I've wanted to write this for over a year, but I couldn't think of any retreat activities. I went on a school retreat today though so now I have plenty of ideas in mind.
A Reflection on Family
Lucifer wasn't sure how he heard about the retreat in the first place, never mind what convinced him to attend. Somehow though he walked into the Church center, saw the crucifix hanging high, and didn't even walk right back out.
"I've never seen you at one of these before," the young woman who sat beside him commented. "And we so rarely get new faces. I'm Caroline. What brings you here to this retreat?"
Lucifer never lied; he never needed to. "I don't really know, I guess I heard it was a reflection on family and I felt like I could reflect." Satan didn't really like his family, actually, he wanted them all dead, but he was interested in how others felt about their families.
"Well I'm glad you're here," Caroline replied and Lucifer realized that she truly meant it. Humans were so odd sometimes, but their willingness to trust anyone was just sheer stupidity.
"Welcome everyone," the retreat leader, a balding man named Mr. Alan, greeted. "It's great to see you here on our monthly retreat. Today's topic is family, but before I begin I'd like to call us together in prayer. Father, help us to remember our families at all times. Teach us to be forgiving of wrongs and love even when it is difficult. Keep us safe, happy, and free from the clutches of the devil." Oh how Lucifer didn't belong here. "We ask this through the name of your Son, our lord Jesus Christ, amen."
As we broke apart into two smaller groups of eight, Caroline gave me a harsh look. "You shouldn't smile at the name of the devil. He's not just some boogy man. He's real."
Now really? Lucifer would never have guessed. "What makes you say that? Have you met him?"
"Of course not," Caroline defended looking horrified at the idea. If only she knew. If only she knew. "But believe it or not I've spoken with angels. They say the Apocalypse is upon us, that the Devil is free from Hell, and that Michael is looking for a special man to help him save the world."
Wow. Lucifer had known his brothers had told people to be on the lookout for Dean Winchester, but he never imagined that Michael would be that much of a dick not to mention the whole 'millions dead' thing. And they called Lucifer the evil brother?
"Oh I believe in the devil," Lucifer finally laughed. "I'm just not sure I belong here. I'm not exactly what you'd call religious." He was in the sense that he believed in God, of course he did, but Lucifer didn't exactly love his father.
Caroline rolled her eyes, which was probably as disrespectful as she ever got the prude. "I figured that, but it's good you're here. God called you here to learn something about yourself in Him. Hopefully you won't leave before you can learn it."
Lucifer looked at the clock-it was only 9 and he had another 6 hours. "I'm not going anywhere," Lucifer smiled leaning back in his chair as the leader explained their first activity. They were to write their names on pieces of paper and then go around and write compliments on everyone's 'license plate'. Lucifer didn't know how they were supposed to compliment strangers, but he realized everyone was just looking for artificial and generic words anyway so what's the difference? Lucifer followed the directions and wrote his name causing everyone to stare. "Let's just say my Father didn't exactly love me." Everyone shook his or her heads, probably praying for this poor man named after the devil. Lucifer didn't really mind; at this point, he just used his real name to fuck with people.
Lucifer found himself participating in the 'kind words'. Most of those at the retreat knew each other well, but they weren't against writing 'you're so kind' or 'you're so smart' on the plate of a stranger. Lucifer even found himself complimenting people and worst of all, meaning it. Maybe what he said was artificial, but he did mean that he thought they were pretty. Everyone was thrilled with their new friend's participation, and even Caroline gave him an approving nod.
"Well that went very well, didn't it?" The leader said and everyone laughed. (Lucifer didn't get how it was funny.) "Now for some serious time. As you all well know, our theme for today is family. Family comes in many shapes and forms, but the obvious one is those we're blood related to. God, in his graciousness, has made it impossible for us to be born without a mother and a father. Even if we've lost them at one time we did have that love." Lucifer was pretty sure he never had a mother, and he knew he never had his Father's love. "He's also gifted many of us with brothers and sisters who love us." Love us? Lucifer's siblings all wanted to kill him. He wasn't sure that was love. Yet he loved them even with them wanting him dead. Maybe there was some love in his family after all, but it didn't mean much. "We also have husbands, wives, children who we love." Satan had 6 wives technically, but his favorite, Lilith, had to die for him to rise. He missed her. Adam's first wife was great in bed. "This is an irreplaceable kind of love. As we play this song I hope you'll all reflect in your groups on those you have and how you can appreciate them daily."
