Stars
Do you want to see heaven tonight?
Underneath the moonlight,
You will look so beautiful.
Do you want to see the stars before they fall?
See the stars before they fall?
Do you want to be my love tonight, and for all my life?
It could be so wonderful.
Do you want to see the stars before they fall?
See the stars before they fall?
~Stars, Sixx:am
It was not the falling of the angels that broke Castiel. It wasn't even the fact that it was his fault. It was that as the angels fell, the sky went black. All the stars were gone. Or maybe they were so insignificant, they were blotted out by the incredible light of celestial bodies plummeting to earth. Or perhaps the stars forgot to come out. In any case, their presence was missed by Castiel. He had wept that night. Castiel had never cried before. The wetness in his eyes was odd, and odder still the salty drops that spilled over his eyelids and ran down his cheeks. He made loud, hiccupy moans that he couldn't seem to control. But then Dean came over and hugged him. Castiel didn't really like hugs. That was, until Dean. Castiel didn't understand why humans wanted to squeeze each other with their bodies. But when Dean did it, it always felt nice. Dean taught Castiel quite a bit about things like that. Particularly after Dean had started calling Castiel his 'boyfriend'. The angel didn't quite understand what that meant, but Dean always made it seem like it was a good thing, so Castiel didn't mind. On the night when the angels fell, Dean didn't call Castiel his boyfriend, though. He called Castiel his baby. The only other thing Castiel knew Dean called his baby was the Impala, therefore in Castiel's mind being Dean's baby was a huge honour. Dean pulled Castiel to his chest and wrapped one arm around his waist. With the other hand, he cradled the angel's head under his chin. Castiel wailed. He knew it was childish, but all he wanted were the stars. Dean rocked slowly and Castiel was thankful. The movement was gentle and soothing.
"Oh, my baby." Dean cooed to Castiel. Castiel's tears had stopped a while ago, but he stayed in Dean's arms, because the hunter was just so warm and safe and it felt good to just be held. Dean didn't know why Castiel had been crying. But he'd held him just the same. Castiel told Dean he loved him that night. That was the first time Castiel had ever said it and he meant it. Seeing Dean's face light up made just that much more worth it.
The next morning, Dean, Castiel, and Sam drove to the city. Castiel rode shotgun beside Dean so the hunter could hold his hand. Castiel was immensely grateful for the contact. Earlier, he cut himself and didn't heal. He nearly stopped breathing when he realized he couldn't feel his wings. He didn't cry, but he did rush into Dean's arms the moment the hunter woke up.
Sam complained loudly when Dean refused to allow him in the front seat. But Dean shut him up with a look.
"Cas needs me." He said simply, and the matter was dropped. They moved into a city, for a hunt, Dean said, while they waited for news on the angels. Dean told Castiel that he would fix heaven, if it killed him. Castiel asked him not to say things like that again. If Dean died, Castiel would too. Castiel needed his closeness more than breathing.
A few days after the reached the city and found a case, Gabriel stumbled into their little motel room. The short archangel looked weak and tired.
"I thought you were dead." said Dean reproachfully. Sam stared at Gabriel for a full thirty seconds before Gabriel gave him a little smile, a ghost of his old smirk, and said
"Hey there, Samsquatch." Sam wrapped Gabriel into a hug that escalated quickly into a kissing session.
"I guess we're keeping him." sighed Dean, but he didn't sound very angry. That night found Sam curled protectively around Gabriel. Castiel looked through a small window at the dark sky. The bright city lights blotted out the stars. It made him feel sick and miserable.
"Hey, buddy." said Dean. Castiel turned to him.
"Hello, Dean." said Castiel dully.
"You ready to hit the sack?" Dean smiled gently at him.
"May I sleep with you?" asked Castiel. He needed Dean to get through the night.
"Uh, yeah, of course you can." Dean grinned. They slid under the covers beside each other and Castiel immediately latched on to Dean's stomach. Dean responded by wrapping his arms around Castiel. And Castiel wasn't sure how he had slept without this. Or survived without it.
Over the next few months, Castiel fell into a rhythm. He, Sam, Dean, and Gabriel hopped from town to town, hunting things, and trying to find news about the angels. Every night he would look out at the night sky and look for the stars. When there wouldn't be any, or if he was lucky one or two, he would go and find comfort in Dean. Dean would kiss him deeply. And Castiel would wriggle about in happiness. Dean would move to kiss his neck all the while pulling Castiel closer. Closer until they were an irrevocable tangle of limbs and love. Castiel loved the sex and cuddling. He loved Dean. He needed the hunter. But he wanted the stars, and he knew that those were the one thing Dean could not give him.
