Guy Talk Girl Talk Fusion

A/N First there was the much liked Guy Talk, followed by a Notorious Girl Talk…Pepsi Dragon now brings you a funny fusion of both. Prepare to laugh your asses off!

Disclaimer: Duh…I do not own and will never own Naruto and obviously I make no profit from this, but in fact quite the opposite, because the Internet cost me money! Grr…

Any way, I hope you'll enjoy!

Every young ninja was in the forest chilling out for the special Konoha day of the year, a bank holiday where they didn't have to train or carry out any missions. The young ninjas were sprawled out on the grass, surrounded by lush summer tress and some sitting on picnic cloths munching sandwiches.

Amongst these people of course was Naruto whom at that moment tried very hard to get Sakura's attention.

"Sakura-chan!" He chimed, "Do you want a sandwich? There's this really cool paste in it that makes it taste like ramen!"

But Sakura, plus Ino beside her, were too engrossed in observing Sasuke, whom sat under a tree in the cool shade, with his eyes closed…relaxed.

"Look at the way Sasuke's hair blows gently in the summer breeze!" Sakura gasped with hearts in her eyes.

"Oh…and the way that his chest rises and falls as he naps! So Kawaii!" Ino squealed.

Naruto frowned and tried again, "Sakura-chan! Look! Look! Try this sandwich, I made it!"

And then he shoved it under her nose, which surprised her and made her very angry. Ino just laughed as some of the grey paste inside Naruto's sandwich came away and stuck to Sakura's face.

"EW! NARUTO!" Sakura shrieked, pushing Naruto's hand away and wiping off the horrid funny smelling grey substance.

Naruto frowned harder, deeply upset, but then he quickly perked up again and moved it towards her face once more, "Come on Sakura, please! Once you try it…you'll love it!"

This time Sakura smacked Naruto's hand furiously and the sandwich flew into the air.

"Gah!" Sasuke cried out as it hit him in the face, "What the hell is this!"

Naruto pulled a face, "Eugh, Sasuke teme…no one will want to eat that sandwich now that it's touched you …what a waste!"

Sasuke peeled it off his face and stared at it in annoyance, he then cautiously sniffed it, "What the hell is it?"

"Don't eat it Sasuke-kun!" Sakura warned, "Naruto made it!"

"Yeah Sasuke, it might poison you!" Ino said quickly.

Naruto folded his arms and he narrowed his eyes at Sasuke, "Sasuke's such a wimp, he'd never eat it anyway, he's scared it'll taste too good."

Sasuke sat up and glared at Naruto challengingly, "Really Naruto dobe?"

Then Sakura and Ino gasped in unison as their lovely Uchiha opened his mouth and took a giant chunk out of the sandwich and chewed it thoughtfully.

"Oh no Sasuke!" Sakura cried, "No! Don't die Sasuke!"

Ino rushed forwards and smacked Sasuke on the back, "Don't swallow it Sasuke!"

Sasuke choked as Ino smacked him on the back and then he gagged like a maniac, his eyes going wide and he dropped the remainder of the sandwich onto the grass. Sakura and Ino watched anxiously as Sasuke then began twitching in an odd manner, as if someone had electrocuted him.

"FUCKING HELL!" Sasuke gasped his eyes watering and his face going red, "What did you put in this!"

Naruto scratched his head uncaringly, "Ramen paste…extra special spicy wasabi flavour."

"WASABI!" Ino and Sakura gasped, "That's the hottest thing ever! You nearly killed Sasuke! Grrr…"

Sasuke coughed out any remainder of the horrid stuff whilst his fangirls loomed over Naruto menacingly, "Na-ru-to!"

"Hey…" Naruto mumbled nervously, "Sasuke ate that himself…I didn't…I didn't…"

KABOOM! BONK! SMACK!

Naruto fell sideways with a couple of sore lumps coming out from his head. The girls dusted of their hands and returned their attention to Sasuke, who had seized a bottle of water and was drinking it rather desperately to soothe his burning mouth and throat.

"Um…okay…" Temari said quietly as she walked past the crime scene and made her way towards Shikamaru, whom was slumped under another tree, beside his best friend Chouji.

"Hey Shika-kun." Temari shouted into his ear, making him turn and glare at her, his eyebrow twitching slightly, "Do you want anything from my picnic basket?"

Shikamaru glanced at Chouji who stuffed several crisps into his mouth and shrugged, "Uh…no thanks."

"I guarantee you'll like!" Temari said convincingly.

"Whatever, troublesome." He mumbled as a reply.

Temari walked over to the picnic cloth where Hinata and Ten Ten sat talking about best ways to make rice balls and she dug her hand into a picnic basket.

Ten Ten looked up, "You're doing that now?"

Temari grinned, "Yeah."

When Temari was out of hearing distance Hinata asked Ten Ten what Temari was up too and Ten Ten smiled, "You'll see."

