Horray for crackfics :'D By the way, Darco is just like, uh, Dark!Marco, I guess? Idunno, I gave him a name, yaaaay. Darco and Marco are two separate people.

Also, whoa, I actually wrote something for SNK. Also this is like, normal world AU. Like most of my fics.

I don't own SNK.

Darco awoke with a groan, feeling last nights alcohol in his head. Fucking hangovers, hurting like a piece of shit. Yep. Guy was out partying last night, drank a bit too much. At least he was sane enough to walk home on his own, peacefully. He let out a yawn, trying to turn over, when he realized he had a problem that every male experiences.

Morning wood.

'Fuck, don't wanna deal with this right now..' He thought to himself, just deciding to sit up. He was only in boxers, his slightly muscled chest showing as the blanket fell off of him. He yawned as he stood up, not bothering to put anything on. Why was it acceptable for him to just walk around with a hard on, you ask? Well, simple, he lived in the small one bedroom apartment by himself. So it was no big deal. Hell, he walked around naked most of the time. It wasn't any different to him.

The partially-blind man walked out of his room, and headed toward the kitchen, thinking on what to eat. He wanted something quick and easy, but satisfying. Apples on the counter? Nah. Cereal? Nah. He opened a few other cupboards up, and found a container of Tim Hortons donuts, that he had bought sometime yesterday. He grabbed the container and opened it up, finding that there were 5 left. His stomach growled as he decided to take the container to the living room, and munch on a few there.

He turned on the television, not really paying attention to what was on, but rather, satisfying his hunger. He picked up a Boston Creme doughnut, and ate that. Surprisingly, he felt as if he wasn't really all that hungry, but kept the box there.

About half an hour later, after watching an early morning show of Avatar, the Last Airbender (why the hell was he even up this early?), he just then realized his boner was just waiting to be pleased.

He decided to turn off the television now, rubbing through the bulging fabric. It had been a while since he did anything like this, and it felt quite nice. He imagined Jean, or maybe even Marco, rubbing it for him, which turned him on a lot more. At this point, he stood up and got rid of his boxers, sitting back down again as his dick went straight up. Damn, he was horny. He kept jerking it but finding no satisfaction.. He looked around for something, anything to help him out-

The doughnut box.

He couldn't believe he was thinking of this. The donuts, they would be the perfect size to just have wrapped around his throbbing shaft. He hesitantly reached for the box, grabbing a honey cruller. The hole was a bit small because of the large bumps of the doughnut, but it would do. He bit his lip. God, he was so horny. Anything would do.

He got himself more comfortable, legs spread out, doughnut in his right hand and his hard dick in his left. He did a testing poke to the hole with his head and inhaled lightly. It was a different texture than he had ever had. He pushed his head through, and then pushed the pastry down the shaft, going so far as to even spread his legs a bit more and lean more into the couch, moving the doughnut to the right hand and a few fingers from his left hand, tracing around his hole.

He went faster with the doughnut, and started fingering himself, going faster with both. His hole wasn't as tight, so he didn't need any lube. Plus, he liked it rough.

Going faster and faster, he finally climaxed, his cum going on the floor, his couch, and a bit on his hand, and of course, the doughnut.

He was quite satisfied with todays breakfast.

Hahahaaaaaa.