One evening, a blood-addicted Crowley crawled into the motel room where the two couples were staying.
"I've got a request of you, Dean-o." said the demon. Dean glared daggers at him.
"What do you want?" Castiel wrapped his fingers tightly around Dean's and was relived to feel him squeeze in response.
"You to take care of the demon who stole my kingdom." Crowley smiled "Her name's Abaddon."
"How would I do that?" asked Dean, sounding disinterested, but Castiel knew better. They had been having trouble finding a case.
"You would have to take the Mark of Cain." Crowley smirked. Castiel paled. Dean could not take the Mark of Cain. Dean could not die like that. He couldn't die period. Dean looked over at Castiel and nodded slightly.
"You know, Crowley, I think you'll have to find someone else." Said Dean coolly. "Get out of here." The demon looked shocked. The he tried to bargain some more. Then he tried threats. Then Dean threw him bodily from the door.
That evening, Dean decided they all needed a break. He sat down on the old sofa and Castiel immediately sat next to him for a snuggle. Dean turned on the small motel television and flipped though the channels until he settled on Dr. Sexy. He then pulled Castiel into his lap and cradled him like a baby. He kissed the fallen angel for a moment then turned his attention back to the screen. Sam looked disgusted.
"You know what? I'm gonna take Gabe for ice cream." He said, already throwing a coat over his shoulders. He opened the door and half jogged out. Gabriel bounced excitedly behind him. Once they were alone, Dean and Castiel alternated between kissing and channel surfing. Dean flicked the remote and landed on a nature special about outer space, particularly stars.
"Stay on this channel Dean." Castiel was immediately enraptured. Castiel felt Dean's intense gaze, but he was too wrapped up in the stars to notice. He wasn't even hearing what the narrator was saying. He only saw the stars.
"You like stars, huh? Good to know." Castiel could hear Dean's smile. He wanted to ask Dean why, but he was suddenly overcome by fatigue and he quickly fell asleep in the hunter's lap.
A few weeks later, they were driving through Utah. Gabriel was whining about them refusing to stop at a candy store. Sam was promising to take him there once they checked into the motel. Dean and Castiel were silent, and, as usual, holding hands. They checked into the motel, and Dean left Sam there to research and to cuddle with Gabriel. Dean took Castiel out for dinner. They found a burger joint, and talked over food. Their fingers were cradled under the table. After dinner (and pie) was eaten and paid for, Dean and Castiel got back into the Impala.
"Close your eyes, Cas. I've got a surprise for you." said Dean. Castiel did as he was bid. They drove for a while, Castiel had no sense of time with his eyes closed. Soon he felt the car stop.
"Keep your eyes closed. I'll get you in a minute. Castiel heard Dean's door open, then slam. The he heard the trunk being opened and shut. A few moments later, Castiel's door opened. He felt Dean reach over him and unbuckle his seatbelt. Then Dean guided him out of the door and in front of the car. There was a blanket that Dean had Castiel lay down on.
"Look up and open your eyes." said Dean gently. Castiel did as he was asked, and gasped. The sky was full of stars. So many, there was hardly any of the inky black behind them.
"How..?" asked Castiel in wonder. Dean kissed his cheek.
"You think I didn't notice you staring out the window every night? The thing on stars only proved my theory." Dean tucked Castiel under his arm, and the fallen angel did his best to snuggle even closer, but he could not take his eyes from the stars. There were enough now to compensate for the lack of them on the night the angels fell. They glimmered brightly, and their gentle glow soothed Castiel's soul. Castiel could live under these stars. But only if Dean was beside him. Castiel realized that the hunter had done far more than simply bringing him to see the stars. He held Castiel, and protected him and loved him. Dean was everything.
"You know, Cas I've been thinking…" began Dean but Castiel cut him off.
"I do not wish to be called your 'boyfriend' anymore, Dean. I believe it belittles what we are." Castiel said firmly. Dean scrambled into a kneeling positon and pulled a small box out of his pocket. He opened it to reveal a simple silver ring that shone in the starlight.
"Does husband work for you?" asked Dean. Castiel was floored. Did Dean just…ask Castiel to marry him?
"Of course, Dean." said Castiel. Dean slid the ring on Castiel's finger and hugged him tight. And there in the starlight, wrapped in his fiancé's arms, Castiel, an angel trapped outside of heaven, had never felt more at home.