"Here you go Shika-kun!" Temari said sitting on the other side of Shikamaru, whom eyed the item in her hand cautiously.

"A cake?" Chouji piped up, leaning over to get a better look.

Temari pulled the small cream cake, with it's lovely chocolate strawberry top away, "It's just for Shikamaru only."

Of course Shikamaru was suspicious, "What did you do to it?"

Temari looked shock, "It's just a cake…but I baked it especially for you, don't you like it?"

Shikamaru felt the small plate being shoved into his hands, "…"

Temari handed him a spoon, "Come on, I spent ages making sure I'd got the recipe right."

The boy who found most things troublesome scooped an edge off the cake and he put it in his mouth, Temari watching with great excitement and Chouji perhaps watching with his mouth watering in jealousy.

"Well?" Temari asked eagerly.

Shikamaru chewed, blinked and swallowed, the cake tasted nice and sweet, with a hint of strawberry and chocolate, but also vanilla. He smiled and took another spoonful, swirling the yummy stuff around in his mouth.

"Yeah, it's delicious. Thanks Temari." Shikamaru mumbled as he began to devour the rest of the cake.

Meanwhile Neji whom had been bird watching up a tree, whilst Shino searched for bugs in the tree next to it gasped. A flock of birds were heading their way.

"Hinata!" He shouted, "Cover the food!"

Everyone who was conscious and paying attention looked at him. The flock of birds loomed closer, their little birdie Baka, baka, baka… clear in the air.

"What the?" Naruto grumbled as he finally regained consciousness and looked up to see what everyone else was suddenly in a panic about.

"OH NO!" Sakura and Ino screamed, pulling a picnic cloth over their heads, as did many of the other girls.

"Shit! Don't you freaking dare!" Kiba growled diving into a bush with Akamaru.

"Don't worry Shika-kun…" Temari whispered bringing out her giant fan, "I'll protect you."

"What is everyone freaking about?" Naruto asked exasperatedly as even Sasuke looked a little on edge.

Suddenly the birds were directly overhead all of them and they let loose. Fat white plops of bird shit fell over them all like heavy marinated rain and Naruto shrieked in a most horrified and upset way as some of it fell in his eye and dribbled up his nose.

"FUCKING ITAIIII!" Naruto yelled in anguish, shaking his head and rubbing trying to wipe the awful stuff off his face.

Sasuke stealthily dodged any little presents falling from the sky and Temari flicked her wrists, waving her fan so that a lot of the little flying demons flew to the sides, off course and perhaps unintentionally towards Naruto instead. A moment later all the birds passed and the girls crawled out from under the picnic cloth.

"Ew…" Sakura moaned, "Naruto looks like a bird poo monster…"

"Itai!" Naruto wailed, seizing the picnic cloth and still trying, but failing to completely clean himself up.

"Dobe." Sasuke smirked, glad that he was genius and able to avoid all bird turds falling from the sky.

"Hinata…they're gone." Neji said relieved, as she peered out from under her picnic cloth.

"Wow…" Chouji muttered breathlessly, "Nice going Temari."

Temari put her fan down, "Anything for my Shika-kun."

Shikamaru grinned, perhaps having Temari as a friend would not always be troublesome, he thought cheerily to himself.

"OH MY GOD!" Ino gasped, "Sasuke, they got you too!"

"What!" Sasuke said looking himself over.

"OH NO!" Sakura cried, "Sasuke! Your back!"

Sasuke looked behind himself and he frowned the most embarrassed and irritated frown he'd ever frowned, "Damn those little bastards."

Naruto opened his eyes and he looked deeply sad, "Why didn't anyone warn me!"

Hinata looked at him pitifully, "Oh Naruto-kun…"

"Who cares!" Ino snapped, "Look at Sasuke! His favourite navy blue shirt has horrid doo doo on it!"

Kiba broke out laughing, as did Temari and a few others. Hinata reached into her pocket and she found a couple of wet wipes, her mother had warmed her that they might come in handy. She gave them to Naruto and he beamed as if she'd just rescued him from hell.

"Hinata-chan! THANK YOU!" He squealed, wiping his face and every other contaminated area frantically, the lemon zest stinging his eyes, but he didn't care.

"Oh Sasuke…" Sakura and Ino mumbled sadly, about to offer him tissues and whatnot, when he stormed past them and towards the river nearby.

Neji grinned from the tree, "I knew you were gonna get shit on, it was fate…"

Sasuke glared into the tree, a vein steadily making itself know on Sasuke's forehead, "What did you say?"

"You were destined to be shit on." Neji sniggered.

Shino watched as Sasuke clenched his fist and then hopped onto the same branch that Neji was sitting on. The two boys stared at each other viciously for a moment and then Sasuke swung a punch at Neji's face. Neji leapt from the tree and laughed.

"I predicted that move too, Uchiha." He said airily.

