
They hadn't made any progress into Annie's memories at all during the past few days, and Eren was starting to think that Armin was right. That it was tied to him.
After they finished eating, Annie lay on her bed. Eren sat on the chair next to it.
"What if, after all my memories come back, my excuse isn't good enough and you end up hating me?" Annie asked. She wasn't looking at Eren, but at the ceiling.
"They'll probably kill you regardless of your reason," Eren said. "Or worse."
"You're very honest."
"Too honest, yeah. But…I don't think anything you remembered could make me totally hate you." She turned to look at him. Eren couldn't read her expression. "I'm tired of hating. I might not completely forgive you for what you've done. I know I hate what you did. But I want the hate to end. I want to be at peace someday.
"I've already accepted the fact that no one can completely change the world by themselves. I learned that the hard way.
"So I promise I won't hate you."
Annie was quiet for a minute. "The world needs more people like you."
"More suicidal blockheads? Hell, there'd be no people left."
Annie laughed, the first genuine laugh he'd ever heard from her, and it made him smile. She leaned over and kissed Eren on the lips, and Eren kissed her back.
I might be kissing Marco's killer. I'm so fucking useless.
He pulled away from her and pushed her hair out of her face. "You know, I've told you this before, but you should consider getting hair pins. Your hair always gets in your face and you push it back a lot."
"I don't remember you saying it."
"It was years ago. You kicked me. I still don't know why."
They were silent for a minute, just staring at each other. Annie said, "…Eren, I'm scared."
Me too. "Don't be. It'll all turn out okay."
"This'll probably sound weird, but I…uh…have a hard time falling asleep when I'm nervous like this, so would you stay here? Just until I fall asleep?"
"That does sound weird."
"Would you, though?"
He nodded. Annie smiled and lay down, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. He squeezed it back.
Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine.
Eren knew Annie had fallen asleep when the grip on his hand loosened. He figured it'd be creepy if he watched her, so he got up and cleaned up her room a bit as quietly as he could. He knew that if he went to the boys' quarters right now that there'd be no way he'd get any sleep.
Just as Eren was about to leave, he heard Annie mumble. He thought that she'd woken up, but he soon realized that she was talking in her sleep. He walked over to her.
"…Dad…don't make me…fight…" Then she mumbled what sounded like gibberish to Eren. "It…hurts…can't…breathe…" Eren frowned and grabbed her hand. He squeezed it. "I'll…come home…Dad…promise…"
Eren rubbed her hand with his thumb.
Annie, I'm sorry you couldn't keep your promise to your dad. I'm not sure I'll keep mine either.
A few hours before the trial, Annie was allowed to wander around so long as it was only underground and she stayed by Eren's side. Eren had asked Hange for special permission because he figured after Annie got her memories back, they'd never let her out of their sight again. And she'd probably be chained up forever. Or dead soon. None of it sounded great, really.
Annie followed him around like Eren imagined a cat would: extremely quiet and clingy.
Not in a bad way, though.
Eren never ended up getting any sleep because he had listened to her mumble all night. He didn't really get much except that she came from some really rough place and her dad taught her how to fight, half of which he'd known already. He wondered if Annie, after she got her memories back, would fill in some of the blanks.
Historia arrived an hour later than she was supposed to, and Levi was pretty agitated. He didn't like people who were late to meetings, especially important ones. Eren figured it wasn't Historia's fault, though, whatever it was. And it just bought him more time with Annie. Not that he spent it doing anything special or productive.
Everyone that was supposed to be in the courtroom, aside from Historia, was there on time. Eren noticed that Mikasa, Jean, and Armin sat close together in the front. Eren didn't try to talk to them. He figured he'd make up with them after all this was over. He hoped, anyway.
He and Annie sat in the middle, closer to Sasha and Conny.
When Historia got there, she asked to speak with Eren first. Levi didn't like it, but Hange and Erwin agreed to it because they were starting late anyway. Eren didn't want to leave Annie alone, but Sasha and Conny agreed to watch her.
"What's up?" Eren asked. He felt dead inside for multiple reasons. He wasn't sure if he liked this prolonging the inevitable thing.
"Sasha told me about a lot of what's going on. With you and Annie."
"Uh…nothing really…"
"And I just wanted to make sure you were all right."
"Well, I'm not, but there's not much you can do about it."
Historia was quiet for a minute. "If it was Ymir in that courtroom right now, I know I would've run by now."
"Ymir and Annie are slightly different cases, though."
"True, but it's the same principle. Eren, I won't do anything you don't want me to. We're both humanity's enemies right?"
"But we're friends." Eren smiled.
"Exactly."
Right before the trial began, Mikasa, Armin, and Jean went back to sit with Eren. Annie was up front with Historia. Eren didn't really feel like talking to them, but they didn't try to initiate conversation. They just sat next to him, quietly, Mikasa and Armin on either side of him and Jean on the other side of Armin.
Historia placed her hands on Annie's back and Annie screamed. Eren started to stand up and reached his arms out, but Mikasa held him back. "You don't have a choice," she said. "I'm sorry."
Historia made eye contact with Eren and paused. Annie was staring at the floor, looking more terrified than she had when she woke up in that cell and Mikasa pointed a sword at her.
"Don't hesitate," Levi said. "Keep going."
Historia didn't acknowledge him and just stared at Eren until Eren, unwillingly, nodded. He accepted that they didn't have a choice. That Annie had to remember.
He just also accepted that he hated it.
He sat back down and Mikasa gripped his hand. He didn't squeeze it back.
More of Annie's memories flooded back and Annie repeated, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" He wasn't sure who she was talking to. Annie had tears in her eyes now. Whatever she was remembering, it was painful.
Eren looked at Historia, searching her face for clues as to what he should feel. Historia would be getting the memories, too. But Eren couldn't read her expression well. When Historia's eyes found Eren's, she just looked sympathetic.
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" Annie kept repeating it. She wouldn't look at Eren.
Please, Annie. Whatever it is, don't make me break my promise. Don't make me hate you.