Lucifer's fellow group members plunged into talking about their families, but he zoned out thinking about ways to kill his brother. Caroline had to say his name thrice before it even clicked in his mind. "Luci, what about you, what family do you have?"
"Well I never had a mom," Lucifer admitted laughing silently to himself. "And my dad was, what you might call distant. Lots of siblings though. Most are much younger than me and my brother Mike and I used to take care of them before I left home. I haven't seen any of them since." Well, he'd seen Castiel, but he tried not to think of the fledgling he'd once taught to fly and would soon have to kill.
"How come you never returned home?" Caroline asked sounding horrified. To these people with their perfect holy lives the idea of a broken family was probably out there. Funny how the family they worship was much more fucked up than their own.
"Look at my name," Lucifer finally sighed because what else could he say? "My Father and I didn't get along, my brothers sided with him, I left." It wasn't lying for Satan to leave out the little detail of him trying to kill his Father and claim the Universe as his own, just omission of details with intent to manipulate. "It was a long time ago and I've married since and created a new family since. I'm past it." Sure his wives were all demons, and so were hid 'kids', but that was another thing he didn't exactly need to mention.
Caroline looked ready to say something, perhaps offer sympathy, but they were already pushing them towards their next activity. They had to use only spoon to send a jellybean around a circle, and it was much harder than it sounded. In the end Lucifer's team won, and the devil found himself snacking on jellybeans instead of hearing the conversation about 'the family of the workplace.' When you're king of Hell you can't exactly afford to get friendly with your coworkers. They might get the strange idea that cutting off your head will result in less than death on their part.
During lunch, Lucifer sat in silence listening to everyone talking about the charity mission they were leaving for in a few weeks. He wasn't surprised when Caroline came over to strike up a conversation. "So how are you enjoying your first retreat?"
It was so tediously horrible that Lucifer remembered why he wanted all the humans dead. Even those around him were just trying to make sure everyone knew they were the holiest one in the group. It was a damn competition to them and had nothing to do with loving his Father. It made him sick. "Well I'm not sure I'll be coming to the next one if that's what you're asking."
Caroline nodded obviously not surprised. She looked over at the competing crowd when she spoke. "They're not that bad, but they're human. They want everyone to believe they're perfect."
"And you don't?" Really Caroline had thrown Lucifer for a loop. She just wasn't like everyone else; she was truly special.
Caroline rolled her eyes and lay down on the floor. "Heaven's no! If I was perfect I wouldn't be lying here right now, I'd be out there, fighting the devil." What? Lucifer looked at her, but he doubted she was a hunter with her looks. "Look, you know how I told you about the angels speaking to me? Well they did tell me to keep an eye out for Dean Winchester, that's the guy Michael's looking for, but only after I refused what they really wanted. This angel Hannah, she told me that I was her 'destined vessel'. Basically she needs to possess me if she's going to fight in this war, but I said no. If I was truly a good person I wouldn't have been so selfish and said no."
Now that he looked at her again Lucifer could see her vessel capabilities. She was actually pretty powerful when he thought about it; she'd have to be to handle Hannah. He'd never met the angel, but from what he'd heard she was both fiercely loyal and just plain fierce.
"Hey, I'm not sure I'd say yes to an angel either," Lucifer chuckled. "You don't look like the kind who should see war, and I know Revelations. If the devil really is free and going after Michael well… I wouldn't want to be in a thousand mile radius of Lawrence, Kansas."
Caroline didn't even look horrified at his words. "So I was right; you're not just named after Lucifer. You are him, the Devil, Satan."
Yet she wasn't screaming. "I've always hated those names they make me seem so…evil. In truth I'm nothing more than an angel looking for justice."
Mindy, to her credit, was brave enough to scoff, "More like vengeance. You've been taking a temper tantrum for thousands of years and you just want to prove Daddy wrong. News flash- when you shape the Universe to your liking it's not possible to be wrong."
Lucifer shook her words off not even stopping to consider the reason in them. His family had betrayed him too long ago. He'd been filled with hate for too long. No girl, no matter how strong, was going to change that. "If you know what's best for you don't say yes to my sister and get out of the country. When I'm beat my brother perhaps you'll still be alive to see the world my way."
Before Mindy could raise the alarm, Lucifer disappeared from the room. No one else saw Satan go though. No one else saw what Caroline did, or heard it when angels spoke. That was her cross to bear.
She looked up at the crucifix that hung in the center of the room when the retreat leader came over to her and asked where Lucifer was. With a sigh she shook her head and replied, "He's long gone."