I march down the stairs to meet him. The Beast. I can control my anger.

"What do you want?" I yell.

The Beast takes a step back, as he does everytime I get mad at him. He fumbles with his fingers before saying, "I... I was wondering if you were ready to go to the opera."

"Damnit, Beast!" I scream at him, "I told you that I wasn't going to go to some fancy opera tonight!"

He fumbles with his fingers again and pulls out two golden tickets, "But I paid so much for them..."

"Then go take that neighbor girl that I see you spying on all the time!"

"Hey!" he yells, taking a step forward to put a finger in my face, "That is NOT spying!"

"Then what is it?" I ask with my hands on my hips. This really isn't going anywhere.

He takes a moment to think about it. "It's watching. I watch her."

"You watch her," I say skeptically.

"Yes. For her... protection, yes? Yes. To make sure that... robbers... don't come into her house."

"Oh, you're so full of it!" I yell, and suddenly I push him in the chest. He loses his balance and I start to laugh, but then he looks like he's actually going to fall. And there is a large staircase behind him. All of the sudden, I see my hands fly out and push him again.

In a second, Beast is toppling down the staircase, and is lifeless at the bottom.

"What did I just do?" I ask myself allowed. "Did I just kill the Beast?"

Mrs. Potts suddenly runs out of some random door, "What's all the noise about?!" She's nervous. She peers over the edge of the stairs and sees the Beast. A scream releases itself from her mouth. My hands suddenly pick her up and throw her across the room. She shatters into a thousand peices.

"Oh my God! Did I just kill Mrs. Potts, too?!" I can't believe what I've done, but realization takes over. Not only have I just killed two people, but I've also just inherited a giant mansion. I'm quickly invisioning having my own reality show here. That might be a possibility if I can clear the evidence.

I run to the cleaning supplies to sweep up Mrs. Potts. I throw the peices away in the old trashcan (which is also alive; I"ll have to do something about that), and look over to the Beast. I'm not really sure how I'm going to do this. I try pulling him across the room to the door thinking that I might be able to dump him in the snow. For some odd reason, there's always snow here, so it's not like anyone will find him under all of that icky white stuff. I decide against it, though.

I look through a phone book until I find a company that promises to take trash away, no questions asked. Though a bit shady, I think that this will work. I call them up (using a phone which, damnit, is also alive).

"Hello, trashman Ernie speaking. How may I help you?" it picks up.

"Hi..." I begin, unsure of what to say, "We..." What am I going to say? "Um, we had a weird and highly dangerous animal attack the house. I killed it. Can you pick it up?"

"Sure, whatever, we'll be over in an hour," the voice says unenthusiastically.

I hang up the phone, then proceed to unplug it. The phone does a squeal and asks what I'm doing, but I continue. I then throw it across the floor and throw the peices into that trashcan. I think I'll give that trashcan to those people, too, so I drag it out by the Beast. Well, that's four people for the day. Let's hope that nobody asks any more questions.

I walk back inside, and Clogsworth, the clock, is standing there.

"What?" I ask. I must look suspicious, because he walks up to me and asks if everything is alright.

"Yes, yes. Um, everything's fine," I lie. I think I might have to kill him, too.

"Really? Because I've been hearing some weird noises."

"It's just your imagination," I say. Then, I pick him up.

"Where on Earth are you taking me?!" he yells. I take him outside, he sees the Beast, and I hold onto him tightly.

"What did you do to the Beast?!" he screams in shock. I run to the opposite side of the mansion, where we (ironically) have a catapult. I place him inside of it, press the button, and watch him fly across the sky. When I hear a minature explosion from about a mile away, I figure that I won't have to worry about him again. Well, that's five, now.

After about an hour or so, the trash company comes and takes the Beast and trashcan away, no questions asked. Now, a little less nervous, I sell the opera tickets on EBay, grab some Cheezits, and sit down to watch some television.

I've been watching America's Next Top Model for about ten minutes when I hear a knock on the door. I open up to see two detectives and a policeman at the door. I open and give a curtsy.

"May I help you?" I ask in my sweetest voice. The detectives and the policeman come right on in and take off their hats.

"Ma'am, word has come to us that there was a murder commited in this house," the tall detective says. The shorter and more round one starts helping the policeman get gear together--probably to start searching the house for evidence.

"A murder?" I ask while walking up to him in a way beyond classy.

He loosens his tie, "Yes, a murder...was reported." He pulls out a notebook to break the closeness that I am to him. "Name of the deceased: Beast; male; 21 years of age. Do you know him?"

I make up a lie on the spot, "No! He lives across the street. They've been denying for years that he lives with them." I put my hand up to my mouth like it's a secret between us two, "He and the girl there are close. He's been living there for a long while."

"Ah..." the detective says, writing down notes of what I've said. "In that case, we'll carry on our investigation there."

"Um, okay. Your welcome?" Suddenly, they're out of the door and across the street. I turn around, feeling pretty proud of myself, only to see the dresser there, with a tear in her eye.

"Uh, hi?" I say.

"You... You killed the Beast," she whimpers.

"Yeah, it happens," I say, nonchalantly.

She slaps me across the face and yells, "I'm taking you to court about this!"

"Well then," I say, knowing good-and-well that it'll be rather hard to kill her, "I'll go find a good defense attorney."

"You better!" she then turns around and runs away crying. I look back through the phonebook until I find an attorney that looks interesting. I grab my cell phone and call the number.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"'Ello?" the voice says.

"Hi. I murdered a guy. I need someone good."

"I can help you with that! The name's Cap'n Jack Sparrow, best lawyer, attorney, and anything else you may want, in the state!" he says.

"Hey, aren't you a pirate?" I remember the name from somewhere.

He pauses before answering, "No..."

"Oh, well then. Can you come over?"

"I'll be there before you can hang up the phone!"

"Um, oka--"

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. I hang up the phone and place it on the counter before answering. I open the door, and my God! There's a pirate infront of me! He looks me up and down and shrugs, as if to say that he's done okay with choosing to represent me.

I can't believe what I've just gotten myself into.