It's a bit-no, very far-fetched I know, but it was fun to write. Oh yeah, just for the sake of my story, assume that Hawkeye mentions no other family but his father.
I own only those people who were not mentioned in the original MASH series.
I am not getting any money from this.
BEGINNINGS
"Anyone speak Danish? Or Swedish?" called the Danish soldier in halting English.
"Anyone? Anyone at all?" asked Colonel Potter.
Hawkeye sighed and stepped forward.
"Danish," he said before talking quickly and urgently to the soldier in Danish.
After a while, another soldier stepped forward and kissed Hawkeye on each cheek. Hawkeye did the same before stepping back three paces and bowing.
"This is Crown Prince Frederick," said Hawkeye.
"Crown Prince! What is a Crown Prince doing in the war?" asked Potter.
"All of the Danish Royal Family is part of the militia. For the most part, they are ceremonial positions but Prince Frederick came to honour his best friend, who died here," answered Hawkeye.
"How do you know how to speak Danish?" asked Potter.
Hawkeye looked up.
"Because my mother was Danish," he said quietly.
"Oh. Sorry son," said Potter.
Hawkeye nodded in acknowledgement and turned back to the Prince. Speaking to him in Danish, Hawkeye explained what they were talking about. The Prince bowed his head in acknowledgement.
"All right. We can take them back to camp now," called Hawkeye, and putting his hand on the Prince's shoulder, steered him along.
BJ LEARNS MORE ABOUT THE DANES
"Hawk," said BJ in surprise.
"Yeah?" asked Hawkeye, sipping a martini and playing chess with the Prince.
"It says here that the Danish people do not allow people to touch their royalty," said BJ.
"So?"
"Well, when His Highness came, you put a hand on his shoulder and steered him along," said BJ.
"We understand. Captain Pierce here was helping us walk to this place," said Frederick slowly.
"You can speak English!" said BJ.
"Not well. Captain Pierce has been kind enough to offer our soldiers the rudimentary skills in English. I could previously speak English but I have been unable to talk it in years," said the Prince.
"Hey Beej! Stop reading about Danish royalty and help me here. His Highness is whopping me at chess," said Hawkeye. Looking at the Prince, Hawkeye muttered something in Danish. The Prince smiled at him, and clapped him on the back, talking animatedly in Danish.
Major Houlihan walked in.
"Hawkeye, one of the Danish soldiers is having post-operation complications," she said urgently.
"Damn. No doubt the one Frank had," muttered Hawkeye, throwing on his coat.
Talking in Danish, he explained the worry to the Prince. The Prince nodded and followed them out.
"Close that for me would you Margaret," said Hawkeye.
"He is fine with health?" asked the Prince worriedly.
"He is fine, but he is weak," answered Hawkeye.
The Prince smiled and shook his hand.
GOODBYE
"Goodbye Captain Pierce, we shall remember your services," said the Prince. In the past two weeks, his English had improved.
"Thank you Your Highness. Be careful," said Hawkeye.
The Prince turned to his soldiers, arranged in neat rows at ease. Their uniforms were spotless and they stood proudly. He yelled at them in Danish. They responded, snapping to attention and banging their chests.
Hawkeye responded in kind.
The Prince turned back to him and embraced Hawkeye, kissing him on each cheek. Hawkeye did the same and stepped back three paces, bowing.
"Fare well, all of you," called the Prince as he and his men walked out.
GOODBYE, FAREWELL AND AMEN-AN ADDED SCENE
(After Hawkeye returns from the funny farm)
Hawkeye looked through his letters.
Dear Ben,
This is bad news I fear son. Crown Prince Frederick is dead. He died in Korea.
Love Dad
"Damn!" swore Hawkeye.
"What is it son?" asked Potter.
"Crown Prince Frederick of Denmark is dead. He's dead. He's dead. There is a new Crown Prince this day in Denmark," said Hawkeye in disbelief.
"What is it? There's something more," said Potter.
"Nothing, nothing," said Hawkeye standing up.
HELLO AGAIN MARGARET
Hawkeye strode down the hospital corridor. He wanted a new job, away from his new home for a while. They were all driving him crazy! Nagging, nagging and more nagging. He ran into a nurse.
