A/N: Well, this is honestly 1,301 words on rambling, boring thoughts. LOL. It gets kind of confusing too... just let me explain.
For some prior knowledge, Jane and Alec were killed sometime around the witch trails which were... 1692? Right? What basically happened to them was that they studied witchcraft, got caught, where burned at the stakes and were later saved by none other then Aro (who killed the entire village in the end... but thats irrelevant xD).
Oh, and an alexathymic is someone who feels no emotions due to a mental illness (I think), though I use the word as if someone can develop alexathymia (which they can't).
This is very... er, dark and pointless so I don't blame you if you feel its crap. You don't have to review, but if you did, I would be beyond happy(:
Drip. The soft pitter-patter of raindrops against the window in our castle began to sound like thundering due to our enhanced senses, it seemed to be echoing in fact. The skies were gray, angry clouds whipped around at a fast pace only I could see. I sighed, pressing my palm to the cool glass that I peered out from; it was warm in comparison to myself, everything was warm in comparison.
I closed my eyes, just imagining what the weather conditions in that time would feel like on my skin. When we were younger, Alec and I, we would dance in the rain. The other children our age would look down upon us as if we were insane or plagued with some rare disease. Truth be it, we were rather strange children indeed, and that fact alone is what probably what made us most likely to be burned way back when. But those details are irrelevant now- I can't change the past, though sometimes I wish I could. This would be one of those times.
The dulls times when life is boring and has no evident purpose would prove to be those when I wish I could stop Aro from saving us from the blazing fire so that we would die in peace. I hate this boredom, it's more then irritable. And there was no break from our life for there was no need to sleep thus we were stuck in an everlasting nightmare.
'Dying in lust and love and hate
Pain seems like not a lonely fate
My intentions are to hurt those who hurt me
And once I am through, gone they will be.'
Those four lines are the start of all this, the start of the end of my life. In actuality, there was more to the destruction of us though we usually blame that stupid incantation. They are the main reason why my brother and I were charged of witchcraft, why we were burned, why we were saved, why we are here today. Those four lines.
Sometimes I loved those lines with such a passion that is unfathomable, other times, such as now, I loathed them. For life is boring, there is no point to it. But the more I think about it, the more I begin to realize that I'm not even alive. I am the undead, cursed to walk this earth forever, unable to find peace. I'm just here, I have no point. Dead mass. Useless.
Where I am now, as a proud member of the Volturi, I am simply known as 'the sadistic kid with a twin'. If I were gone, would they celebrate? Would they cheer? Most likely, for the only thing I am to them is a threat, I've killed members of the guard who have angered me before. If I were to disappear, it would only be convenience to them for there would now be one less person trying to rid of their very existence. So why am I here?
My best answer to that question is that I am here to repay my gratitude to Aro. He saved us, clothed us, fed us and gave us a place to stay. The least I could do is give him my services. Yet... if I wish not to live- to not have been saved in the first place, is there a point to my gratitude?
What I am beginning to realize is that Master had just been using me to simply for my services, that this is the only reason why he had done really anything for us. I reject this thought time after time not because I couldn't believe it but because it would make me such a fool if this were to be true. I would be shown to be oblivious to the fact that I'm just being used if this were true. But, if I had never wondered this thought, then I would never be framed as being so unknowing. You know what they say, ignorance is bliss.
But if I was just a convenient tool for my master, if he really didn't care about me, if I realized this, would I leave?
No, not unless something had willed me to do so. Would I consider it? Yes, surely. Because, I, Jane of the Volturi, am not a fool. Though I may take on the appearance of a younger teen, I actually have a mind, one that is quite smart at that. Another reason why I was accused and burned, I was smart for a female.
Back to the matter... would I leave, if I could? ...Y-yes, I think I would. I mean, what is there that is tying me down here? The others may act as friends but we all secretly despise each other though we've learned to hide it with smiles and false compliments. That is the first thing you learn upon entering the guard- to be an alexathymic. To rid all emotion and learn to act as if you felt emotions, no matter how false they might be. To build up a facade.
Thinking about it, our masters pretty much brainwashed us. They turned us into emotionless, vicious, vapid, beautiful, undead killing machines. I'd never been so sadistic in my life.
What am I doing here?
Why am I clinging to the Volturi like they were my lifeline? Why am I-
"Jane?" I flipped around to peer at my brother.
"What is it Alec?"
His expression was one of concern. "You look troubled. What are you feeling?"
"Blasé." I said simply, probably due to my lack of desire to explain further. Knowing my brother, he would probably understand my true emotions, rather then my front, and choose not to question me further.
"Join the club," He smirked. "I've been reading this garbage- it's rather... cloy."He tossed a book in my direction which I caught carelessly.
"'Romeo and Juliet'?" I read the title before raising an eyebrow. "Didn't you read this already?"
"Well, yes," Alec said. "It was terrible the first time, terrible the second time... and well, it's quite terrible this time too."
"Third times the charm?"
"That's what I thought- but apparently not. I mean, if Romeo were to hold off on drinking that godforsaken poison for a minute, just one freaking minute, the story wouldn't have ended so tragically. And to think, all those lives taken in the name of love." He spat the last word. Alec is one of the only people I know who shares mutual feelings with me on the subject of love. To us, love is dead. Well, on the most part anyway.
"People are foolish." I smiled slightly, knowing that any outsider would see it as an innocent smile, free of any harsh feelings. But to the two of us... it was sneaky, sly, cheeky... though I will admit, there was some happiness in there... call me sadistic.
"Indeed." His smile began to mimic mine; I rolled my eyes.
So maybe... there was a reason to stay. I'd always have my brother with me, and if risking his life as well as my own is the price to pay for my freedom, then I'd rather be a slave for my master. What I know now is that I'm not alone and that's what makes my boring, undead life worth living.