Naruto screamed over from where he stood still clutching all his precious wet wipes, "Well you could've warned me!"

Lee looked at the boys worriedly, "Don't fight! That isn't the spirit of youth!"

Sasuke leapt down and attempted to kick Neji, whilst he skidded backwards and dodged and blocked several other attacks.

"N-Neji…" Hinata gasped worriedly for her cousin.

"Go Sasuke!" His fan girls cooed excitedly.

Neji threw a fist forwards but Sasuke moved on time and finally managed to land a blow.

"Bastard." Neji muttered, his hand flying to his stomach, feeling all the wind knocked out of him.

"Heh, you didn't predict that did you?" Sasuke smirked, turning towards the river.

Suddenly Hinata ran in front of Sasuke. Sasuke stopped and looked at her, forty percent irritated, fifty percent confused and ten percent realising that he needed to pee.

"Hinata," He grumbled impatiently, "Move to the side will you."

Hinata nodded, but as Sasuke moved forwards to get past her, the strangest thing happened. Naruto scratched his head…Hinata was standing right next to him, still offering wet wipes…so how was she able to be over there with Sasuke?

"Huh?" Naruto said looking from one Hinata to the other, "How?"

"HOLY FUCK!" Sasuke gasped, keeling over as a foot sank into his groin, with a most mighty force.

The Hinata in front of him poofed back into Neji and he grinned, "Heh, bet you didn't see that one coming."

"Un…ahhhh…" Sasuke mumbled cringing painfully, as Neji smirked triumphantly and leapt back into his tree.

"My bugs said they can't believe you feel for that." Shino muttered quietly.

"OH SASUKE!" His fan girl's cried in alarm their footsteps rapidly approaching making him wince.

"Leave me alone please." Sasuke grumbled standing up and staggering his way towards the river, he figured he should check if he could still pee after that.

"Hahahaha!" Naruto laughed, "Sasuke teme soooo deserved that!"

Hinata smiled at Naruto cheering up, "Naruto-kun…"

"Hey Hinata, no one else wanted to each my sandwiches, but do you wanna try some?"

Hinata smiled sheepishly, "O-Of course Naruto-kun."

Naruto handed her a sandwich and she put it to her lips, Naruto watching happily, until her face turned red, eyes blanked out and steam began bellowing out of her little ears.

"Hinata-chan!" Naruto said panicking as he found a bottle of water and began pouring it down her throat worriedly.

"My, my…those two are cute…but are so not going about it the right way." Temari sniggered.

Shikamaru had finished his cake contently, "What are you on about troublesome woman?"

"I mean…love…" Temari whispered mysteriously, making Shikamaru shiver.

Chouji finally realised what Temari wanted and he mumbled an excuse to get away, "Um, uh…I'm just gonna go get some more food."

"Love?" Shikamaru repeated yawning, "That's the most troublesome thing ever, my Dad says so."

Temari leaned across Shikamaru, making him back up into the tree awkwardly, his brain rapidly ticking wondering how to get out of this situation.

But too late! The kunoichi from the sand pressed her lips onto his.

"Troublesome." He grumbled embarrassedly against her lips and yet he didn't make much of an effort to move away.

"Oh Hinata!" Naruto cried out, "I'm so sorry! Are you alright now?"

Hinata coughed and managed to croak, "F-Fine Naruto-kun."

Ten Ten flicked a piece of food at Lee boredly, "Aww…Lee, look Temari's having fun and Hinata's…well, I'm sure deep down she's having fun too and I'm sooo bored!"

Lee glanced at the couple making out, Hinata fainting in Naruto's arms, and he scratched his head, "Well maybe we could get everyone who's not really doing anything round and play a fun youthful game?"

Ten Ten grinned devilishly, "YEAH! We could play something like twenty one dares, or spin the bottle!"

Lee blinked, "Uh…I guess so…"

Meanwhile Sasuke had been down by the river, he'd taken his top off and had washed the bird poop off and now was peeing against a tree, greatly relieved Neji had not done too much damage, but swearing to himself that he'd get him back for the humiliation anyway.

"Bastard." He mustered under his breath as he pulled his pants back up and then went to wash his hands.

Out of the shadows on the other side of the river, Gaara showed up with blood on his hands, just as Ten Ten began announcing, "Everyone! Come here! We're gonna play spin the bottle!"

Sasuke straightened up tensely and glared across the water, fearing that they were all in deep shit.

A/N Okay the story comes to an end! Unlike Guy Talk and Girl Talk which I have left as One Shots for now, I think this fic will have two parts!

Now, if you have read this fic and enjoyed it please review and tell me so. Then I can work on the second part and know what kind of stuff you especially like. Please review if you've read…I see…dead people…joking! I see fanfics with tons of reviews and just once I'd like to have a ton too…

Anyway, thanks for reading! I will update soon…

Pepsi Dragon x