Author's Notes: This is a request for ThisisMyCliche. This person won the contest that I have going on with my other story "What Life Gives You". This is supposed to be humor like… I'm sorry. I know I probably failed. Please review, anyone who reads this because it is my first time writing a one-shot. Anyway, ThisisMyCliche, I hope you enjoy it.

He's Neither of Yours

By MsRitabrown

Made for: ThisIsMyCliche

That bloody bastard! All over my Matthew like that…

Arthur was angry… no, not angry, Furious! He was outside of Matthew's house, dressed up with flowers in hand, ready to surprise Matthew. His plans were foiled, though, when he saw Gilbert sitting on the couch rather close to the Canadian. To close…

No! I'm not going to be defeated. I'm going to give that bloody bastard, self-proclaimed "awesome Prussian" a piece of my mind.

Arthur dropped the flowers and marched up to the door. He was contemplating whether to knock or not when Gilbert got even more closer to Matthew.

Arthur's eyes snapped open and he proceeded to kick down the door.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

"Being awesome of course," Gilbert shot back.

Matthew sighed. These two have been fighting over him for awhile now. It was starting to get tiring.

"Guys!" he yelled. The two had started a yelling match with Gilbert yelling in Matthew's ear.

"WHAT!" they both said in unison.

"Please stop and Gilbert get off of me, eh," Matthew said exasperated.

"But Mattie-"

"Off!"

"Okay, okay…" Gilbert scrambled off of him and glared at Arthur.

"See what you did. Me and Mattie could have had a great time!" yelled Gilbert.

"Are you that much of a idiot that you couldn't see he wasn't enjoying it?"

"Why you…" Gilbert then jumped on Arthur and they started a fight.

Matthew stood there fuming over his house being wrecked and he was expecting company later. He turned around to go grab a hockey stick (yes, he owns a lot of them) and a blowhorn since he didn't feel like yelling over them.

One minute later, he was back at the fighting scene and smiled. They looked like total complete doofuses. He took aim of the blowhorn and…

BEEP!

"Ow, what the hell wa-"

"Get out of my house."

"But Matthew-"

BEEP!

"I said get out. Do you want me hit you with my hockey stick?"

"But Mattie he-"

Swoosh!Matthew hit Gilbert hard in the face.

"Get out!"

"It was all-"

Matthew started swinging at both of them.

"Ah, Mattie-ow!"

"Calm down- AH!"

"GET OUT"

"Okay!" Arthur and Gilbert both yelled and ran out of there.

For a minute or so, Arthur and gilbert just stood there catching their breath.

"Dang Mattie can hit," said a frightened Prussia.

Arthur nodded, "yeah."

They stood there some more completely in thought. Each one seemed to be coming up with a plan.

"Well fairytale freak, I have to go. West is expecting me," and with that Prussia was off.

Line Break-Line Break-Line Break-Line Break

"OI. WEST. I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE!"

Germany sighed. Isn't Prussia the older one?

"Bruder please refrain from yelling."

Completely ignoring him, Prussia kept on talking… loudly.

"That bastard England ruined my chance for Mattie. I need you to help me come up with a plan."

Not this again. "Brother I-"

"There has to be a way to demolish the freak."

"I-"

"Oh I know!... No wait, that ended up being in the news forever…" Not to mention jail time.

"Bruder I really-"

"AHA! I'll get France and Spain to help me. We're going to ambush the maniac and France can give me some aphrodiasics to seduce Mattie with. Thank you West." With a flourish, Prussia up and left.

Germany was dumbfounded, " You're… welcome…"

Line Break- Line Break- Line Break- Line Break

Arthur was in his secret room where he does his magic. He was trying to come up with a potion that will make Matthew love him.

"I rather not do this, but I need to get Matthew before Prussia does…"

"Iggy!"… He heard alfre's stupid voice.

"Iggy! Iggy! Ig- woah this looks cool!"

Arthur was alarmed. Alfred had a record for breaking or damaging his things. He ran downstairs.

"Bloody put that down!"

"Wow Iggy, I know that you like doing girly things but a diary? Man…"

Arthur ran over to Alfred and snatched his diary away. His face was tainted red.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

Alfred put on a weird face, "What am I doing here? Oh! We have a surprise meeting. Your boss told me to come and get you.

"Really?" I guess my magic will have to wait.

"yeah. Come on!" Little did Arthur know that it was all a trap…

Line break- Line Break- Line Break- Line break

The Bad Touch trio was outside arthur's home. They had paid Alfred $50.00 bucks to help them with their devious plan.

"Okay as soon as we see Arthur come out we beat him," instructed Prussia. They all had bats with them as their weapon.

"Prussia, I think we should just hit him 'till he's dazed," said Spain.

"Oui, I agree with Spain. The last time we beat somebody, we got scolded by our bosses," said France. Besides he was already in trouble… long story.

"you guys are such wimps. Oh! Here he comes." All three of them silent.

Alfred and Arthur were walking out of the nice home. Arthur was particularly yelling at Alfred for something he did.

Prussia gave a count of three with his hands.

"AAAAAH! Bloody hell!" Arthur was yelling. He was on the ground getting hit by bats. It hurt like hell. Prussia is going to pay.

"Bye Iggy. See ya later," Alfred waved good-bye and skipped away.

"Alfred you bastard!"

"aha! The awesome me has got you now," Prussia said triumphantly.

"Not so fast." Arthur said a magical spell and the Bad Touch Trio went flying. Arthur scrambled to his feet brushed himself off and ran towards Matthew's house.

"Oh no you don't!" Prussia wombled on his feet and ran. They both looked… kinda cool doing backflips and other stunts to avoid people.

After five minutes of running, they reached Mattie's home. They ran to the doorstep and immediately stop. Matthew looked like he had company and he was rather enjoying it. Kissing and moanin' and such.

"oh no," they both gasped. Prussia opened the door and stopped dead. Arthur was soon after.

"Eh, Mattie… Did you invite them over?" The mystery man said. He stopped kissing Matthew after Prussia and Arthur barged in.

"No."

"huh. Well, hi guys!" stated Alfred.

The only thing that Prussia and Arthur can do is just stand there, jaw open.

Author's Notes: Please Thisismycliche please tell me you at least smiled. Anyone else for that matter. Okay so here is your fic. Seems like Alfred is a little smarter than what we all think… I hope you all liked it. I had fun writing it, I know that. Ask questions and stuff in the review if you need to! Now I have to go. Other stories to type.

Translations:

Bruder(German): Brother

Oui(French): Yes or Yeah