"Sorry," he muttered then did a double take.
"Hello Margaret," he said.
"Hello –Hawkeye?" she asked.
"Yeah, shh. Just call me William ok?" pleaded Hawkeye.
"Sure William. I didn't know you wore glasses," she said.
"Oh, I got new ones because my eyes are failing," he said.
"Want to show me the way to the Head of the Hospital Margaret?" asked Hawkeye loudly.
"Sure William," said Margaret, playing along, even though she was surprised.
In the Head of the Hospital's office, Hawkeye slumped into a chair. The Head of the Hospital was on a lunch break, and Hawkeye had opted to stay in the room.
"Hawkeye what's with the glasses and the brown hair?" asked Margaret.
"Dr Pierce? Yes, um, we were told you were coming by Count von Osken. You wish immediate employment?" asked the Head of the Hospital sweeping in.
"Yes," said Hawkeye.
"Ok. We wish a demonstration of your surgical abilities. Margaret will assist you seeing as you've already made her acquaintance," said the Head of the Hospital.
"Hello BJ," said Hawkeye tiredly.
"Hawk! We were told it was a Dr William Owen Pierce," said BJ in surprise.
"Look, call me Hawk but don't call me Benjamin Franklin Pierce. I should have changed my last name too," he muttered.
"What's going on?" asked BJ.
"I don't want the secret police to find me. Look, it's very complicated and I don't want to talk about it. I'm not a Communist, or a terriost, murderer or criminal of any sort. I've run away from home because I'm sick of the nagging," said Hawkeye.
"Ok Hawkeye. If it were anyone else… I wouldn't you know that?" said BJ.
"Yeah, I know," said Hawkeye.
"Where've you been the last year? You dropped completely out of touch! Potter's been ringing his brass, I've been worried sick and so has Trapper since we got in touch with him, Radar's radar isn't working, Klinger's been scrounging for information and Margaret's been frantic," scolded BJ.
"Look Beej, there's a perfectly legit reason for it ok? I've been overseas for the last year. With family. My family is the worst family ever ok," said Hawkeye wearily.
BJ and Margaret regarded their friend. His hair was heavily silvered and his brow wrinkled. The past year had weighed heavily on their friend. Likely as not, he would tell them what was bothering him so much, in his own time.
"We respect your privacy Hawk," said BJ, while Margaret nodded in agreement.
"Thanks. I just wish everyone else would too," he muttered under his breath.
"Now, do you still want that demonstration?" asked Hawkeye.
"Nah. Now that I know that you are indeed my old friend William Owen 'Hawkeye' Pierce, no demonstrations are necessary. How about you and Margaret catch up? I have a shift otherwise I'd join you. Later Hawk," and with that, BJ swept out of the room.
Margaret smiled shyly at him.
"Well Margaret, wanna come to the coffee shop round the corner?" asked Hawkeye shyly.
"Yeah, sure," said Margaret. They walked to the shop hand in hand.
After Margaret told him about her post-war year, she tentatively asked him about his year.
"Look, I really don't want to talk about it yet. There's something I have to know before I talk to you," said Hawkeye.
"Ok Hawk," replied Margaret.
They were standing outside, underneath a pedestrian bridge. It was rainy and cold outside. Hawkeye reached out slowly and brushed a lock of hair out of Margaret's face. He froze and slowly took her into his embrace, kissing her deeply.
"I love you Margaret," said Hawkeye.
"I love you-" began Margaret. She was interrupted by a bright flash. Hawkeye quickly looked up and saw a gaggle of photographers, camera's at the ready. He grabbed Margaret's hand and ran through the rain back to the hospital.
"What was that about?" asked Margaret in the mess.
"They must have thought I was someone else. Margaret, do you love me?" asked Hawkeye.
"Yes," answered Margaret simply and honestly.
"Hey! Great news folks! We're having a reunion here tomorrow. You got somewhere to stay Hawk?" asked BJ.
"Yes," answered Hawkeye.
"Great," exclaimed BJ. He gave Hawkeye a map and directions to his place where the reunion would take place. Margaret was staying with the Hunnicuts.
"I'll see you two tomorrow. It starts at nine? I'll be there," replied Hawkeye, and giving Margaret a swift kiss on the cheek, he ran off.
