Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!
Summary: Set after Brendan is caught in the explosion and all the revelations at the beach house. One-shot.
Steven
"You took Steven away. I can't love, cos you stood by and you did nothing. I damage everyone around me, cos you stood by and you did nothing."
A soul is laid bare in our imaginations, in our dreams. There is no pretending. The subconscious knows all. It feeds off our fears, our desires. It holds us together when the whole world is falling apart.
Brendan doesn't know where he is or why he's here. There is light, blinding light and one small figure, cross-legged on the floor. He has the face of an angel. Brendan can't speak. He is trapped in his own body, fighting for life and for breath.
Somewhere inside, a voice whispers a name, and Brendan wants to cling so desperately to that voice that it almost tears him apart.
"It's me, Brendan. It's Steven"
How can it can be? Steven is gone, he is lost to him. You took Steven away. Brendan knows this and yet he hopes. Like he always does. You will come back to me. Except now it's different, and he wants Steven to want him unconditionally. He wants to love him like he ought to be loved. He wants to hold him in his arms and never let go. He wants to kiss his eyelids goodnight, brush the hair from his face. Cradle him when he has nightmares. Whisper endearments into his ear. Make love to him with the same fervour and passion they always have.
The figure moves, stands before him like an illusion, shimmering at the edges. His eyelashes are still impossibly long. His blue eyes shine as they stare him down. He knows it all. He knows what Brendan has done. Every inch of it. And yet he still smiles. He holds out his arms and he cradles him like the lost little boy he once was. He kisses his hair and soothes him and he doesn't let go. Not once.
Brendan cries with no tears. He wants to scream, to fight. But there's nothing left now. Steven knows he's slipping away and he clings tighter.
"No, no. Please, Brendan. Don't leave me"
He would never leave him. Not now.
There's something that keeps bothering him. There's a distance between them he can't close. An ache in his chest he can't possibly obliterate.
And then he remembers. That man, that monster. Everything he is, everything he could have been, taken away in an instant. How can Steven love him as he is? How can he love the man with the black eyes and the even blacker heart? He doesn't want to be that person. He wants to be superman again. He wants to have that innocence back that Steven once had until he beat it out of him. He feels sick with the things he has done. There will never be peace, no salvation here. No redemption.
There's a flutter of the heart, a pressing of the lips. Steven encompasses him, warms him from the inside out. He is transporting him away, somewhere no one can hurt them and all they have is each other. It's beautiful. It's not real.
Brendan finds himself waking. Then reality sets in. Where he is, who is with him.
A dream cannot possibly capture the true beauty of the boy before him. The man. Even with his mussed hair and deep circles under his eyes from exhaustion, he is still the most beautiful being Brendan has ever seen. He reaches for him, fearing rejection but almost accepting it. Steven says nothing. He curls up against Brendan's side and he cries for what feels like a very long time.
"I know" he says simply. And Brendan lets out a very long breath. He doesn't care what he knows, what matters is that he's here, warm and reassuring against his side. "Do you still love me?" Steven asks very quietly and Brendan feels the tears finally leaving his eyes.
"Yes" his voice is croaked, distorted. But strong.
Steven nods and then raises himself to a sitting position, his eyes red around the edges. He moves close, his hands catching Brendan's tears as they fall. He kisses him. And it's unlike anything Brendan has ever experienced. It's like being reborn. Steven takes all the hurt and the pain and he draws it into himself. He's shaking against him as they cling and kiss one another. But Brendan will not let him carry this. He pulls away desperately, his hands on his face. He can barely let him go.
"No" Steven says firmly. "I'm not going anywhere"
"Steven" Brendan pleads, his breathing becoming laboured.
"No" Steven says more forcefully. "This is my choice"
Brendan shakes his head but the action is fruitless. Steven takes his face in his hands and forces him to look at him.
"I love you"
"Steven, stop…"
"I love you" Steven catches his lips again, his own tears hitting Brendan's cheeks.
"Ye can't…" Brendan sobs, but his hands find their way to Steven's waist, holding him tightly.
"I'm not going anywhere. The thought of losing you…" Steven closes his eyes as though shutting the pain away.
"Alright" Brendan says softly. "Alright"
Steven throws himself into his arms and Brendan holds him, he can barely separate him from his body. The smell of him, the warmth of him, it's almost too much after such agony.
This really is it. The final shot. The closing scene. Brendan can hardly believe that it has come to this. No matter what happens, he won't let Steven out of his sight ever again. They stay locked in the embrace for what feels like hours. Brendan knows life will take over, others will enter and ruin this bliss. But as of now, there is only them.
Only Steven.