Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.

A/N; I know I need to update my story 'What if' but there are so many ideas for Season 4 episodes. This is going to be 2 or 3 parts. I had an idea of how this would go in my head, when I wrote it down though it sort of took a mind of it's own.

Enjoy :)

Hurt

Anger is still coursing in my veins as I enter the apartment and slam the door behind me, Jay can find his own way home.

I make my way to the kitchen to find some dinner only to give up and make my way to the bedroom realising my anger has robbed me of my hunger tonight.

For a few moments I want to leave and run far away from my home, a place I usually feel safe and secure.

This will be our first fight and there is no escape.

The hot water from the shower scolds my skin but I can't find it in me to care, I just want to forget this day ever happened. Pretend everything is alright and get in bed with my boyfriend.

I can't continue lying to myself though; Jay's words hurt me.

When the shower runs cold I finally shut it off and dry myself slowly before wrapping the fluffy towel around my red body.

The first thing I notice when I exit the bathroom is Jay locking his gun away.

"Hey, you didn't wait for me." He doesn't turn around at first and I glare at him.

He finally turns around when the silence has stretched to an uncomfortable amount.

"Babe?" His eyes run over my body and he raises that eyebrow in his sexy way.

I turn towards the draws to distract myself and not let him pull me in with his charms and good looks.

"What's wrong?" His voice is full of confusion when he finally clues onto the fact that I'm ignoring him.

"If you don't know… if you couldn't recognise the hurt on my face when you said it then, figure it out." I slam the draw shut so hard to bounces back against the wall.

I walk back into the bathroom to drop the towel and put on the shorts and a tank top.

Jay hasn't moved an inch when I come back into the bedroom, sitting on my side of the bed and going through my nightly routine of moisturizing my arms and legs.

"Erin? I thought we were fine." A scoff falls past my lips as I roll my eyes, willing myself not to cry. There has just been too much pain and suffering lately.

Between the cops being targeted in our city, Jay's increased nightmares he won't talk about and his continual insistence that he's fine.

Now add my dad coming out of the woodwork; I'm exhausted and teetering on the edge of a break down.

After the stress from this case I'm ready to shut down completely to avoid a break down.

"You think because we made out in the car for work that everything is fine? That we're okay? We're not." My voice is incredulous as his assumption.

"You haven't indicated different all day."

"Cut the crap Jay. We were at work; Hank would never allow this if we aired our personal relationship at work. I was keeping it professional so we could still have this. Have us."

"Almost sounds like you don't want it anymore." I can tell by the look on his face he regrets those words and wishes he could swallow them back up.

I gently dab some cream on my face before crawling into bed.

"Turn the light off when you're done."

"Erin." Jay tries while coming closer.

"Don't. Goodnight Jay." My tone is sharp and forceful.

He sighs before giving up and turning towards the bathroom to shower, his anger will only increase when he realizes there is only cold water left.

It's been a long and awkward thirty minutes laying side by side, not speaking or touching. We can both feel the anger radiating around the room and consuming us.

"Are you awake?" Jay finally asks.

"No." I mumble back, instantly regretting trying to lighten the mood when all I want to do is kick him out of the bed.

"We need to talk about this Erin, I don't want to go to sleep angry. Let's settle this, please." His voice is pleasing and I can feel his eyes on me.

I almost cave but turn over so he's staring at my back instead.

Jay turns the light on knowing it will annoy me and I'll open up to him anyway.

"Did you or did you not see the look on my face when you told everyone about Kelly's junkie days?"

"Erin…" His voice is hesitant.

"Answer me Jay." My voice is sharp and there is no room for argument.

"Yeah… but I said substance abuse problems."

"Giving it a pretty name doesn't fucking change anything."

"Those were the facts to the case Erin."

"No, Jay. He is a first responder, he's family and you wanted to hand down a guilty verdict right then and there. If he was guilty then I absolutely would agree he deserves to pay for the crimes… you know how I am with cases involving kids."

I finally turn around and stare at Jay.

"It seemed like you were defending him." Jay is stubborn as always.

"My gut told me he was innocent."

"Oh, your famous gut. Did you get that from Hank Voight? Along with some other traits?" His accusations hit me in the chest and I scramble out of bed and stare down at him.

"Did you just imply I was fucking corrupt? I would never turn a blind eye if Kelly was guilty. All I asked was that we go into the case with an open mind. If it were you I would certainly give you the benefit of the doubt. Not just because I'm in love with you."

"Not everything you do is… on the up and up." Jay avoids eye contact as those words leave his lips.

"Don't do this Jay. Do you really want to bring other shit into this? Because fine. I covered up for Annie's murder when I was a teenager and I covered up for Hank with Justin's killer but there is a line I will not cross. Annie was being abused by that animal. We were just fifteen Jay… and Hank; well I'd be dead if it wasn't for him. I owe him my life." We stare at each other for a few moments before I continue.

"Just seems like double standards with you."

"What do you mean?" Jay is confused and runs a hand through his hair.

"You have never had a problem with any of that. You knew about Annie before we got together and you knew about Hank before we moved in together. So what the hell is this even about?"

"I don't know Erin, you're the one who is angry."

"You seem angry too Jay."

"I'm angry that you're angry."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I'm actually angry about something and your just bringing up whatever you can to get back at me?"

Jay looks down at his hands in what looks like shame.

A/N: Review and I'll get Part 2 up. Hope you liked :)