I never thought it would be like this.

When Lisa first told me the plan, I thought she was crazy and adjusted her morphine dosage.

Then I thought about it. She had that look in her eyes that reassured me. Everything was going to be okay.

"You know Jack Harkness, he'll... fall for..." Her speech was always being broken up by erratic and bloody coughing. "...anything in tight jeans." I cradled her in my arms as she went into another fit ranging from coughing to vomiting blood. I needed to get back into Torchwood.

I took Lisa's advice. Tight jeans. Worked like a charm. I actually did like the man. And the coat.

Two nights into my employment at Torchwood Cardiff, I snuck Lisa and the makeshift life support system into one of the disused storage rooms in the Hub basement.

To keep Jack off my tracks, I kept him on his toes; hot coffee, served with suggestive remarks on the side; walked with a sway of the hips, stood strategically close to him when the timing felt right. And the shallow man fell for it.

It was three weeks in when we actually had sex. Lisa told me I had to or it would just irritate Jack and he would move on. I had to keep his interest but keep him distracted.

He showed me his little flat-like space underneath his office in the fourth week. He only let me use his personal shower in the sixth. By the two-month mark, though, I spent the night. I never planned to. I missed my morning checkup on Lisa. I apologized continuously the evening after, when I got the chance.

After that first full night with Jack, he became distant. Relatively. He responded to my flirtation, but no longer gave me any invitation for sex. I became suspicious, so did Lisa. She was afraid.

I tried harder, even making suggestions in front of the team.

I got fed up and, although I had tried to keep from raising the subject and keeping it casual, I went to Jack after the team left. Two months and three weeks.

I went into his office and found him going through some paperwork. I cleared my throat.

"Yes, Ianto." He said monotonously, not looking away from the papers.

"Sir, I want to talk to you."

The "sir" didn't flow as gracefully from my tongue as I had liked it to. He looked up.

"Yes...?" He said, looking at me like it was the greatest imposition. Looking back, I think it was at this point when I broke.

"Why aren't we having sex?" The words cannot ever be unspoken. I wanted to die the second they left my mouth. Jack broke out a chuckle, looking at me incredulously.

When I kept up a stern face, he straightened up.

"I think it's best." Jack said, folding his hands together on his desk. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, huffing angrily. Jack rose his eye brows and continued. "Well, I don't see you being interested in a commitment of this kind."

I could feel my lips tightening into a line on their own accord; an instinct I'm thankful for which kept me from saying anything I would regret.

I filtered out this: "What? The immortal man wants to settle down?" The filter must be broken.

Jacks eyebrows furrowed then. "Not in those terms, but I suppose I don't just want to have sex and move on to the next."

My eyes cast down to the rough carpet. "Please tell me your decision has nothing to do with me." For the first time in my life, I prayed.

I heard Jacks chairs wheels shift and I looked up to see Jack approaching me quickly. His hands rose up to run up and down my arms. Soothingly, I think that is what he was going for. The moved to my shoulders, then my neck, and then I felt his lips and some stubble brush against my earlobe, along my jaw... then disappear.

I opened the eyes I had forgotten I had closed. His eyes are blue. I don't think I ever cared to notice that before that moment.

"Ianto, give me this chance. I wanted to stop this because I didn't want to hurt you. But, if you give me this chance, I will try harder than you would ever know."

Those blue eyes began to water.