Ah... this is my first multi-chapter Naruto... and it's a lovely crack-fic. Yes, that's right. One of those fictions that is so stupid you just have to read it to see what there is in it. Either way, this isn't an out of character crack-fic. I will warn you that I will have to change a few characters for this to work, but it's not like serious out of character. I'll try to keep things in check. I have a few notes, though, on this story.
First: You may find something much like this already posted up here! There is a story called Reality? by EmoNinja27 with the same idea. Don't worry; she is my best friend and we know each other offline. The idea of this fiction was originally mine, but I gave her permission to write her own. So we're writing very similar stories, but they will be different at the same time, because we both have a very different style, and will tend to make a different character each the semi-main character. Just more time in the spotlight. If you want proof that this wasn't stolen, send a message to EmoNinja.
Second: The reason we each have a different main character is because these characters take after people we know in real life. EmoNinja's semi-main character is herself, with a different name, of course. And the character I give more attention to is myself, again, with a different name. Other characters are our actual friends, and each one has a made up name.
Third: I update randomly. Sorry. The next chapter is already written, though~ And I'm writing the third. I'll try for maybe once a week. But I'm not sure. And this chapter is a little longer than my average. I will be keeping my stories within the 3,000 to 4,000 word range. If it's longer, it means I'm getting better! Yay. Anyway. On with the story. Please enjoy.
Chapter One
It was not over when they thought it was. The jutsu Nagato had used to resurrect so many in Konoha had created a warp in the fabric of reality; the jutsu itself also spread further than Konoha, resurrecting anyone who had once had contact with Nagato. But the twist in reality warped a select group of shinobi (those in certain parts of Konoha and many of those resurrected who had contact with Nagato) through a hole in the twist. Enemies and ally alike were tossed through dimensions, until they landed rather unceremoniously…
In the middle of a lake.
And utter chaos followed.
The first of the odd group to regain his composure was Hoshigaki Kisame, who was, only moments after the… weird warp thing… found on shore, drying off. The unfortunate people left in the lake made to swim after him. Colorful swearing rose up from many of the males.
By the time everyone had made it to the shoreline (they spread along a good hundred feet of the muddy beach, putting distance between each other), everyone was tired and simply wanted to lay for a bit.
But one, rather confused voice broke the silence.
"Why the hell am I so tired?"
Another voice chose, oddly, to respond… quite brightly:
"I couldn't get onto the water! How odd!"
Another voice rose up, nearest to the first one.
"I'm hungry…"
"And why is it night? Wasn't it daytime in Konoha?"
Grumbles of irritation rose up, and finally, a lone figure stood, staggering over to the first voice. It was obviously a female, and she aimed a kick into the first speaker's side. "Shut up, Naruto. Take this situation clearly. I can't sense any chakra."
Of course, this was the currently serious Haruno Sakura, looking around her warily.
Naruto sat up with a huff. "Ah, Sakura-chan, but I'm confused! Don' t you kn – Wait, you can't sense any chakra?" He stopped and concentrated, his eyes widening when he discovered he couldn't either.
"Neither can I," voiced the second voice; this proved to be Rock Lee, who looked over to Naruto and Sakura with wide eyes.
"Be quiet. You're not the only ones here."
The three young shinobi looked around. Sakura gasped. "Kakashi-sensei! You're here too." She looked slightly relieved.
"Where is here…?" muttered Lee, looking around. "This lake is completely unfamiliar to me. Are we in a different country? Perhaps some strange jutsu sent us here."
People were gaining their strength back. It appeared many of the twelve or so people were muttering to themselves about the lack of chakra or more the lack of being able to sense it. Naruto experimentally placed his hands together.
"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
Nothing happened. No poof of smoke; there wasn't even a flicker. Sakura and Lee watched in horror. Kakashi raised a brow.
Suddenly he and Sakura were trying the same thing, attempting to use regular jutsu, only to find that nothing was happening.
Naruto looked around. Now that they were standing, they could clearly see, under the moonlight, that there were many more accompanying them.
"Oh!" gasped Sakura. "Tsunade-shishou!" She dashed over to where the Hokage was slumped against a long-dead tree stump. She knelt beside her mentor and began speaking to her in hushed tones.
Naruto looked further along. His disbelief continued to grow; several of the people he was positive he was seeing were supposed to be dead, such as the old man sprawled over the ground not far from Tsunade. He gaped. "Ero-Sennin!" he exclaimed. He bounded away a moment later.
"What the hell…?" growled a voice some yards down the shore. "Where the… Where's that damned village…?" The confused voice continued grumble until a slighter figure next to him sat up silently. The larger man glanced at the smaller figure, then did a double take, mouth falling agape. "What the fuck is going on?"