THE REUNION:
OLD FRIENDS AND SURPRISES
"Hello! Everyone's favourite doctor is here!" said Hawkeye, stepping into the Hunnicuts backyard. He caught Margaret's eye and smiled.
Everyone was eager to talk to Hawkeye, to show off newly acquired children and partners- even Charles was eager to show off his fiancée, Veronica.
They all pressured Hawkeye for his account of the last year, but he steadfastly refused.
"Leave the boy alone. He'll tell us when he's ready," spoke up Colonel Potter at last.
Klinger, Charles, Radar, Margaret, BJ, Trapper, Potter, Father Mulchahy (now deaf) and Hawkeye stood in a comfortable circle, nursing drinks and talking.
A car pulled up in the driveway, followed closely by three other cars. Men in black uniforms leapt out and ran for the circle.
Hawkeye's heart sank. Not now! It was too early yet, he thought.
"Your Highness!" called the men.
"Your Highness, what are you doing-" said a man, half drawing a magazine from a bag. The other men from the other cars ran up.
"Ha, proves Danish intelligence is better than English, Swedish and Norwegian!" sneered a man from the first vehicle. Soon, all the men in black were squabbling, making a ruckus. Fingers were pointed at each other, or stabbed to emphasise a point.
"SILENCE!" bellowed Hawkeye.
Silence descended on the yard like a shroud.
"You will all get back into your cars and drive to our property here. No arguing or I'll fire each and every one of you!" said Hawkeye with authority blazing in his eyes.
"But sir, we cannot leave you unsupervised-" said the man who had sneered, starting the fight.
"Count von Osken will be my guard. Dismissed Stalingrad!" said Hawkeye. The men in black reluctantly turned and left.
One man remained.
"Your Highness," said he, bowing low.
"Cut that out Julius. They are gone, there is no need for ceremony," said Hawkeye sharply.
"Yes my Prince," said Count von Osken reverentially.
"What were they talking about Pierce?" asked Potter harshly.
"How dare you address His Highness like that?" demanded the Count, offended.
"Julius, let them be," ordered Hawkeye.
"Prince?" said BJ looking hard at Hawkeye. Hawkeye winced.
"They do not know Lord Hawkeye?" asked the Count in surprise.
"No," said Hawkeye.
"What don't we know?" asked Trapper excitedly.
"Uh, that I'm uh, actually, uh," floundered Hawkeye.
"My lord, with your permission?" asked the Count. Hawkeye nodded wearily.
"You know that rubbish better than I do Julius."
"Introducing Prince Benjamin Franklin William Owen Frederick Pierre Siegfried Henry Josef Frankfurt-Pierce-Windsor, Prince of Denmark, Prince of England, Prince of Sweden, Prince of Norway, alleged Prince of France. Duke of Nottingham, General of the Denmark Navy, Major-General of the Marine-Corps of England," said Count von Osken grandly.
Everyone's jaws slackened.
"He is also the Commander-" started the Count but Hawkeye cut him off.
"That will do Julius. We do not want to bore our friends into insanity," he said wryly.
"Uh, for the Prince thing, are there lots of Princes or are you it?" asked Margaret timidly.
"For England and Sweden there are other Princes, if France decides to have a figurehead monarch, I'm it," Hawkeye faltered.
"And for Denmark?" prompted Margaret, a sickening feel in her stomach.
"I'm it," said Hawkeye, pain in his eyes.
"The photographers didn't make a mistake," she stated.
Hawkeye shook his head.
"You lied!" she said.
"Margaret I-" but it was too late. Margaret was running towards the house.
Hawkeye started after her, only to be followed by Count von Osken.
"Julius, stay here. Mingle, have fun, have a drink," Hawkeye said.
Count von Osken turned back reluctantly.
"What did she mean, 'it'?" asked BJ.
"She wanted to know if Prince Hawkeye is the Crown Prince," answered Count von Osken.
BJ shook is head in disbelief.
"BJ Hunnicut by the way," said BJ, offering his hand to shake.
"Sherman Potter."
"Trapper John McIntyre."
"Charles Emerson Winchester III."
"Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly."
"Max Klinger."
The Count shook hands with them all.
