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The Salty Tales of the Salacious Jack Sparrow
a tale brought to you by Blacklabel & Blacklabel
Blacklabel does not own Jack Sparrow or the Black Pearl. She does not even own one bloody piece of that shiny Aztec gold. Though, she supposes that's a good thing with it being cursed and all. Never the less, the powers that be insist she mention the Heathen gods, otherwise known as Disney, who do own Sparrow and the Black Pearl and all the cursed pieces of Cortes. The accounts that follow, however, are tales relating to and quite shamelessly involving Jack Sparrow and the Black Pearl and a number of odd references to the masterpiece that was Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Blacklabel does claim the rights to the telling of the tales to be told in this volume, as well as to the strange, new characters that may or may not inadvertantly run into Jack Sparrow. And, she says, any slightly staggering slurring of the narration is strictly coincidental.
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Once upon a time—one, two, three centuries of sand slipping through the hourglass—in the land of sand and sun, there lived a most salacious fellow who went by the name of Captain Jack Sparrow. Now… most men who went by the title of 'captain' in Jack's day were merchants or sailors or Navymen, all men of honest trades, but Jack Sparrow… well, he wasn't like most men. No, for this Sparrow anything less than flying free o'er the sea was unfathomable, and so it was that this man, this Captain Jack Sparrow, was a Pirate.
Pirates, for the most part, were particularly pernicious. In fact, most men who took up the pirate's code did so only to cause worser trouble than otherwise would have been allowed by their women. But Jack Sparrow… well, he wasn't like most men. No, this Sparrow flew into trouble he wasn't looking for. Most times t'was luck Jack counted on to free him, and lucky was he that fate and fortune so oft favored him.
Indeed, Jack Sparrow was strangely fortunate. In fact, this Jack Sparrow was a strange sort altogether. There was scarcely a thing usual about him. He was, as they say, a bit off kilter and marched—or sashayed, really—to the beat of his own drum. Mad, perhaps, but there was no denying the brilliance that shone behind his black eyes. There was no denying that his slur slid from a silver tongue and no doubt that he, Jack Sparrow with the bead-laced locks and braided beard, was strangely charming.
Whether pirate or blacksmith, heiress or priestess, all who crossed paths—or blades—with Jack Sparrow fell under his spell and eventually held him in their hearts. But as Captain of the Black Pearl, it was his ship—a graceful black swan of a ship—that pulled the most upon his own heartstrings. Love and cherish her he did. Only once were they seperated, Jack Sparrow and his Pearl. A decade it was that both wandered lost without the other, but Jack Sparrow was nothing if not persistant. Ten years could not deter the Pirate and so it was that the Captain and his ship were reunited on a most gloriously golden day.
Sailed off into the sunset, they did.
But it was neither beginning nor ending to Captain Jack Sparrow's tales. Before and beyond that sunset there were many horizons. T'was only natural inclination for Captain Jack Sparrow to chase after them…