The slighter man stood silently and took in his surroundings. His black eyes closed momentarily and he frowned in concentration, and then opened his eyes again. His frown deepened. He looked down at the large man still staring at him.
"Kisame," he said monotonously. "Where are we?" Though it was a voiced question, it hardly even sounded like one; it was as if he had stated it.
Kisame snorted. "Hell if I know. I was wandering near your village when some… thing happened, and then all of these people were falling into this lake." He shrugged.
Itachi didn't react. He looked up at the moon, a light frown still marring his smooth features. "I cannot activate my Sharingan," he said quietly. "Nor can I sense chakra."
"The rest of us have figured this out already."
Itachi gave Kisame a long look, and then looked up and down the shore. His gaze paused on each person, and as he took each presence in, his eyebrow rose further. He motioned along the shore.
"Almost half of these people were presume dead," he said. Kisame chose not to answer. Half the time Itachi spoke, it wasn't to anyone; he tended to think aloud. A lot. So the Mist-nin let the smaller man continue.
A loud, thoroughly pissed off voice interrupted, however.
"What the hell?! I can't do anything right, can I? God damn it all! Can't I fucking die rightfully, yeah?"
The blond who had just stood up kicked a tree trunk. The beach was riddled with them; obviously the water was at a low, and was not natural, considering all the old… dead… plants.
Two voices replied to the angry one at once:
"Deidara-senpai!! You're alive! Tobi is so happy!"
And, "Deidara… shut up and think for a moment; shouldn't you be happy you're alive?"
And Deidara replied to both… somehow. "I am not happy I am alive!! And Tobi, shut up, yeah! I do not want to d – " He paused, blinking at both of the two near him. Tobi was happily sitting cross-legged directly at Deidara's feet. The other was sitting on a log studying his body curiously. "Didn't I kill you in my fight with the Uchiha-brat, hmm?" asked Deidara, looking at Tobi.
Tobi happily shook his head, but said nothing. So Deidara turned his attention to the red-haired person. "Sasori-danna?"
Sasori looked up. "What?"
Deidara threw his hands in the air and stalked away. "I give up! I'm not even going to try to comprehend this!"
As he past Itachi and Kisame (the two were at the end of the line of people on the beach) he let out a frustrated hiss. "I'd hoped your brother would have killed you after I died, yeah. Fuckin' ridiculous."
"He did," replied Itachi bluntly.
Deidara hissed again and kept walking.
Kisame chuckled, then looked back at the people spread before them. "Damn… do we seriously know all of these people?" he mumbled.
Itachi looked up. "We do. There are seven Konoha shinobi, five of Akatsuki…" he trailed off as his eyes fell on a figure shadowed by a larger-than-average tree stump. "My brother." He motioned to the tree, and Kisame snorted. "And his mentor." Further down the shore, the snake master, Orochimaru, was, like many others, attempting to perform some sort of jutsu.
"Well, this is interesting," said Kisame with a smirk. "We got three 'groups' who all severely dislike each other. And none of us have any chakra to settle a fight! Good old fist fights are always fun…" His smirk turned plain savage as he looked over the others.
Itachi sighed minutely. "We need to figure out our whereabouts before settling any disputes, Kisame," he said matter-of-factly, looking around at the lake and sky.
Kisame shrugged. "Um… a lake. Nowhere familiar. But, it's night. Maybe we'll figure it out in the morning."
Itachi opened his mouth to reply, but a noise stopped him. Deidara, who hadn't gone far past him and the shark, stood up from his pout in the dirt and glanced from the odd group to the bend of the shoreline further away.
Voices were coming from somewhere over there.
"I'm telling you, I heard people screaming in the lake, and they came this way."
"Jessica's right; I think I saw someone out there. The moon is pretty bright tonight."
"I don't care. I'm too hyped up to go to bed anyway."
"I'm fucking tired. I can't believe you dragged me out here."
"Eh… I really don't care… I kind of agree with Christina."
Itachi tensed instinctively, and noted that everyone around them had stood up, save for two people far down. He recognized them at the Hokage and her apprentice, who remained crouched beside her, but in a guarded position.
The voices continued.
"Well, why are we investigating? It's fucking Sly Park. It's probably a bunch of drunk assholes deciding it's fun to go fishing in the dark. And… they probably fell off their boat. And didn't know how to get back on."
"Wow, Sam. You're really kind."
Lights were flashing and moving in view now. They were flashlights.
"Are they a threat?" whimpered Tobi, backing up to stand slightly behind Sasori; the red-head glared at him.