"Julius. Julius von Osken. That is the shortened version of my name," cracked Julius.
"Julius, er, what exactly was Hawkeye while he was in Korea?" asked Potter.
"He was the same, but Crown Prince Frederick was the Crown Prince and his uncle, Josef, was the King. Now, my Lord's father is the king and he is Crown Prince," said Julius.
"That's why he and that Prince were such good friends!" exclaimed Potter.
"They were cousins, yes," said Julius.
"And Pierce was devastated by his death," said Potter.
"Yes. It meant that his father was the Crown Prince, being the brother-in-law of the king," answered Julius simply.
"Sweet Mother of God," breathed Trapper.
MARGARET
"Margaret?" asked Hawkeye gently, entering her room.
"Go away Your Highness," said Margaret, looking up at him. Her cheeks were tearstained.
"I'd like to explain first Margaret," he said firmly.
"Ok, go," said Margaret bitterly.
"I grew up in Crabapple Cove. Even there I was special; everyone knew my mother was a princess, the sister of the King of Denmark. I had a great childhood, but I was pampered. Everyone's darling. The folk in Crabapple Cove were good, solid folk, and didn't seek riches or glory. Carlye did. She learned that I was a Prince. Ever since then, I've been careful. In Korea, I could let the bad boy out. I had to be a model child; I had to uphold the Danish royalty in the Cove. But in Korea, nobody knew, so I could do what the devil in me always wanted-drink to excess, gamble, womanise. I fell in love in Korea. I love you Margaret, never doubt that. I would have told you sooner, but I needed to know if you loved me for the bad part of me, the drinker part, and the womaniser. I needed to know if you loved me for me, not as a Prince. Korea was the one place I could be someone, not Prince So-and-so of Denmark, Sweden, Norway and England," said Hawkeye quietly, drawing Margaret to him.
"I want to know if you'll marry me. Don't answer yet! I have to tell you what being my wife will involve. You'll meet royalty, you won't have a personal life-we won't have a private marriage. You'll be scrutinized, criticized and berated. I had to ask you though. If you don't marry me, I will marry someone for a state marriage most likely. You had to know all of that first, before you can make an informed answer," said Hawkeye.
"Hawkeye, I love you, and I guess I understand. I would be honoured to be your wife, and I'll always love you no matter what," said Margaret kissing him.
"I love you too," muttered Hawkeye against her lips.
The Count was growing restless.
"I should not have let him run off. I'm going after him, it is not suitable for a Prince to be alone with a woman for so long," he muttered before walking quickly to the house.
"Obviously he doesn't know about Hawk's antics in Korea," laughed Trapper.
"A prince," said Charles ruefully.
"Never would've guessed it, our Hawkeye a prince," said BJ.
"It's real," muttered Klinger.
Hawkeye walked down the stairs with Margaret when they bumped into the Count.
"Your Highness!" exclaimed the Count in relief.
"Julius, do you not know the meaning of mingle, have a drink?" asked Hawkeye, laughing.
"Your Highness, I am here to protect you. If anything happened, His Majesty would have my head, as would Stalingrad and half the royal court! Besides, for an American-bred Prince, you are a good fellow," said Julius.
"And for a court-bred, pompous Count, you are my best friend at Court. Julius, before you start ranting, this is my fiancée, Margaret Jane Houlihan," said Hawkeye affectionately.
"Ma'am," said the Count, bowing.
Margaret looked at Hawkeye.
"Get used to it Margaret. I hope you adjust to court better than I have," said Hawkeye, kissing her on the temple.
"Your Highness!" cried Julius, scandalised.
"Shut up Julius. Now, come Margaret, let us go to our friends," said Hawkeye, offering his arm to Margaret.
"I apologise for not telling you sooner, but for once in my life I did not want to be Prince Benjamin," said Hawkeye to his friends.
"Hey, uh, Your uh, Highness, er, how many titles do you have?" asked Potter.
"Please, address me normally. I am quite fed up with all the bowing and scraping that the various nobles of the court practice. I have uh, twenty-two titles, not counting the Princes?" said Hawkeye, glancing at Julius.
"Twenty-four, Your Highness recalls being made a Lieutenant-General in the Danish Air Force, and a General in the Royal Air Force last month," said Julius.