"I don't know you; still, I don't like you now, and won't ever, judging by Deidara's reaction." He turned away and promptly ignored Tobi by walking up to stand by Deidara.
One figure turned the corner, swiftly followed by four others. They stopped dead upon seeing the rather large group spread across the shore.
"You know, I can see better without the flashlight…"
Whoever had spoken turned off her flashlight, and the others followed, oddly. This allowed a better view of them; Sasori recognized one male and four girls, by the look of it. The one in the lead, and also one of the tallest, was female and had her head cocked to the side.
"Um… hi?" she called. "Why are you just… staring?"
"I don't think they're a threat," muttered Kisame with a huff. "Maybe good fun, though. Hi!" he called out with a laugh.
A surprised squeak came from someone behind the tall girl. The short one on her right hummed curiously. "He sounds familiar. Jessica, does he sound familiar?"
"How should I know? I heard him mutter something, and then he said 'Hi.' Yeah. I'm gonna fucking recognize something from that."
Kisame had the idea Jessica was sending a very blatant stare to the short girl.
One of the other girls, whom Kisame guessed had squeaked, bounced forward in front of Jessica. "Hiyeee!!" she exclaimed, waving frantically. "I'm Christina! I'm a good person! Really~ Do… you… um. Yeah. What? Oh!" She giggled at her own stuttering. "Any cute guys over there?"
"Good Gods, she is shitfaced!" exclaimed Deidara.
"Oh, yeah, whoa. Chelsea… He sounds familiar too," muttered Jessica. "What the hell? Do we know all of these people?"
Quite suddenly, the obnoxious Kyuubi-vessel bounded forward, past the Akatsuki (former?) members to stand in the front of the group.
"Where are we?" he demanded. "I've never seen this lake before... and then we just… fall into it!" looked around, crossing his arms. He paused, suddenly looking at the people around him, and blinked several times. Then he was suddenly dragged back, away from the Akatsuki members by Sakura, who was muttering something about threats.
Jessica pushed the drunk girl out of the way and looked down at the short girl, Chelsea. Suddenly their flashlight were on again, and they were flying swiftly over the faces of the fourteen shinobi.
Six different reactions followed:
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. What?!"
"What the fuck?! No way! KISAME!"
"Ooooooh… Wow." Followed by a thump (this was suspected to be from the drunken girl).
"Oh, shit! That's so awesome!"
"What? This shouldn't even be possible…"
Deidara blinked several times, then turned around and gave Kisame a very skeptical look. "Are we in Mizu, hmm? 'Cause one of them just shouted your name. Happily."
Kisame looked as perplexed as Deidara.
"Yeah… I would recognize Mizu. There are no trees like this… the terrain is more like Kumo."
"Or Iwa, yeah…" agreed Deidara, looking around. He looked back at the five odd people and put a hand up to block the flashlights. "Turn the fucking flashlight off!"
They switched off immediately.
Jessica nearly fainted. Christina had fainted. Chelsea was wondering out loud (albeit quietly) whether to jump Kisame, while Gabriel was quietly naming every person he recognized. Samantha was a few feet away, trying to figure out how the whole thing had happened at all.
"Chels!" snapped Jessica. "Shut up. Think. Could they hurt us?"
"Oh… good question," said Chelsea, smiling.
"Why are you smiling?" Jessica smacked her forehead, then waved at the people in front of them.
"Um… we obviously know where you are right now, and you obviously don't. If you promise not to, like, attack us or anything, we can help you out."
"How do we know to trust you?" asked someone next to Deidara.
Jessica squinted, and managed to make out red hair. She nearly squealed.
"I could tell you a lot more than you think about you guys," said Jessica with a smirk.
"Really?" challenged Deidara.
Jessica laughed. "Yeah, I can, Deidara."
"You heard someone else say my name."
Jessica shrugged. "No one mentioned that you're a missing-nin from Iwagakure and you were supposedly killed by your own explosion in an attempt to kill Uchiha Sasuke."
Silence followed.
Chelsea spoke up. "The five of you in front of us are Akatsuki members. All of you but Tobi and Kisame should be dead."
"Do you guys realize they might take this as more of a threat than something to trust us with?" muttered Sam.
Jessica paused. "I didn't think about that."
Deidara was staring at Jessica oddly. "Why should we trust you with this, hmm? It just means you've read the Bingo Book."
"True," said Jessica. "You use your kekkai genkai, the hands in your palms to create bombs, though that's in the Bingo Book too, I should think." She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "You have an obsession with art, and in your views, art is fleeting, something that lasts in one quick moment. You tend to argue with Sasori over your views on art."
"That's not in the Bingo Book," said Kisame, glancing at Deidara.
Deidara stared at Jessica like she had grown a second head. "How do you know that?" he asked guardedly.
Jessica smiled. "Follow us and we'll tell you. Seriously; we can help you out."
Kisame looked at Deidara, then at Itachi. "I don't really think they can do anything to us. I don't think anyone can use chakra here. So there's not really anything to loose, right?"
Itachi nodded. "I agree."
Deidara growled. "Whatever."
Tobi suddenly appeared by Deidara, and poked him before pointing behind them. "What about them, Deidara-senpai?"
Jessica looked past the Akatsuki members to the other nine people. Most were from Konoha. She looked at Sam and Gabriel.
"Sam and Chelsea, can you go and work things out with everyone from Konoha? Try to get Sasuke and Orochimaru to go with you, too," instructed Jessica. She looked back at the Akatsuki members.
"Follow me, if you will," she said. She glanced at Christina, who lay drooling in dirt next to her. "Ah… CHRIS!"
Christina jerked and looked blearily up at Jessica. "Hey, Jess. What… what am I doing on the ground?"
Jessica sighed. "How do you sober up after only five minutes rest? I will never understand you." She waved her hand. "Whatever. Just walk with me. I'll explain along the way." She started walking along the shore while Chelsea and Sam walked around them. Gabriel looked around awkwardly, then jogged to catch up to Jessica and Christina.
Kisame followed the three people with an amused expression. He just enjoyed the chaos. It was entertaining. He watched Jessica explain them to the Christina girl, who had apparently sobered up. The single male in the group walked next to Jessica, glancing back at them occasionally.
Deidara sighed and followed Sasori after the odd people. Tobi bounded along beside him, much to his annoyance. Deidara sped up to keep in step with his former partner, and was glad that Tobi seemed to be less inclined to walk with him then.
Jessica was motioning to them occasionally and talking to Christina. He noted it was a continuous effort for her to keep her short, wavy auburn hair out of her eyes. He almost laughed when he realized her hair was much like Sasori's, just a little longer and had less red in it.
Christina was glancing back at them now and again, eyes wide.
Deidara sighed. He just wanted to know what was up. He was relieved when they finally stopped, and Jessica motioned for them to sit where they wanted. She herself sat on a tall stump that had been artificially smoothed out on top. On a curved root, Christina sat down, below Jessica. Tobi sat down cross-legged against a stump while Sasori sat down on it and Deidara stood next to him. Kisame and Itachi both stood.
Jessica shrugged. "Well, I'm going to guess your first question would be, 'Why the hell don't we have chakra?' So I'll explain that first." She glanced around. "To put it bluntly, chakra doesn't exist here."
"That's impossible," said Deidara immediately.
"No, it's not," said Jessica stubbournly. "Haven't you ever read science-fiction novels about alternate universes?"
Deidara glared.
"So," continued Jessica, "chakra doesn't exist because you were moved through to a different dimension."
"Weird," muttered Kisame. "How is that possible?"
"There are plenty theories about there being millions of dimensions parallel to each other. No one knows how to get through to them, though."
"So, assuming this is the truth and we are in a separate dimension, how do we get back?" asked Sasori.
Jessica shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know what got you here in the first place, so…" she trailed off with a sheepish look. "There's more, though, that you may find even less disbelieving."
"Perfect, yeah," muttered Deidara.
Christina reached underneath her and dragged a backpack out of a small hole in the tree. Obviously the stump was visited by them often. From within the pack she drew out a book. No one could read it from where they sat, but Kisame slowly moved forward to take the book.
While he looked at it, Jessica began talking. "You are, in our world, characters. Characters from a manga named after the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, Naruto. That's how I knew so much about you."
"That's ridiculous," said Sasori. "Could you please tell us something realistic already? This is getting tiring."
Kisame threw the book at Sasori, who automatically reached a hand up and caught it. He looked at in the moonlight, and his eyes widened.
Kisame nodded. "She's telling the truth. That's some random volume, but it's go you in it. Fighting Pinkie."
Deidara's eyes widened and he snatched the book from Sasori and looked through it fleetingly. "What the hell?"
Jessica nodded. "Will you believe you're in a separate dimension now?"
"I do," said Kisame, grinning.
"As unrealistic as it seems, this proves it," said Sasori, pointing to book Deidara was still looking at incredulously.
"This thing has it down right to quotes, yeah!" he exclaimed, scowling.
"Glad you finally noticed," snorted Kisame. He looked back to Jessica, who was watching them with a small smile.
"So," he said slowly, "you and your friends are, I assume, fanatic readers of this manga, therefore you know almost everything there is to know about us?"