"How could I have forgotten? Damned ceremony lasted a marathon six hours. All these bloody countries trying to out-do each other in titles. I'm quite sick of it," said Hawkeye.
"Poor ickle Hawkie-poo," cooed BJ, breaking the tension.
"Yep, that's right Beej. Poor ickle Hawkie-poo. Say, wanna come and see Denmark you guys-and girl? You can bring your families," offered Hawkeye.
"All expenses paid," continued Hawkeye.
"Do you have that much money?" asked Klinger in surprise.
"I get a million dollars pocket money a month from my various jobs," said Hawkeye and Radar.
"Looks like your Radar's still working!" said Hawkeye.
"Yeah, I guess it is," said Radar.
"Well, Pierce, I don't want to intrude…" said Potter.
"Pigeon pellets! It'll be great having you all over! Besides, you'll be invited to the wedding anyway, so you might as well get to know Denmark. Sides Colonel, you wanted to meet my dad didn't you? See what riff-raff was hanging around Mildred," teased Hawkeye.
"Well that was before I knew your father or you for that matter-was a prince," said Potter in embarrassment.
"Good, that's settled! When do you wanna come? You'll be staying for at least a month I hope," asked Hawkeye in delight.
"Uh, whenever is fine with me Hawk," said BJ.
WHAT? NO WAY MARGARET!
Alvin Houlihan stepped into the yard. So these were the people his daughter had served with.
"Margaret," called Alvin.
"Here Dad," she replied, waving from the group of friends.
Alvin walked up to her. He was disgusted when he saw that Captain Pierce had his arm around his daughter's waist. Pierce was so unmilitary!
"Captain Pierce, may I ask what gives you the right to treat my daughter like a common prostitute?" demanded Alvin.
"Dad, we're getting married," defended Margaret.
"What? No daughter of mine is marrying such an unmilitary, uncivilised bastard! I refuse! I will not see our family so disgraced," ranted Alvin.
The others laughed uncontrollably.
"What's wrong with you lot? Potter, I thought you would have more respect from a superior officer!" said Alvin.
"Dad, Hawkeye is Captain Pierce but-" tried Margaret.
"Margaret! You will not under any circumstances marry this ogre!" yelled Alvin.
Hawkeye stepped forward, having had enough.
"Sir! More respect for a superior officer if that is not beyond you!" said Hawkeye.
"Superior officer? You?" said Alvin derisively.
"You are a General. I am the Crown Prince of Denmark, Prince of England, Norway and Sweden, General of the Danish Navy, General of the Royal Air Force of Great Britain, Honorary Commander-in-Chief of the British Army. Sir, those are but a few of my twenty-two titles, not even counting my rank as a Prince," said Hawkeye.
"Twenty-four titles Your Highness," corrected Julius.
Alvin looked stunned.
"But you have a lousy service record," he said.
WELCOME TO DENMARK
The 4077th gang stepped into the airport. After catching a private jet to Denmark, they were finally there.
"Hello my friends!" said Hawkeye. He was dressed in a ceremonial uniform.
"Hello Hawkeye," they chorused, a little intimidated.
"Sorry about the uniform. I was gonna wear my Hawaiian shirt and red robe but the man's a tyrant," said Hawkeye, gesturing to a fussy-looking old man.
"Uh, that's fine," said BJ.
There was an honour guard of fifty men, as well as photographers and reporters.
Hawkeye turned and addressed them in Danish. The reporters and photographers bowed and ran to various cars.
"Good, they're gone. Now, to show you Copenhagen," said Hawkeye. Ushering them towards a Rolls Royce, specially adapted to fit them all, he talked about the various sites.
"How did you get rid of the reporters and people Hawk?" asked BJ.
"Told them that they would get photos taken by my photographer of my guests. I also asked that my guests would appreciate their privacy," said Hawkeye.
"That did it?" asked BJ in surprise.
"His Highness is beloved of the people here. He is their jewel," said Julius proudly.
HEY DAD!
As they pulled up to the palace where Hawkeye lived, the 4077th gang were struck by the opulence of the palace and the beauty of the gardens.
"Come! Dad's eager to meet you all," said Hawkeye eagerly.
The walked through the palace, servants bowing as they walked past. Hawkeye had a smile for every servant, and stopped occasionally to ask about a family member. The former 4077th staff noticed that every servant smiled in response to Hawkeye, and that Julius's earlier statement appeared justified.
"Dad!" said Hawkeye entering a great hall, full of courtiers.
"Hello son! These are the famous 4077th staff?" asked Daniel, rising from the throne. He was dressed regally but simply, foregoing the frippery adorning most of the courtiers.
"Yes, Colonel Potter, BJ, Charles, Veronica, Klinger, Radar meet my father," said Hawkeye.
"Your er, Majesty," said Potter, unsure whether to bow. He bowed. The others followed his lead.
Daniel laughed.
"Colonel, a great pleasure to meet you at last! Please, any friends of Hawkeye's are friends of mine, and we prefer not to be addressed by our titles. Of course, many of our friends at court cannot comprehend that. For instance, young Julius I see standing behind you! The closest he can get to not addressing my son by his title is Lord Hawkeye or Prince Hawkeye! I'm afraid that he cannot call me other than King, Your Majesty and Honoured Sovereign! Now then, as soon as the Prime Minister's finished, I'll be along with him. Sorry, but the man is a bully!" said Daniel, the affectionate smile taking the bite out of his words.
"Thank you my lord. It will please me immensely to meet such great friends of Prince Hawkeye and my Lady Margaret," said the Prime Minister.
"Come," said Hawkeye and he lead them to the residential area of the palace.
"BJ! Colonel! Mrs Potter!" cried Margaret, running to meet her old friends.
"Hiya Margaret!" said Potter, giving her a hug.
"Sorry I couldn't come to the airport, but Mistress Dalanger was giving me a Danish lesson," explained Margaret
"Yes, before Margaret becomes Crown Princess, I am told that she must know Danish. I'd say bully to that but…the PM is a dreadful man," laughed Hawkeye.
"Your Highness," said the Prime Minister.
"Sir! Honourable Sir Josef Fyrd, meet BJ Hunnicut, his wife Peg; Charles Emerson Winchester the Third and his fiancée Veronica; Colonel Sherman Potter, his wife Mildred; Maxwell Klinger and his wife Soon-Lee; Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly and his wife, Patty; 'Trapper' John McIntyre and his wife Louise," said Hawkeye.
"And that's Dad," concluded Hawkeye.
"It is a great pleasure to be meeting so many esteemed personages. His Royal Highness has been telling many members of the court about several of your escapades," said the PM.
"Come, Sir, let us retire to a private room. I feel sure that our honoured guests are feeling somewhat abashed in the spotlight," said the King, leading the way.
"Phew, we're out of there. The reporters, courtiers, finery, and everything are all quite clogging. Josef, please organise a press arrangement at oh, when am I free Julius?" asked Hawkeye.
"Uh, 9 o'clock my lord," answered Julius.
"Ok. Josef, if you could organise one for nine. Just sort of ask the folks to leave my mates alone," said Hawkeye.
"Sure Hawkeye," said Josef.
"Well, you fine people are probably tired after your long journey. Tomorrow, myself and my son are at your disposal. Museums, art galleries, parliament house, wherever you want to go. Josef, that'll be holidays," said Daniel.
"Righto Daniel. Now, Hawkeye, how about you show the people to their rooms," suggested Josef.
"Sure. Hey, Beej, Trap, I managed to get a Still set up!" exclaimed Hawkeye.
"Cool!" chorused the staff-except Winchester of course.
"Hawk!" said Margaret reprovingly.
"C'mon Margaret! Just a little fun! C'mon!" said Hawkeye.
"Hawk, what is this stuff? It tastes like…like…" said Trapper sipping his Still water.
"It's water!" exclaimed BJ in mock disappointment.
"Oh, didn't I mention the catch? Somebody dredged up some dusty legislation about alcohol near the King for safety reasons. The fact that I'm his son and hate the idea of being King has no bearing on it," said Hawkeye ruefully.
The wedding
Hawkeye lead his new bride down the aisle. Royalty decorum required that displays of emotion from the royals be kept secret. But, with a twinkle in his eye, Hawkeye stopped Margaret just outside the chapel and kissed her gently on the lips, to the great pleasure of the crowds of people.