Jessica nodded. "Mainly just characters we really like," she corrected.
Kisame looked like he was stifling a laugh. "You like Deidara, then?"
The blond's head snapped up and he blinked at Kisame and Jessica, frowning.
Jessica huffed. "What of it? I know a lot about Sasori, too."
"So you like both of them! Naughty," muttered Kisame, turning away. He flinched when a stick hit him in the head, and glanced back at Deidara, but he was looking at Sasori with wide eyes. Then he looked at Kisame and cocked his head.
Kisame snorted a laugh. "Well, Jessie, what do you know about Sasori, then?"
Jessica glared. "Don't call me Jessie. When did you learn my name, anyway?"
"You guys weren't really quiet, yeah," muttered Deidara. "We heard you before we saw you."
Jessica sighed, but ignored the comment.
"You said you could help us," said Itachi, looking at Jessica. "You have only just explained what happened to us. How can you help?"
Jessica smiled. "We'll help you out in this world. I don't know how to get you back to your world, sadly," she said. "But we can make you more comfortable while you stay here, if you're willing to accept our help."
"I'm for it," said Kisame.
"You're for everything, yeah," said Deidara.
"Tobi will stay with the kind people!" said Tobi, bouncing where he sat in the dirt.
Jessica looked at Itachi and Sasori.
Sasori lazily shrugged. "I'd prefer to get back to our world as soon as possible, but there isn't anything waiting for me there. I accept your help."
"Hah," huffed Kisame. "Most of Akatsuki is gone. There really isn't anything there for us right now."
Itachi nodded. "I accept."
Jessica clapped her hands. "Then it's settled! We'll help you!"
Deidara scowled. "You didn't even ask my opinion, yeah."
Jessica gave him a mockingly sweet smile. "We know you'll follow Sasori wherever you go, so I didn't bother."
Deidara opened his mouth to retort, and then closed his mouth and scowled again. Jessica smiled triumphantly and Sasori sighed.
Suddenly a harsh yelling filled the quiet night.
"You are not stopping me from going anywhere, shorty! I need to talk to them."
"Get the fuck back here, you little inconsiderate asshole!"
The voices turned out to belong to Chelsea and Naruto. Apparently Naruto had figured out where the Akatsuki members were. Chelsea was chasing him.
The blond stopped a huffed for a moment, glaring at them.
Jessica bounded off of the stump and jogged up to Chelsea and Naruto.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
Naruto motioned to the five behind Jessica. "I think they have something to do with this whole thing! I think something Pein did is what triggered this thing."
"They're just as shocked as you are, okay?" said Jessica, scowling. "There was no need to run over here. I thought you would attack them at first."
Naruto slumped, and sent a fleeting glare over Jessica's shoulder. She snapped her fingers and his gaze returned to her. She looked back at Chelsea and asked, "So, what's up?"
Chelsea shrugged. "We showed them one of the volumes. They believed us immediately after that. But Naruto heard that you were talking to them and bounded off immediately, shouting something about Pein and resurrection. I'm not sure they can stay together..."
Christina came up next to Jessica. "I'll take the Konoha nin," she offered, smiling.
Jessica looked at her gratefully. "Thank you Christina. We'd love that."
Behind Chelsea the rest had arrived, led by Sam. Jessica frowned. "Where are Sasuke and Orochimaru?" she asked Chelsea.
The brunette shrugged. "Sasuke just walked away down the shore, claiming he'd be fine on his own, and Orochimaru sort of… followed." She shrugged. "I don't really care."
Jessica shrugged too. "Okay, then." She looked at the Konoha-nin. "Hey! You all are going with Christina! She's the blonde girl here! Follow her now. She's a good friend, don't worry."
The confused people followed Christina as she waved them over. "Let's go home! I'll tell you about this world some more while we head over there." She disappeared around another corner in the shore, still talking.
Sam looked around from Chelsea and Jessica to the Akatsuki and Gabriel, who was slumped against the tree stump, sleeping.
"What say we get back to the tents for some sleep before we head home early?" suggested Chelsea, glancing at Gabriel.
"Agreed," said Jessica. They walked back over to the stump, and Jessica smiled. "We're going to go back to our camp now. We'll stay there for the night and then we'll take you to where you'll stay. Come on!"
Jessica took the lead, knowing the lake the best, and they began walking along the shore in the opposite direction of Christina.
Chapter Two:
Deidara snorted. "What? No artistic complaints, yeah? I'm shocked, Sasori-danna."
Smiling in a mockingly soft way, Sasori retorted, "There's nothing to complain about when your roommate agrees with your views on art."
Deidara spluttered.